Am I confused? Why is this happening?

Anonymous
So I believe that I am straight. I’m very much attracted to men and want to be married to a man one day. I’ve also have always been a hopeless romantic who fantasizes (EVERYDAY) about how I’ll meet him and how we’ll fall in love...
When I was younger, two of my neighbors (who were girls) used to kiss on my neck and suck on my nipples. But I think even they were too young to know what was happening so there was never oral sex or kissing on the mouth. That probably went on for a year.
Fast forward to my teen masturbating days... I couldn’t get wet to any type of porn that seemed super fake or dramatic and the only kind that would make me wet is lesbian porn (if at least one orgasm was genuine). Lesbian porn became my go-to category, and I’d fast forward through the kissing parts and just orgasm when they did. I think I watch it because it seems like their reactions are real and I’m trying to feel what they’re feeling (it’s hard to explain).
Also, I’ve only had sex like 20times in my life and a guy has never made me cum (could be because of my anxiety, idk). I’ve never been with a girl and the thought of kissing one and especially having oral sex, GROSSES me out! However, maybe twice a year I’ll randomly have a dream of me being with a girl and then I’ll wake up. It always weirds me out because I dont want to be with a female.
I want the dreams to stop but I’m wondering why they’re happening. could I be suppressing feelings? Or is this normal? Even typing this is making me uncomfortable because I really don’t want to be with a woman and I’m afraid that’s what people’s opinions will say. But... what do you guys think?
Am I confused? Why is this happening?
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