Guys, when should a girl you are going out with tell you she doesn't want to get too sexual too soon?

[roland77]

If she is never or very less into any sexual activities, then please let me know right from the start. It makes things much easier because my sex-drive is higher than average for my age. Simply because sexuality belongs into my relationships I form with women.

For me, as I understand women, they need an emotional "connection" (not the demi-way) to a male, means their emotions need to be answered with emotions from the male and not just the good XOR the bad ones, simply all. Then they want sex later on. It is okay with me, as I'm not purely for sex with her but sure it belongs naturally into such relationship (I'm heterosexual, high sex-drive).

Those who want sex to fast are maybe only after it or needy or both. And those can hurt women's emotions a lot, like it happened with an African lady I dated before my current girlfriend. She was used for sex only and he even didn't care for the child/birth-giving and would welcome abortion to continue have sex from her. She lost a lot trust in males then.

At this point, I can understand women, not wanting to have sex so soon. It is (also to me and maybe others, too) very intimate and very personal to do it. I'm not sticking my penis into a "glory hole" (still a female is behind the wall) or a sex-robot but I'm physically connected to a female.

[MrOracle]

I agree with @AustinMan but I would like to add that relationships are built on open and honest communication, and it's better if you set expectations early, but also show that progress is happening. Most guys who are looking for a relationship will be okay as long as there is some progression and as long as they understand what she is thinking.

Guys don't want to be used - for their time, attention, or money - anymore than girls want to be used for sex, so both are going to be a little uncertain at first, but some honest communication will go a long way to make both sides feel more comfortable and confident.

[SarahsSummer]

you should tell him at the moment when and if he is getting too sexual for your liking.

[AustinMan]

Below is a My Take that supports your position. What if you sit him down, away from all the making out, and just tell him that you need to see if the two of you can establish a strong emotional connection before sex goes on the table. Now this implies that you'll go through with it.

www.girlsaskguys.com/share-your-take?id=59202

[Dongtai]

Asap and be very clear. Don’t tell a guy you don’t want to rush Into sex when you really mean you’re

1. Asexual
2. Sex isn’t important to you
3. You dont like or want sex

For me, I would want to know what her stance is on sex and what it means to her in a relationship. Does she have sex to connect emotionally/physically? Or does she have sex because ‘that’s what people do in relationships’.

Be on the same page with that topic. If I was dating a girl who loved sex but wanted to wait, I’d respect it and wait. If she used sex as a tool to “keep” me or did it because she felt obligated, I wouldn’t want to be with her.

Tell him what sex means to you and learn what it means to him. Sex is a very important part of relationships and people take it way too lightly.

[razelove]

I'd say first date or beforehand. When I'm dating I take a shotgun approach and put time into talking to multiple women online. If we're not clicking on the first or second date, it's a waste of time and energy I could be expending elsewhere and other options have likely come up by then.

Not all guys take that approach, and I'm up front with women I'm talking to or dating that I am. You and I would be an awful match for instance, as you'd think of me as a horn-dog, and I'd think of you as a prude. Other guys who think differently would be your target there.

You might be better saying that beforehand, that it isn't 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date that you're sleeping with them, it's if and when you feel comfortable, and that will probably take a while. Or run the risk of dating a guy like me, hell, I showed up to one date, it felt off, she was going on about something, I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck this, and just left. Felt too forced.

[worldscolide]

Within the first few dates.. That having been said if you have an arbitrary amount of time rather than just going with the flow and being cautious, that's a red flag to me..

For example, I dated someone years ago, and she told me she would do anything sexual for 6 months, like she had a specific date... That was off-putting, not because of the time, it's because it was planned out and orchestrated. It showed me she was controlling.. I didn't have to break up with her either.. She decided to have a girls night, and decided to bring a few guys home to bang.. It's like so you're making me wait 6 months but you will take randos home to fuck.. Hell no...

[ecfresh]

If you are spending time as you should on the first few dates in public then it doesn’t need to be verbalized. However once it’s clear you are connecting and there is some sexual tension you will likely plan or end up making out in a private space. Whether that’s a date cooking dinner at his house or finding a semi private hammock on a beach; that’s when it is appropriate for both people to clearly that with words their sexual/physical barriers. One night I was making out on my couch with someone and she clearly said ‘ I am comfortable keeping everything above the waist tonight’. I agreed and it was great because I didn’t have to worry about breaking her comfort zone.

Any concerns with using your words when you can tell the possibility of private sexual activity is around the corner?

[RockSolidExorcist]

You can tell him whenever you feel like. I would only tell you not to bother too much about it. It's just in your head. The guy isn't even thinking that much maybe.

He is only moving with the flow. When he has sex in his mind, you'll know and that's when you can put across the red signal (only if that's the most appropriate option)

Personally, it's kind of hard to stop when you've gone past the first base haha. End of the day, it's your game. Play it the way you like. No judgements. I wish you all the good luck in life :)

[pajamasam]

I would be upfront with that. As soon as possible really. I understand that the first date you may not be sure that your gonna stick with him yet, but as soon as you can make it know that you want to take your time before you have sex, give him a reason why too, tell him you want to know him personally before sex, or that you like letting the tension build. But if your up front about it it will save you and him time, because if he's just looking to get laid he can get lost and leave you be.

[Shon81]

First of all don't feel self-conscious about bringing this up. Even if it's an awkward conversation, the uncomfort of the conversation will be magnitudes less than if it lead to something that made you actually uncomfortable.

My advice is to bring it up the next time things get intimate. Just casually ask if he's ok to take things slow until you feel ready. I think most guys are used to this kind of request. If he isn't, or pressures you just ditch him.

Most women need an emotional connection with their partner to be aroused. This may seem obvious but there was a long time that I did not understand this.

[Lliam]

I wouldn't go there unless he asks. If it reaches a point where he thinks it's time to consummate your relationship and you still don't feel ready, then have that conversation. Hopefully, though, you'll get to know him well enough to trust him and feel comfortable creating the ultimate bond.
It's nice that he is being respectful and isn't pressuring you but it would be a red flag if he isn't anxious to have sex. Hopefully you, yourself, will be anxious to have sex at some point.

[normalice]

Tricky. If you are too upfront about it, it may negate all thoughts men might have of their own sex appeal - or some may take it as an invitation to a challenge. But if you are too late they might think they weren't being taken seriously from the start and, having not been able to tell the difference, stop trusting you.

I'd say just don't mention it. If sex isn't a priority for you then you'll want a guy who also doesn't make it a priority. Otherwise one of you will certainly end up cheating on the other.

[nonratracereality]

Usually you start off as acquaintances and then progressing to friendship. When desire strikes you analyze and see if you are on the same page. There is no time schedule and you go as it goes. If you're feeling hot or attracted stimulated etc then the more patient you are the better the result regardless if it's the response you wanted or not. But at least you went accordingly no force no embarrassment no shame. Be right and it should work fine for everyone.

[Anonymous]

The conversation would need to be by date 2 or maybe 3, probably 2, because otherwise I will be misinterpreting her singles. Without the conversation, her slowing things down would be a sign she's simply not interested, and a message to me to move on. If she wants me to know that she IS physically interested but wants to delay it, she needs to tell me, so I can decide whether to trust her or not. If she doesn't say anything, I'd just take it as rejection and move on.

[Chaipa]

I can wait yes, if the girl don't want it, then i feel it pointless to have sex.
But it would be a frustration.
I may have to help myself as a substitute, i am not sure it is so healthy.
If i wait for ages, i may give up on that girl, too cold won't suit to me.

[MichaelLujan]

Man in my opinion, just wait till she's ready! 😂😂 I mean just get to know her first, become more comfortable with her and then when she's feeling it give her some of your love nectar bro. But real talk, I'd wait about 7 to 9 months before even asking that question

[RHK36]

Happens when it happens. You shouldn't put some timetable on it like it's a appointment for the dentist. Whenever both involved are comfortable is the right time. Good communication with each other is key.

[ChiTown33]

When he reaches for your goodies i'd say. A date is just that. There should never be any implied expectations beyond that i don't care what ridiculous arbitrary date rules people say they are. If she says "no". That means "NO". Get it fellas. If you can't handle that move on!

[TonyMetal_1986]

I chose other, because sex must come after marriage, also they should be thankfull that your letting them touching you and kissing...

Only a boyfriend in a serious relationship can touch you and kiss you but sex should be reserved for the honeymoon which is after marriage, if your not his wife than he have no rights to have sex with you or see you naked. That's my opinion.

[theCobbler]

Hands down, when it feels right ! Communication is the key, talk about it when it feels right , stick to your guns, at holding off , !
Especially Young men. Most are trying to notched on their belts , make it's right, and dam sure do t let the other pressure You !

[parjacpar]

People should never be pressured in to things they don't want to do as that is bullying.

Always good to talk openly about what you want from each other shame not all can

[Zweihander]

I used to care a lot but eventually I realized that girls are always going to want to wait longer than I'm wanting to wait so it doesn't matter. I already know what's coming so just say it when you feel like.

[Quidthonian]

With in the first few dates. Dating is designed to figure out what each side wants out of the relationship. Full blown relationship is a heavy investment in time and energy. I would want to find out sooner rather than later that her intentions are to use me as a body count.
I want something that lasts: I don't want a Ferrari, I prefer a Volkswagen.

[LeoTheCar]

Definitely want to be open about it. Timing is tricky, but don't think just because a guy is respectful means he won't want to get sexual soon if he doesn't realize you don't want to.

[markscott]

The guy needs to know fairly early on, though not right away. He needs to understand the parameters of a relationship with you, and to be fair to him, he needs to know soon.

[EXCITEUXCITESME]

Because it is only fair. If you keep rushing into something it won't be worth it. You want the special moment the last switching every time. Take the time to learn about each other.
It won't hurt either one of you. As a matter of fact, in most cases, you'll find out that it is going to be more satisfying. Take your time to love. Let it build up. If it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.

[ArrowheadSW]

If he makes some sort of move in that direction, then it is time to tell him. Earlier than that if you feel it is the right thing to do.

[lightbulb27]

I've had girls do that and it's when the time is right, around 2nd date or so when we are in a safe space.

[4mazing]

You should make it clear immediately, and if you use dating apps, it should be in your profile that you want to take it slow and aren't looking for hookups, etc.

[Dargil]

During the later negotiating stage before too much time and treasure are expended.
"too soon" should be clarified to my satisfaction.

[boggboss]

I would say within the first few dates would be best with things like this it's best that everyone is on the right page with communication

[Kriskringle69]

When all chemistry is there. It's very hard to fight off. If it's that strong. It should be super explosive and enjoyable long-lasting and probably going to be a long-term thing.

[Anonymous]

Girls who say this usually have had a history of quick fucking random guys and just say this as a caveat so they can pretend they have morals while they decide if he is going to do enough or give her enough to deserve pussy. Then when she gives it up within the first few dates or even minutes... she can say “Like, Omg, I never do this” which is an instant indication that she has fucked more random cock than a whore on nickel night.

[dthomas89]

For me, it wouldn't be necessary to tell me because I would be able to tell by her body signals. Her telling me, is only if she felt it really needed to be said

[Anonymous]

If I get to date number 5 or 6 and she’s still giving me the dreaded “take things slow” speech every time I make a move, it’s not going to work. I’m out.

[Nahid1707]

It’s a good question, i think she should talk about when she is ready
Sex is another part of relationships with others

[Furuok]

Told her I don't want sex, after seven years she says to me, "Thanks for wasting my time"

[Dchrls78104]

Safest to have that conversation as early as possible.

[Lunatic1]

As long as you don't come right out with it during the first date.

[Usernamesrdumb]

Let us know sooner than later, we aren't mind readers.

[Suhailadil89]

Don't say it... if its not obvious what u want.. he isn't the one worth waiting

[Steve37]

Definitely early in the relationship to manage his expectations.

[Ronnie43]

Not interested in moving at speed. I'll take things casually.

[Anonymous]

Tell him immediately and save yourself heartache and him money.

[JamesRandiDebates]

I'll tell her to give me a call when she's done playing the silly games and is ready to spread her legs.

[Shubhamgupta]

It's should be girl's choice on the first place wheather to have sex or not

[drrakesh]

Nothing like that. it depends on ur partner. And better be yourself then pretending to be someone else or restricting yourself

[Pazdin]

Whenever she wants to tell me , she can , it's up to her , when she is comfortable about it.

[Anonymous]

It's not necessary. It would be shown through body signals

The only reason to say it, would be if you felt it was necessary

[Phoenix98]

That's not really an issue for me to be honest.

[Snakeyes7]

ASAP! the sooner he knows the better.

[Liam_Hayden]

As soon as she wants.

[Lionboy79]

ASAP to avoid wrong expectations ;)

[MannySimms]

Never. You're 28? Stop using sex as a reward.

[termanator]

First date , that’s when I would tell her

[mikemassage]

I think the first date

[alance99]

Whenevet you feel is the right time for it

[R4vedave]

Second or third date

[Insightfull]

"decent respecful guys [...] won't try to rush me"

[Apurbo_Datta]

I can still wait for marriage

[Jamie05rhs]

Just put it on your profile.

[Rob19777]

And?