22 years old, never had a girlfriend and feeling hopeless?

[Brandon_Mau]

So I'm a 22 year old college student but I've never had a girlfriend. I have friends and relatives who are already married but I can't even get a date. All my life I've wanted a girl to call mine and show her how much she means to me but I guess I don't get to have that.

I do understand why a girl wouldn't be interested in me, there are so many reasons: I'm ugly (just look my profile pic), I'm only 5'7, I'm not interesting, I can't get a job, I'm shy, I don't know how to flirt, I'm not very smart, I'm overweight, I don't have a car, I'm a geek, I have no confidence, I treat women with respect (they want the bad guys). But the worst thing about me is my lack of dating and sexual experience. Even if by some miracle a girl actually did like me because of my lack of experience she'll be embarrassed of me and won't even want to be seen with me. She'll just see as the pathetic loser I am.

Sadly not even the kind words from my friends have helped me. My friends often tell me I'm one of the nicest guys they've ever met and any girl would be lucky to have me. But sometimes I wonder if they truly would be. I have also been told I won't be able to attract girls until I learn to be happy with myself. Don't get me I've recently realized why. A relationship will not make my insecurities go away, I will still think negatively of myself. Unfortunately all these years of girls never being interested in me have told me that I should not be happy with myself so I'm very sure that I will never learn to.

Honestly I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been unhappy for years now, I've self harmed and I've considered suicide. So now I think I'll just go to a prostitute to at least lose my virginity and then end my life. I'm tired of this suffering and I've lost all hope.

[Daniela1982]

One thing I have noticed is that a great personality rises above bad looks. You can look like a monkey's uncle, but if you have a shining personality people will look past that. Look at Abe Lincoln. He wasn't a handsome man by any means, yet he had a wife and the respect and admiration of millions of people. Instead of thinking negative thoughts just tell yourself you are a good person and believe what people have told you about your being nice and girls would love to have you. There is one thing I always advise people to do is to read a particular book that may help you a lot. It is called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - Dale Carnegie. You read that book and do what it says and you should have lots of friends and maybe more. What do you have to lose?

[Brandon_Mau]

Thank you for this advice. I really appreciate it. But I still do need to work on figuring how to be happy with myself and learn to believe that these negative thoughts I have aren't true. However, I just don't know where to start. I'm going to therapy but I feel that isn't enough.

[Daniela1982]

I told you where to start. Now you have to decide whether to take the advise or ignore it. You just keep heaping excuses on yourself and are your own worst critic. No one likes a negative person and avoids them. You have to start acting more positive, even if you don't feel like it. Sooner or later you will be feeling it for real.

[Brandon_Mau]

I’m so sorry. I should’ve read your response more clearly. That was my fault. I will try to see if I can find this book that you’ve recommended. I really don’t want to think negative, in fact I wasn’t always this way. I was happy with who I am before.

[Daniela1982]

So if you could be that person once, you can again.

[Brandon_Mau]

I found the book on Amazon for a cheap price. I’m gonna get it as soon as I can. Thank you again for the advice you’ve given, it’s very kind of you to say this.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure they'll be a girl for you. Yes that is true about your insecurities not going away even if you get a girlfriend. That happened to my ex boyfriend, he was surprised that I like him but his insecurities got in the way and tried to kill himself. I had to break up with him because he need professional help. So my advice is to work on your confidence and distract yourself with other things besides relationships. You got this and dont lose hope

[Brandon_Mau]

Thank you for this advice. I am trying to work on myself. I see a therapist every other week but I don't if it's completely helping me. I just feel lost

[Opinion Owner]

That's good, it's a start at least. And hey maybe some volunteer work could work or just talk to random people something fun that you wouldn't normally do.

[Brandon_Mau]

What kind of volunteer work? And I am actually not good at starting and keeping a conversation going, it's another thing I need to improve

[Opinion Owner]

Any volunteer work you would like to try. And talking is a little difficult if your shy, but you just need a push. Just start saying "good morning or good afternoon", "having a nice day", "nice shirt where did you get it from" stuff like that

[Brandon_Mau]

Thank you again for your advice. I really appreciate it. And I really don't want this to bother me but it isn't easy

[Opinion Owner]

Remember don't give up so easily, it is possible to overcome this. You just need to be just as stubborn as this problem

[Eridan]

I never had a girlfriend until I was almost 24. Now my body count is 6. Keep trying and it will happen.

[Brandon_Mau]

Thanks for sharing this with me. I am planning to try to put myself out there to find someone, hopefully I'll do this soon. I probably should've mentioned in my post that I actually haven't even been trying for almost 2 years. I think it's due to the fear of getting hurt again.

[Iron_Man]

You're still young yet keep your head up you'll find one one day

[Brandon_Mau]

Thank you for this. But how can I be happy with myself? Like I said know why I need to be but I just don't know how. It seems impossible.

[Iron_Man]

Suck it up you have no choice really. Seek out counseling

[Brandon_Mau]

I am actually currently seeing a therapist every other week.

[Iron_Man]

Why not every week?

[Brandon_Mau]

I think it's because they can't fit that into their schedule. I'm not too sure because I've never asked. When I said I was seeing a therapist, I meant one who works at my college.

[Iron_Man]

Do you take Medication for depression?

[Brandon_Mau]

Currently no, I used to but I stopped. I am really considering starting again though.

[Iron_Man]

I wish you the best of luck on that. Find things that you like to do to keep yourself busy. Eventually you'll snap, out of it

[Brandon_Mau]

Thanks again for the advice. I appreciate it and it's very kind of you to say this.

[Iron_Man]

You are very welcome and keep your head up

[SueShe]

If you self pity yourself, you are just going down in a spiral.

Rather than that, do something about it and become proactive. Work on your looks, your appearance, your presentation and the way others perceive you. A simple change in hairstyle or wardrobe helps a lot. You also have to work on your weight if you feel that you are overweight.

Your height of 5'7'' is not an issue since a whole number of guys are the same size. You have also to work on your self confidence and shyness. Nothing will happen if you are not working towards a change but you have to want it and stick to your plan.

[Brandon_Mau]

I'm trying to fix this. I go to therapy but other that I don't know what else to do.

[SueShe]

You can try to join a club or take up a hobby where you can meet people that have the same interests as you do. Often, you can meet ladies and when you have something in common to talk about, it is much easier to start a conversation.

[Brandon_Mau]

I actually currently am in a club at my university. There's not really a lot of clubs here that interest me. I do have hobbies but only a few, I am currently trying to find new ones.

[SueShe]

Well, you say you are a geek. I am sure that there must be ladies that have the same "geek attitude" and that you could start a conversation with.

[Brandon_Mau]

There probably are but the truth is a big problem I'm having lately that I forgot to mention is that I'm not finding any girls who are into the same things I am

[Iron_Man]

At Sueshe Congratulations on your 18th Birthday you never said a word about it that it was coming up

[SueShe]

@Iron_Man aww, thanks. But I see it more of a negative thing that a positive one, mainly here on GAG. I cannot use the argument that I am a child anymore and now I have to bear the consequences of being an adult. "Tempus fugit" as the Latin expression goes, "time flies :-)

[Iron_Man]

But your ready now to be a woman you'll adjust well. 👍😊

[Avicenna]

Lets see here- you're a geek and you're a university student. I sense some possibilities here.

[Brandon_Mau]

I don't understand what you mean

[Avicenna]

A university is the single easiest place to meet girls

[Brandon_Mau]

Oh. You do have a point. It's that there are A LOT of girls at my college. But it seems like they're all taken and aren't into the same things I am

[Avicenna]

They can't possibly all be in relationships

[Brandon_Mau]

I was just exaggerating. You are correct, there is no way every person is currently in a relationship. I just meant that it seems that way.

[Plitty-Tank]

Plenty of people at 22 never had girlfriends. It isn't a big deal.

[Brandon_Mau]

I really don't want it to bother me but it doesn't that pretty much everywhere I go I see couples. Sometimes I even end up walking behind one.

[Zexertio]

Just give up by now.