Do you think these 2 scenarios are equivalent?

Scenario 1: A woman is giving her boyfriend orgasms during vaginal sex, but she can't orgasm without receiving oral sex. He refuses to give her oral. She dumps him because she's tired of the frustration of not getting release of sexual tension (orgasm).

Scenario 2: A man gets sexual release from orgasming during vaginal intercourse, yet he dumps his girlfriend for denying him the additional bonus of anal sex because it's too painful.

In one of these situations, a person is dumping their partner because they're tired of being constantly frustrated by not getting sexual release; in another, a person is dumping their partner because their partner won't submit to a painful activity that is ultimately just a bonus that isn't vital for sexual release.

Do you believe these 2 scenarios are equivalent? Please read all options before voting.
Do you think these 2 scenarios are equivalent?
The people in both scenarios are equally selfish for dumping their partners.
Vote A
Neither of them are selfish in their reasoning for dumping their partners. However, the person in Scenario 1 has a more reasonable reason.
Vote B
Neither of them are selfish in their reasoning for dumping their partners. Both reasons are equally reasonable.
Vote C
Only the person in Scenario #2 is selfish. The person in Scenario #1 is not selfish.
Vote D
Both are selfish, but the person in Scenario #2 is much more selfish than the person in Scenario #1.
Vote E
Both are selfish, but the person in Scenario #2 is more selfish than the person in Scenario #1.
Vote F
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
Updates:
+1 y
Anyone saying the woman is selfish needs to imagine how they would feel if every time they had sex, they got "blue clit"/"blue balls" due to lack of orgasm. If every sexual encounter ended in sexual frustration, who would want to continue having sex? It's not selfish to want to orgasm If your partner is also having an orgasm
1 5

Most Helpful Guys

  • I voted that both are being equally selfish, but I don't think that's a bad thing. We should be happy and fulfilled in our relationships. Not getting something we want in a relationship is always grounds to break it off, no matter how fair others may think it to be. If he wants to have anal sex, he should go find somebody who wants that as well. If she is not satisfied, she should go find somebody who will satisfy her. Neither of them are unreasonable and both of them should be able to get what they want out of relationships.

    But they shouldn't cheat or lie, that's just straight up bad.

    • How is she selfish? Do you enjoy not having an orgasm?

    • It is selfish because she's doing it for herself. But that's not a bad thing, I actually agree that it's the right thing to do.

  • Doesn't matter. Everyone has the right to end a relationship for any reason they could possibly ever want. If someone wants to end a relationship over their partner liking pineapple on pizza, that's their prerogative, and neither you, nor I, have any right to weigh in with our righteous judgement.

    • Yes it's their right, but we do have the right to weigh in with our opinion. Freedom of speech exists. They have the right to do what they want, and I have the right to share my opinion

    • Sure, you have the legal right to have an opinion on ths reason someone else ended their relationship, but it's not really any of your business.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Well I think scenario 2 is absolutely bullshit, but for scenario 1 I think the girl could've tried a little harder rather than just breaking up with him. Its quite common for girls to be incapable of orgasm from penetration. She could've talked to her boyfriend about other things they could do during sex like use a vibrator or something. However if he wasn't willing to comply then I think thats a reason to break up.

  • How on earth are these even on par?

    1) She doesn't get an orgasm & is left frustrated
    2) He has an orgasm & wants more.

    It's like comparing an orange to an apple.

    • Thank you. I was just arguing with a guy about it and he kept saying I was "splitting hairs" and that the scenarios are equal

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 47
  • I think in many circumstances that could surround the scenarios they are both selfish. The dude is much worse in every possible circumstance.

    • How is she selfish? Do you enjoy not having an orgasm?

    • @GentleGirl I said in many circumstances. One example is if the dude was very inexperienced. In my religion you can't have sex until marriage, it wouldn't be a good reason to divorce in my view. Better to just get with a decent man. Men who are unwilling to satisfy their women are likely lazy in other aspects, she souldn't have gotten with the inconsiderate prick in the first place. And I would be fine not having an orgasm, but I would feel guilty if I didn't try to please the person I loved.

    • Scenario #2 is always selfish no matter the circumstances.

  • The question itself could have some bias in it, as it is taken from the perspective of the female's experience, either where she can't orgasm, or experiences pain, while the male is not given consideration in terms that perhaps oral is painful for him (tongue tie can cause this) or that he may very well vomit on her, and she keeps pressing the issue. I've known people with either of the aforementioned issues.
    Anal, as far as I know, is possible if done slowly and methodically, so that scenario shows inexperience.
    In any case, both people are equally selfish, and my answer comes from looking at the question in a "Person 1 wants something Person B does not" aspect, and removing the human X-factor of pleasure or pain. In a relationship, when one does not consider the other person, it's selfish.

    • How is she selfish? Do you enjoy not having an orgasm?

    • @GentleGirl your questions are non sequitur. I explained my reasoning to label people in both scenarios selfish. Please read what I wrote and you'll have your answer. I don't really care about your second question as I find it repugnant.

    • @RickPen - I did. It's am amateurish response at best.

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  • I don’t think they’re equally equivalent but they are both valid reasons to break up over.

    Sexual compatibility is important for healthy relationships.

  • 1. Your scenario assumes that anal sex is painful. Many women say that it is not painful and is, in fact, enjoyable.

    2. You can always distinguish two factual scenarios but you can also find similarities. In these two situations, both people are feeling less than fully satisfied sexually. Yes, one is more dissatisfied but is that a difference that makes a difference?

    • Yes it's a difference that makes a difference, because one of them is getting blue-clit whenever she has sex; the other isn't getting blue balls

    • It is like one person is starving because they're not getting food at all, and the other person is bitching because they're not getting some gourmet meal in addition to the nutrition they're already receiving

    • You are talking about objective facts and I am not. I am talking about very subjective perceptions and that is the stimulus to which most people react.

  • Initial reaction D - Woman not selfish, man selfish but that is just on cold hard facts - I hope a lot of talking has gone on in the background to these decisions

  • I don't believe in equality here. The man should just be at the service of his woman. I derive my own pleasure from obeying

  • I hope that was a fictional boyfriend... wow.

  • I just feel like there are other ways to be sexually stimulated than oral. I also don't think that breaking up with a significant other because they won't receive anal is terrible because it's more like a relationship built on lust rather than love.

  • how is this even a question? the girl would be right to at least consider dumping him

  • You can ask but you shouldn't expect. You have to respect each others wants, needs and boundaries and communicate effectively to come to an understanding of fair balance.

    • She is not demanding it. She is just dumping him because she is tired of suffering blue-clit whenever she has sex.

    • That's fair enough. If you aren't happy then you should try to resolve it in your current situation or find one where you are happy. Because that's pretty key in a relationship

    • Is oral the only possible way? Is the guy totally opposed to using a vibrator or anything else?

  • Those are both perfectly good reasons to end a relationship. Better to end a relationship than stay and be sexually frustrated.

    • Scenario #1 is like not getting any food at all & going to bed starving; Scenario #2 is like having a good meal but then bitching because you didn't get dessert.

    • People want what they want. Dan Savage agrees with you that giving oral sex is part of being a good partner. And I think that a guy who won't be happy without small sex should say that pretty soon after meeting a woman so that she doesn't waste months with the guy. Either way early communication is vital.

  • Depends on your thinking. Anal and oral can both be seen as extra and both be painful.

    There ability not to climax through vaginal alone is the unfortunate for the woman. Man is going to get his jollies off anyway.

    It can be seen as equal. Oral is extra not everyone wants it and not everyone wants to give it.

    The trade would be oral for anal.
    Don't want to make the trade parties go their separate ways.

    • Oral isn't an "extra" for someone who needs it to orgasm.

    • Regardless of personal desire or need... It is, even if it's the only way to orgasm. I'm just objectively stating. It's perfectly reasonable to never give oral, just as it's perfectly reasonable never to do anal.

    • Why would a person want to have sex if they won't orgasm from it, so they end up sexually frustrated with no relief of sexual tension?

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  • Scenario one is a legitimate concern. Scenario two is not,

    • Thank you. I was just arguing with a guy about it and he kept saying I was "splitting hairs" and that the scenarios are equal

    • Not even close. And he knows it. It is a corrupt attitude.

  • If first the man is being selfish,, & in second the man should also see if her girl is comfortable with such things

  • You're funny all of the options given except number 1 are a little lop sided but it's a mute point because I agree with. I would have to say the one that breaks up because she not getting hers is on a little bit of a slippery slope because some women (not all) would throw a guilt trip if the guy broke up because he couldn't get off other than BJ's. But also if you've talked about your needs and you're not getting anywhere you should just agree to call it quits because you do mesh well and it's just going to be harder to end things peacefully the longer you wait

  • Its obvious he wants to gain pleasure from the pain of another... That's not love.

  • She's not selfish, he is.

  • I think #1 is unreasonable while #2 is reasonable. You didn't include that option! Women should fulfill their husband's sexual wishes otherwise there's no point in being with them.

    Anyway it's because female orgasm is not a natural biological function, just a vestige that *some* women can have every now and then. And it's very unlikely any woman would be that upset about not orgasming with him during sex since women don't have the same hormones that men which tell them to need physical release, nor are they sexually aroused by the male body like men are by the female's.

    • The smack are you talking about? Both men and women have sexual hormones: estrogen (them) and testosterone (us) and both sexes need sexual relief. You can't use a woman to get sexual relief without taking care of her needs too. Read some books, educate yourself, women are not sex machines, they have feelings and needs just like us.

    • You are 31 years old and don't know how the female body works? Please educate yourself, good grief. Female orgasm is very natural and very real. Humans in general, male and female, benefit from sexual release. Are you in a relationship right now? If so, for the sake of your partner, please do some research.

    • @dany018 women don't need sex. In fact male sexuality frightens and disgusts them, that's why they're always so hysterical about rape, sexual harassment, sexual objectification, etc. And why they always cheer and worship any woman who cuts off a penis as well as admit it's a common fantasy among all women. Women don't need sex nor care about it, it's just a tool they use to get a relationship from men (which is the only thing they desire from us).

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  • Only the person in scenario 2 is selfish. But those people should not be together regardless. If you like anal, get with someone who likes anal. Sexual compatibility is the key. Don't try to have a relationship with someone you're not sexually compatible with. (That's why I believe in talking beforehand.)

  • Yeah sure why not

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