So his lifestyle belief is to have more than one lover? That in its self would worry me and I would never be in a relationship like that.
However given the fact that his mon just passed away it would put a damper on my mood. I am not sure about him. Was he torn up enough to be put on antidepressants? Some antidepressants will kill a sex drive. I was on a few antidepressants that killed my sex drive to the point my late wife thought that I was cheating on her and therefore she cheated on me which made things way worse. We were working on our relationship when we got pregnant and 4 months later she passed away pregnant. She had spoken with my doctor when I went to see her and even the doctor said that she meds I was on were known to kill the sex drive. I got prescribed Viagra. My late wife felt really bad about the whole thing.
I am sorry that you two are going through this hell. If he is on antidepressants do some research and find out the side effects and talk with him. He definitely needs all the support he can get. That being said you are going through some tough stuff too and need some support. Its going to take some time for the healing process to begin.
Thank you for the MHA. I hope that you get this sorted and have a happy life.
Loss of a parent may lead to deep grief, especially if he stays with her and very close.
While allow time to pass is the common answer, I like to suggest you also take the initiative to engage him in private and personal conversations.
While the lack of sex may self-resolve through time, time may also erode a sexless relationship. Hence cautious.
Have a lot of intimate conversations. And learn to touch when you converse. Not the hold hand kind of touch. But the looking into his eyes when you talk, and put your hand on his, holding it for a few seconds when you speak kind of touch.
Yes, built strong intimacy. No sex, but have the intimacy so deep that the next step is sex.
Don't give up. Fight for your relationship, if you really love him.
Thank you! This is a great help! He moved out after 18 and lived very far from her but she was a huge rock in his life. I really appreciate your advice and will create more intimate touch through our conversation & time together. I’ve done it previously and wasn't sure if it helps but reading this assures me. Is there anything else that I can do to supplement the no-sex period?
Just off hand I thought of the meaning of the marriage vow... in sickness and in health... I think that view speaks it all without sexual overtone. Maybe if you ponder hard on its principles you may have methods to build intimacy without sex. Best wishes.
When my dad died, I was very close to him, I mourned in various ways for two years and I was depressed. It's a profound loss when a parent dies, especially if you had a special relationship with them. Suggest that your man get grief counseling. You can go with him, or he can work through it on his own. I would not press intimacy when he's lost the most intimate connection of his life: the women whose body he grew in and who delivered him into the world. I'd venture to say heterosexual men who have positive mother-son bonds usually have good man-woman bonds, too. Give him space and support him.
Thank you babe for sharing this :)! He’s seeing a grief counselor and I’ve been staying close as he says its scary being alone. Will take note on the intimacy part, I appreciate it :)
That is SO great to hear he's taking care of himself. Ask if he'd like you to come to a session or two. The counselor will couch his journey in ways you might not be aware of and suggest what you can do to help him AND help yourself... And most of all, men, whose penises have to perform, can't get anything up and running when they're sad or stressed. It'll happen.
My mom passed away, we were very close, I was sooo badly grieving, it took me 5 years to get better, I was so lost, I have Cerebral Pasly & Aspergers, it was more hard for me.
You should support your boyfriend & wait for him to get better. He is still cuddling with you & holding hands that should be good enough for right now. Listen to him, love him, be there for him, be a friend.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about this.
It sounds like you're willing to be understanding that, because of what he's going through... his sex drive is down (or non-existent). So just... gently... basically ask him the very question you've asked here.
I don't think you have anything to be concerned about in terms of your relationship, his feelings for you, or anything like that.
But, it's possible that he's experiencing depression (which goes beyond "normal grief") affecting his sex drive. It couold just be that he needs a bit more time to "get back into the routine."
But I think you deserve to have your doubts and fears put to rest... because I don't think there's anything to them... although I DO think they are "legitimate worries" (insofar as I get why you're worried). I honestly think that your boyfriend will be happy to reassure you. He is likely wrapped up in his grief, and not really thinking about how his lack of sex drive is making you feel.
You need to talk this out. If you do. I think you'll be just fine. :)
It's only been two months...
I wouldn't be so worried right now...
It's like having a baby - you don't go back to have regular sex right away
If after 6 months... Then you have something to worry about.
I don’t think it’s worrying unless there’s other red flags, relationships shouldn’t always rely on sex. And sometimes people just aren’t as horny as they usually are. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s faithful and loves you. :)
He was Probably very Close to his Mom and this will set him Back for awhile. Bear with him but if it continues much Longer, He would Need to See Someone, hun. xx
Give him a little more time and/or try initiating a little bit yourself. For example, offer him a massage and that might help spark his drive. Does that make sense?
Two months is not a very long time to go without sex, but if you're particularly concerned, you should speak with him and mention such concerns. Getting over the death of a parent can take many months or years. Some people never return to baseline. Consider that the death of a parent often wakes a child up to their own mortality, which can be especially depressing.
No he is grieving.
probably not gonna want to mate and reproduce with one of the women in your harem until heal emotionally. emotions control the sex drive along with hormones, so I think it's ok. but if goes on too long, gonna need help.
the problem I heard is "poly", but that's something you are aware of and apparently accepting. He must be an amazing person, or very controlling and narcissistic to win over so many.
He's probably grieving... has become disinterested in you thanks to the poly lifestyle... or... did you get fat?
Yes, something is definitely wrong. Have a heartfelt discussion with him. Be soft not confrontational. Let him talk.
So help me out, HE is poly, and you are not?
---------------Yes if you let it go on for too long. Need to sit down with him and let him know it's not healthy to be just friends or roommates.
A relationship needs to have intimacy.
Communication is always the most important when it comes to this stuff. When you do discuss it with him... make a pact with each other that in the future the both of you will be able to come to one another with stuff like this so it doesn't go on for too long.
Good luck!
I would be worried. Something is going on
Wouldn't be worried since its linked to an external event. But you can try and seduce him back into it gently. If he rejects see if you can strike up a conversation about it. Chances are he just wants to be left alone for a bit, chances are he appreciates the initiation / help.
many couples have less sex with each other as time goes by. trick is to figure out why your having less sex together and work on a plan to improve your sex live together. or learn to go without it for long stretches.
Yes. Thats a huge indicator that you guys will end up breaking up. See a therapist for couples immediately. Yiur relationship has months left maybe less.
It was his mother, Obviously it's gonna take heck of a time to recover from the grief. Give couple a month more to it and update this post.
Loosing your dad as a girl would cause severage problems, like depressions, with you. And you are not young anymore, so I guess he is in his 40-50 around? You probably want to sit down and talk with him about his sex-life.
Besides, do you feel okay with him being polygamous? Most women don't.
Nothing is constant.
I also go through a lazy phase just now. Just can't get my 'arse' up.
Who knows... a little outside encouragement may help...
Just kiss his face like nothing happened. Time will do the rest
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