Your thoughts when your partner doesn't want you, sexually?

[Greenkitty]

So we have sex 3-5x per week

He feels as though I put less effort into turning him on so I've made sure to be on top of my game... But still feels like not enough.

When a night comes that I'm not in the mood he gets mad and we'll argue about it all night, until I give in.
He doesn't understand how I could possibly not be in the mood, and feels that I just don't want to put the effort in to getting in the mood.

He tells me he needs sex for stress relief and to make him feel close to me
But I'm left feeling used.
I hate these tantrums they put me so far off of wanting him and just make the problem worse.

[SueShe]

You are on the right path to a very toxic relation when sex is dominating the rest of the relation. That is totally unhealthy and intercourse 3 times a week is enormous.

I would have a serious talk with him to assess whether he is not addicted to sex. That is more frequent that people imagine and it would be advisable to see a therapist that could help him out of this vicious circle.

Not only is he taking advantage mentally and physically because if you have to give in to his addiction, I would see it almost as a rape since your opinion is not taken into consideration.

I would be very worried that one day, he may abuse of his power and physically force you beyond your defense capabilities.

[Greenkitty]

That is my consern. I was in an abusive relationship in the past and these fits are haunting. Therapy is a good suggestion, maybe for both of us.

[SueShe]

I would actually suggest to take therapy together because unfortunately, going alone will lead to some details not being rendered the proper way and a therapy is always helpful to both because both can learn from it. Also, guys will tend to reject to go to therapy alone as they don't see the need to go or feel offended that the girl sees something wrong in him.

[HearEm]

Sex should be something you're both excited about doing. That looks different for every couple, be it twice a day or twice a year - you just need to be on the same page and respect each other. When he turns it into something you owe him instead of something you enjoy together, it totally makes sense you're going to be turned off and want it less.

I think relationships can work with different libidos, but only if both partners respect each other. If he's throwing tantrums he's clearly not doing that, which means he is putting himself far before you. That's not a healthy basis for a relationship and if you don't see it changing, I think you should seriously consider getting out.

[AustinMan]

In a normal day, are you in the mood naturally or is it something that takes a lot of effort?

Do you actually enjoy sex when you're in to mood?

What're the major reasons you can't/won't get in the mood?

Are there things he could do to help you get in the mood more easily/more often.

[Greenkitty]

Yes, I actually enjoy sex but I don't need it, not often at least. Most days I don't walk around thinking about it but if I do I can very easily be in the mood. Reasons I'm not usually start with being tired or distracted with things I need or want to do. A lot of the problem is I am satisfied. For example last Saturday we had a fantastic middle of the night experience. The uphora of that intemacy is enough to hold me over for a few days even a week or so... Him on the other hand as soon as we wake up the next morning he is touching me and asking for more. Things he could do would be relax me and get me in the mood rather than looking at me like "are you ready?" As soon as I put the kid down. He does help me with so much during the day to take stress off my plate but sometimes I just want to relax when I go to bed... Or actually go to sleep. And if he doesn't feel the same way it's a problem.

[AustinMan]

Thanks for the update. If you do submit, does the mood strike you once you're into things? Is he a really great lover? Does he over satisfy you? If he left you wanting, would it help wit the problem? I'm very much like him so I'm trying to learn here.

[Greenkitty]

Yes the stimulation does excite me physically, but mentally.. more often than not I'm just as much not in the mood as I was. Which is what leave me feeling dirty and used. Yes, he's very attentive and does his best to please me. We have a very strong spiritual connection, always have. Which really enhances the experience. I don't know if over satisfy is a thing lol. We talked last night, again... And he asked me the same thing. I don't think leaving me unsatisfied would help, then I'd be frustrated and if it happens too much would probably have the same effect.

[AustinMan]

I think I may have a little insight based on your last post but you tell me. When you say it makes you feel dirty and used, how can that happen if you see sex as a form of play and not a form of degradation? Playing just to play is fine and it sounds like if you'll let your body drive and will you mind to follow, a good time could be had by all. I firmly believe that there's a slut in every girl and his job is to drag her out to play so just play. Also, and forgive me if I'm re-covering ground here, but are you submissive sexually? How do you feel about that? Are you familiar with erotic pain and if so, do you enjoy it?

[Greenkitty]

It feels dirty because when my feelings are not being considered it feels as though I am being used. It takes away all of the love and intemacy of sex and turns it into him just trying to get off. The thing is even if I do end up enjoying it physically, mentally my head will not be in the game and I just feel hurt. Sexual styles and preference don't really matter here. I feel that if I want to or if I don't I should be able to make that decision for myself with worrying about a fit or worse. We talked again... This time not in the moment so the conversation went a lot better with us being clear headed... We'll see how it goes I suppose. Good luck to you

[AustinMan]

I'm here to chat either here or on DM. I get the feeling that if you were to try to find ways to get more sexual, you could do it pretty easily and things'll get better, probably a lot.

[boggboss]

Sit down and talk to him about it but I don't see this problom changing

[Greenkitty]

I've tried... And your right, so far it hasn't. All he does is blame my Birth control. Which, it may be messing with my drive... But I feel like the why shouldn't matter. He does everything else right. Don't want this to come between us. I get he might feel sad from the rejection... But is there not any other way for a guy to feel loved other than sex?

[boggboss]

Me and my girl are the same but I just learned to live and let live I wouldn't force her to have sex if she ain't in the mood as if she ain't having fun it would effect me having fun so it's interesting seeing this from the other perspective

[R4vedave]

He sounds like a man-child

[Plitty-Tank]

I assume she is not in the mood for sex and wait until the next day.

[Silence00]

Not mine... someone else is fucking probably servants.

[zoanero]

It's horrible. Destroys self esteem after a while

[leroy2020stubbler]

Then might be better as friend then partener unless not very sexal ether

[Anonymous]

Sorry but your his stress tied fuck toy not his girlfriend.

The reason is your not a night person so your not into it. Any guy who won't try to understand deserves worse while you deserve better never let someone force you.