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Are you ready to start your day off with a laugh?

I loved your jokes so much that I wanted to hear more!

Share some of your best jokes with us, PLEASE!

Here's more of mine :) ...

1) Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students. This wasn't an exciting subject so he decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young blonde woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably golfing with his buddies."

It took 20 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

2) A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor for advice. The monsignor replied, "When worried about getting nervous in the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water, then if I start to get nervous, I just take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. As he began, he got nervous and took a drink, then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note from the monsignor:

Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Updates:
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Please tell me which joke you liked the best... PLEASE!
Are you ready to start your day off with a laugh?
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