It is well documented that eating a diet that is high in meat, fat, alcohol and sugar is bad for erectile function, and that obesity can lead to impotence and real penis shrinkage. I have been slow but consistently losing weight throughout my marriage, and my husband has NEVER complained about my obesity... nonetheless I have been slowly losing weight. He has been gaining weight and it is definitely affecting our sex life. Additionally , his eating habits place him at higher risk for heart attack, stroke and cancer. We have already talked about the risk for mortality and that has not been very motivating for him. How can I talk with him about the penis shrinkage without alienating him? This is starting to affect our marriage. His size is down, his hardness is down, and his libido is down. Meanwhile, I am getting thinner and fitter over time and it is really difficult that as I feel more attractive, I hardly have any sexual attention from my husband. I do believe this is all medical and not relationship based. I wish he would adopt a plant based diet and lose weight so he could be healthier, live longer, and improve our sex life. I feel badly about wanting to bring this up with him because he NEVER said anything about my obesity. Then again, I was already doing something about it. I’m sure he must notice his penis is far smaller. When he is flaccid it feels the size of a grape in my hand... literally. The other morning when I reached under the sheets to give him a love pat, I almost couldn’t find his penis. It was shocking.
How would you all bring it up? Ask him if he has had urological issues? Tell him I’m concerned about his health, and that his size and performance issues are a window to his overall health, and that I’m worried?
I think I discovered an excellent resource that can help me approach this issue more compassionately and supportively! I found a podcast called Hard Comversations. Episode 17 is an interview with a researcher about ED and what behaviors and attitudes partners can have that are supportive of the relationship and preserve the man’s confidence and dignity,- and remove the pressure to perform. I think I’m going to start there.