If you are dominant or submissive/into BDSM is it a dating/relationship deal breaker if your potential partner isn't?

Question

JackSmy · Accepted Answer

I dated one, in college, and she seemed to need to get spanked, like 'warmed' as she said, to get her aroused for sex.
I am not opposed, in any way, to some dominant/submissive things, but it depends, COMPLETELY, on TRUST, between us.
I never liked the idea of 'hitting' a woman, but this one got aroused being spanked, and I liked her a lot, and she helped me understand that what she wanted wasn't 'abuse' but her way to get aroused.
I would never reject anyone, outright, liking that, but I would need to have TRUST, with her, and know more details about how and why she likes that.
So short answer, NOT a 'deal-breaker' but with some discussion!

Sensmind · Accepted Answer

I would say it is tough unless either or both partners could be a switch. I am a firm believer that people are drawn to each other so subs are attracted to doms and vice versa. In the getting to know you process the personalities come through making this possibly less of an issue , added to this I don't believe anyone is a 100% Dominant or 100% submissive. Even the strongest D/s survives on total open communication, full communication is a good starting point in assessing any relationship. Overall the relationship is quite survivable not a deal breaker but with loads of communication

ChgzDaniel · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend isn't really dominant or submissive, or into any of this stuff. I kind of am but I don't get hung up over it. Sex isn't everything. People act like it's going out of style, but after maybe an hour of pleasure then what? You have to get back on with your life. I'd prefer to stay with the one person I love more than anyone else in the world than brake up over something so trivial.
However, if for some unseen reason we can't be together anymore and I find myself looking for a new partner, that would be something I would look out for. It wouldn't be a deal-breaker but it would sweeten the deal.

Lyndsielee666 · Accepted Answer

I mean they usually open up to it in the end so no Lmfao

MissKittyz · Answer

It isn't a dealbreaker but it eventually just gets frustrating and makes the sex very boring. I'm very submissive and love a dominant guy. I'm into a lot of BDSM acts. My exes weren't into any of that at all. I'd ask for small simple stuff like gently be spanked, and they wouldn't do it cause they were afraid of hurting me. A smack on my ass isn't going to hurt me 🤦🏽🤦🏽 so sex with them was just not enjoyable and made me not want it as much.

Now with my fiancé, he is into a lot of things I'm into. He isn't scared of slapping me, spanking me, tying me up, choking me, and trying lots of new things. That's why our sex life is incredibly amazing and way more fun. It makes our relationship even better now as well since he is perfect outside and inside the bedroom :)

LovingDominant · Answer

Kinda yeah. You need to have similar interests in the bedroom I think otherwise someone gets bored

Duckysback · Answer

No, not even a bump in the road. No one person can satisfy all my needs, just as I can't/won't satisfy all theirs.

mat_username · Answer

I would really enjoy to try new things. The deal breaker is if we don't have a connection, but I just can't list criteria for that, it's a feeling really

RobYes · Answer

Not at all. If she ain't that's fine. We can just do it normally and if she gets courageous she can try it. Not like everything happens in bed.

Jjpayne · Answer

Good question! Obviously from my end it's not a deal breaker but it's very interesting to place a relationship commitment based on BDSM

slatyb · Answer

Could be.

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah, that's big-time incompatibility

oldguystillhasit · Answer

No. My wife and I have done bondage & submission probably 20% of the times we have sex. I consider myself lucky that she is adventurous and willing to do that. I would be ok with a woman who didn't partake. If only one party wasn't into it I wouldn't kick her to the curb. Let's face it only a small portion of women are really into it.

TCredo · Answer

i'm not into bdsm but am more the dominant one and people i've been in relationships tend to be more submissive sexually... but i and they have also been switches a little... so i'm not best to answer if had two people who were both domm or both sub... i would guess it would create incompatibility issues

MackToday · Answer

Wouldn't bother me either way. It's her I'm into not some specific sex act. That's a pathetic reason to be with someone.

your_guy_23 · Answer

I have to admit, I only want a woman who is also into a bdsm relationship, I don't think I would last with a woman who isn't tbh

dovido · Answer

im dom, but every connection and relationship is deifferent so i giive everything (in life) a chance

Rippersavage · Answer

No it's not a deal breaker

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

There's no such thing as a completely vanilla person.

loveslongnails · Answer

Yes, definitely. I believe that whatever your preferences are, if your partner isn't into them, it's not going to work because someone is always going to feel unsatisfied. When one partner is unsatisfied, you know what happens next. Consider the "vanilla" end of things. Let's say one person is into nothing but "traditional, missionary sex" and they let you know from the start that's the ONLY WAY they like it or want it. They've tried many other things, but that's the only way and they're closed to anything else. You don't even need to be into BDSM if you heard that! That would be a deal breaker for me too.