Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Should I be concerned that my boyfriend is secretly watching homemade porn that is not of me?

I recently found out my boyfriend has been secretly watching homemade porn (of him and women from his past) on his old laptop? I was cleaning and found a laptop that wasn’t familiar so I looked through it and found it. I asked him about it and he admitted it. Should I be concerned?
Updates:
+1 y
So. Maybe I should clarify, that the pictures were with a fling he had in the past (she knew about it because we did a threesome together lol) and the videos were of me, and YES I did know I was being recorded. You all are nuts in the comments! Lol! Oh, and for everyone calling me a snoop because I found an unknown laptop in MY APARTMENT can fuck off 😚😚😚
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Most Helpful Guys

  • They're videos of his past. They're his experiences. They're his memories. They don't relate to what's happening in the present.

    Even if he didn't have those videos, he'd still have the memories of the experiences. I'm married and we have a kid. I never recorded any of my past experiences, but I can still recall a few. Those past experiences will still pop into the mind once in a while for one reason or another... Should I be punished for that, or should my wife be worried?

    No. Although those memories and experiences will pop up from time to time and "at the time" those experiences were enjoyable, I have absolutely zero interest in getting back with any of my ex's.

    Those videos are nothing more than recalling a memory of something that happened in the past. The only difference is that it's a window to your partner's own experiences and memories, which obviously can be uncomfortable to you.

    It'd probably be awkward or uncomfortable to me as well if I found videos of my wife with previous partners from years back... But what's done is done. Those events happened and deleting the videos or capping on my wife for saving them doesn't magically change the past.

    If anything, I technically invaded her privacy.

    If they were videos made during our relationship then there's a serious problem, but they're not.

    Should I tell her to delete the videos?

    I don't know. Probably not. Regardless of what the videos are about, theure not illegal and they're a part of her past.

    Hypothetically, her masturbating to or enjoying those videos is the same as thinking about those situations in her head, and I don't control what goes on in her head or what she fantasies about. Nobody does.

    So what's my suggestion?

    I don't really have one because I never been in that situation before. Keeping photos or videos of your ex's?

    Many people do keep those things. Many people toss them all out when they break up. Responses vary. If someone keeps photos and videos of their ex's doing whatever together, even if they're not obviously sexual in them, where do you draw the line on what you personally find acceptable?

    Some might say anything related to having sex together. Some may say anything that shows them having a good time and/or enjoying each other's company. Some would say they shouldn't have anything kept from their past relationships, but is that realistic and fair?

    You're basically telling them to forget huge parts of their past lives and to pretend they never happened because you don't want to hear or see anything about them.

    But those things made them into the person you're with today, so they hold some merit.

    Again, if they were videos and photos taken during your relationship, then that's a big problem. If they were staying in contact with their ex's whom should be in their past, that's also a problem.

    But in this situation? I guess I would just let it slide. I'd probably mention I found them and see where that conversation goes, but I don't think I would ask or tell her to delete them. That's her decision to make.

    They were a part of your partner's life before you came along. It's something you guys need to sort out and talk over.

    • Stellar answer Lester.

  • Hello. In a nutshell you don’t necessarily have anything to be concerned about. Being a man myself, I know for a fact that it is perfectly natural for men to look at porn and other women, this doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you, it’s also the same when you and your boyfriend are out shopping and he spots a sexually desirable broad. In fact when a man is engaging in sex with a woman who is not his partner it’s purely an exercise is lust-fulfilment, nothing more, he doesn’t love her, he only loves you. Sex means more to men than it does to women, nature has programmed males to be this way, even in the animal kingdom it’s like that. In this enlightened age people need to get real and understand that no-one owns anyone, a husband doesn’t own his wife and vice versa, and no woman owns her boyfriend and vice versa, therefore we are free to explore. Suffering occurs when people believe they own people in their relationships. Chill out and just enjoy whatever pleasure you can derive from your boyfriend.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Well I hope you know, depending on where you are, he could have very potentially charged you with a crime. In America were he capable of getting it to stick it's called misuse of a computer & it's a felony. That's a 5 year jail sentence & a record that'd pretty much destroy your life before, by your age bracket, you've even started it.
    That's what nosy men & women who have little respect for their partner's privacy don't realize. So next time instead of sticking thy nose where it doesn't belong show you actually respect him & ask what's on the computer. He may have surprised you by explaining about the porn & laughed off your must-ask-strangers-for-opinions desire as paranoia.

    But as you've no respect to address him. Let's try common sense.

    It's a woman from his past. OK.
    How far in his past?
    Does he have contact with her?
    Do they still share the same friends?

    You say you've been together for 6 years, he cheated, you got back together. If that were the woman he cheated on with you then you may have cause for concern. If it's some random girl he hasn't seen in 6+ years what's your issue?

    • If only girls with your level of common sense in my age range existed, I would be a happier man.

  • I'm sure it doen't feel good that he is watching himself in past relationships. Sorry about that. But even still, you probably have to allow him a certain amount of autonomy and freedom to do as he pleases in his free time. If this is really, really bothering you, maybe you can talk to him, but beware the awkwardness and potential consequences of that conversation. Looking at things is much, much less than acting them out with another live person, so be thankful he is not doing that. Maybe if you let him know, in a not too confrontational way, that you came across his 'collection' and it does make you a bit uncomfortable, but you do not feel you can dissuade him from watching it, nor ask him to remove it, maybe he will have some respect for you for how you handled it. He is a human being, with a past, and we cannot expect this to be obliterated by the mere presence of us.

    • I appreciate your feedback

    • Welcome 🐨

    • Good analysis. In my opinion.

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What Girls & Guys Said

16 40

  • So your question is, should you be concerned. It seems that if you're asking the question, there is some sort of mixed emotions that are within. How do you personally value and hold your relationship? Is there any level of jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, uncertainty of where things stand with how your boyfriend values you?

    I mean, it's good that he has honestly admitted to it. Is he willing to move forward and delete them if you're uneasy with him still having these old memories and is watching them? Suggest and demand that you want to replace those girls and make a new and fresh video - starring the two of you.

  • Why do you care? Is your sex life good? Is he faithful?

    • We’ve been in a relationship for 6 years, the first year I found out he was cheating, we separated but ended up back together. I know for the past 5 years he’s been faithful. He’s proved to me that he has been, but now finding this I am feeling uneasy again.

    • You didn't answer the most important question: how's your sex life together, really?

    • It’s healthy and very active

    • Show All

  • Well normally I would say watching porn isn't a problem since its some random porn star. The problem here is that he had a relationship with this woman so yes it is very concerning. You need to have a talk with him, there is no reason why he should be watching old sex tapes that involve exes.

    • It’s not exes, it’s just women that he has slept with. And his reason for watching old homemade videos is because it does not show in the shade devices internet history

  • Holy shit yes of course you should be concerned! Porn, eh fine almost every man watches porn, but with a woman from his past? Girl no. I'd get to the bottom of it and ask him why he's watching himself with another woman.

    • We don't over think of it like that.. you know I have a porn from an old relationship on my computer maybe watched it once every three years pan I got accused of the same, too lazy to even remember to delete it

    • I think they suggest the make one with! Take a shot at your 😈 side

    • @WhoDatTx dude he's watching himself fuck another woman. How can she possibly not be bothered by that? I don't understand some of y'all

    • Show All

  • well, only be concerned if your sex life is being impacted negatively.

    If i was you, I would sit down with him and watch it together to see what about it arouses him so much. You might even make some personal vids of your own for romance and fun.

  • I would be uncomfortable and ask him about it. It depends on the situation how uncomfortable exactly. How you "should" feel, is something only you can decide.

    • @update: you LITERALLY said in the title that the homemade porn was 'not of you'. And then you went on saying it was of him and other women. How were we supposed to know you were in it too?

    • I made the assumption it was not of me, after he showed that’s when I found out it was me

    • It wasn’t porn, it was a video of me giving him head lol

    • Show All

  • only if has has you taped secretly , but all in all thats just sad that a guy needs that if he has a girl.

  • For starters , being faithful is simply as long as you don't bring up past gfs sex tapes.. that means his watching another women's body have sex that he himself have had. And pleasuring him self from it. He will become interested to know what she is up to lately then if he meets her on the street. He mint be interested in cheating on you cause of the video they made he is now remembeing her body and how it felt to be inside her. So help him remember why your the girlfriend and not her

    • You are reachinggggg lmfaooo I highly doubt it. The videos were of he and I.

    • Have a nice day

  • Which is it you want to be concerned about, That its porn of him or that its porn in general?

  • If the rest of your relationship is fine it probably doesn’t matter. But if y’all are having problems then that’s not a good sign

    • Explain your reasoning. How is it not a good sign if we are having problems?

    • Because he’s reminiscing about exes or something

  • Oh hell no. That's sketch af

    • Be concerned. It seems like he misses them

  • I am an easy girl but wtf? Your boyfriend keeps videos of him fucking girls? That sounds creepy and fucked up. If you break up you do realise his next girlfriend will see videos of you, dont you? And he sounds sick. Maybe he will post them somewhere. Leave that sick fuck

  • Watching homemade porn isn't any worse than him watching professional porn, I don't think you should worry.

    • Professional porn is porn of someone you never had any relationship with at all. Homemade porn is reliving your experience with someone you were that intimate with in real life.

    • @Red_Arrow I actually didn't read that part of the question, you're right.

  • Under the circumstances you describe, that wouldn't bother me

  • Upload it and post a link so that it can be judged. Also, include of yourself so the judgement can be made in context.

  • Don't worry about what he does by himself. Worry about how he behaves when he's with you. Is he meeting your sexual needs? How does he treat you in general?

    • Yes he takes very good care of me in our relationship physically and sexually. We have a pretty active and healthy sex life. I guess the fact that this was done in secret is what concerns me. I asked him a week ago if he watches porn and he told me no. On his internet history to shows that he’s been watching for at least 3 weeks.

    • He was embarrased, probably due to stupid anti-sexuality messages from some religion.

  • You do threesomes?

    Disgusting.

    • Your mom

  • Secretly delete that video, when he goes to look for the video, make sure he finds a video of YOU instead !

    • Haha true. So I talked with him about it, he showed me everything... come to found out, there were videos of me 😭😭

    • Ohhh bitch! You know what time it is 👅👅👅

    • I fuckin love it!

    • Show All

  • Yes , i would be concerned homemade porn can be bad
    i try to stay away from porn cause it's the work of the devil
    i am trying to live for God.

  • Haha. I only seen this after your update. People are nuts in the comment. It doesn't sound like you should be concerned. Maybe tell him you'd prefer it if he jacked off to women he hasn't met in person? P. s. that's my opinion from what little information I have, take it with a grain of salt if needed. 😂

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