If your girlfriend said that she wanted to not have sex anymore until marriage, would you stay with her?

[Anonymous]

Do your answer determine if you should really be with her? Does your answer determine if you really love her?

My boyfriend and I been together for almost 3 years. Before we met I was saving sex for marriage. Then I ended up not... lol. 2 years and a few months after a sexual relationship, I decided that I want to wait. - I have been a little back and forth through out relationship and it has been really hard wanting to wait and wanting to not. We both want to be with eachother forever...

[YHL6965]

Yes but I don't see marriage as something part of the near future so it would kind of frustrate me to have to wait all this time. Besides, that's one less way I can make her feel good and satisfied. To me, what's interesting about sex is the fact that it's another way to bond, to show your partner how much you love them, to make them feel happy. I would kind of feel bad about not having that to be honest but I could still deal with it.

However, I'm confused about you going back and forth with that. You already had sex before marriage, why stop now?

[MrOracle]

No. That's extremely irrational behavior, and that wouldn't bode well in the long-term. I have no idea what you imagine might change by doing this, but you don't get to "reset" your virginity. Stopping now makes absolutely zero sense, and in my opinion is the rationalization of a child, not an adult.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

If you had waited from the get go
and stood firm in your decision to wait till marriage, then yes if he loves you, he would respect that.
But that you chose not to and you guys have already had sex,, there is no point now and he could see that as you not wanting or liking sex with "him".
And as others have stated, unfair at this point. That's like putting a whole plate of freshly baked warm chocolate chip cookies in front of a kid and telling them they can only eat one and reprimanding them for wanting "more".

[roland77]

That would a game about sex and in games there is always a looser (her).

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@roland77 Right. I do agree that some women use sex as a tool. Just don't like when guys say" all "women do that. Cuz last I checked, I'm a woman and I don't. Game playing should be left outside of sex unless it consensual sex games lol

[roland77]

@Brainsbeforebeauty Same here, it is stereotyping women/men and that is never right. Some are into using sex as a tool, some are in deep love with their partner.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@roland77 I used to believe that. Starting to believe it less. Do I believe it exists? Yes, cuz I had it, till life, or should I say death, took it from me. But, in today's culture? I don't know anymore🤷‍♀️

[btbc92]

Um, no man in his right man is going to want to wait with somebody being wishy washy. And I am a virgin who also believes in waiting. You didn't want to wait before, you have had sex already, why all of a sudden you want to wait now? Because your guilty? He doesn't owe you the wait. You owe it to yourself to truly figure out who are you as a person.

[Asker]

I originally did want to wait. And yes I do owe it to myself and I need/want it. Its difficult when you love someone so much but I have seen was pre-martial sex can and has done to me emotionally and etc.. and therefore I decided I need to wait now.

[btbc92]

The point of what I'm saying is is that again nobody owes you the wait. You're not entitled to it. Is not about you owing yourself the desire to wait. It's by you accepting the fact that you made a grave mistake that you now got a live with for the rest of your life. You now have to think about how that much is going to affect you if you get married to somebody else other than this person. Because 9 out of 10 times most people who lose their virginity to a first Partners usually don't marry them in the end. Because sadly does exactly what happened to a close friend of mine.

[btbc92]

You cannot expect him to want to wait after you did with you already did. All you can do now is to move one out for that relationship that's a really toxic. Take time off for yourself so that you can recover from the damage otherwise if you continue to stay with him, you may end up resenting him for it later down the road. And accept whatever possibility that may happen in the future if you end up accounting somebody who now doesn't want to bother because you already made a choice. When you are able to fully accept what was done, perhaps then you may be able to find somebody who can accept your sexual status. That's all I can tell you.

[roland77]

@btbc92 What if this is just the start and he end up with an asexual or even sex-denier? If he IS into it, fine for both (let's not judge here) but if he is NOT into it, like heterosexuals are, then she is loosing him as he looks for sexual satisfaction somewhere else. And I don't mean strictly vaginal penetration, also oral or anal (last is fine if I don't have it, #Cunnilingus never).

[btbc92]

First of all you do not have sex before marriage. It has nothing to do about being with a sex deniers you go and verbally talk about these things prior before you even think about getting involved with somebody. This is why I tell people all the time do not date somebody you haven't been friends with, haven't really gotten to know one was levels, and don't really know what is going on and what they are about. A woman especially do not have the obligation to have sex before marriage. She is not anybody else's husband. It has everything to do with the fact that he wants that, he don't care what he's getting it from, and he's expecting it from her. She did what she did stupidly knowing that she made a personal bound to not do before marriage. And now she don't want to deal with it. We are called to judgment and righteousness. Premarital sex is a sin. It doesn't matter what anybody say on the matter. What matters is what God says. Now she's dealing with the consequences of her own scent and now she wants to dump that on him.

[btbc92]

That's causing generational curses. She now has to live with it. And she doesn't realize she already have gave him a very bad impression about traditional people and Christians to this man if he isn't already proclaiming one himself. In which Both of them are guilty. You don't realize that what's she's doing is why so many men pressure women onto premarital sex. It has NOTHING to do with who wants sex or hate sex. It's about respect. Because of top main reason especially for women why they don't want to just have sex with anyone, is because they know like I said before they often don't marry their first sex partner. And if they end up having sex with somebody else they're going to be bound sexually to that person for the rest of their life. That's how God design said. Sex is a marriage and marriage is all about having sex. It's not about happiness. You are responsible for your own personal happiness whether you are single, involve, sexually active, married, or divorce even if you're widowed. You're accountable and responsible for your adult choices. She does not want to be responsible for her adult choices that's nobody else's problem. Anybody can have an interest in sex, but as I said before there is a time and place for it. Otherwise you're creating a dangerous cycle, this is why a lot of people especially women are resentful, bitter, and her and that's why they don't want to have sex with their husbands if they even able to get married. It's not a joke.

[btbc92]

That's why I told you I was off the bat. Just because I have a normal healthy sex drive, that does not mean that I'm just going to have sex with any other guy, otherwise what's the point of getting married or staying in a relationship? I might as well do whatever it is I want I owe nobody nothing. I'll be considered a whore, but it what I want, right? Anything for my happiness, right? At least that's the philosophy of Greeks thoughts that we don't World choose to have instead of Godly desires right? She's entitled to do whatever it is that she please like everybody else in this world. But she is a person who says she is of higher standards. Therefore she went completely against her own standards which makes her a hypocrite. Sad, but true.

[btbc92]

She is not some asexual or sex denier. See if somebody who feels guilty for her sexual sin. And now she's putting that guilt on him that's why he's angry. It doesn't mean she's not going to want to have sex after she's married, because it's very clear that she has a desire for sex. But that she does not want to continue being and send and then she has to live with that for the rest of her life and it affects her personal relationship with him already, and then she end up destroying and hurting not only herself but a person that she says and claims she loves. See a lot of people especially that aren't Believers or Christian do not have that kind of understanding. Maybe a lot if you don't want to I don't care. But it just goes to show who's really selfish and who really isn't. At the end of the day she know she's being selfish. And that's not something that either of us can help her with. I tell any guy right off the bat I do not do those things before marriage and you would not catch me doing that. If you really want to be with me that bad get married to me. Cuz I'm not going to be in chilling with you only for you don't have to next check if it's not the way how you want it. You either love me or you don't you either will or you won't. Because once I'm in I'm in I am not looking to be involved with someone else. It intimidates you, it scares you to know that there is somebody who's loyal and faithful, well then hey you better do right. Because of you not seen that you can't do right, that's okay be honest because if I find out you're lying I will cut you off myself. I don't have time to be involved with a person who doesn't want to change, or do right by me or dare question my sexuality. I know I am a woman with a healthy view of sex. But I will NOT do it before married. Period.

[btbc92]

Tell guys right off the bat* I can go without sex regardless of natural urges all my life. If they can't it's their problem. At least I know if I'm married I know what's expected of me as a wife. I expect that person to know what's expected of him as a husband. Otherwise that person will sadly know if there's no sex given. But I would never be the type of person to abuse or neglect the person I say I'm love. Sex is reserved for a husband. That's it. Not some boyfriend you can easily replace. You don't want to be just some boyfriend, you want to be special, then you got to work for it just like I have to work for it. Sadly a lot of women in some girls especially do that out of peer pressure cuz they already fear that the person is not going to stay. I tell them all the time, if they want to leave because they don't see they getting sex, let them leave. That's not a person that loves you. Love yourself enough to know that you're worth more than that and you deserve more than that. Same with men with women who thinks sex means a guy loves her and if he rejects her for sex because he wants her to be a wife, then let her walk. Doesn't make you gay or less of a man because you won't take her like a hoe. She shouldn't be one. She should be your woman without having to prove herself sexually. Your love shouldn't be questioned.

[roland77]

@btbc92 You know, you write to much? I'm not into reading a roman here. ;-)

[MissKittyz]

I wouldn't be surprised if your boyfriend left you. That literally makes no sense. You already lost your virginity and then had sex again. And now you want him to wait? For what exactly? You are being very unfair to him.

If someone told me that, I wouldn't even wait lol I'd be gone. Not letting someone torture me sexually cause they are indecisive about something as silly as that.

[MikeGaveO]

Yeah, I would. I mean, we still refuse to have sex until we find a condom that doesn't break my fucking dick, so it wouldn't change much.

[SarahsSummer]

It doesn’t exactly seem fair to your partner to be so wishY washy with your sexuality.

[roland77]

Before hetero, suddenly asexual and then what? Keep with asexuality?

[AndyOh]

A little confused, you gave in and started having sex. Now you are stopping and wanting to wait till marriage.
I would be worried that after you got married you would slow down the sex to maybe once a week or something like that. (Happened to me).

[roland77]

One day or another you want to have sex, no matter what (no gays included for me). And hey, I'm into #Cunnilingus to much, don't slow that down. :-)

[sammy1537]

Wow. This is SO unfair to your partner. If he leaves, you will have none to blame but you.

[BeMuse]

Dump her. No reason to waste time on some women that doesn’t want to have sex with you and just uses it as currency to get her way. That’s a whore. Whores suck.

[Avicenna]

Total dealbreaker, so no

[Dargil]

If we had agreed up front to defer intercourse until marriage with the rest of the menu on the table, yes. This is unnecessary complexity. Relationships are not about symbolism. If she insisted, I'd be off.

[emmily2396]

What is the point to stop having sex with him since you already did it? What is so special about marriage anyway?

[roland77]

Spontaneous asexuality? ;-)

[Shiver]

That's bullshit, you had your chance to wait, stop being so wishy washy for literally nothing. I can see your boyfriend leaving very easily like that.

[roland77]

No premarital sex is like not getting a "taste" on her and then she might continue it, to have sex only for reproductional purposes. That is way to less for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not addicted, nor selfish. I just miss "it" a lot, including licking her pussy.

[Phoenix98]

Yeah.

[Nobodycares]

I'd probably leave, because marriage is a broken institution.

[TonyMetal_1986]

If she's a virgin than yes.
Virginity in a girl is very important, it make her man knows that he is her only one, the 1st and the last one.
That's how a girl should be, only the husband is allowed to take her virginity and the girl will be comfortable because he ain't a stranger or a a random guy, he's her husband and family and the only man who is allowed to do it.

[Nobodycares]

Unless she's already done it before and decided only now that she's going to save herself.

[Nobodycares]

Women that base their entire identities around whether or not they've had sex, are somewhat shallow in my opinion.

[Nobodycares]

"I've had all kinds of sex. I love sex. I will continue to have sex, and I don't care, I just want men to entertain me until I'm old and unattractive." "I'm saving myself for marriage!" Both are opposite extremes. I wouldn't say they're unhealthy, but they lack character in an age that expects women to have equal independence to men.

[Pejtu]

Hell no what the fuck
Its 2020 not 1820 ...

[Asker]

HAHAHAHA

[Juxtapose]

This guy gets it.

[Bman4907]

So you made the decision to cut him off from sex because you want to wait, now you want to poll people to justify that decision. It seems like you are just being mean to your boyfriend at this point.

[Dchrls78104]

If course I would.

[crazy8000]

Most likely not since it wouldn't work and I'm not gonna get married anyway.

[glutendan]

There's no point in waiting, you've already had sex. Hopefully you two stay together.

[Trooper205]

I would stay! If She made that decision, I"d fall in love with her even more!!