I'd rather masturbate then have sex with my boyfriend. Anyone else?

Question

So we've been together for a year now, and sex is fun and all that. For some reason though I'd rather just masturbate when I'm in the mood and get it over with instead of going to my boyfriend and spending time with him. He takes a while to finish, like 20 minutes of straight penetration, and I do orgasm when we do have sex. It's just quicker to masturbate for me, it's like 3 minutes and it's over with. I'm one that would rather get it done and over with, that's what I've been taught my whole life instead of taking time. So I just masturbate to get it over with instead of having fun with my boyfriend. We can have sex maybe once or twice a week, which he wants it more often. Does anyone know how to just stop masturbating and have sex more instead? It's instinctual to just finish myself then to go to him for help.

justsimpleguy · Accepted Answer

Some people prefer to masturbate even though they are in a relationship and here are some reasons why:

No anxiety when one masturbates (other than the risk of getting caught if that is an issue in the relationship). Often anxiety is a big part of what comes from partner sex: anxiety about how I smell, how my body will perform, will my body perform, does my partner like me, my body, how my body reacts etc. For many people, unfortunately, relationship sex is filled with so much anxiety that it is not enjoyable
A person is tired and masturbation doesn't require the same level of effort, both mentally and physically to perform
It is not painful. For both men and women, relationship sex can be physically painful and the inability to resolve the pain or effectively discuss it with their partner leads to the desiring relationship sex less or avoiding it
A person is bored
A person is bored with their relationship and wants to play out a fantasy in their head
A person is stressed
Because they like it
They don't have to worry about getting rejected by their partner
Their partner is sick, has their period or just doesn't want it when the partner does
They want to do it quick or don't have the time required for relationship sex
Their partner is traveling or away from their partner
It's convenient, like in the shower in the morning or evening
It is their best attempt to remain faithful to the marriage because they are really unhappy and don't have anyway to resolve marital conflict outside the bedroom
They do not desire the kind of sex they will have with their partner
It's fun
They want to indulge in a fantasy that they are: too afraid, embarrassed or fear rejection from their partner to share with them
They just want an orgasm and they know how best to get there in the fastest way possible
To learn more about their own body and what they like and how to reach

Glenn603 · Accepted Answer

I’m single so only have casual sex, but I find when I’m having sex with somebody there is a bit of pressure to try to be as good as possible, first do it in this position and then that position etc to make sure she is getting off as well as me. But when I’m masturbating I can spend as long as I want to or finish myself off quickly of I want. I do think it is definitely easier to just do it to myself.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Most people complain when the sex is too short. I think you are maybe rushing through life and not enjoying the roses.

pajamasam · Answer

If sex takes too long, try and set aside time for it so you know you have plenty of time to enjoy. Sounds like you enjoy it but dont like that it takes so long. Try setting aside one evening just for sex and really take your time to enjoy it.

markscott · Answer

It's a matter of deciding, and determining, which is more important, you getting off the way you want to, alone by yourself. Or you and your boyfriend having sex, where you both get off, and you have the opportunity to bond and be closer together.