I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than a year now but we haven’t gone full way and it’s my fault?

[WonderingElf]

I’m looking for some advice here I’ll try to explain the situation a little bit :)
So, um, before I started dating my boyfriend I never had any sexual interactions with anyone or myself. I used to rub my vagina but I didn’t think it was in a sexual way. For the most part, I stay over his house (he lives with his parents and sister) and even though everyone is friendly and nice we rarely are alone. His parents bedroom is next to his so I never really feel comfortable with moaning or whatever and I’m terrified of someone coming in. I am generally pretty uncomfortable and I feel really weird with my body and even though my boyfriend is really patient and he’s taking things slow I feel like I’m disappointing him more and more everyday. He has fingered me once or twice but it didn’t feel good, it was uncomfortable and painful and I generally feel weird when he’s around that area. I really really want to evolve our relationship but at the same time I am terrified and always panic and give up. I don’t want to force myself do anything but I too want to experience our relationship in a deeper level. I have tried masturbating myself but it hasn’t really worked. I’m very afraid to touch my vagina, especially cause of my nails - they are not very long but I have a fear of them hurting my vagina and stuff. I am looking for some advice or explanation to get a better understanding of what could help my situation. Thank you very much for your time!

[MrOracle]

You talk a lot about fear - you are clearly sexually repressed; having been taught (overtly or not) that sex is "bad." That's crap, and you do not need to be feeling guilt about being a sexual person - we (nearly) all are, and that's perfectly normal.

You also aren't out sleeping around - you have a long-term boyfriend and I'm sure you're going about this in a responsible way, so once those bases are covered, you shouldn't have any guilt.

It seems pretty clear that your hymen is intact - it's a ring of skin that rings the entrance to the vagina and reduces the size of the opening. Normally, when you are penetrated with a penis-sized object, the hymen will stretch and often tear, which can hurt and there can be some bleeding, but it heals quickly and then it's no longer in the way, and you no longer have that kind of pain during penetration. Every girl goes through that to some degree, but billions of women have gone through it before you - it's not that big a deal in the long run.

It would be helpful to you if you did learn to touch yourself, even if you don't insert anything. Most girls masturbate primarily by rubbing their clit or the skin around it, and you can do that even with long nails and not hurt anything. But learning your own body and what feels good to you will help you communicate with your boyfriend when the time comes to have sex with him - and that will help both of you have a better experience.

Stop worrying about your body - I promise you, your boyfriend is going to love your body and won't be looking at it with the same critical eye that you use, so there's no reason to have that kind of anxiety. He sounds like a good guy by your description, so trust him and let yourself be free. Being able to "let go" of those worries is so important to being able to really enjoy sex.

Speaking of that, it sounds like doing it at his parents' house isn't the best plan, so figure something else out. Do it at your house, or at a friend's, or find another solution. And TALK to your boyfriend and share all this stuff with him, and if he's the kind of guy you say he is, I'm sure he'd be understanding and willing to do whatever he needs to do to make things easier for you.

[WonderingElf]

Hey! Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me! I don’t know why I am oppressed, I have spent a lot of my childhood years in the hospital (due to some health issues) but other than that my parents or other people I interact with have never told me that sex is bad or anything of the matter. Great to know that nails won’t hurt me, I will try again without giving up the second I touch anything! I’m not afraid about my boyfriends perception of my body, we have seen each other naked plenty of times, and we love each other very much, thankfully! I guess I need to find a way to be ok with my body too though, maybe some exercise. My boyfriend is well aware of those things yet he is at a loss too, our lifestyle and budget doesn’t really allow us to find another private place to be, but I guess we could both start collecting some money and go somewhere together! Thank you again for your reply! It means a lot and you’ve been helpful!

[MrOracle]

You are old enjoy to rent a motel room, and you can get a decent one that isn't terribly expensive (even in the expensive Bay Area, I've gotten 3.5 star rooms for under $70 a night - check out Hotels. com or Trivago). That would get you away from everyone you know, and probably make things a lot more comfortable for you.

[reptocarl]

Bottom line is you’re just not ready. If you aren’t comfortable with your own body and can’t make yourself cum then you’re not ready. Don’t force it

[B_stuart1125]

I would explore yourself before letting him try to satisfy you. Sexy stuff is fun and there is no point of being uncomfortable, it will absolutely be awkward at first though, still is sometimes for me! Anyway, you will know when you are ready to take the next step with him and if he wants to stick around you, he will should be okay with your decision.

[WonderingElf]

Hey! Thanks for replying :) I have tried in the past but I don’t know what I’m doing but I guess I should keep it up and I’ll find a way

[B_stuart1125]

haha that's ok, you will learn what you like. If you are feeling adventurous you could watch some porn to get a few ideas, or if that makes you nervous you could just think sexy thoughts about your boyfriend, it helps!

[moststrangestguy]

Sex only happends when the girl lets it

[Anonymous]

Oh, gosh. Find another, more private place and get some KY jelly