HELP! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?

SeanshterMonster Explorer

I am never attracted to girls, physically or sexually. I love personality, but some guys I find really cute or really good looking and I'm attracted to! I dont know if I'm gay, my only reason to not being gay would be me being a disappointment to my parents and it's not normal and I shoulnt be that way. I was never attracted to the girls in my past relationships, but I've wanted to kiss a guy friend. I dont know!!! Help!!!

I dont know what to do. What do you guys think?

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Most Helpful Guys

lightbulb27 Master
+1 y
What do you like about females? Do you dream about being with them? Are you just hurt from the last one?

For a long time I didn't like females and for good reason... they are bitter mean spirited... some of them. Some are nice, but they are different, moody, etc.. Males are more level headed... maybe that is less threatening to you and more comforting and so create a draw? Want to know what the success rate is of gay couples... lol. No... you don't.

But I have not desired males... why... they smell bad, are gross. I don't see how females like them:) I think masculine and feminine are more "modes" so some males can be more feminine and maybe that is less threatening emotionally, since females can hurt terribly. Maybe that is what you are drawn to, or rather.. pushed away from. If you really hurt by the last female, then I'd say you like females but just don't like the pain. In the pain is growth.

Hormones drive all this mating. I'd suggest eating less plastic junk (e. g. plant estrogens), doing some HIIT Workouts (boost testosterone) and then see how you feel, have your T tested, and have your head checked by a therapist. Prob need to cry your eyes out over the last chickedoodle and then things seem better. The stress of all that is fuel to mature, you aren't and I don't buy you are gay... from what I've heard.

A lot of life is figuring out yourself, being ok with it, and dealing with everyone else. Figuring yourself out requires delving into the past to some extent and gaining higher perspective from God sure helps.
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- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  I like their hair and eyes. Their face and personality (somtimes). Maybe? My ex broke my heart and I gave everything to her. She said she never loved me. I loved her, but I was never sexually attracted to her. I liked cuddles and kisses but that was it. She never loved me. I find personality is so much more important. I like a bubbly and caring person, I need a deep emotional connection. I miss a lot of things from my last relationship, she read to me which was my favorite. Made me fall asleep like a baby. She made lots of promises and broke them all and didn't care. She used me for attention and somthing that she felt was missing. When she didn't need me anymore she dumped me. I was a horrible mess for the next few months. I hate that everyone thinks sex is the glue of a relationship. Everyone thinks no sex= bad or failed relationship. I love looking at cute gay relationships (some I find weird) but some are cute. I dont act feminine. I don't know... every relationship I've been in the girl was either emotionally abusive or using me for attention.
- lightbulb27
  +1 y
  I understand the desire for nurturing, but why do you want that so much? Did you not get much bonding with your mom? You may want to explore that. The problem a girl would have is that she is looking for the masculine to her feminine... which is what she is seeking to make her babies. If she felt that, she'd be crying because you haven't given her ring. Instead, she apparently felt your feminine traits and "neediness" for love, rather than your strength, and so that's why she wouldn't "feel love" for you. That's my read on it. If you talked to her not sure she could connect the dots, but maybe could. Her model is probably her father. Some people bloom later than others too...
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  I dont get it. Am I not supposed to want love? I want a emotional and loving connection with someone. I think thats a need. I won't be in a relationship with more emotional connection.
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- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  *no emotional connection
- lightbulb27
  +1 y
  emotional is fine, but either it works for some subset of women who need to feel that need or it needs to project masculine, at least at times. there are romantic females who are like that, but they want intimacy.
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  Okay. To display masculinity is good, but it's not good when you think you shouldn't desplay love or emotions or find those things important too. That's where it gets toxic.
red_knight Guru
+1 y
Bro I think you're showing more liking to men. That answers it.. Plus if the only thing stopping you is disappointing you're fam, at least you won't be the first or last in history...
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- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  I know. But it doesn't make it any easier.

Most Helpful Girls

VIVANT Guru
+1 y
I think you are possibly gay. But you’d have to try dating a guy I guess to find out. Doesn’t seem you are into girls - which can explain why despite being attractive and decent it tends to bottom out With the girls, for you.

nI thing to “ do” but learn self acceptance... Maybe join a support group. Live your life 🤷‍♀️
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- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  Thank you.
foriWish Xper 6
+1 y
I think you are homosexual. Nothing is wrong with that
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- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  Somthing is wrong with it, according to my family.
- foriWish
  +1 y
  Well as much as their expectations matter to you, you can't make everyone happy. You have to make yourself happy by accepting yourself before letting others influence your life. You do not find women attractive, you definitely can NOT force that. That is the foundation or root of how attraction works. Sorry but it is what it is. And If your family is that much of a problem, maybe they aren't worth
- foriWish
  +1 y
  *sexuality works
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- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  I was was always told blood is thicker then water. And God first. So obay his laws or suffer for an eternity. Also, if I accept being gay, my entire family will disown me.
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  Also, it's not that girls aren't attractive. I like nice healthy flowing hair and the eyes tell a story. I'm just not sexually attracted to them for some reason.
- foriWish
  +1 y
  Honestly, my logic there is pretty ignorant. I will tell you to screw it. You're attracted to who you're attracted to and you're not hurting anyone. I'm an atheist but I ask, if god hated or didn't want gay people around, why do they exist? Sexuality is a normal thing and it happens to everyone. You can't make yourself be attrated to women
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  That's true, what I would say about god not wanting them around is. He gave us free will to choose our own path.
- foriWish
  +1 y
  That too! Forgot about that one. I use to be religious
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  What happen?
- foriWish
  +1 y
  During my sophomore year of high school, I started doing research about something my former pastor said during church. What I found was the bible appeared sexist (to me) and as a girl myself, I did not like that so I dropped every belief I have pertaining to god and faith. Til this day I am still atheist
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  Ah. Well a lot of religions were made like 1000-2000 Years ago so society was diffrent then. In the bible it does say to fear a womans wrath, it can take understanding, somtimes things are misinterpreted. Which can be bad. there's even parts of the bible that talks about how special women are and that they should be loved and protected, but it also says that men should be treated well too. If people really want equality then people should empower both women and men, not just women. I've meet some women that think 95% of all med should die, the 5% are just used as breeders.
- foriWish
  +1 y
  Well religion have definitely affected the world and because of things I've read from the bible, I can understand why most women believe tradition (which is sexist) is normal. Sure there are women who really hate men but most women value men more than woman and hate us. I agree that both women and men are supposed to be empowered but women are not even since birth, that's why women are conditioned to be emotional, depend on male figures, and cry all the time while little boys are taught to 'man up' and be strong.
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  Ah. Not all traditional things are sexist. Lile family traditions and stuff. Sure guys are being tought to man up, but also that them being emotional is bad. Men have the highest suicide rate because of this. Women are told to be independent and almost lile relationships are bad for them so most women (not all) do things just for their own self interest. My ex broke up with me because of her own self interest and didn't come to me to try to help too.
- foriWish
  +1 y
  A lot family traditions actually are pretty sexist and yeah, I totally agree the whole "male be emotionless" thing is pretty bad. I totally do not agree with that. Personally, I would rather be strong than weak though but everyone isn't the same. These days women are taught to be independent but only because of feminism trying to cancel out centuruies of sexist traditions
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  What traditions are you talking about?
- foriWish
  +1 y
  Kids and woman take man last name, woman be baby maker and housewife while the men work and provide for the family, the man is the head of the home and his last say is what will happen no matter what the mother says, etc
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  Ah. I think the last name is it's just traditional for most but not forced. I know some that took the womans last name. The man being the head of the house thing and only his word counts, I've only seen some like that. Thays usually the toxic people. But my family and many others that I knew it was a discussions, both has a say in what happens. Not just one. Just because its traditional doeant mean its sexist. If you dont like it, dont do it. But dont take it away from the people that do want to keep it. Both are technically baby makers, without one or the other a baby can't be born. I believe when the woman Carrie's a child the man must take care of that wife. Take over the wife's job and do 80 to 90% of all the things at home because men (at least real men) would love to have children. I would, I can't wait to have one of my own one day. The child is as much as the mothers as it is the fathers. The whole mom staying home and father works can be changed however the married couple wants. But it would be good for one to stay home and take care of the baby, the reason why its usually the mother is because of the connections children have with their mom and the fact that moms need to breast feed new borns. Breast milk has a lot of anti-bodys for the child to grow stong and healthy. I wasn't and I got sick a lot, and it caused intestinal problems growing up. That's why things are like that in traditional things. But you can always not do them if you dont want to. You aren't forced to do them, it's just the idea that people think they are when in fact they aren't. This is just my opinion.
- foriWish
  +1 y
  Honestly, it doesn't matter if something isn't forced, it's still a sexist tradition that affect many people and families today. Today, mostly no child have their mother's last name but their father or a new man (who will be their husband's name). It was such a worldwide sexist thing that people today still keep the tradition alive. Also, I didn't say just because something was a tradition, it means it's sexist but I'm pretty sure it's common sense that the man having the last word in the family is indeed sexist, just because people you know does the opposite doesn't mean it haven't affect the world and women as a whole because about more than half the population is religious and the bible says men should be ahead of the women and women follow that even though it's all man-made anyways. And even outside of religious relationships, women believe it's masculine and sexy for men to take control even though it's obvious it's all toxic.
- foriWish
  +1 y
  And I did not say only women make the baby. Context clues please. MY point was many sexist men believe a woman's place is to be a babymaker (stay at home, pop out babies, taking care of home and child blah blah blah). When did I say the child isn't the father's? As a woman I must admit I simi believe women should have more rights regarding that since women have to go through all the crap, pain, and suffering regarding bringing babies into this world; however, I did not say the baby isn't the father's because obviously without sperm, there will be no baby. And yes, one can stay home, never said one shouldn't. My problem is the sexist mentality behind that which was made up by sexist men and women still are doing it. Is it out of free will? I don't know but I do know sexism have really fucked up the oppressed since women are in fact oppressed by men. Again, this isn't about me. I don't even want kids, I was simply bringing light to sexism in the world since you asked. I don't care what women do since honestly most are brainwashed anyways
- SeanshterMonster
  +1 y
  I can say everyone is brainwashed to an extent. You are, I am. Everyone is. I am my opinion about this and you have yours. I dont agree with you, so I think it should just be a agree to disagree thing. I dont want this to turn into a long argument that goes nowhere.