Why do I experience this? (Disclaimer: Sex Related)?

[sarah_young61]

So, a few years ago I became a rape victim. After that, I became very promiscuous. I hooked up with a bunch of guys, I remember who I slept with but I can remember the details. I had many sex partners because I couldn't feel anything anymore, I felt broken, and I kept searching for someone that could make me feel something again. It took me a while for me to find that person so I just used guys for sex and they would buy me things.

Long story short, some of these guys ended up falling in love with me and getting really attached to me. I felt bad because I didn't feel anything during sex so I didn't develop any connection or deep feelings for them. Some of these men were my sex partners for 2-4 years and they would beg me to see them but I only seen them as a meal ticket. I remembered all the guys names and I know we had sex but I don't remember the details. These men would tell me all these wild sex stories and I would be shocked that I did them (I was sober the whole time). I can't remember any details of my sexual experiences after I was raped. I only remember the details of the experience I had before I was raped and during.

Recently, this guy hit me up and he swears we slept together and I have no clue who is. I hard of the term sex amnesia is this what it is or does other rape victims experience this?

[FakeName123]

Hypersexuality or asexuality are common symptoms of sexual abuse. This is due to an experienced disconnect of one's personality and their sexuality. Rather than sexuality being an extension of yourself it becomes a separate entity. This is a coping mechanism of your mind to handle the traumatic event.

Essentially with time and healing a part of it is connecting to your sexual needs again. What you did before was kinda getting a rush of trying to handle it by trying to expose yourself to it (which normally is good to have exposure therapy - but in your case it was more of an adrenaline rush as well as giving in to the loss of power) to quite the strong extent that you have memory gaps.

Ideally I would recommend you therapy - but generally speaking this hypersexuality as a result of the experience is somewhat normal. Albeit of course not a healthy thing to do.

[JinRavage]

It sounds like you have removed any kind of positive thoughts about sex and/or relationships. Its like you have lost interest. Its kind of like someone that works a job that has a routine that they dont have positive feelings of. A big example would be someone that works on an assembly line of sorts. If asked, they will not recall a single part they built while they were working.

I think you should slow down and not engage in any sort of sexual relationship for a while. Instead just look for friendship. Someone you like hanging out with. Focus on things that actually make you happy. Be selfish. And I think eventually you will find yourself enjoying the relationship a bit more and eventually desiring more of the relationship.

[sarah_young61]

I think you might be right

[sarah_young61]

My last relationship ended because I refused to sleep with my ex. He waited for four months but couldn't wait any longer. It wasn't that I didn't like him, I just didn't want to have sex anymore.

[JinRavage]

It really seems you just need time more than anything. Just be honest with who you decide to date about what you want, and dont just agree to date anyone. If the super religious people can wait for years for sex, a guy that actually likes you can wait until you actually desire to have sex with him.

[sarah_young61]

You're right

[Berethor]

You got corrupted, and now you are acting like a bad girl.

[adam_1]

It seems you're ability to form any kind of lasting intimate bond with a partner has been completely destroyed.

You can become a nun, though😦🙂😇

[sarah_young61]

haha

[sarah_young61]

Good suggestion

[holidaze]

I have nothing to add, but I would just like to say I hope you continue to find healing.

[Jcoles]

Will you hit me up on here privately sometime relatively soon if its not asking too much

[sarah_young61]

sure