For me, she must have quit him entirely. Being "friends" (with cuddling up/sex I guess) is like sharing her with another guy (in separated beds) and I'm not into that. #monogamy
Honesty and openness are important to me, too.
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How is it even possible to cheat on your wife if you're in an open relationship? Isn't having sex with other people a regular thing during your relationship?
Well cheating isn't a thing for us now, but my relationships weren't open before my wife. When I said I was never tempted to cheat, I meant before her. I think deceiving your partner is going to lead to lies and a lack of trust. Some might get away with cheating, but all the stuff they do to cover it up is going to have consequences in their relationships.Also, I trust my wife enough that I know she'd never hide something, so I can't imagine thinking she's "cheated" on me, but I do believe you can be a swinger or have an open relationship and still cheat. I've met people who have a lot of freedom but still decide to go outside discussed boundaries and be dishonest about it. I've heard of people who sometimes give each other "hall passes" playing with an ex or someone who was supposed to be off limits, and we've been approached by "couples" who turned out to be a girl who doesn't play and a guy who wants to fuck my wife without his wife's knowledge or consent. Basically I think cheating is a lot more about intentional deception and behavior outside of what you know to be ok with your partner, than simply about the act of hooking up with someone else.But to try to get back on topic, I truly don't think the reason I'd be ok with my wife having been intimate with a friend before I came along is because our relationship is open. My relationship with my first serious girlfriend in college was not open, and she'd had friends with benefits before we got together. It wasn't a problem at all and I fell for her quite hard. We were faithful, monogamous and mostly happy for the duration of our relationship. When we broke up, neither her past not cheating had anything to do with it.
Sorry, my English is a little weak. So I need to ask simple. Would you allow her to sleep with him CURRENTLY? Means, while you are together with her? Past is past to me, too. But at least I value openness.
@roland77 If we both agreed and knew about it, I would be fine with it. Indeed, in the early days of my relationship with my current girlfriend we were having sex with other people. It was only as our relationship developed that we realized that our best sex was the sex we had with each other. However, we each knew what the other was doing. If I discovered she was hiding a relationship from me, that would be different.
Okay, so your life-style is polygamy then? Mine is monogamy, that is why I was curious what you mean in easier words.
@roland77 Not at all. It was for a time for reasons that I will not go into here. However, my girlfriend and I are exclusive and have been except for a period in our early days together.
Ah, just trying out then. I guess when I was ~18 years old (not now anymore, monogamy) I would try it out as this would be normal in finding sexuality direction (s).
@roland77 Well, there is more to my story then that, but we are past it. We call it our "wild and crazy" stage, but particularly as the parents of three children, my girlfriend and I are well past it now.
Ah, okay. :)
And I don't want to offend anyone by saying this, but in my opinion, I feel like being jealous or having a tantrum over something that happened when he was SINGLE, is kinda awkward and controlling. Like, I get it, he's yours now, but he wasn't then. You can't blame or judge him for having attraction or experimenting when he wasn't with you. You weren't even on the scene. Like, give them a break. If he's being faithful and you're being jealous over them, you should really consider what you're doing and if you should be in a relationship while acting that way.
So if I would be with you, theoretically, can I still sleep at my ex' apartment, cuddled up with her? Sure, I won't do that as I don't want it in her (my current girlfriend agrees with me), too. #monogamy
@roland77 That makes no sense. If you were monogamous, you wouldn't be sleeping at your ex's house. Also, this question was nothing to do with an ex partner, it was aimed at a close friend who your partner done stuff with. So long as it was a past thing... why make it a current issue?
The OP, even says - but they weren't in a relationship.
Yes, exactly. I won't do it because of monogamy (I cannot share my partner, to much jealousy). And past is also past with me. I think I picked it up from others, who are saying "if she is past, it is okay but still with him while with me is not okay."
Yes, I'm monogamous, it would for sure end our relationship.
Feminists 3.0 told them to do so: They are "allowed" to do whatever they want to do. I asked them about cheating, guess what I got back? No clear answer.
It is your right to be jealous! I'm a jealous person, too. And I'm monogamous, I don't share my partner. If it is past, it is past, not present (sharing partner).
@roland77 exactly, I feel like you need to let go of all romatic/intimate relationships before starting something with someone new. That spot is only supposed to be for your partner, fully.
Yes, I "dis-loved" her before I turned myself to a new lady. Honest and 101% loyal here. Technically she was not loyal as she dated someone online (FB) but socially I didn't show her much feelings but with an explanation (she blamed me a lot for almost all and I didn't had the guts and balls to stand up).
@roland77 wow that sucks. Keep your head up! We're not all bad
Yeah, sure. I'm in social therapy (reintegrative for my emotions to come back, I have them back BTW).
Very jealous, for sure. Same here, that is why I don't share nor I'm polygamous. I'm actually monogamous.
Couldn't agree more.
And emotions like jealousy.
And afterwords? Means when you are with her?
I also cannot stand it, that my girlfriend would be befriended still with her ex, to much jealousy when she wants to "only visit" him.
Yeah goes back to the whole jelous type thing. There is no such thing. Either you care about someone and people he/she sees, or you just dont care
Yes, IF it is over. And if not? I'm monogamous, out she is!
Same here. To much polygamous people here, I guess.
Same here, what am I to her then? Just a fuck-buddy or a walking ATM or a free hotel room provider? I'm #monogamous and I cannot share my partner. If she thinks she can sleep at her close-friend's bed, out she is with me as things like sex and hugs/kisses can happen.Sure she would be allowed to do whatever she wants, just she needs to know that her actions have consequences.