Girlfriend wants sex but won't even give me a handjob?

[SomeoneBlue]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 months and she brought up wanting to have sex. I finger her fairly often and occasionally do oral. But the thing is we are both very new to doing this, both virgins, with not a lot of experience. I have no idea why she is ready for sex but not ready to give a handjob. I feel weird and all about having sex if she doesn't feel comfortable doing a handjob. I asked her about it and she said she has thought about doing it and wants to but can't bring herself to do it. I've asked if I did something to make her feel uncomfortable and am not pressuring her but I want to know why this maybe the case? I thought if anything starting slow would be good, but she wants to skip some steps that help me get my head around having sex. She said she has never been in a guys pants, only touched above when other boyfriend forced her to. Maybe the fact that she has been forced to do things in the past it makes her scared for now?

Also, age of consent where I am is 16. FYI for those saying I should wait until legal, etc. I am taking my time with her and surprisingly the one wanting to go slower.

[lopaDope67]

Girls don't know how to give handjobs they always take choke the chicken too literally, like woman you're hurting me please stop. So you're not missing out on much, just ask for head instead

[SomeoneBlue]

She has a massive gag reflex, and can barely brush her teeth sometimes. Thats why I suggested a handjob.

[lopaDope67]

I've gotten thrown up on there because of that so I can see your point

[SomeoneBlue]

Even if that did happen I dont imagine myself being upset with her, I understand things happen. But it would be nice to receive something too considering blue balls hurt. I suggested her sending nudes but she took it the wrong way and was all emotional about it, possibly because she is on her period. She is very self conscious even though she looks amazing and I tell her that. Again, I didn't want to pressure her and it was just a suggestion, but it would be nice to get relief sometimes.

[barni10]

Girls naturally feel shy and virgin they won't allow soon. They will feel unsafe and will become fear to touch. Because boys private part will be bigger during that time

[SomeoneBlue]

Then why would she be ready for sex but not ready for handjob, for me it just seems so backwards, especially from a virgin.

[Arichip]

Just tell what you would want from her sometime but dont pressure and she will want to do more I think
Sounds like some fun things are happening

[SomeoneBlue]

What do you mean tell her what I want? I tried suggesting it and stuff and she told me she wants to but can't. But she's ready for sex, which confuses me. I tried putting her hand on the elastic part of my boxers but she just left it there. I thought maybe her fear was just putting her hand there and she would feel more comfortable once it was there but she wasn't.

[Arichip]

My first boyfriend took my hand and held it and just showed me how what he wanted to be touched and what to do. Will she let you do that?

[SomeoneBlue]

Not sure, I dont want her to feel pressured. And she is on her period rn so I dont want to test trying it and have her all emotional. Maybe sometime tho. I will test the water.

[Arichip]

Ya just ask her if you take her hand and show her how to feel you and stuff

[SomeoneBlue]

Gotchu, thanks. Do find it odd that she is prepared for sex but not hand job?

[Arichip]

Ya I did that first then learned head then sex so I don't know lol

[SomeoneBlue]

Yeeeea. Thank you!

[ItsyBits]

That seems really strange. She might be being pressured to have sex by her friends and just wants to be able to say she's not a virgin anymore.

[SomeoneBlue]

I did not really think about that. I was talking to her about it and she said mostly because of past relationships and feeling forced in the past and not trusting her previous boyfriends. She says she trusts me but isn't used to trusting people so she is distant with that. At one point she said she didn't want to hurt me either. I dont believe her friends are pressuring, she always talks about being horny with me or texts me that she's horny, but she doesn't want to take nudes because she's scared of being judged. she's gone through a lot and her self confidence is low. I also brought up the nudes idea to replace me being sexually satisfied with her and still have something for when Im at home. But she took it the wrong way and was super emotional because she is on her period. I love her and won't ever force her to do anything but I want to be able to understand where she is coming from too, you know? Not sure if this made sense. Exam season and I think Im getting sick.

[Poppykate]

Sounds like she needs more time in getting comfortable around you.

[SomeoneBlue]

Yea, but why would she suggest sex then? doesn't sex require feeling more comfortable? She says she never felt this comfortable.

[duanemc86]

She's lazy and expects you to do all the work.

[SomeoneBlue]

Possible I guess. I think she is being genuine when she says her past relationships have scarred her from the future and current ones.