Not to worry. I have had 11 sexual partners over the course of my life - 12 if you count my current girlfriend of 14 years, with whom I have lived for 12 years and have three children. Not once, in any of those relationships, when having sex with them, did I think of anyone other than the person I was having sex with.
Cannot speak to women - though I have never heard my girlfriend compare me to any of her previous relationships - but for a guy, when we are having sex there are, to oversimplify a bit, only two things we think about.
The first is the woman we are with. All our focus, all our energy is directed to the person we are with. It is partly unselfish - I want to satisfy her and make her feel totally in the moment with me. I want her to feel both loved in a romantic sense and satisfied in a base animal sense.
Partly it is selfish. I am focused on my own physical pleasure. I am seeking relief and the satisfaction of my physical needs. (My girlfriend jokes that I am controlled by my penis.) I want to dominate her and I also want, at the same time, to feel loved and wanted.
Suffice to say, I could go on. However, what you may note in all of that is that I have little time - and I doubt anyone would have the time or emotional energy to think about anyone else, let alone how they compare to others.
When a man is having sex, his deepest emotions and his most animal instincts are at work. He is not setting up in his head some intellectual criteria by which to judge you. In this, then, you are letting your insecurities get the best of you and, if you are not careful, that will likely get in the way of what you could have in terms of a relationship - even if it is just a physical relationship.
At the most basic, we are sexual animals whom evolution has programmed into us the instinct to breed and reproduce. At the highest level we seek sex for a sense of connection and romantic expression. Your approach reduces all of that to a sort of crude ratings system. Not a good idea.
Can I be honest with you, men generally don't do that, not during anyway.
It's usually after we do that but again usually in the way of, I wish she'd do this to me or for me, I wish she'd tell me what she likes/does not like.
It's actually very rare for men to compare their current with their ex, even though we might slip up and call you their name it is incredibly rare, this doesn't mean that it never happens or men never do this but it's just rare, in fact I've actually never heard a man compare his current to his ex except in cases where we are talking about which one is the more unhinged.
Usually we'd only be talking about our exes with other men when they have become an ex and usually then it's a bit of bravado and banter to cope with breaking up and starting to move on but that's usually about it
This shows your insecurity about your relationship, or at least your sex life. Sorry, not trying to be rude. I don't worry about that. I good at somethings and bad at others, I know this, I'm not oblivious, but I never worry about being compared to another woman, because I know I can do things she can't either. And if my partner wants something done a certain way he's better off just telling me or positioning me than complaining or comparing. And I'm sure the last thing my man is thinking about is about the girl who isn't f*cking him anymore, and rather if there is anything we can be doing to intensify the satisfaction of the both of us. But any worrying will ruin sex, so just be in the moment and relax.
I'm kind of in a unique situation where the first guy I had sex with and I are still together to this day. However, I know he did have other sexual experience (just fooling around in his early teen years, nothing major) so I've never thought about it.
I am going to say it might happen, but I think in the heat of the moment it's very hard to go back in your mind to even bother thinking about something like that.
Unique for the non-religious crowd maybe.
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Obviously
Why are you on an open forum app like this if you're just gonna give unconstructive and frankly rude criticism?
It was unnecessary to point that out
Never.
Nope. They're an ex for a reason. Moving on...
I can't recall ever thinking about anybody else during sex. Everyone has their own skillset and some people are better at some stuff than others. If you are worried that you are falling short in a category I think the best thing to do is create an open dialogue about it so u understand what it is he wants and he sees you are trying to get better. I promise he would be more than ok with it if u wanted to put in a little extra work on it. Everybody is different so the key is figuring out what works best for that person. Many people are too afraid to ask for feed back or tips and I think its dumb. If I'm putting forth the effort I want it to accomplish something. if I'm trying my hardest and getting nowhere I want to know so I can change up whatever I'm doing n find what works. Instead of worrying that so and so was better, focus on becoming the best yourself and make all of them an afterthought in your own mind.
No. Sometimes alone I might think about prior girlfriends, but I would not compare them, and I would not think of them while having sex.
During sex? Are you kidding? Not a chance. I would advise getting your insecurity under control, because what you are talking about is very extreme.
Only if my current partner does something eerily similar. One of the first lovers and one recently could both cum from nipple stimulation, that was a bit twilight - zony.
I've had the wow i can't belive how much better this is than anything anyone ever made me feel, but yeah i get the whole being compared and feeling bad about it
You'll both enjoy yourselves more if you are happy and relaxed, so try not to worry about it. It's natural to feel insecure about sex (like everything else you don't have much experience with), so remember that he'll be just as worried about living up to your expectations. Good sex involves good communication. Give him feedback and guidance - let him know when he does something you like. If you are open about giving him feedback, it should make him more comfortable about telling you what he likes and you will both have a good time.
A guy friend of mine in college said when he was having sex with some girls if he couldn't get hard and/or cum he would think about girls he had had sex with in the past.
I can see how that works
Never.
No! This is dumb. If they do think about other women or men during sex then you should be leaving.
I think personally, I use what I liked in the past, and build on it in the new relationship.
I have been in casual relations so nope
I don’t. I’m in the moment, reveling in my partner (s) and everything I can about them.
No. If I would do so, it could mean I'm not over them.
That question was strictly for the females. Because as we all know (guys) our brains shut down during sex with four letter words being the extent of our vocabulary... Yes, yes, go, go, up, down, up, down,
No, I concentrate on the current one.
I cannot think about anything during sex, not enough blood in the brain...
Hell no, If I'm interested enough in a girl to actually sleep with her I want to experience her not some girl I had years ago.
A much more respectable answer than I expected. Well done sir.
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