Why do I feel a little violated even though I consented to sex?

[Anonymous]

The condom slipped off while we were fooling around and he didn’t say anything.

It wasn’t until I went to readjust things that I realized it had slipped off. When I asked him if the condom was off he sheepishly said, “yeah”

He had been inside me but didn’t cum. I took plan B the morning after but now I’m freaking out; overthinking everything. I thought my period was coming last night due to some cramping but it’s still not here.

We’re supposed to get together tonight but part of me wants to cancel...

[MrKinktastic]

So if he was aware the condom fell off, and you had only agreed to protected sex, he technically assaulted you/violated your consent.

At minimum I’d consider this guy somewhat untrustworthy but if he fesses up, apologizes and legitimately tries to learn/move forward it might have just been out of ignorance rather than malice. Frankly if it were me he would already be gone as he’s demonstrated he’s not trustworthy when there’s something he wants.

[Asker]

I played it off as fine in the moment. It’s been a few days since and I’m just feeling unsure about all of it...

[MrKinktastic]

Well if you do decide you want to give him another shot I’d suggest making sure you have a chat about how that wasn’t ok for you so he doesn’t assume it was fine

[Asker]

I know. We have this date planned for tonight and at this point I feel like I should go. I do want to discuss it with him I’m just unsure how.

[MrKinktastic]

I’d definitely let him know it made you uncomfortable and that he needs to listen to your boundaries if you say no and set a limit like no barebacking.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you were violated. That was not cool of him.

This highlights the issue with relying on the other person for birth control. If you are going to be sexually active I think you should be on the pill of have an IUD. And for his part, he should of course not have continued after the condom fell off.

[Asker]

I am on the pill but I had missed it the night before because I fell asleep early. I took it the next day but still.

[Opinion Owner]

Did you tell him you missed your pill the night before? If you didn't, I hope you realize you are just as guilty as he is.

[Asker]

I never said it doesn’t take two to tango. And believe me I wish we had done a lot more talking before any of this happened...

[Opinion Owner]

No, but you did say you thought you were violated. But you didn't mention he was violated too.

[Asker]

I didn’t see it that way so thank you for giving me a different perspective

[Anonymous]

Because you were. It’s not ok that he didn’t stop to fix it or tell you. You didn’t consent to unprotected sex.

[dany018]

He betrayed your trust

[WhiteShoulder]

You're probably safe, but I'd still cancel

[Steve37]

You should feel violated. You consented to sex with a condom, not unprotected sex.

[Twalli]

Don't have sex when you meet up tonight. Mistakes happen.

[Asker]

I wasn’t planning on it

[jss123]

I wouldn't trust him again... Its bullshit what he did

[Einsteinagogo]

It happens if you took plan B you should be ok the condom came off because his willy is too small

[Plitty-Tank]

I can't feel sorry for people who considers having abortions.

[Asker]

When you have a uterus I’ll care about your opinion

[Asker]

And Plan B can not destroy a pregnancy

[Plitty-Tank]

I don't need a uterus to understand that abortion is wrong. My sister even knows it is wrong.

[Plitty-Tank]

I don't care about you caring about my opinion. If a woman said the same thing I did, why would that make you care?

[Asker]

I did not have an abortion, first and foremost.

[Asker]

I don’t really care what any gender/sex/person thinks.

[Asker]

And I have enough catholic guilt making me feel like a shitty person every day of my life so I really don’t want help from a stranger

[Plitty-Tank]

Then why say you'd care when I have a uterus if having one wouldn't make you care?

[Asker]

Why are you so fixated on it? If you have issues with it being a sexist statement, think about what you said. Men physically cannot have an abortion. They sure as hell can have opinions about it, but they can’t have one.

[Plitty-Tank]

Doesn't matter and I'm pointing out your hypocrisy. You said when I have a vagina you would care but even those who had vaginas who gave same opinion, you'd still not care. So don't make jabs about it being due to that if you still wouldn't care. I don't need to be a woman to make a stand on things and men can put in place restrictions on women if they misuse their bodies. Men in power are doing that now. 4 states already has no abortion allowed past 6 weeks and without rape or incest exception.

[Asker]

I know what’s going on in the world. Thank you for feeling you need to explain the restrictions being placed by a group of people that are unwilling to enact other government-run assistance that would make have a child easier for those that can not afford having one.

[Asker]

Why aren’t they making adoption easier if they’re making having abortions harder?

[Asker]

Why aren’t they giving women the necessary maternity leave needed, no matter their economic status, so they can care for their children?

[Asker]

Why aren’t they working to fix our foster care system and regulating how that is run?

[Asker]

Being pro-life should be so much more than saving the unborn. Why aren’t they taking care of the people that already exist?

[Asker]

Please explain this hypocrisy to me

[Asker]

This is the last thing I’m saying here: You say you can’t feel sorry for people who consider having abortion. Well, I feel sorry for you. I’m sorry that your beliefs are so black and white that you cannot find a single once of sympathy for those that feel like their place in life leaves them with no other option.

[Plitty-Tank]

If you can't afford to have a baby, then quit having sex. Sex isn't all fun and games. The hypocrisy was you claiming when I had a vagina but if a woman gave same opinion, you'd not care.

[Plitty-Tank]

You are right. I don't see gray areas. I'm a black and white type of man. You are either for or against it. No middle ground. I'm not the gray area type.

[lolmer]

He should have put the condom back, or ask you if you wanted to continue

[Anonymous]

Not exactly violated but but he definitely should have said something about that instead of risking you getting pregnant or getting an STD even

[Asker]

Yeah I’m currently in the freaking out that I might be pregnant stage

[Opinion Owner]

If you took plan B within 72 hours and he didn’t finish inside you then you should be fine, plan B messes up your cycles when take it