Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I had sex with two guys at the same time and don't know how to tell one of them. What should I do?

I am desperately in need of advice and opinions.
I met a guy on Tinder a few months ago. Let's call him Julien. We met and ended up liking eachother. We had sex a few times after that. But we never talked about where the thing between us was going. So I assumed it was casual sex even if I had started getting attached to him and liking him a bit more than a casual sex partner should. He went away for a week, and it became a mess since then. While he was away, we texted and talked to eachother. At some point, I realized I missed him and went on Tinder to look at his photos. I then noticed that his profile had changed, and immediately thought he was seeing other people. It freaked me out because I had started developing feelings for him. Thus, I decided to meet other people as well. And I told him about it. His reaction was not what I had expected it to be. He said I hurt him. Well, that made me change my mind for a while and I didn't see anyone else. When he came back from his trip, we still did not meet even though we live in the same town and text every day. I felt confused and disappointed. I decided to see someone else after all. And I had sex with that someone else. Julien asked me where I was that day and I lied. I said I was meeting a friend outside of town. I couldn't tell him the truth. Even now, I can't. And he knows actually. He always tells me that messed up. And I can't own my mistake. Now we still talk sometimes and I still think about him all the time. Today I decided to let him know about how i felt during these last months, and confessed my huge crush on him. He said he likes me too, and that I messed up when I fucked the other guy.
How can I deal with this? I try to be as honest as I can normally. And I wasn't planning on lying to him. I don't know why I lied... I guess I knew I had made a mistake and the consequence would be losing him. And I really care a lot about him and don't want to lose him. How can I fix my mistake? And how can I tell him?
0 5

Most Helpful Girls

  • "I then noticed that his profile had changed, and immediately thought he was seeing other people. It freaked me out because I had started developing feelings for him."

    What I'd like to know is what changed on his profile that "freaked" you out? Did he put gigolo for hire on it or something? More than likely it was nothing worth freaking out about but because you're insecure you saw something that didn't legitimately exist.

    And he's right. You screwed up. You made stupid assumptions on likely nothing legitimate and now you're laying in the bed you made yourself. What's the deal? Move on and give Julien his freedom instead of bothering the poor guy.

    You see this is what makes a REAL relationship. CONVERSATIONS. If you were confused or concerned instead of jumping to conclusions and screwing yourself over you should have simply asked him what's up.

    • I couldn't help but feel judged reading this. It offends me. Yet, it's true. You are right. Only truth hurts indeed. Thank you.

  • Explain to him that you did not know or think he wanted to be exclusive. It sounds like you thought he was seeing others too. If you hadn't had the relationship talk it is hard to know where you both stand.
    In the end you sound sorry, I guess you just have to be upfront about your feelings and ask if he can forgive you. I hope it can be resolved

    • Thank you. It's all very confusing. I guess we simply need to talk about it. And let's be honest I don't really have hope about this relationship or whatever it is going anywhere.

Most Helpful Guys

  • First of all you didn't mess anything up. If he wasn't honest with you about where the relationship was or where he wanted it. It is his fault. You had every right to move on in a way if you didn't know where it was going. You don't have to wait around for him to make up his mind. You either want her or you don't. Its not that hard.

    • I still feel responsible because I didn't let him know about how I felt out of fear from rejection and just went ahead and had sex with someone else instead. Thank you for your opinion though.

    • I understand. But don't let him put it all on you.

    • Don't worry 😁. Thanks a lot your reply is very helpful

  • Tell him you messed up.
    Tell him that you lied.
    Tell him you are sorry.
    Tell him you will not do it again.
    Tell him you like him.
    Tell him you'll make it up to him.
    Tell him you want to start the relationship right.

    • I'm not sure about the "start the relationship right" bit. I can't really afford one because I'm where I am for just a year. I don't know where I will be in the future and don't want a relationship with someone who is far away

    • If it was me and the girl I liked had sex with another girl I wouldn't accept that I would feel emotionally betrayed so I don't think your advice will work

    • From my own perspective I feel like there's a huge lack of communication between the two of us. I don't know what's been going on in his mind and life this whole time. And as someone said in another comment, I am insecure. That's why I did it. It's not about having sex itself, I can satisfy myself. It's more about the fact that I wanted to take my mind off him because I liked him and didn't think it was mutual.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 14

  • I'm curious how he knew. Does he know the other guy or was he spying on you. Either way you weren't in an exclusive relationship so it shouldn't matter

    • I'm not sure how he knows...

  • Tell him the truth and explain how you will prevent that from happening again. You aren't exclusive with him, so it wasn't cheating.

    • Thank you

    • I hope it works out for you

    • Thanks a lot! I hope so too

  • I’m sorry but you can’t fix that one

  • Weren't y'all like not in a relationship when you slept with someone else? also this is one of the reasons why I don't believe in sleeping around.

  • Wow, you're one bona fide slut :)

  • So, he can fuck around, but doesn't 'allow' you to do the same thing. So stupid.

    • I'm not sure he does

  • If you had sex with 2 guys at the same time, then they already know!!

  • Doesn’t sound like you owe Julien anything. He fucks around. Why can’t you?

    • I don't know that for sure. It was just a feeling I had.

    • Men aren’t that complicated. If it looks like we’re cheating we prob are.

  • Thats the trouble. feelings and sensitivities are often too easily effected

    • Indeed

  • Oof slut alert

    • Seriously? 🙄

    • Yeah, very

  • Honestly you can't really you have already gone there had sex with another guy its a done deal he's gone treat this as a learning curve

    • That's what it is then. Thanks a lot!

  • Move on, learn from your mistakes.

    • Thank you. That's all I can do I guess.

    • Yes and communicate better in future.

    • Will do

  • Jesus Christ another branch swinging/ monkey branching fucking question. Here's a NOT so simple solution for you QUIT SPREADING YOUR LEGS

    • If this is what your answer is, here's my answer to you: mind your own business.

    • And here's my answer to your stupid reply KEEP YOUR FUCKING LEGS CLOSED YOU WHORE

  • hey, your actions, your business, not ours

    • I do own my actions. I was asking for advice. But thank you for the effort.

  • I don't get the problem. Fuck whover you want. He's doing the same thing.

    • Yep most probably 😁

  • First of all, this isn't 1950, and this was Tinder, not eharmony.
    There's nothing wrong with having multiple lovers. Just move on and have fun.

    • Some of us are not into polyamoury even if it's 2020.

    • True, but you are, so go with it.

    • I knew my statement would be taken against me. I'm not into it. I made a mistake and I realize that. Thanks a lot though. It's good to know that we all are different and that communicating about such things is key.

    • Show All

  • Well if he really likes you he should be able to get past it

    • Get past me having sex with someone else you mean?

    • Yes it's not like you guys were in a relationship at the time

    • That's what I think but I don't know how he sees it...

    • Show All

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