Am I depriving myself sexually and should I do something about it?

[becks3]

Heavy question guys.
I am the definition of what you consider a "good girl".
I was raised in a not religious but overbearing and controlling household, with a mostly controlling mother and I have grown up to be a very prudish woman.

I have viewed everything sexual as bad and dirty and never wanted to be considered slutty for wanting to experience these things so I didn't.
That was basically my teens.
Fast forward, I am still living with my mother while in college.
I feel trapped inside a cage and controlled at home. I wish I could leave but can't afford it now.
At the state I am in now I consider myself not capable of a relationship right now because I am so shy and clueless about sexual stuff that I have no confidence in myself, my body or anything else. I have never seen a man naked before in person. I am basically a mother theresa. Like a celebate nun. I don't know anything about the male body. I am depressed about this for years now and I came to the point where I can't take it anymore. Yes, sex and sexual relationships are not everything but when you're this old and are basically a 15 year old in your mind then it's not fun and it truly cripples me in various aspects of life.
I have often thought about just seeing someone casually and just allowing myself to have fun because I am not confident enough for a relationship.
I have conflicting feelings though. I still believe in sex with love but I can't wait any longer since I am getting old. I know men will be less interested in me once that happens.
I want to finally feel like a real woman not like an androgynes something. I want to be desired.
But I am still so afraid of becoming what I hate, a slut and someone dirty.
And then there's the issue with my controlling household and my public image.
I could never justify such a behaviour in front of my relatives, they think I am a saint.

I am embarassed to ask this but I just really needed an outlet in this moment.

[MrKinktastic]

Vent away, it sounds like you’re struggling with something a lot of people do. The key is that sex is neither good nor bad, it’s how you’re going about getting it/who it’s with and why that tend to determine if it’s a good idea or not.

So if you want to have sex, have sex. If you want to keep your legs crossed until you meet someone you click with that’s ok too, it doesn’t sound like that’s what you want though.

A friend with benefits is an option, be prepared to get really attached to them though. Sex causes a lot of bonding via releasing oxytocin so it’s normal to get totally twitterpated the first few times. Be careful who you get twitterpated with, some guys will just want to use you to get off vs help you become more comfortable with your body.

In the other direction you can always exploit your internal struggle and find a Dom type to do some humiliation play with you to see if you can’t turn the guilt into something more fun to play with. Sex may or may not be involved. Something about the idea of having a virgin dripping wet begging for release, and making her wait, just feels like the most delicious kind of irony.

[markscott]

You obviously are very conflicted. There are opposing and opposite needs swirling in your head, and your emotions are getting raw. Honestly, if you can, it would be good to see a counselor to help you straighten out what you really want, and what it will take to get there. Part of the issue, is how to get the baby clean, and to throw out the bathwater, without throwing out the baby. A counselor can help you a lot there. Don't be embarrassed about asking for assistance, as the only real mistake, would be to stay bottled up and not seek change. If you need to let more out, and say more than you feel free to say here in the open forum, you can message me, so feel free to do so. I promise that I will be decent and have no hidden agenda.

[swettannie]

why don't you just enjoy your life?

and please don't fall into slut-shaming. there is nothing wrong for a women to have sex. it is a natural desire

[AustinMan]

I see this as at least a three-step solution. First, find a job that makes enough to move out. I know you're in school but what price glory?

Two, move out. Get your own place away from your mother and her control.

Three, start meeting men but take things slowly so you can adapt over time.

[truthbeknown]

Yes, this!

[becks3]

Yeah but how to get a job without the needed education? So I need to finish it first in order to earn anything decent.

[nikoluushkaa]

Get a job and move out. Your family is judgmental and don't sound very supportive.

[sawno]

Alright so first up having a sex partner isn't slutty. And being a slut for one person isn't actually slutty either thats just part of the play.

What you need to do is find either a boyfriend or someone you really like and want to have sex with friends with benefits style. If you are really tied to your imago choose the first one. Stick to one guy at a time.

Another outlet that works good for me is online sexting.

[Shiver]

Having a casual partner for sex seems like a decent option. You just gotta make sure you're not pressuring yourself into it, could ruin your image of sex. And don't worry about getting older and still being a virgin, it's fine, you'll find a guy who's willing to help with that. Ngl, older virgins can be really cute.

[Danny_dan92]

At the end of the day, it's YOUR life and YOU are also an adult. So if you want to have sex before marriage go for it. An old timed tradition based on your beliefs shouldn't hold you back from doing what you want to do.

[Coloradomtnman2]

☝️☝️ please listen to these words

[Twalli]

I'd it's any consolation my girlfriend lost her's at the age of 33, so 25 isn't exactly too old.

[madmark]

first thing do what makes you happy, not what you think people think you should do or not do. Second try to find a happy middle. You should never ever have to regret what you have or have not done in your life. Life is short so do what makes you happy.

[sydneyboy]

You're not a slut that's a huge bonus. Now you need to find a man who's successful and comes from similar background and get married. Imho you're the ideal girl.

[Anonymous]

Do what you can live with

[Anonymous]

Your abusive family are the only ones who have anything to answer for.

Sex is a fundamental life experience, one which presumably they have all enjoyed, it is you who is being denied.

Good girls get on their knees and swallow big dicks, bad girls like to be spanked first.