Signs your boyfriend is secretly gay?

Does anyone know about any kind of signs that might tip you off that a guy is really gay even though he says he's straight and has a girlfriend?

Are there any girls out there who have been with a guy just to find out later that he's gay? How did he behave that should have or did tip you off?


Most Helpful Guy

  • A year and a half ago, I was dating a woman before coming out to myself. I regret hurting her in the way I did, and if I could have been more honest with myself and with her, it would have been better for both of us. Sadly, I was too afraid to talk to her about it and just broke up with her without really being honest.

    I think it is important to realize that coming out to yourself is scary and hard to admit. I really wanted to be in a relationship with a woman and when I found myself in one wanted it to work. I was not sleeping around on her when we were together, and it is possible for gay guys to be with a woman without kissing men, inviting people to threesomes, acting homophobic, or being vain or girly.

    Being in a relationship with a women was exhausting and stressful for me. But, because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was gay, I tried hard to make it work. While I did actively participate in make-outs and romantic things, sex was hard and not enjoyable for me, but again, I participated because I wanted to prove something to myself. I think a good sign that the man you may be with might be gay is if he seems to be trying harder than he is enjoying the relationship.

    Look out for close private relationships with other men. I know that these relationships were always the most important ones to me. If there are jokes about your man and his men being a couple, or if you find yourself jealous of his best friend, that might be a good clue.

    If you are suspecting that he is gay, it is possibly for a good reason. I am wondering why are you asking these questions? And if you are asking these questions, what does that mean about what you are getting out of the relationship. Regardless of whether or not he is gay, you need to be getting what you need out of this relationship. Coming out taught me that.

    As for what you should do, I think it is important to realize that no one can make anyone come out. Figuring out you are gay is very personal, the thought of being gay is treating for someone who has been living his or her life as a strait person. What you can do is be supportive and figure out what you need to do for yourself.

    I am assuming that things have worked out one way or another in the past 3 months. But I have been in a long term relationship with a woman for that long and have slept with guys who have too. If you are still questioning his sexuality, or to anyone else who is in a similar situation, treat this guy with patience and empathy (this can be a slow and hard process) and make sure that you are getting what you need for yourself.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Well, you have to understand the difference between european and gay.

    But when dealing with North American men, the closeted gays tend to be passive daters with women and/or insult gays constantly.

    Straight men may be uncomfortable with any gay talk but with a straight guy he shouldn't ever take it too seriously.

    Also, straight guys will tend to twist a gay joke around and act gay for jokes, closeted gay men will become overtly defensive.

    If you want a quick trick though, ask any man what his favorite colour pants are.

    Then ask him if he hates his shirt.

    Then ask him if he knows your boyfriend.

    A straight guy will have no response for AT LEAST one of the above questions.

    A gay man will probably answer all, and without much thought.

  • If you find him having sex with a man and not interested in you, he's gay.

    If he invites you to join them, he's bi.

  • compliments other men.

    Open tongue kissing...other men

    Its also possible he's not gay and is just 'acting' gay

  • You could always ask him to do a three some with a bi guy but not tell him the other guy is bi and see if he's give the other guy a bj or something.


What Girls Said 1

  • YES --

    (1) He tries to tell you that he's gay. You need to listen closely.

    (2) He talks about how much he loves one of his male friends.

    (3) He cares a lot about his appearance. Not necessarily metro, but he's very vain.

    (4) He never makes a move on you.

    (5) He watches his weight and talks to you about it, but he's not overweight.

    (6) He likes girlie things: gossip, shopping, weight loss, is very verbal, etc.

    (7) He might be misogynistic. Maybe he has a female friend or two, but he's not respectful about women. He might make sexist remarks in front of you.

    *Not all gay guys are like this, but if he has a lot of these traits, esp 1 & 2, then yea.

    • "He tries to tell you that he's gay. You need to listen closely." LOLZ!

      I buy 1 & 2, maybe 4. The rest, I hope, are for laughs.

    • this is good.!

      i defo agree with number 6

      I have found that

      Straight boys don't usually bitch excessively / judge people...

      Gay boys do