Has any girls/yourself felt too intense before achieving orgasm?

[Anonymous]

I've never had an orgasm before. My boyfriend tried stimulating my clitoris yesterday for the first time. I've always heard that orgasm is fantastic and all, but to my surprise, I started off by feeling pain first time he tried it (I'm physically sensitive but eventually I got used to it). And what's more, I got such intense feeling from him stimulating the clitoris that before I reach orgasm (whether it's far or close to it), I had to stop Because I wouldn't handle the intense feeling from the stimulation itself. Sometimes my muscles get really tight as well. I feel bad because I know he wanted me to orgasm. I told him he did a fantastic job especially since this is my first time, and I don't ever want him to feel bad or frustrated about it. But why am I having this problem of not being able to handle the intense feeling from the stimulation? What can I do to overcome it? I don't wanna lose my boyfriend or husband because of that and I want him to be happy :( Hope someone experienced out there can help me. Thanks a lot.

[willytheg]

Keep at it, you-and he- will get the hang of it. Did he try with his hand or mouth. A man's mouth is much more sensitive to the delicacy of you clit and inner labia. I have heard women tell me that some men who are well meaning but perhaps not as skillful, will think the battle is won just by finding your clit. Then they go to town on it like Rocky Balboa. Tell him to try alternating pressure. Too much stimulation of many women's clit"s is a common problem.

He should flick it every now and then with his tongue but concentrate on your less sensitive erogenous zones near your clit. He can indirectly massage your clit-again, much better with mouth than hand-with the hood that normally covers your clit (when you're not aroused). By indirectly stimulating it he will keep from making you to sensitive. Also, let him know. You can usually tell him "non-verbally-by the moans and sounds of pleasure you are making-don't be shy about being a little loud, it gives him feedback and also will turn him on even more. You can always tell him that you love getting his attention but you are quite sensitive. Then tell him that direct contact with your clit all the time is too much-like living on a diet of eclairs. Usually when you are about to come, you can handle a much greater amount of stimulation.

When you say you have never had an orgasm before, does that mean with another person? If you can easily achieve one via masturbation then it is simply a matter of training him. It's nice that you want to make him happy but your biggest concern is making yourself happy.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply and the kind words :) He tried with his finger. why isn't using the finger to stimulate a good idea? (though I understand your suggestion on using the tongue) And no I have NEVER achieved orgasm before. I hardly masturbate until recently.

[willytheg]

Your welcome, thanks for the response. His finger has callouses and fewer nerve ending than his tongue. He is unable to judge the amount of pressure as well with his finger as he is with his tongue. His tongue does a few other things as well, it supplies moisture when its necessary, it get his eyes involved. It's a beautiful world inside your labia and he will much more easily locate your clit, the hood of your clit-all of the info he needs to be a successful lover.

[Quadrophonic84]

Obviously I'm not female but my last girlfriend had never had an orgasm by the age of 20. I spent some time with her from when we were first physical just getting her totally comfortable with me so that there was no angst at all involved in our lovemaking. After a few weeks I knew she was totally at ease and I began to pay more attention to her - performing oral sex on her and drawing out foreplay a lot longer, interrupting sex to go back down on her, etc... After a few more weeks, I was able to make her achieve orgasm using a combination of fingering and licking, but not rough at all. It was pretty gentle in fact. She said afterward that she realizes now the problem is that she was always so tense before and wrapped up in her own head about what she was doing that she couldn't just lay back and enjoy it. I was glad to help her fix that.

I know everyone's different so I'd just advice you and him to both be patient with each other. Maybe you should experiment with sex toys like vibrators. So much of our sexual functioning is simply mental. It cannot function to full capacity unless you are in that place of full relaxation and your focus is in the moment.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your reply :)

[toosexualcat]

The thing about the clit is, that it's a sensitive beast. Go in too soft or too slow, nothing happens, too hard or too fast, it withdraws and makes you scream in the wrong way.

I suggest you do yourself first and THEN teach him how it's done. Start with little circles around it or on it, if you can take it... Now if that's too much, do other stuff first to get yourself more turned on. Touch around it but not on it, go in the vagina if that feels good, touch your breasts, whatever.

Then when you're ready, you touch the clit. A lot of girls do circular motions, some do back and forth motions (like sweeping across it) and some do a combination of both. It's easier to orgasm if you have double or triple stimulation. (the latter being super tricky)

Ie. breasts and clit or vag and clit or whatever else turns you on and clit. The triple would be all three of those areas. You obviously need help for the latter... unless you had a dildo that does it all and then you could do the breast thing.

Once you figure out what makes you tick, you tell the boyfriend, OK this is how it goes... it might take a while for him to learn and/or for you to teach but with patience, everything is possible. :)

btw, if you lose a husband/bf because of this, they weren't the right person anyway. A real love will be patient and help you, not leave you.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your reply, toosexualcat. I'm very inexperienced in this obviously. I thought the orgasm from clit stimulation is way lesser than the one from the vagina? And what do you mean by "it withdraws and makes you scream in the wrong way"? I also thought girls seem quite "OK" when they are stimulating their clit before getting an orgasm, but I moaned REAL loud and was pretty restless sometimes because the feeling from stimulation (not orgasm) was overwhelming :S

[toosexualcat]

No, the clit is way more intense than vaginal. Ie. Sticking a dildo up in there does feel good but not as good as clitoral stimulation. "scream the wrong way" as in it makes you want to scream in pain or horror, more or less. The moaning real loud and restless (ie writhing around) comes from the stress right before the O happens. That's why the french call it "little death" because you feel like you're dying. Everything tenses up into an explosion of some sort...once it's over, everythin

[toosexualcat]

just melts and you become a pile of goo. (if it's a really good one.) What you experienced, the tightening of muscles is normal but it can be painful, which means you need to back off a bit. Maybe let it calm down before starting up again and start gentler. Sometimes you build up more by doing it this way. Like teasing it to submission. Sounds bad, but it isn't.

[toosexualcat]

Oh I forgot to add, what I mean by withdraw is that it sucks up into your body more, like protecting itself. It does that after you orgasm too because it becomes SUPER sensitive then. I mean it's like you touch it right after and just about die it's so sensitive. Like pouring salt in a wound sensitive but not that horrible. I hope that made sense...

[Asker]

can the "the stress"/ "little death" be too intense of a feeling to even handle? I did pull out in one of the stimulating tries because my stomach muscles was feeling very very tensed and I didn't know whether it's normal. I know muscles will tense up, but how do we know whether we are tensing up too much that it's not normal or not good?

[toosexualcat]

if it hurts, you're stressing too much. If you're doing it too fast or too hard, I told you, it'll make you scream in the wrong way. If that happens, no problem. Just back off, touch something else on your body or sit for a moment and breathe. Then start again in a few mins. The stressing or muscle tension is hard but not painful... Think of it like holding a crunch for a while but not to the point where it hurts. It's a little intense but manageable.

[Asker]

Thank you very much toosexualcat :) I'll do as what you've said. Learnt quite a lot from you. There were so many things that you mentioned that I didn't know! Probably I didn't research or know enough about clit stimulation before it was done that caused me to feel that way as well. Thanks for the useful advice.

[toosexualcat]

if you want to keep asking later just inbox me. I'm happy to answer questions. :) Good Luck! :)

[Asker]

Oh by the way, my boyfriend did try to experiment on the touch in the beginning. He asked every time when he touched whether I felt pain or anything and try to correct it. He was quite patient actually. Just that I felt a bit bad because he's the sorta guy who wants the girl to feel good pleasures as well and I felt that I failed him :(

[MrOracle]

You didn't "fail him" at all. You're at the beginning of a fun and wonderful sexual adventure. Would a pirate movie be any fun if they got the treasure in the first 5 minutes? No, what makes it fun is the "getting there." You clearly don't want to try it yourself, and that's okay, but had you been practicing with yourself up to this point, you might have been comfortable enough to get there. Still, have fun with your BF, and don't be embarrassed or lie about where you are on your journey.

[MrOracle]

Let him know that you are making these discoveries together, for the first time, and that you appreciate his patience and attention. Work together towards the goal, but don't get too hung up on it. Try to enjoy each moment IN the moment, and relax and see where it takes you. He sounds like the perfect guy for the job. Those intense feelings you're getting are normal when you are getting close, but you have to be able to relax and give your body over to it. Relax and it will happen...

[Asker]

@ toosexualcat: Thanks a lot for the kind offer :)

[Asker]

@ MrOracle: Thanks a lot for the input :) You are right in a way about me. I didn't try stimulating the clit before this. Main reasons: I couldn't find my clit and I felt afraid to stimulate it wrongly, although I've explored stimulating other parts of my body before. He helped me to find my clit, and told me that he understood why I couldn't find it (coz it was pretty hidden beneath the skin and it wasn't obvious). I definitely feel more comfortable to try it by myself now after knowing more

[Asker]

@ MrOracle: Yes I genuinely praised and encouraged him because he was very patient and had done a very good job especially since I'm so inexperience in this. I'm not quite sure whether the intensity came from the wrong stimulation or how. The strange thing is that I really wanted the orgasm to come, but the strong intensity was too long for me to handle, or my muscles tensed up so much that I had to stop. Is it because of wrong way of stimulation, or is it because I'm not used to it yet?

[Lexxers]

I've just started masturbating recently with direct clitoral stimulation and I've noticed the same thing. Direct stimulation gives you more pain than pleasure and the only way to figure out what makes you feel good is to try it yourself. If you're not comfortable with masturbation ask your boyfriend to not touch your clit directly.

Also, after clitoral stimulation your clit will be sensitive even more than before. It's often difficult to continue to feel pleasure versus pain after the sensitivity becomes so much.

I'm sure if your boyfriend cares about you enough it won't matter to him that you haven't orgasmed. Part of the fun of sexual partners, I imagine, is being able to explore what makes each other feel the best, and having the satisfaction that you gave your partner that pleasure.

[lemonadeparty]

I would try doing it yourself first. While alone would be better. Most boys just don't do it right. Once you know how you like it, you can instruct him how to do it the way you like it.

If it's too intense you probably won't orgasm. He's probably doing it too hard, fast, w/e.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply. How would too intense make me probably won't orgasm? Do you mean that the intensity is too much for me to bear it even before I get the orgasm?

[lemonadeparty]

When it's too intense you can't just relax and enjoy it. It still feels great, but personally I've never been able to reach orgasm this way.

[Asker]

So I assume by personal experience you've been in such a situation so you know about it. I pulled out although I tried to achieve the orgasm because at one point my muscles were too tensed and I didn't know whether it's normal to feel such muscle tense. But I thought my muscles are suppose to tense up in the process of trying to achieve the orgasm?

[toosexualcat]

I'm guessing you (and him) were doing too much too soon. Ie too fast, too soon, to direct. That's why I said start touching the lips of the vag first, or the outer part of the clit, not straight on clit contact, that's too direct. Don't do it like they do in p0rnos, that's not how 'real women' get off.

[willytheg]

Great answer. I sometimes think that there is less desire to be sexually knowledgeable these days than when I was at that age. I had thought that the concept of "slut" no longer existed. I had also assumed that in 2011 every woman was going to demand a skilful enough lover to ensure that she was satisfied as often as he was. Many of the questions I read indicate othherwise.

[shay135]

jsut try to get through it keep going and if it gets super intense just make noise. that's what I do when it gets really intense, just scream if you wanna ha ha (try not to sound in pain though haha). also he might be going too hard with it or too fast or he's in the wrong place and pressing on a really sensative area. try it with yourself a little bit and find a place that ain't sensative and feels great. good luck

[Johanna_matt]

I've had the same problem. He's not doing it right. Boys usually get too excited and touch it too hard. It's not supposed to hurt.

[Asker]

Have you stimulated it yourself? How did you overcome that problem then?

[G_Day_Mate]

Maybe he stimulated it too directly. A lot of girls find it uncomfortable/painful. Have you ever masturbated?

[Asker]

No I have not masturbated. He tried touching it at different places. Either those places were not much stimulating or too stimulated.

[G_Day_Mate]

Did you have much foreplay?

[Asker]

Oh yes a lot. We had sexual contact before he started the clitoris stimulation. But because I couldn't achieve orgasm after we tried, I gave my first BJ to him and he got an orgasm :)

[Anonymous]

direct stimulation is painful you need to have him rub just to the right or left of it or better yet YOU need to do that so you can better show him what feels good to you.

[Asker]

Thanks luv. I didn't know direct stimulation is painful :S He tried gently rubbing at different places to test how I feel. It seems many people here have suggested to rub at the side instead. I haven't tried before so pretty clueless about this. And I've also heard many people said that usually girls are the one who know how to stimulate themselves the best too!

[willytheg]

Great answer.