Sexual Relationships
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How can I get my boyfriend to be rougher with me sexually?

Hi. I'm 20, so is my boyfriend. We've been together for a little over a year. He's an amazing guy, I really love him and the sex is great, but falls short in some aspects. He likes being dominant but only to a certain extent. The porn I watch is exclusively a rape-like scenario. He's kind of hard to read. He'll say he wants to be more romantic, I agree, then he'll randomly be really rough. Or, the opposite, I want it to be really rough and he's extremely... not.

I very frequently tell him how rough I want it. Sometimes he delivers but that's extremely rare. I'm frustrated because I clearly communicate what I want and he just chooses not to, but will on occasion when he feels like it at weird times.

I'm just kind of confused and slightly annoyed. I'm not sure how much clearer I need to be. I do have a history of sexual abuse and he's expressed worry about my somewhat unhealthy desire to be forced to do things sexually but honestly I dont' really care about that at this point. It makes me aroused and it's not really something I can change.
0 3

Most Helpful Girls

  • Just talk it out once more with him. Assure him that he ain't going to hurt you and it isn't going to traumatize you either. Then next time you are together grab his hand and make him grab you harder, again reassure him you are okay and ask for it. It doesn't need to be how you like it every time. I'm sure there are things you don't like doing that much but you do them for him now and then, not every time. Maybe he is just not that into it or makes him really uncomfortable. You need to understand and respect that too. If it doesn't work after several times then you might not be as sexually compatible as you'd like :(

  • Had this same problem when I first started being intimate with my so. Keep in mind our situations are probably very different as I was a virgin and to be honest I don’t think he was expecting me to be so kinky and sure of what I wanted lol. Here’s what I’ve learned from my experiences. If there’s something I specifically want in or out of bed. Tell him straight forward because if you expect him to already know everything about you or read your mind it’s not going to happen. It’s pretty simple sit him down and show him what you want if he still doesn’t get it. Time for you to teach him how you like to be pleased.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I had an ex like you with a aimilar background so maybe i can give you some advice to help you coax him like she did me. Start by slowly introducing new steps into your routine while making those steps get more intense as time goes on. Itll take time but you can break him into it. Add things you enjoy using into the mix as you go. Dont let him think you're easily broken because obviously you're not. Piss him off if you have to. Get his blood boiling and use his anger as a tool towards your satisfaction

    • Similar*

  • I think you're gonna have to take the bull by the horns on this. Instead of feeling frustrated you need to be frustrated and take it out on him. As he's caressing you, put your hand over his and make him squeeze you. If he's being gentle with you. Slap and grab his ass and make him move faster. If all else fails. Pin him down and ride him like a pony. If words don't work maybe actions will.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 22

  • Its not all about you. Maybe he doesn't enjoy that kind of sex.

  • You’re not sexually compatible. You can
    1) break up
    2) see a sex therapist
    3) accept things the way they are and let him do whatever he wants

  • You frequently tell him how much you want it and then you want him to act as if you don't want it, well it's quite paradoxical, and how can you be frustrated if say that the sex is great?

  • Tell him

  • If you’ve told him and he can’t or won’t deliver then it means it’s outside his comfort zone and the two of you aren’t sexually compatible. It will never change so you have a decision

  • COMMAND him to POUND that pussy!!

  • It much harder then you think your litterly trying to change behavior ingrained from a extremely young age from the age we can talk boys are trained to never hit girls

  • Why dont you stop watching that porn, thats the probelm, the porn is altering your natural sexual proclivity

  • He is probably not naturally thinking about this. Maybe push his buttons to frustrate him or start being more of a brat

  • not everyone likes porno sex. try setting the mood by making him angry then having makeup sex. really rough sex is more of a workout than anything. he may be disturbed by your fantasies especially in light of your past. just remember it's not all about you...

  • Lead by example

  • be rough to him and you will drive him crazy.

  • He may not like being as rough as you want. It took a few months after my girlfriend saying she likes to be slapped on the ass during sex before I was able to do that. Understand that when he is being dominant it could be an act that he's putting on to make you happy and he doesn't enjoy it.

  • Smack him a few times during. Itd piss me off so should tear ya up.

  • Tell him what you want

  • How about you do something he wants to do one time?

  • Grab them put your legs around his waist when he's on top of you and kick hard and shit tell him the fuck you like a slut all types of dirty shit and if he doesn't do it and that's what you want break up with him and go find somebody else otherwise don't complain

  • I get where both sides are coming from, he respects you, but he also needs to be able to let loose and garner to your need/wants also. It definitely can be difficult to flip those switches.

  • Well you already mentioned that you told him but honestly try to encourage it while having sex. Like if you like being choked then grab his hand and make that happen or when he’s being a tiny bit tougher then say how tough you like it to encourage him to do more

  • Tell him you want him to be rougher in bed. If you love him you should have no problem bringing things like that up with him.

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