My husband is in his sixties. He has gained a lot of weight. He has started having ED and penis is now shrinking. How can I talk to him about it?

[Anonymous]

It is well documented that eating a diet that is high in meat, fat, alcohol and sugar is bad for erectile function, and that obesity can lead to impotence and real penis shrinkage. I have been slow but consistently losing weight throughout my marriage, and my husband has NEVER complained about my obesity... nonetheless I have been slowly losing weight. He has been gaining weight and it is definitely affecting our sex life. Additionally , his eating habits place him at higher risk for heart attack, stroke and cancer. We have already talked about the risk for mortality and that has not been very motivating for him. How can I talk with him about the penis shrinkage without alienating him? This is starting to affect our marriage. His size is down, his hardness is down, and his libido is down. Meanwhile, I am getting thinner and fitter over time and it is really difficult that as I feel more attractive, I hardly have any sexual attention from my husband. I do believe this is all medical and not relationship based. I wish he would adopt a plant based diet and lose weight so he could be healthier, live longer, and improve our sex life. I feel badly about wanting to bring this up with him because he NEVER said anything about my obesity. Then again, I was already doing something about it. I’m sure he must notice his penis is far smaller. When he is flaccid it feels the size of a grape in my hand... literally. The other morning when I reached under the sheets to give him a love pat, I almost couldn’t find his penis. It was shocking.

[MrKinktastic]

It won’t be an easy thing for his ego to accept I won’t think. That said focusing on the positives (your dick will get bigger!) vs the negatives (you’re dick is shrinking to the point of being useless) but not ignoring the latter entirely is probs oh your best approach.

Odds are he will get defensive though as that’s a tough pill to swallow, give him time and don’t press once he gets defensive or it’ll just make him double down on it. If you handle a lot of the cooking yourself you could also start steering the food to healthier options like game meats/fish instead of fatty cuts of corn fed beef.

Two big ones for dropping fat are dropping grains (the WGA in it causes fat gain/increases hunger cravings) and milk products (again promotes weight gain, it’s supposed to help babies pack on the pounds when they’re first born). Exercise, especially walking in this case, might be something to try to get him into. I wouldn’t rely on exercise to drop weight alone though as diet is really the main factor there.

Making changes gradual helps too. Going straight from a typical western diet to actually eating food overnight would leave most people craving sweets and fats. It takes a bit for your body/microbiome to shift over to a new diet.

Having gone through caffeine, cannabis and sugar withdrawal I’ll say confidently that for me, the sugar cravings were by far the most intense of the three. Even tobacco gave me less of an urge to take more. Sugar is fairly addictive.

[Asker]

Thanks. We actually don’t live together full time due to a long distance marriage... so he’s on his own a lot. In a few years we will able to live full time together. Until then, I have been trying to make sure we have lots of healthy options when he comes to visit... but he takes those healthy foods I have prepared and he adds on tons of fat that he brings with him to my place. I’ve tried really hard not to pressure him or to be baggy or complain... I know each person must make their own decision independently... but this is heartbreaking for me. I also think it will make it more difficult for me to lose those last few pounds because the more attractive I become, the more attention other men give me, and the only person whose attention I want is HIS. 😢

[MrKinktastic]

Ah well I'm hoping he starts to sweeten up to the idea over time as he sees how much better you feel as you're getting fitter. It might also give him some hope he can do it. Is he competitive at all? Making little contests to stay accountable for exercising/diet can help once he is into the idea a bit more.

[Asker]

That’s a good idea. We are often very competitive in a fun way (cards, chess, whose short cut home is faster...). We have loads of fun that way.

[MrKinktastic]

Maybe if you pitch it as a way to help you keep motivated he might be more keen then? Having a competition about who can keep up on their exercise schedule with a prize/funishment of some kind for a week or month could be a way to make it fun. Finding a kind of exercise he actually enjoys doing is another way to help make sure he's not feeling pushed into something he doesn't want to do. It also makes it easier to keep motivated if you like the exercise you are doing.

[Asker]

Those are good ideas. There are a couple of activities we used to enjoy together.

[Slate69]

I'm there now things don't work like they should.
I do take testosterone shots and am a healthy eater in fair shape I have a healthy apatite for sex just Jr doesn't respond like he use to.
I've done shock wave therapy and have gained some girth from it and it has its good days last hours
And bad can't maintain an erection throughout intercourse goes soft before we've completed
Or can't cum at all.
So yes you need to talk to him and get him on a path to better health. Not only for the sex but for his life expectancy to longer to be able to please you in his 90's and beyond.

[SueShe]

You realize that all those issues that make you believe his libido and penis size are shrinking are only part of the truth.

At age 60, the libido is by far not as high anymore since the production of testosterone not the same as in his teenage years.

Testosterone levels reach their peak around age 18 or 19 before declining throughout the remainder of adulthood. Low testosterone levels can cause changes in sexual function, including

reduced sexual desire, or low libido
fewer spontaneous erections
impotence
erectile dysfunction (ED)
infertility

Other signs of low testosterone levels include:

changes in sleep patterns
difficulty concentrating
lack of motivation
reduced muscle bulk and strength
decreased bone density
large breasts in men
depression
fatigue

If low testosterone levels are one of the cause for these dysfunctions, then he could look into testosterone replacement therapy (TRT), although the FDA does not recommend it. I would nevertheless recommend you ask your husband to seek medical help to determine what his testosterone levels are and if measures have to be taken.

(data courtesy of healthline. com)

[Asker]

A lot of older men who eat a plant based diet and are fit say they don’t have erectile problems. I really think a lot of it is lifestyle... smoking, drinking, and obesity.

[SueShe]

Few conditions are not just the result of one single cause but the addition of a number of smaller causes, which, if taken individually, could impact the outcome.

[Asker]

Of course. I totally agree.

[SueShe]

Following your update, I would say that you could make a list of things that disturb you in your life as a couple. Prepare a list with issues that you think are important to you and come up with a solution that you know could be acceptable for him. Ask him to prepare a similar list, independently from yours and again, he should find solutions that he believes you can accept. Sit together and go over both lists. Try to find a consensus. Whatever the results, it is important never to accuse or to get angry. That will only result in the one or the other to get upset, to close like an oyster and to put up a defensive wall. You could suggest to do common light physical activities. If he sees that you are being proactive, he is more likely to agree.

[abc3643]

Welcome to old age and remember "in sickness and in health".

[abc3643]

Please let us know how that podcast turns out. I am VERY interested. If you want, PM me. As a man with ED, I empathize...

[Avicenna]

Encourage healthy eating as a life-saving device.

[genericname85]

well that's what happens to men that old. should have taken a guy your age xD testosterone production stops making the guys become out of shape, slowing down their drive, gaining fat easily and making it incredibly hard to build muscle or burn fat.

i would try to appeal to his sense of self care and health and well it doesn't seem as though he's in good shape so maybe get him to work out, cause that may solve some of those issues.

[JHAYES317]

His dick is likely not shrinking…yeah there are some cases like peyronie’s or prostate surgery where that can happen, but typically it’s more that he can’t get a full erection which makes it seem smaller as well as weight gain can cover up part of the penis

[SeanshterMonster]

It's normal for a guy to not get hard at 60. 60 for guys they stop being sexual what so ever, 60 is like retirement age and a time to relax. So he is.

[KrakenAttackin]

How is his blood pressure?

[mT2359]

Motivate him to join a gym.

[Cannuck22]

Well considering he is your husband I’d hope you would be able to talk to him about anything

[Asker]

Pretty much I can. This just feel so important that I worry about crushing his confidence or pushing him toward the point of feeling like he is helpless to do anything to help himself. I just want to handle it as gently as possible: He is incredibly loving, kind and considerate. He deserves for me to be thoughtful about my approach.

[Plitty-Tank]

Let him know he needs to care about his diet so he can cope with it and delay it more.

[Jmmmfi4]

However you approach it do it do it gently

[Asker]

What would be a good opener?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he needs a health scare, start leaving leaflets about things that cause bad health

[Anonymous]

He is no longer a capable man, find a stud and bring him to fuck you both, I'm sure he would like that.