Sexual Relationships
+1 y

How do I get past the fact my partner has had many previous sexual partners?

So I’m in a ldr but my partner and I haven’t met yet. We’ve already talked about having sex and stuff. I’ve only had 3 sexual partners and he’s had.. a lot.. to say the least. Especially with his manic depression, he can go on sex sprees. He said he enjoys having casual sex when he’s not in a relationship/doesn’t like anyone. He said it was his way of having fun.

& There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this or for anyone to enjoy casual sex because it’s their body. As long as it’s safe and consensual. As long as things are stated clearly and people aren’t fucking with feelings, etc. I won’t judge you for it just because I personally don’t. For me, I see sex and love together. I can only have sex with someone I have feelings for.

Anyways, I don't know why but whenever I think about him being with a bunch girls, touching other girls, I start crying. I start seeing myself as some other pussy he’ll get to have. I know this is completely not true at all. He chooses to wait for me, he’s in love with me, he doesn’t care about sex with anyone else but with me. With him saying that… it normally would give a girl more reassurance and it does but only for that moment. Once it’s over and my mind switches back to thinking about it again, I start sobbing again.

I haven’t had sex in over 5 years now because of my “no feelings, no sex” and he’s the opposite of me which is fine… but I don't know why with him (or any guy I might be with) it hurts me a lot. Way more than it should. I love him with my whole heart. I asked him once how many sexual partners has he had and he just said “idk” “why does it matter?” I answered, “it doesn’t. I just want to know.” Then he went and said that those girls meant nothing and he clearly stated that to them before hand, and for exes, they betrayed him so he has no feelings for them at all anymore either.

CONTINUING BELOW IN UPDATES.
Updates:
+1 y
He reassures me that he loves me and that I AM special. He chooses me and wants me. But idk… I still cry all the time over this topic in my head.. maybe I just need to finally be with him in person to feel more secure, see him love me back. But idk… I know this is stupid af and that his past shouldn’t matter. He can’t change it. I can’t change my past.
+1 y
This makes me really insecure… and it’s nothing to do with.. how good at sex I am or his exes or other girls liking him. It’s just… I feel… insignificant. I feel like I’m not the one he should be getting close with like that.. and it fucks me up so much. I know this is really hard to understand, he tried to understand this too when I brought it up that one time.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • I 100% can relate to you. There’s really NO way to get over it in a reasonable manner, so I’d say to dump him and find someone else who is similar to you in terms of sexual partner history. If you cannot get over it now, especially when he’s supposedly saying those women weren’t anything to him, which I believe is somewhat of a lie, then you’ll NEVER get over it. You’ll feel much more happy with someone who has had around the same partners as you, trust me. I’m a man, so I like to think I know a little about the brain of a man to the extent that I’m talking about universal behaviors.

    You’re a number to him, object. He may love you, sure, but you’re another flavor of smoothie that he’s enjoying after having tried a wide variety of smoothies in the past. He’s more secure in himself and comfortable because he can say he’s tried a lot of other smoothies in the past and now he’s defaulting to you. Would he still feel the same way about you had if he didn’t experience those other women in the past? Well, maybe or maybe not.

    I’m seriously, just leave him or else you’ll waste your time, feelings, and true happiness. We all need to connect to people who are similar to us in the ways that matter to us.

  • Never talk about your former sexual life with your current partner. Even if she/he forces you to such discussion turn it into a joke like "I'm a virgin" but never say the number.
    If you feel insecure about your experience. I can tell you high experienced women aren't necessarily better than those with less experience. Otherwise prostitutes would be ultimate sex goddesses, but they aren't that good. Dedication, motivation and a little bit of aggressiveness to find own pleasure in intimacy make someone to good sex partner, not the number.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It shouldn't bother you as long as he's faithful and commited to you now. This comes from anxiety and insecurity. You're what? Afraid you aren't good enough in bed? That he'll get bored and run away? Go at YOUR pace and if he keeps up with it, it's a very good sign cause like you said if he only wanted sex I don't know if he'd waited all this time... But address your mental health. It's not cool that your crying over this daily... That's not a good start to any relationship. IF he got bored and left you after sex, he's a complete jerk. It's not you, it's him girl. No one should treat anyone like that cause it's just human decency and respect for another person... It wouldn't be the end of the world. Having your heart on your sleeve is couragous. I feel pity for the people who can't have connections with anybody and so they sleep around just to feel good for 5 minutes. So, go at your pace and if you're still not trusting enough of him I'd say leave him, because it's not healthy for you and you should prioritize yourself... Besides, what's any relationship without trust? You have to build it daily and slowly. Good luck!

  • You Don't! Since your not a virgin either you can't really judge him. If the girls don't mean nothing neither will you mean something if you have sex with him. All the red flags. But you wanted him, so you have to deal with him. It's called a sin for those reasons as well. That's what happens when you never sister and now your insecure about something he would already feel inseucre about also why people do this to themselves is beyond me. There isn't much you can do accept either accept his past that you may be girl 100+ , wait until marriage or let him go for another guy. This is all up to you. Not us.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

If women don’t enjoy penetration then why do they like sex?
What makes someone of opposite sex good in bed for you?
Is getting a circumcision the right answer in my case?
What is the safest way to dispose a used condom that was not your husband?

What Girls & Guys Said

5 15

  • How can he say he loves you if you've never met in person?
    Condom or no, I would definitely not have sex with someone you know has had many sexual partners until he has an STD test with results in hand. Maybe you should date someone where you live, someone you can really get to know/love. But, I would be leery because he says casual, but was he telling all his partners casual? Or was he saying love like he is to you?

  • Honestly, if his sexual past affects you THAT MUCH that it makes you cry so much, that means you need to move on and find someone else. You are obviously not happy and it will be very difficult for you to get over that. Moving on isn't easy either but it seems that would probably be the best way for you. Find yourself a partner who doesn't just sleep around with girls. If not, then you gotta try to stop thinking about his past and focus on the present and future. He is with you now, not with those girls.

  • You are talking out both sides of your mouth. You aren't in the least bit non judgmental as you claim. This obviously bothers you tremendously. You might consider going to find a virgin.

    What if the next guy rejects you because you had sex with someone before him and it "bothers him" you had one or maybe two previous partners or more?

  • That's quite a lot of feelings... It sounds like this really bothers you. I wish I could give you an solution to this, but really there's no quick one. I've personally never slept with a guy (so to some people I'm a virgin) and the guy I'm currently dating have had a handful of other sexual partners. I think most of us wants to feel special to our partner and an easy way to be that is to be 'someone's first...'. But just because you cannot be that, there are other ways you are special to him. I cannot say how long you've been with him, but he seems ready to wait for you, he enjoys sex but for you he will wait.
    I think talking this through more with him will help you come to terms with this. If you still feel so awful about it even after that then... I think you would feel better long term if you move on

  • Well I am sure he is really good at it so when ever you feel mad at him for it just let him fuck you

    • Haven’t met him yet and I don’t get mad easily and if I do, I talk things out respectfully

  • A lot of people are giving very immature advice.

    I don’t think the issue here is the number of girls he has had sex with. The issue is that you entered into a relationship with this guy before you even met him. It doesn’t matter how much you communicated online. No amount of online communication can replace how much you can learn about someone in person. It’s very easy to pretend to be someone you are not online.

    These issues are occurring now because you rushed into this relationship. I would suggest you meet up with your partner in person and spend time getting to know him. Once you spend more meaningful time with him you can decide how genuine is this man in his feelings for you.

    • Lol and you are the mature 22 girl? I love how confident people can get in themselves.. it is funny when i see just a child talking

    • @Light_beam If you are going to tell someone to dump someone because they had sex with people before you then you are clearly insecure or just emotionally stunted.

  • Yea your partner is likely to see you as nothing special, but you yourself has already been with 3 sexual partners, so you also not exactly innocent and reliable , anyway it was your choice to start dating a guy like that.

    • That’s not the fucking point of the fucking post. Stfu. Who are you to judge? HE DOES SEE ME AS SPECIAL? Who isn’t allowed to have casual sex outside of being in a relationship? Nothing. No feelings are hurt and no cheating etc.

  • You either do or do not.

  • I have had a few partners so if he has to that is fine

  • Neither of you are exactly pillars of sexual virtue, so it sounds to me like you're perfect for each other in that regard.

    • Fuck off. Wtf

  • Tldr fully through but I can safely and 100% guarantee you'll just be another notch on his belt or bedpost once you put out for him

  • Lol this girl actually wants to date a male prostitute. I don't judge. Go for it. I'd just be sure he wore a triple condom when you fuck him. Women...

  • "there's absolutely nothing wrong with people enjoying casual sex blah blah"

    yeah nothing morally wrong maybe, but if you're wanting to be in a real relationship some day, then there is something wrong, because your insecurities are not unjustified. He could easily cheat.

  • Let him fuk u or show u tha many different ways

  • If it's that big of a deal for you then break up with him and find someone else who is more on your level. Go with your gut feeling it's usually right.

    • This has nothing to do with that. It’s my own insecurity within myself. My gut tells me he’s the perfect guy for me, past his sexual past. This is MY own problem

  • Truly in the scheme of life , his experience s have made him the person you now desire. The past is the past and you shouldn't give it another thought if you truly trust him.

    If you don't trust him and think your just another notch on his belt run.

    But most guys will beef up thier numbers when they talk about the past in order to be precived as a reformed Playboy.

    If he truly has had a lot of experience s you should be quite pleased when you do have sex

    I too have a had few experiences and what I've learned in that time is. Sex is sex and if the chemistry is right it will eventually take it's course at the right time in the relationship.

    Don't feel rushed and take your time until you are ready

  • manic depression and he gets laid easily? that's shocking to believe, because that would affect a mans confidence, and obviously, a mans confidence is what makes or breaks a man during the attraction process.

    • Do research before saying things

  • You're dating a man hoe.
    That sucks.

  • Everyone Has A Sexual Past, How Would You Feel If He Started Questioning Yours?
    It’s Only A Number, Best Thing To Do Is Get Over It, And Focus On Your Current Relationship...

  • I don't think most people are psychologically meant to accept that the one they love, has had sex with many, many others. That doesn't mean they can't get used to it, or just simply accept it as normal, but I don't think we are really meant to be that way. So it's little wonder that some people have difficulty dealing with so many sexual partners in their love's past. And yes, it does lead to one thinking he's had so many pussies, does he really find me and mine special. He can find you special, and your pussy special, because he loves you. But I can see how you will need to struggle some to get to where you see it that way.

Latest Questions

Sexually frustrated, am I in the wrong?
I caught my girlfriend reading erotica on her ipad -- should I be concerned?
How to stop feeling self conscious about my butt?
Girls- Do you like to swallow a guys cum or is it nasty?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > How do I get past the fact my partner has had many previous sexual partners?