Lose erection/erection quality during oral/handjob/sex? Insecurities take over and I literally don't know how to stop it?

Buckzor
So I had sex for the first time in MONTHS two nights ago with a girl i've been dating for pretty much the entirety of last week (saw her 5/7 days) - and that was good, it was decent sex and she enjoyed it but it made me insecure she didn't cum, and that I didn't really last very long. She is pretty honest and wouldn't lie if she didn't enjoy it so yeah.

Fast forward to last night, we go out for a nice dinner, get some ice cream, head back to hers and have a quick chat about the night then cuddle, kiss, and sex again.

But this time, I had a really hard time keeping my erection, literally as soon as I knew she wanted to have sex I got anxious, nervous and worried. Then she said "you can just do what you want, feel free to take control" which to me was more of her telling me TO DO IT rather than just telling me I can, which made me more nervous.

I kinda lost all confidence, the foreplay wasn't that great, I couldn't find the hole, kept falling out, couldn't get a good position for deep penetration or any rhythm because i'm not big enough, then I started to just lose my erection, she noticed, took the condom off and put some clothes on then like cuddles & supported me because she knew I was visibly upset.

How the fuck can I get better at this? I know i'm average in bed, I know I have fuck all experience, I know I don't have a big dick and that I simply don't know enough to satisfy her and i'm scared she won't want to date me anymore, because I really like her.

Help?
Lose erection/erection quality during oral/handjob/sex? Insecurities take over and I literally don't know how to stop it?
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