Sexual Relationships
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If you are actively dating and looking for a relationship, do you abstain from sex or have the occasional hook up till you find the relationship one?

Wait? Dont wait?
Wait? Don't wait?
Ok, so this question is sparked by a response from a user saying men see nothing wrong with hooking up for sex til they find the relationship. Maybe I'm old school, but I am not gonna be randomly occasionally having sex while actively dating telling people I'm looking for a relationship. To me you don't have sex til you find that person you want a relationship with 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't know but I suspect there will be quite a few Gaggers in the old school maybe more those of a certain vintage. Really it comes down to what you want and how much you want it, I would say at our end of the spectrum where the relationship is most important, hook ups may even muddy the water added to the fact I find really hard to have sex with anyone unless there is a real connection. So it makes absolute sense to abstain from hook ups and if any sex is happening it is with someone I see a future with.

    • That's how it used to be and I agree some older people in our age group still see that way. And I will say some younger ones as well, but that some people think it's ok to be sleeping with one while going in dates with other women, that's just scary if they're not using condoms

  • When I'm single, there are no "rules." If I haven't talked to a girl about dating, then I'm still single. Just having conversations with her that aren't romantic in nature isn't "dating" or even "courting."

    When I'm actively dating a girl, or in that courting process where I'm trying to get her to date me, then I'm not going to be sleeping with other girls. That would be disrespectful, and I'm not like that.

    • That's good. Some answers, some people think until it's committed relationship it's ok. But I feel the minute sex is involved, you shouldn't be having sex with others unless that's something that was agreed to.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I've been single for 4 years but I still hook up with men who want blowjobs... emotionally that fills me up... having vagina sex would be too difficult for me... oh I need to have intimacy with a man whether or not it's a hook up or a date... i'm not saying every night it might be once every 1 or 2 months... having that intimacy is important even if your looking for the right man long term.

  • Used to do the second option. If I became single again now, I'd probably abstain and just masturbate a lot till I found a new partner.

    • Yeah not as fun, but I feel the appropriate thing to do!

    • Totally. Hooking up was pretty fun (sometimes at least), but I was way less mature back then.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I don't do the whole monogamy thing, so I don't abstain from sex regardless of my relationship status.

    • As long as you're upfront about it. Some people will be okay with that and some won't

    • Always, that's first date conversation. I'm not out to manipulate anyone.

    • That I can respect. People have a right to how they do things. I have an issue when they're not upfront or lead people on. Gives them the choice to agree or disagree. And while, I'd respect their honesty, I personally am monogonous so that's what I personally want in a partner

  • Nothing wrong with it, not in a committed relationship. I've done it many times. It's common with Men and Women. The way I look at it it's just another possibility to find that Relationship. I've had many LTR result from casual hook-ups or ONS...

  • If I am even just a little interested, MAYBE thinking I might like a certain one, I never engage in anything at all sexual, with any others! I focus on the one that has caught my attention, and try to get to know her, and see if we share anything.

    • That's a good thing. People way too casual about sex nowadays

  • I always had occasional casual sex when I was single. I don't see why I shouldn't have enjoyed an active sex life just because I wasn't in a relationship. Nothing wrong with it. In fact, I very much enjoyed it.

    • So you would do that while you were going out on dates, talking to other people?

    • What do you mean?

    • If you're actively dating, as in going out on dates, taking the sex slow with your dates. You shouldn't be sleeping with other people either

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  • I'm currently abstaining... But sometimes I feel like I could use an occasional hookup

    • You feel like it but you don't. O feel like it but I don't

  • Nah, no need to abstain in this case if you don't want to.

    • I disagree sorry but I'm not going to go out on dates with guys if they're actively having sex with someone else.

  • Yeah. Otherwise, I'm just showing myself that I'm not in the mindset for a relationship. The relationship that follows might end up just sexual because I was going in just looking to satisfy myself in the meantime and probably will enter the relationship with the same mindset.

    • Good point!

  • NO ONE should avoid having a great time for ANY reason! All 3 genders. Why would anyone do that?

    • Because some people do still believe in menogamy

    • Fine for them; not for me. I do NOT make personal decisions for others.

    • I don't either. But some do this and aren't honest. That's where the problem comes in

  • i'd tend to agree... never been into the random or one night hook up stuff... but i fantasize about it when masturbating :)

  • Depends on the situation. I don’t really owe the potential person anything so it’s fair to hookup but not to the point where it starts to encroach upon any dates. But if I’m really feeling the person I will avoid hookups

    • I don't know, if someone is telling me their interested in me, but hooking up with other people that's gonna kill that right there for me. Now if it was before they met me, we started talking that's different. But if you're letting someone think your interested in them and want to date them, sex with anyone else shouldn't be part if that in my opinion 🤷🏼‍♀️

    • That’s why I said if I’m feeling them... if I’m serious about them I’m not hooking up. Do keep in mind that other people don’t adhere to those rules. Some women date multiple guys to hedge their bets.

    • Well that's fine what other people do. Me personally I don't do that. Dating isn't meant to be hedging your bets in my opinion. I don't view it that way, I wouldn't be that way, so I would want someone who is also not that way.

  • Yes darling, and that's just ONE of the biggest differences between a majority of men and women. You said and believe "... to me you don't have sex til you find that person you want a relationship with 🤷" My next statement is based on my knowledge of lots of men, but more so on my "observations of their actions". Most men would say: " ... to me, you don't get INTO a relationship with a woman unless you know the sex is going to be good ! That means I have to be sexual with her before I commit to anything! "

    Alright, alright... I'm not saying EVERY single guy in the world thinks that way. There are guys who think like you, B4B. But women should understand that THOSE guys are not as plentiful as you wish they were, even if they SAY they think that way. Trying a woman on sexually is a much bigger priority for a guy. If you, in particular, date a guy a few times and don't have sex with him, but learn he's dating other women who he IS having sex with, you'll probably dump him.

    • It's not about when you and that person. People think it's ok to be dating/ sleeping with multiple people till they're " committed" nobody putting their shit in me that currently putting in someone else, period!!

    • Well... I understand that is your position. I'm answering the question based on what I know about a lot of men and their way of think about sex and relationships. Personally, I didn't juggle a whole lot of women at once, but it has happened that I've met a woman and set up a date for 2 weeks later (due to her schedule), and then met another woman I wanted to date a few days later who was available right away. So, I went out with both of them a few times. :)

    • And did they know that, though?

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  • I might masturbate before finding the right girl to be in a relationship with, but I don't share sex with random people willy-nilly. I consider sex to be special.

    • That's very good 👍

    • Thanks!

  • I abstain!

  • Agreed.

  • I just want to be with the one. In my experience i have had fun with friends, I've had 3 real relationships and 2 fwbs. But out of all of that I've only had sexual intercourse with 5 woman. I need to find the right women to truly open up to and there have been many times i could have had just casual sex but never took it. So i don't know what these guys are talking about because i could never do that. It's time consuming, energy wasting and not right to use a person like that.

    • Thank you. I agree. How are you really interesting time into getting to know someone, if you're seeing it sleeping with multiple people?

    • * investing

    • Well yeah that is a good point but don't forget people like to point sex out a lot. They never look into the whole picture. If you are not honest, if you don't communicate and spend time with each other. You could both not be having sex but if you only talk for a few minutes a day and no real engagement that relationship will fail too.

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  • I would do anything shirt of my dick going inside her below the waist.

  • I am actively dating and looking for a relationship (though I'm doing a cruddy job at it), I'm not abstaining from sex cuz I still have my virginity. And I don't wanna do any hook ups cuz I don't wanna have sex with just anyone, I'd rather lose my virginity with the right person when the time is right.

    • That is good ❣️🙂

  • I obtain from sex what the point if your not gonna be with them

    • Agree. But there's a lot of people out there just having hookups or casual sex. That's what's wrong with dating these days

    • So true it's really sad

    • I agree. I don't see how people do that. I ain't kissing nobody who's mouth mighta been good knows where just two days ago 🤷🏼‍♀️ I knew someone who had sex with someone and then went on a date 3 hours later. That's all kinds of fucked up

  • Will not mind a hookup. Body requirements are also important, right?

  • Totally your call. I’d say someone you want to have sex with is someone you’re really into in a lot of other ways. Sex is just how we show it. But I’d still get to know more about a guy before you fck him. But don’t be afraid of it.

    • This hypothetical. I ain't out there dating. Not what people these days consider dating no thank you

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