my sister, Bonnie, is like you.
She was plain scared of guys since usually on the 1st date, and definitely by the 2nd date, most guys tried to kiss her, and if she let them, they went right to her boobs, hips, butt, and 99% of them tried to shove their hand down her pants or up her skirt.
The key for you is to find a gentleman that will go slow, respect you, and understand you are a V Card holder.
Personally, the only way you are gonna find a man like that is to find an older man that wants to pamper and romance you. I am talking a man at least 10 years older than you.
so a guy 35 to 40 yo will understand where you are coming from and where you want to go. They want to date younger women and they get you have to be a gentleman to get there.
My sister is still with a guy going on 2yrs now. My dad hates him coz Gerald is black, but Gerald took 2 months just to hold my sister's hand. Another 2 months before she was ready to let him kiss her and when he did, he did not go past "1st base".
They only kissed and embraced for 1-2 more months, and then my sister some how got past her "fear" and told me she was ending her dates "all hot, sweaty, and her panties were damp and wet".. plus she said her whole body was "on fire" when she was kissing him and she wanted to know what exactly was going on?
so in month 6 during the hot summer, she got him to go to the drive in movies a lot and they got more physical coz "she wanted it". They finally had sex on their 1yr anniversary while out parking and it just "happened". She said they were making out very extreme (3rd base), and at one point he was making her O and she felt overwhelmed emotionally and bodily and next he knew, she was begging him for sex... they had it, she said it was the most joyous thing she ever felt and tbh, they have been having sex 5+ times a week for the last year.
so, my advice is dont rush, tell guys up front you are not looking for a relationship or quick fun, but instead just want to get to know them and go on a "old fashioned" date...
PM if you want more details...
or PM my sister, Bonnie, bonniebaby19... she is on here once in a while...
I'm 24 and exactly the same way. I've been told that it's because I'm not ready and haven't met the right person yet, but when I feel the time is right, it will be okay. I hope that's true, because I've honestly felt a bit like an outcast for a long time because of it (though I've grown pretty confident in myself and have just accepted it as an idiosyncrasy I have without letting it bother me too much).
One of the many reasons I'm on an indefinite hiatus from dating is because I'm afraid to withhold sex from a man if I'm not comfortable (and I won't force myself to do it if I'm not comfortable; but there's no way of knowing whether he will be the right one or how long it will take, and my last boyfriend was very frustrated with me over this) and have him think I led him on.
However, I'm thinking about maybe trying to date again, but letting any guy I date know that I need to take things very, very slowly.
Maybe with you, it's also that it hasn't been the right time and right person yet. Whatever you do, don't rush it; I feel that if I rushed it, I would regret it completely, so I won't do it until I feel 100% ready, personally.
I'm not sure what to say, and I'm not going to tell you anything to add to your issues. It's obvious you haven't met that person who puts you at ease enough to let you open up to the idea, being naked with someone is very special, the feel and warmth of your bodies touching, a slight kiss or touch when you least expect it. The intercourse part is something that should be taken slowly so that you know that it's what you really want. But before that, the person you are willing to do this with must understand how you feel which means you have to talk to him first and explain your feelings. Go slow, first time just kissing and hugging and see how you feel. And then follow your inner feelings. If he cares he will understand, and you will know if he really does by his actions. Oh how I'd love to be your first, to show you the love and patience that you need to let go of your fears and to be able to experience what love , true love can be. I'm a giver, my needs come last, to bring you pleasures you've been wanting and needing but have yet to receive is due to the person you were with. There so much more to it than just the act. Good luck and if you would like to talk more please feel free. I feel sorry for young women because you have to deal with young men or should I say boys who think they are men. But then dont just trust an older man because he says and acts the right way, they can the the worse, just take the time to get to know whomever you choose. Follow what your instincts tell you, they are never wrong. Your heart , well it ain't always the smartest.
I've not had that fear in particular so maybe someone who has can specifically relate to it. One answer is see a therapist. Absent that...
Fear is a power and strong human emotion that is there to protect us from harm. It can take over our lives if we have the wrong experiences or perceive them wrong and cause us to live in a little safe box. It is helpful in that it prevents us from... say... jumping off too high a level into water, but it also can be too restrictive to keep us from things that are ok within limits.
You weren't born with that fear. so you learned it somewhere. To me... fear... is related to trust... that is, you dont trust someone else. There is research that ties trust issues back to 0-2years old... when your needs were the greatest. It may be hard to remember back then, but your emotional self has it recorded. Traumatic events that cause distrust or fear could happen at any time, so look for those and write them down. Then they need to be resolved. If you find the root issues, you can resolve the fears, so that you can move forward.
One method would be forgiveness... although that is quite hard.
That's a start...
You could also just move forward and experience life like the rest of us... but if it is rooted in a fear, it will screw you over (no pun intended) as you try to have a close and intimate relationship. You'll see that play out all over this GAG site, just look for it. People are living out of their wounds trying to have relationships and they blow up and they try to figure out why.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Please go see a counselor and talk this fear over. The only real fear of having sex should revolve around pregnancy and getting involved with the wrong man. Penises are made to connect with vaginas. Naked men are attractive if they're fit men. Your statements are not normal. Talk this out with a professional to see where these fears originate and see if you can resolve them.
I should honestly do the same thing.
Do you have any idea what this fear is based in?
Go talk to a therapist.
Well first you need to analyze what is it exactly that scare you. And take those reasons one by one to deal with. Also try to see why sex is a positive thing, make a list, ask people, perhaps you will want to do it enough to actually give it a try. And find a partner who is understanding and patient, so he will reassure you and make you feel comfortable that he will be gentle and considerate.
Ok, you don't have sex the first 5 minutes after you start dating a guy. You wait until you are ready and go a pace you are comfortable with. Any guy worthy is going to wait for you and make you feel comfortable to the point you actually want it.
Don't worry almost every woman is nervous to start. First thing is to find a guy who isn't just after sex and doesn't mind waiting ba bit. Then build up your confidence with intercrural sex, masturbation and oral at your own pace. They'll dispel many of the myths you've heard. Before long you'll have the confidence to try penetration.
I believe that is a fear of all people with sex, guys or girls. You start out slow, you dont just have some guy stick his dick in you and there you go. You work at it, first off you use a toy by yourself, when that starts to feel good you include the guy. He either uses his fingers or that same toy you used. When it gets better you just advance to the point a penis isn't scary. And when it starts you make sure he goes slow and let's you move at your pace, not his. And if seeing him naked or him seeing you naked just make sure it's dark in the room and under covers, problem solved
going out is not about sex who ever told you that lied to you for there own reasons.
Do you watch porn? Normally I wouldn't propose it but at this point, you probably need to force yourself to desensitize yourself of your fear by exposure therapy. However I would also recommend figuring out where the source of your fear comes from (sexually abused as a child, unconfident in your looks or what have you). It might help to get a psychiatrist if you can because this is going to adversely affect your life if you don't get it under control.
You ever watch porn that might help were you abused as a child you don't have to answer but if yes seek counciling you owe it to your self to get the full meal deal that or say fuck it be a lesbian if you like girls if you don't maybe date a girly boy and you can do the putting inside maybe that will get you over it being the one on the top side of a femine man and being the one In. Power might make you feel better about it you don't have to submit to some man it's the 21 century you can call your shots and do it your way if you find someone who doesn't want to be the dominant person then you'll feel less helpless and I think would help maybe I think it would put a guy in place and test the limit of thier love for some of them anyways if you turned around and said ok let's do it and put on a big ole strapon and said your first tho I wanna see what to expect from this lol I would love to see thier faces
you are normal ! just wait until you are married to your husband and on your honeymoon ! then tell him your problem with sex ! hopefully he will understand you and not push you into having sex with him until you are ready to
If the problem is with the penis, start by masturbating, you can star with the pinky finger if the others are uncomfortable, once you are comfortable move on to bigger fingers, and after you are comfortable with that get a very slim sex toy, move upwards until you have reached an average penis size.
For the body issues, get a full body mirror in your bathroom, each day stare at yourself and find something you like about your body, if you have problems with this, you might want to write it down on a post-it note and put it there next to the mirror, also if there is something you don't like, think of it as something to improve, not a flaw.
Once you are confident with your body you should not be afraid of showing it to someone else, you can use those parts of yourself that you like to hypnotized your partner.
Watching porn with actresses with a similar body type as your might help.
Then maybe it's just not time It will happen but don't force it let it happen naturally
one day when you meet the man that you're meant to be with that fear will not be there because it will be replaced with the love that man it simply will not cross your mind
by finding the right partner and marryng them
Try not to get ahead of yourself. A date doesn’t instantly equal a penis inside you or even a requirement for you to get naked. A date is a chance to get to know someone. Then you choose a second date to get to know them better, and so on and so on. Having a penis inside you or being naked shouldn’t even enter your mind.
Try to find the route of your fear (: and go from there?
You may not like this but I'll be blunt. I suggest you train yourself playing with something small first inside you and slowly move on to something larger & larger to let your pussy get the hang of a dick inside you. And, to simulate sex, try your practices while watching pornography which stars the type of guy you like and a girl you think looks similar to yourself. I suppose the internet is the place to search for such. Try all that while being completely naked as much as possible to get the hang of imagining yourself & a man naked in front of each other. Repeating these a little more often might just work to see yourself having sex with a man and enjoying.
Just find a great guy friend, and be friends for a while, and get comfortable, together. Sometimes the best friends make the best loves! You know them, and what they like, and they know what you are afraid of, and they already like you, and know you, so who better, for the first time?
Are you attracted to women? Do you even WANT to have sex with another person?
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