Has the current dating field devastated average guys?

[J-Bird392]

Here is a story that reflects the pattern that I feel is happening to almost every girl :

Jane goes into Tinder looking for a relationship. She has 50 messages. (Of course the same guys who messaged her, sent the same copy paste message to 200 other girls)
On a scale of 1-10, Jane is anywhere between 5 to 8.
Jane is getting messages from guys in the range of 4-10. She don't bother replying to the guys in her range, why should she? She just returns messages to the 9-10 guys.

one day, one of the 9's or 10's sets up a date with Jane, but she doesn't understand that the only reason he messaged her, was because all of his 10's and 9's were busy, so he decided to go slumming. It was either Jane or just stay home and jack off.

they go out for drinks. Jane will of course spread her legs for him, because she doesn't want to risk losing him. When they are done he disappears. she's Ghosted!
it will happen again and again until she will become jaded and you will see that reflected in her profile. "If you're a lying piece of shit that just wants to get laid, then swipe left". Jane isn't going to say that players are assholes, she going to say that ALL men are assholes. So those mid-range guys who never got to get into Jane's panties, will still take their share of the blame for those who did.

But it won't matter. She will take the bait over and over and never ONCE blame herself for being a complete idiot. It's always the guys fault.
So Jane will never find that relationship that she so wants, and neither will the intelligent, funny, kind, caring guys that are at her same attractiveness level, or even slightly above her level.

Some women have been on the same dating sites for many years, doing the same thing over and over, and expect different results.
But they will NEVER settle. They deserve the BEST. Jane will never be normal again, because she has been brainwashed to think she's better than she really is.

[mattdzz]

This is actually very true, and this is coming from someone who has been using dating apps for four years, off and on.
Guys are just far thirstier than girls are, by in large, and will message (as they are expected to, on everything except bumble, where girls will just say "hey there") nearly every girl they match with (I personally swiped a lot; so, 20-30% of my matches weren't actually worth talking to, i. e. attractiveness 4-6/10).
I've matched with some VERY pretty girls (9-10/10), and it is nearly impossible to get a conversation with them going unless you're original, and touch on something they're actually interested in (on top of you having conversational chemistry, and similar patterns of being on your phone, i. e. you catch her at the right time), but even pretty girls (6-8) aren't a sure reply, or won't give you much effort (e. g. "awww," "sounds good", "lol") until the guys the at the absolute top of their hierarchy (10's) become impossible to reach.
These girls, as you stated, can even be just slightly better than average looking, and because extremely attractive guys lose nothing by swiping on every fuckable girl (5/10), will get the idea that they're ALSO very attractive (which they're not).
So, here's what happens. The 9-10/10 girls (who are objectively the most sought after, far more than 10/10 guys) will get messages from every guy she finds to be attractive/ interesting enough to match with (7-10 in looks), but message only the best looking or most interesting ones back. The 9-10/10 guys will match with far more people (5-10/10 girls) but focus on the hottest ones until the replies dry up, then filter on down to the less attractive ones, until it's Friday night and they'd like to get laid...
Finally, the 6-8/10 guys will show a lot of interest in the 7+/10 girls (even if the guy is slightly better looking than her), but if they're only an average in being interesting/ entertaining a girl via text they will only maintain the attention of a girl 1-2 points less attractive than them (this is actually research driven, i. e. that girls on dating apps perceive their attractiveness as higher than reality, but also pursue more attractive people than themselves), or if they're lucky AS attractive as, which they can either settle for, or keep looking- after banging a few 4's or 5's.
Real life meetings are where average looking guys have a chance with pretty girls, which is why if you're not gorgeous and over 6 feet you should seek to go out and meet people, in class, groups, etc. instead of trying your luck on a venue where everyone is trying to shoot out of their league.
As far as what is termed "alpha widows," girls who are modest value (4-6/10 in looks) but dead set on a high value guy, these girls will jump at the prospect of sleeping with a 8+/10 guy (to lock him as a bf), but as a guy who's gone below his standards for a quick and easy bang, these guys won't keep in touch after getting off. These girls then repeat the process, assuming the guy just isn't "ready for a relationship," until they're 30, and start to panic. These girls then settle for a guy below what they want, but will be slightly bitter because of it, having animosity towards guys instead of realizing, "hey, you weren't that attractive. If you had gone for an average looking guy with his life together at 24-25 you'd be married, established, and happy. But you wasted years shooting out of your league just to be the cum-dumpster for many guys.

[Likes2drive]

They will never realize all that until it’s too late, i’ve noticed the same trend

[boggboss]

Yet I'm 5"8 And earn a tiny bit less then my partner but managed to get with a girl I know could land a much better looking guy then me you story rings true for people that only use online dating trying speaking to women irl mate 👍🏽

[boggboss]

Plus there is many a women that due to being scared they will be ghosted won't have sex so fast after meeting someone that's why they put time constraints on needing to be exclusive before sexual acts follow

[Rica_ChicaUSA]

Jane is an idiot. Lol

Honestly, that's actually common now, which is sad, but a woman shouldn't spread her legs for every guy who comes along like that. Then again, online dating sites are full of desperate people, so the guys could've been a little more considerate of their OWN selves and not made an account on a site filled with desperate people, because that what they're there for - they can't get anybody in real life. (This is usually the case.) Anyways... what she did in your story is a disgrace to our gender. Some of us actually care about ourselves and aren't that desperate, so for us, we actually end up with guys at the top (yes, the top) who treat us with respect as well as aren't on a dating site sending the same message to other women. And you would actually be surprised how amazing a relationship with one of those top guys can be :)

[Rica_ChicaUSA]

Also, in Jane's favor... If she is in for a quickie and not a real relationship anyway, then of course she is gonna want a better guy. Just like a guy would prefer a better female. The only difference with the men on that is, like you said, we aim higher but men will take whatever they can get. If you're in for just a one-night stand, then yeah why not get the best you can? Why settle, when it's a one-time thing?

[Anonymous]

You've created a narrative in your head that is certainly true some of the time. You need to realize that your narrative does not work for everyone. I'd don't only meant that there are expectations, but rather that large number of girls do not fit into your "Jane narrative." Two examples. 1. Some girls (good looking and not) would never do online dating for one reason or another. 2. Some cultures do not teach girls that they deserve "the best.". Etc...

So, again, while your narrative does fit for many girls, it does not fit for many others. Do not get single mindedly focused on your one narrative.

[sejla]

If a woman is blaming men for her life being rotten then just go move on to the next woman who isn't doing that. Getting bitter about it isn't going to solve anything.

[fireprooflife8181]

He'll yea there to many woman with a certain type the just write other guys of because of it not even giving them chase

[Anonymous]

Yeah that’s pretty much how it is because I see plenty of profiles that say no hook ups and I’ve also seen some women on there for years

[mattdzz]

I've seen several of the same girls on Tinder, and have seen them repeatedly for four years. It's sad, if it weren't so pathetic.

[Opinion Owner]

@mattdzz wow that’s a long time but maybe they’re on there just for hookups

[Anonymous]

I voted a

[Anonymous]

Yup. You are almost screwed if you are not 6 foot tall, and not all of the 15% of six foot tall people are otherwise attractive.