During sex, do you ever think about past partners?

[nightdrot]

Not to worry. I have had 11 sexual partners over the course of my life - 12 if you count my current girlfriend of 14 years, with whom I have lived for 12 years and have three children. Not once, in any of those relationships, when having sex with them, did I think of anyone other than the person I was having sex with.

Cannot speak to women - though I have never heard my girlfriend compare me to any of her previous relationships - but for a guy, when we are having sex there are, to oversimplify a bit, only two things we think about.

The first is the woman we are with. All our focus, all our energy is directed to the person we are with. It is partly unselfish - I want to satisfy her and make her feel totally in the moment with me. I want her to feel both loved in a romantic sense and satisfied in a base animal sense.

Partly it is selfish. I am focused on my own physical pleasure. I am seeking relief and the satisfaction of my physical needs. (My girlfriend jokes that I am controlled by my penis.) I want to dominate her and I also want, at the same time, to feel loved and wanted.

Suffice to say, I could go on. However, what you may note in all of that is that I have little time - and I doubt anyone would have the time or emotional energy to think about anyone else, let alone how they compare to others.

When a man is having sex, his deepest emotions and his most animal instincts are at work. He is not setting up in his head some intellectual criteria by which to judge you. In this, then, you are letting your insecurities get the best of you and, if you are not careful, that will likely get in the way of what you could have in terms of a relationship - even if it is just a physical relationship.

At the most basic, we are sexual animals whom evolution has programmed into us the instinct to breed and reproduce. At the highest level we seek sex for a sense of connection and romantic expression. Your approach reduces all of that to a sort of crude ratings system. Not a good idea.

[akihon]

Can I be honest with you, men generally don't do that, not during anyway.

It's usually after we do that but again usually in the way of, I wish she'd do this to me or for me, I wish she'd tell me what she likes/does not like.

It's actually very rare for men to compare their current with their ex, even though we might slip up and call you their name it is incredibly rare, this doesn't mean that it never happens or men never do this but it's just rare, in fact I've actually never heard a man compare his current to his ex except in cases where we are talking about which one is the more unhinged.

Usually we'd only be talking about our exes with other men when they have become an ex and usually then it's a bit of bravado and banter to cope with breaking up and starting to move on but that's usually about it

[Dazed0N0Confused]

This shows your insecurity about your relationship, or at least your sex life. Sorry, not trying to be rude. I don't worry about that. I good at somethings and bad at others, I know this, I'm not oblivious, but I never worry about being compared to another woman, because I know I can do things she can't either. And if my partner wants something done a certain way he's better off just telling me or positioning me than complaining or comparing. And I'm sure the last thing my man is thinking about is about the girl who isn't f*cking him anymore, and rather if there is anything we can be doing to intensify the satisfaction of the both of us. But any worrying will ruin sex, so just be in the moment and relax.

[ChronicThinker]

I'm kind of in a unique situation where the first guy I had sex with and I are still together to this day. However, I know he did have other sexual experience (just fooling around in his early teen years, nothing major) so I've never thought about it.

I am going to say it might happen, but I think in the heat of the moment it's very hard to go back in your mind to even bother thinking about something like that.

[AustinMan]

Wow!! Insecure or anything?

[JDMFS]

I can't recall ever thinking about anybody else during sex. Everyone has their own skillset and some people are better at some stuff than others. If you are worried that you are falling short in a category I think the best thing to do is create an open dialogue about it so u understand what it is he wants and he sees you are trying to get better. I promise he would be more than ok with it if u wanted to put in a little extra work on it. Everybody is different so the key is figuring out what works best for that person. Many people are too afraid to ask for feed back or tips and I think its dumb. If I'm putting forth the effort I want it to accomplish something. if I'm trying my hardest and getting nowhere I want to know so I can change up whatever I'm doing n find what works. Instead of worrying that so and so was better, focus on becoming the best yourself and make all of them an afterthought in your own mind.

[cicchis0]

You'll both enjoy yourselves more if you are happy and relaxed, so try not to worry about it. It's natural to feel insecure about sex (like everything else you don't have much experience with), so remember that he'll be just as worried about living up to your expectations. Good sex involves good communication. Give him feedback and guidance - let him know when he does something you like. If you are open about giving him feedback, it should make him more comfortable about telling you what he likes and you will both have a good time.

[DiscomfortZone]

Such thoughts could appear, yeah. Then I talk about with my wife without making comparisons ("how about we try a and b" instead of "you know, another woman used to do a and b"). 99 times out of 100 my wife is happy to oblige, also because I always do the same for her. That's called mature communication, y'all cry-babies should try it sometime!

[ShannonSaxon66]

That question was strictly for the females. Because as we all know (guys) our brains shut down during sex with four letter words being the extent of our vocabulary... Yes, yes, go, go, up, down, up, down,

[i1T2daty]

Only if my current partner does something eerily similar. One of the first lovers and one recently could both cum from nipple stimulation, that was a bit twilight - zony.

[Anonymous]

I accidentally said my ex girlfriend name I said Lorie oh Lorie as it was finishing.. not very intelligible though. She still heard it and stopped rocking and said who? I said lordy oh lorry that was good. She was like ok.. Thought you said something else. Leaned down kissed and kept rocking. Finished it all up laying inside to the point was cold... talk about an amazing act.. Though bbw are better in my opinion. They try harder in turn its a much better experience!

[anton_dee]

Ok, I've experienced this so I say for myself that I did silently compare or fantasize about my previous lover while with my new mate. The past lover was amazingly hot and the new one was gentle laid back n all. So kinda crazy but that's what I did..

[TahoeHiker]

I do actually, right before showtime. My past partners faces are obscured. The trip down love making lane, or (f***ing freeway) is only a few minutes. Just as a reminder that I have gotten better with age.

[Agape93]

I don’t. I’m in the moment, reveling in my partner (s) and everything I can about them.

[Florancerose404]

No! This is dumb. If they do think about other women or men during sex then you should be leaving.

[Smccoy217]

I think personally, I use what I liked in the past, and build on it in the new relationship.

[Thatsamazing]

Yep, sometimes. I wish I could say my current girl was the best at everything I've ever had, but she's not.

[Usernamesrdumb]

Nope. Usually dead babies, steps in rebuilding a transmission, partial differential equations, astro physics, or a SJW/fem. Always want to outlast her. 😁

[Paige90]

A guy friend of mine in college said when he was having sex with some girls if he couldn't get hard and/or cum he would think about girls he had had sex with in the past.

[roland77]

No. If I would do so, it could mean I'm not over them.

[Anonymous]

I occasionally fantasize about other people besides my girlfriend, but usually not when I'm around her, and definitely never while we're having sex.

[msss98]

I've had the wow i can't belive how much better this is than anything anyone ever made me feel, but yeah i get the whole being compared and feeling bad about it

[worldscolide]

Oh God no, an ex is an ex.. I prefer they not be in my thoughts at all..

[Anonymous]

And this level of insecurity and drama is how you ruin sex. Who cares if someone happens to think about an ex or even an attractive celebrity? It's called being horny.

[mrkdvsn]

I've never had the ability or the mindset to think about past partners while engaged in sexual activities with a current partner.

[bamesjond0069]

Only unless we are watching one of the videos together. My girlfriend likes it and it turns her on knowing how great a lover i am.

[spartan55]

During sex? Are you kidding? Not a chance. I would advise getting your insecurity under control, because what you are talking about is very extreme.

[Tunasub]

If that's what you are concerned with then you will not be enjoying yourself or pleasing your partner.

[Sha84]

a normal human occurrence, people always do performance comparisons mentally

[Bikerboy123456]

If you really want the person thinking about your past partner shouldn't be an issue..

[Synikal]

Yea if I have to think... well so and so did this... but not saying I don't want to be with who I am with. Sex is diff.

[MackToday]

Hell no, If I'm interested enough in a girl to actually sleep with her I want to experience her not some girl I had years ago.

[smiledoll]

I can say from my ex that yeah he does do this our sex life was great 11 years and it was still good he claims about his wife not doing what I did but I dont think he tells her that.

[Red_Arrow]

No. Sometimes alone I might think about prior girlfriends, but I would not compare them, and I would not think of them while having sex.

[Shamalien]

Main reason why I'm waiting till I'm sure she's the one

[KaydenChrist]

Of course but there's a reason for that person being in the past

[Anonymous]

Never understood why people would fantasize about someone else during sex when there was a living breathing human being in front of them. But I, also, having sex in relationships not something casual.

[driver929]

I don't why are you think of your ex when you are with someone brand knew you you have explore each other to see what you like and don't like

[MuhammmadalMahdi]

Not me but friends do at times. It's normal. And, this is coming from a paid counsellor - me.

[Anonymous]

I don’t. I only think about the woman I’m with. My exes are in the past, where they belong.

[dumtampa]

Sometimes you have fantasies about people from other relationships

[crack21]

I concentrate on her, and i Always want to make sure She cums, so i have to make sure i enter into her skin o body and learn her pleasure points and exploit them to her satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

Yeah sometimes I did especially if they won’t do certain things

[MrMilti]

I cannot think about anything during sex, not enough blood in the brain...

[Anonymous]

I sometimes think about past experiences, if it was really hot.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm focused on the guy I'm having sex with. Also, I don't bother comparing myself to others cause I know I'm so good at it.

[skymanjj]

To tell you the truth! Never they called ex for a reason

[crazy8000]

Nope.
If I get that she is totally wrong.
Most likely passive.

[BoxySama]

I see all of my past partners as one partner 😎😬
I am a weird frequency, I don't care if you compare me the other guys

[bella4eva]

Nope. They're an ex for a reason. Moving on...

[Anonymous]

It happens sometimes. People to find what they love in someone in someone they are going to be with.

[simplelikeme]

No I don't, I only think about that person I'm sleeping with at the moment and pleasing her

[LEADFOOTboi]

How can... One woman be... BETTER... at laying on her... BACK... than another?

[andy530]

No I can’t really take my self out of that moment enough to be thinking of anyone else but then

[missalliee]

Even if its not during sex, you can't really help but compare the present and the past.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm totally focused on the guy I'm having sex with.

[Jasonball]

Most men fantasize while having sex, especially if it's a committed relationship and not a hot romance, whoever denies this is lying!

[QCreature]

If you're forever comparing to an ex then how are you going to feel and enjoy the present?

[coolhotchacha]

No...
At that moment how we can feel, otherwise pleasure from opposite will never b same

[Anonymous]

Thinking about exes is a little different than them comparing you to an ex

[Anonymous]

Who has so much time for that?

[AkkiAnj]

Yes, I do
And My bae knows it

[COMMODOREII]

Nope i never do. I focus on the girl I'm with.

[Dr_Latex_McPeggin]

Never... They were ex’s for a reason...