It would depend on so many factors!
How long ago was it, and how many times? If it was months or years ago and he's no longer doing that with her? Fine.
But if it was fairly recent or reoccurring, and they're still "friends," I'll admit I'd be somewhat wary.
Not only sleeping with him, but of him being friends with someone he's been intimate with.
For me, she must have quit him entirely. Being "friends" (with cuddling up/sex I guess) is like sharing her with another guy (in separated beds) and I'm not into that. #monogamy
I don't know, honestly... I'd probably feel weird about them and wonder if they still have sexual feelings for each other, specially if they are still close. I myself don't fuck friends so I can't understand that or have a free mind about it.
It'd bother me, yeah, but I might be able to live with it.
Now if they're still close friends with a legitimate ex, absolutely not, total deal breaker.
I would expect to know this before we were partners. If she was not forthcoming with that information, I would feel lied to and betrayed.
Honesty and openness are important to me, too.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!One of the shortest answers I have ever written - It would not bother me at all.
Why should it? Men and women need sex. Not in the way we need food, water and shelter, but it satisfies our basic evolutionary instincts.
If two people can satisfy that need, that is not particularly significant regardless of who they satisfy it with. Friends have a natural bond and part of why humans have sex is social bonding. A sense of connection.
That makes sex between close friends not at all that surprising when judged in an evolutionary context. Our instinct is to bond and make babies.
When we don't get that, we tend to seek it out. I know I have in my life. It would not surprise me at all that others have done the same.
What matters then is what my girlfriend and I share now. Not what we were seeking before we found each other.
Sorry, my English is a little weak. So I need to ask simple. Would you allow her to sleep with him CURRENTLY? Means, while you are together with her? Past is past to me, too. But at least I value openness.
@roland77 If we both agreed and knew about it, I would be fine with it. Indeed, in the early days of my relationship with my current girlfriend we were having sex with other people. It was only as our relationship developed that we realized that our best sex was the sex we had with each other. However, we each knew what the other was doing. If I discovered she was hiding a relationship from me, that would be different.
Okay, so your life-style is polygamy then? Mine is monogamy, that is why I was curious what you mean in easier words.
This is why I screen people before theu even think about being my partner. I sure I do not have to explain how I would feel about that.
Very jealous, for sure. Same here, that is why I don't share nor I'm polygamous. I'm actually monogamous.
It wouldn't bother me at all.
I would dump them and never explain the reason to them. There is no point
I am friends with all my exes, and probably any past "friend with benefits" as well. I'm glad my wife didn't see that as a deal breaker the way some responders do.
I've rarely hooked up with an ex and I've never been tempted to cheat. I think if I did cheat, it would be far less likely to happen with an ex or past friend with benefits than with someone new. So I don't really see past partners as a threat.
These days I'm biased. My wife and I have been together for 20 years and or relationship has always been open, so perhaps that makes you less interested in my opinion. But perhaps it also gives you an idea of the kind of trust our relationship is built on.
But perhaps none of this is why you're asking... I guess I don't know whether you feel threatened by your significant others other's former friend with benefits, or if you simply don't like that your significant other had sex with someone he or she didn't have a relationship with.
Either way, the answer is no, I would not be bothered at all, but if I knew why it might be bothering you I might be able to offer more helpful input to explain my opinion.
How is it even possible to cheat on your wife if you're in an open relationship? Isn't having sex with other people a regular thing during your relationship?
Well cheating isn't a thing for us now, but my relationships weren't open before my wife. When I said I was never tempted to cheat, I meant before her. I think deceiving your partner is going to lead to lies and a lack of trust. Some might get away with cheating, but all the stuff they do to cover it up is going to have consequences in their relationships. Also, I trust my wife enough that I know she'd never hide something, so I can't imagine thinking she's "cheated" on me, but I do believe you can be a swinger or have an open relationship and still cheat. I've met people who have a lot of freedom but still decide to go outside discussed boundaries and be dishonest about it. I've heard of people who sometimes give each other "hall passes" playing with an ex or someone who was supposed to be off limits, and we've been approached by "couples" who turned out to be a girl who doesn't play and a guy who wants to fuck my wife without his wife's knowledge or consent. Basically I think cheating is a lot more about intentional deception and behavior outside of what you know to be ok with your partner, than simply about the act of hooking up with someone else. But to try to get back on topic, I truly don't think the reason I'd be ok with my wife having been intimate with a friend before I came along is because our relationship is open. My relationship with my first serious girlfriend in college was not open, and she'd had friends with benefits before we got together. It wasn't a problem at all and I fell for her quite hard. We were faithful, monogamous and mostly happy for the duration of our relationship. When we broke up, neither her past not cheating had anything to do with it.
I wouldn't date them cause i dont trust that ex friends with benefits shit... the one i dated, i feel he ran back to her as soon as we broke up. Plus he cried when he had to end the friendship to be with me. Lmao i dont trust that
This question makes me wonder how my Ex's boyfriend feels about her hanging out with me.
by the way, I have no problem with my partner hanging out with an old friends with benefits or en Ex.
It would make me upset and uncomfortable. This is mainly because as a woman I know how women can be and they don't always have the best intentions. However, I am still very close friends with someone with whom I've had sex with before. My rule is "don't know, don't care". Now that does not apply to cheating, of course, but if it is something that really has nothing to do with my relationship and wouldn't benefit it at all, then it's not necessary for me to know. Like, I also don't need to know my partners # either. It's not going to make me feel better if they disclose that information to me. I don't plan on telling any person I'm with that I had relations with one of my closest friends because I just don't think it matters. I'm not with them for a reason so why create tension between two people I care about very much for something that happened long ago.
It's not the idea of who I'm with having sex with someone else. It's just that they are close to said person and I might not be told the whole story. I don't know how they might have felt when they first got together, if they did it multiple times, if one might have had feelings that were unreturned by the other. It would just be better to not know for me. That way I don't ever have to wonder.
it depends if they are still talking or anything that gives them mre time together than they are spending more time with you.
Between A & D
I’m a jealous person, it would initially bother me and make feel at odds. It also depend on the situation - what was the time frame (Recent/long ago)? How frequent? Was there also emotional involvement? I get he was single and experimenting as to why I wouldn’t be as awkward or upset; but it’s still weird because they are “close friends”... it also depends on his responses on the topic. If he gets defensive or any red flags shows, I learned that instead of staying to put up with what I can’t or make sense of the uncomfortable was... ima just walk away.
However, if it was long ago and no emotional involvement.. his responses seem genuine and legit... depending on the situation... I would still feel kinda uncomfortable to just be real, but also be cool to carry on and not worry if he’s just all about me currently.
Wouldn't care. He was single then, it was not my business and as long as he's not doing stuff with them behind my back, then why should I throw a tantrum over who he used to do stuff with.
I'm not the jealous kind. I wouldn't expect him to get upset over who I used to sleep with either. Like, the past is the past... live in the present I say.
And I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, but in my opinion, I feel like being jealous or having a tantrum over something that happened when he was SINGLE, is kinda awkward and controlling. Like, I get it, he's yours now, but he wasn't then. You can't blame or judge him for having attraction or experimenting when he wasn't with you. You weren't even on the scene. Like, give them a break. If he's being faithful and you're being jealous over them, you should really consider what you're doing and if you should be in a relationship while acting that way.
So if I would be with you, theoretically, can I still sleep at my ex' apartment, cuddled up with her? Sure, I won't do that as I don't want it in her (my current girlfriend agrees with me), too. #monogamy
@roland77 That makes no sense. If you were monogamous, you wouldn't be sleeping at your ex's house. Also, this question was nothing to do with an ex partner, it was aimed at a close friend who your partner done stuff with. So long as it was a past thing... why make it a current issue?
No big deal we can have sex with whomever we want at the time. Hopefully it was fun with great orgasms!
Past is past. If it is over now, then why worry?
Yes, IF it is over. And if not? I'm monogamous, out she is!
It would bother me, but I'm a fairly jealous person.
Honestly it wouldn't bother me to much if it was a few years or longer before I even got with them
PHEW. Read that wrong and voted A. Thought it said if it was MY close friend. If it was their close friend then it wouldn't bother me at all
👌👌👌
It would be ok as long as they were finished but I would have my eye on them making sure it was before us... And not happening again...
Not going to lie, I'd have some hang ups about it.
I voted B. As long as they were single at the time and they weren’t still doing it. I might be a little wary of that friend though. Wbu?
I've been in these shoes, and really it's not that bothersome considering we're all adults 'sex' happens and then things move on.. being 'friends' strictly friends that is, just know the possibility is and was on the table.
This is honestly a, case by case basis. I wouldn't say go in with your guns blazin'
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