Sexual Relationships
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Help need advice, I caught my husband wearing my lingerie?

I'VE been married for 11 years to a man I love. Some time ago, I discovered by accident that he likes to wear women's lingerie.

I arrived home early one night to discover him in some of mine, and was very taken aback. Initially, he said he was just experimenting, and was a bit embarrassed. I didn't believe him, and challenged him to tell me how much and how often - and eventually he admitted it was something he'd been doing for some time in secret.

Something made me ask him to let me see him wearing his favourites, and while I thought he looked funny in some things, I must admit his legs improved in tights.

Over the next few weeks, we discussed his liking for lingerie, and I reluctantly agreed to tolerate it, on the basis that he didn't overdo it or let anyone know. Occasionally, I agreed to allowing him wear something as part of foreplay, and must admit that his heightened arousal greatly improved our sex life.

With our anniversary coming up, he tried to encourage me to buy some new items - including colours like red which I never buy, and I presumed he wanted them for himself as much as for me. I refused. I'm still a bit uncomfortable with him wearing my underwear, and wonder if this is something that will pass as he gets older. Or should I be willing to buy him what he wants, for his own use? He says he's too shy to buy for himself.

I've heard this problem before, but never experience it. How common is it? Am I wrong to be even thinking of buying lingerie for him, and hence, in effect, encouraging his behaviour, especially as I cannot get over the fear of being embarrassed if someone should finds out?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This seems to be a question of other people finding out, rather than any personal objection to your husband's cross-dressing.

    On the contrary, you felt it improved your sex life. So I don't hear serious emotional opposition on your part. That's fine. But the issue of secrecy is a thorny one when it comes to cross-dressing.

    You are right when you say that in buying the lingerie, you will encourage your husband's behaviour. But thereality is that you're already encouraging it. Until now, he was confined in what he did on two counts - he wastoo shy to get underwear for himself; and he was keeping his cross-dressing hidden from you. Now you know about it, and have actively participated. So he hasn't just got acknowledgment from you and the relief of no longer having to hide, but he's also got your acceptance, and, indeed, encouragement.

    There is no obvious moral issue here. Cross-dressing is not a crime, or an old-fashioned sin. And society is increasingly treating it as merely a personal preference.

    The problem is that I don't believe that it is a preference, a simple choice - at least, not for everybody. For many, it is a compulsion. And cross-dressers will tell you they feel more relaxed, more complete in themselves, more confident, comforted, when they wear women's clothes. In fact, they'll tell you they feel a strong urge to do it.

    Like all compulsions, it can become harder to keep in check. Risk-taking behaviour is not uncommon, with men taking the chance of bosses finding out, the world at large finding out, the desire to cross-dress becoming more open and elaborate - like wearing women's clothes around the house, or dressing up and going out on the town.

    No, I'm not saying that your husband will follow this route. I don't know that. What I am saying is that I believe he may well be one of the men who find cross-dressing hard to resist - not done for fun, but out of emotional need. If he is, both you and he have a choice. You can attempt to tackle the emotions that drive him to cross-dress. Or you can shrug - as many are now doing - and simply say it's fine.

  • Ok so this is a bit complex

    It's not that common and it's not uncommon either, like I said it's complex, although its not something I'm into I just want to clarify that, I don't judge anybody who is.

    So let's deal with your comfort levels first, you say your ok with it so there is no harm the with you putting down some ground rules for when and where he wears things.

    He then has to compromise and accept that he's getting some of what he needs but maybe not all and that's for the good of the two of you.

    It takes balls, pardon the pun here, on your part to set the rules and boundaries and to make sure that he knows there is going to be an outcome if he doesn't agree to them.

    Furthermore I think that you should both try to explore where this desire or need in him has come from and what he gets out of it.

    For some men it's a link and enhances sexual play, for others it's a form of harmless self expression and nothing to do with sex.

    For those I know who do wear women's underwear and it is a kink, their wives have incorporated it into their sex and have explored further or at least as far as they want to and have said that they found it improved the sex. For others it didn't but this is something you're going to have to work through with him

    Best of luck

    • Great advice thanks,

    • Good reply. Liked good read

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 15

  • 🤮🤮 I'll take a real man thanks. You do whatever you want. I'd say if you're uncomfortable then buy him some of his own. I'd be buying all new ones of mine too, and burning all he'd worn.

  • Cross dressing is a super common fetish. It’s also one that faces the most shame/stigma for straight men.

    There’s no real way for anyone to find out if you keep it to the bedroom and have a lock on your door and you don’t talk about it in other settings.

    I went through a phase as a teen where I got off on the taboo/wrong feeling from women’s clothes, though grew out of it a few months later. For lots of guys they reject it hard early and the taboo/kink around it sticks anyways.

    As for what to do, do you have any fantasies he could help you fulfill since you’re being accommodating of his? Maybe role play to add another layer of novelty and to help you two explore other stuff you’re into. He may find other stuff he likes more you enjoy too once you start poking around.

    • If he’s still into it in his 40s though the odds are it’ll always be a part of his kink list

    • Thanks for the advice, I'll take it to heart

    • No sweat, I imagine it was quite the bombshell when you first found out!

    • Show All

  • Sorry this is weird.

  • If you're comfortable with his kinks, then don't worry about it. So long as it's kept between you guys, I don't see why there's any reason to be concerned.

  • crossdresser fetish. seems more and more common these days.

    then again before woman were allowed to do theater. guys would and still do often dress up in girls clothing.

    up until women joined the work force. it was rather uncommon to see a woman in pants or shorts even. most of the time they wore dresses and skirts.

    with todays standards. roughly 75% of guys clothing could be viewed as unisex. however only roughly about 50% of girls clothing could be viewed as unisex. at least to the outside world.

  • If the sex got better then go with it buy him some lingerie the next time you both get dressed in lingerie and have fun my wife and I have been doing this for years I wear mens string bikini underwear but they cost like $40.00 each then one day I tried on my wife's they were tight but the material was super comfortable so she got me a few from Victoria secrets string bikini smooth polyester material for everyday use 5 for $25 no lace or fancy stuff just one of then is leopard print we bought some of the new VS rhinestone brazilian panties they are for around the house only and for lingerie I have babydolls , teddys, and some costumes the other night we got into some super hot sex and fell asleep wearing my babydoll when woke up I went downstairs for breakfast poolside very private yard in my babydoll wife side I looked sexy we had our breakfast in our lingerie outside and ended up having sex other day bed we had sex 2 more times that day she is thinking about getting me a new outfit with garters and thighhighs just go with it and see how much better your new open life will be

  • Dont worry until he starts putting on makeup and wigs I would say.

  • It would seem he gets great enjoyment. I would say carry on...

  • The only concern you should be worried about is, did he look better in your lingerie? 😗😂

  • Tell him to buy his own

    • Is this common for men to do

    • Sounds creepy but if you don’t mind it’s ok

  • Let him know you don't approve.

  • I believe in your instincts and so should you. Its wrong but it's up to you if you want to put up with it

  • I get the thrill of tight women’s panties pinning the cock. But I’m not sure I’d do it outside of the bedroom. My ex used to put them on me and it turned us both on, but I’ve never done it for my own pleasure

  • Either he's closet gay or your not wearing it enough. Time for a talk

  • Did you know, heels, and skirts, were originally meant, for men. Created by, and meant for men.. women just, sort of, did what they usually do with male things..

    TOOK IT OVER

    • Funny, but some how I think your right

    • Yep!

  • I have heard of this quite often and it’s not a big deal especially if it helps your sex life more, it’s the same as using toys to spice things up, things tend to get old and you always need something new to make interesting again, once you accept it I think eventually he might want to try something else

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