I’ve had casual sex twice. Does this make me a whore?

Question

I’m 21. I've had casual sex twice. I feel disgusting about it. The first guy was a one night stand. I lost my virginity to him. Happened 2 months before my 21st birthday. I had just begun drinking got pretty drunk & it happened. I had promised myself it wouldn’t happen again unless we were exclusive. The other guy I was friends with & was somewhat into him. He had been trying to have sex since I met him. For an entire year. But again I didn’t want sex unless we were committed. We hung out one day. In the moment I told him no several times he continued to touch me & kiss me & I just gave in. He wants to continue sex but I never wanted to have sex outside of a committed relationship. These are my only two sexual experiences but I can’t believe I lost my virginity in a one night stand. Do you guys think this is disgusting? Do you think I’m a whore? Both encounters happened in 2019. The first in March the second in July. I haven’t had sex since.

RickPen · Accepted Answer

Character judgments are unecessary in this instance. Judging of actions may prove more beneficial.

You note being disgusted with yourself. Why? I detect an upbringing steeped in religion or demanding a strict adherence to a specific moral code and perfectionism, and I suspect this is at the heart of the matter, but would love to discuss.

Drinking is often a dangerous game, and absolutely is in excess. Just my opinion based on experiences on which I won't expound.

It also seems like an issue with self worth and self image. For what it's worth, everyone makes mistakes, and the mistake is not the specific issue, but handling it responsibly is the mark of maturity. It seems that you have recognized something with which you're dissatisfied, and want some closure. I'm not sure that can happen just by the echo chamber that is so often the internet community.

The second instance shows a predatory guy who seduced you for his own selfish reason. I wouldn't seek a relationship with him for that reason, and his pushiness is a sign of a bully, with a potential for rape. Your response, and statement of why, show that you feared him, either for approval, or possibly more. That may also be a sign of histrionics or emotional issues clouding your judgment.

I wish you well in this, and invite you to chat. Your question and descriptions paint a picture of someone who has a specific moral compass, and is experiencing some of life's challenges, and working through them can be tough.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Hi, no I don't think that makes you a whore at all. In fact, the way you feel about the two times you've had casual sex shows me, that, you DEFINITELY ARE NOT a whore. Nor are you disgusting.

I'm not going to lie. Personally, I can be pretty judgy on "does this make me a whore"--type questions. I am sometimes (often) a pretty harsh judge. And if I'm straight-up asked (like you're asking here)... I'll tell someone honestly what I think.

Even with my 'high standards' for whorish behaviour... I'm going to say DEFINITELY NOT in your case. I wouldn't hold that against you. And I can't see any guy thinking less of you for this.

The fact that you lost your virginity in a one-night stand which you regret is something to be pitied. Its really sad that you don't have a 'first-time' memory that's something you can feel good about. In no way does it mean that you're a whore.

I really think you need to try to let go of some of the guilt you're feeling. Any thought that these two casual sex experiences have somehow 'tainted you' in the eyes of future partners is just NOT accurate. You don't ever have to worry that a guy;s going to think you're a whore for this. Trust me... this really isn't bad so far as these things go. :)

Tkim84 · Accepted Answer

This is not a serious question right? It's 2020. And why would being a whore be a bad thing? As long as your not fucking a married man or another person in a relationship period and or the other common sense of no-goes then being a whore is just in a sense enjoying the finer things in life. You only got this one life so why not have fun while you can or until you settle down and have a family. Being a white is all opinion based and chicks always get a bad rap for doing the same shit a dude does. Really though how else will you learn what you like and don't etc if you don't try the buffet?

PinkPenguin · Accepted Answer

No, a whore is a shameful name for a prostitute getting paid for having sex.
You can have casual sex with 100s of guys, it will still not make you a whore, no matter how many people try to shame you into thinking you are.

I get what you want though, you want to have sex while sharing a commited relationship. It can be hard in 2020, but not impossible. You just have to be clear on what you want and seek, and not waver when a guy ask you for a 100th time to have sex. Stand up to yourself, and there will be guys out there honoring you for it.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

No, I don't think so. However, you do need to work on your boundaries and not caving into guys when you feel uncomfortable with the idea and they won't listen to the word "no".

Love2Jackit · Answer

You are not a whore. I know why u think u would be one. Just cause u had sex with 2 different guys. That doesn't make u a whore. All that makes is a woman who is a little curious. Along with making a bad choice. Be glad u didn't get pregnant. Now that would have been a life changing moment. I say do what makes u happy. Meaning if u want 2 have sex. Then go get u some experience. Don't let what somebody else says bother u one bit. Reason I say that u r always going 2 have haters.

razelove · Answer

Yeah, the long story is completely unnecessary. You're not a slut. I had been married and divorced already at your age, and lost count of women I slept with, most of those encounters casual. I never think of myself as a slut. I never think of anyone as a slut or thot for that matter. Different people have different desires that change over time.

Don't shame yourself for wanting physical touch and feeling, also it sounds like both experiences weren't entirely consensual. I'd think long and hard on that part first. No means no.

PondyPand · Answer

No.
To be fair, even if you get called a slut and such, it's not an insult unless you let it. It's just a word that describes if you're having lots of sex with strangers, which again isn't anything bad. Long as you're being careful.

KeziL · Answer

dude it's whatever. 2 is hardly a number to call yourself a whore over.

bubbles328 · Answer

Most certainly not! did you want it? did it feel right? I think you can sleep with who you want when you want and it is not up to anyone to say you're right or wrong! Also your profile says you are in your 30's I am confused

rud0_88 · Answer

Are you asking this 10+ years later?

MrKinktastic · Answer

You’re barely past the prude stage at two casual lovers, I really would t worry about that part of it.

If you’re finding guys want sex but won’t date you, I’m sorry to say that’s a pretty common problem. I’d keep doing what you’re doing and keep trying to meet someone who wants to keep you around. Developing interesting hobbies helps.

tony1970 · Answer

No your not far from it we're raised to look at sex as dirt and wrong its not we have the ability to have sex when ever we wish so the urge the desire will arise no pun intended someday you'll meet that person who you'll want to be with and no one else so don't feel like like that just please be careful use protection and be careful with the people you choose to be intimate with

4eyes2mouths · Answer

If you enjoy sex then have it. I don't find anyone a whore. Just have fun and do what makes you feel comfortable.

wankiam · Answer

no...

slatyb · Answer

Did you do it for money? No? Then no. Forget about this. Everyone has a first time. Sometimes it’s a great memory, sometimes not. In the future only have sex because you definitely want it. Good luck.

Miristheiss · Answer

Technically it makes you a slut. Whores get paid for sexual favors.

Dargil · Answer

No, but it would be headed in the wrong direction if you kept at it.

Shiver · Answer

No, you're not a whore. Why would you even think that?

BagoH · Answer

Stop fighting your own intentions. You're not a whore for that. You like having casual sex you enjoy it and you know it. Stop fighting your nature and enjoy it while it lasts 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️.

4mazing · Answer

Of course you aren't a whore.

MackToday · Answer

Ya pretty much disgusting, that along with the drinking and hanging out with men you knew were creeps. You don't seem to have much impulse control and you don't seem to have any foresight.

Laozi · Answer

Nope. It does not make you whore. You're being what you're- a human being. Sometimes shit happens. So what if you loose your virginity at one night stand. Or in a weak moment you let a friend to fuck you. It happened to many people. It's really ok. Don't be disappointed with two bad moments. Life has many things to offer. Just ignore the past because you can't change it. Both the guys are not worthy for you. So, find someone who find your personality more attractive than your pussy. It's your life and as long as you you're happy, everything else doesn't matter.