I think about my ex during sex?

Question

When me and my boyfriend have my mind always drifts to my ex. I’m always faking it with him because he just can’t get me to cum no matter how hard he tries or I try. Should I tell him?

Answer 1

LesterJester | 696 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Obviously you still got a thing for your ex, which means you weren't ready to start another relationship because it's clearly affecting things with this new relationship.

Personally, when having sex, I can only focus on the then and now and what is happening at the moment. I've never thought about a past girlfriend when having sex with another. The only reason I can think of why is because when those relationships ended, they were done. They betrayed my trust and had their own issues so I was more than happy to burn those bridges and never look back. After a while, I was ready to get back into things and meet new people.

If that's not the case and it's merely that he sucks in bed or just isn't compatible in a sexual nature, then in any of the above cases, maybe you should just break up.

I'm not being judgy or mean, I'm just being realistic. If you tried and he's tried and you've run out of ideas to make the experience pleasurable for yourself, then how long are you willing to continue down this path of mediocrity and disappointment? For the rest of your life?

Should he spend the rest of his life feeling like a failure in bed with you when say some other girl may enjoy his company better?

There is such a thing as sexual incompatibility.

But if I were to take a stab in the dark here, my guess is that your past experiences with your ex is affecting your experiences with your current partner, and the only person who can fix that is yourself. Whether it's lingering feelings and attachment or didn't get closure, whatever the case may be, it needs to be resolved. It sounds like a mental block on your end, or you're stuck comparing and judging everything that he does during sex with what your ex did, which takes you out of the moment, it makes you lose focus on the then and now and what you're currently experiencing.

Regardless of the reason, faking orgasms doesn't help anybody. You need to discuss this with him and be honest at what's not working to try and improve things, as well as get your damn ex out of your head, or break up and move on.

There's no other logical conclusions.

LesterJester

1 y
Reading through the replies to other answers, it now seems there's a lack of communication from your side of things. If he isn't focusing on other areas of your body that you want him to, fk'n tell him so. Tell him what you like and don't like... We are not mind readers and most guys actually want to ensure they're pleasing their partner. If you don't tell him, he doesn't know, and nothing will change.

I've had partners tell me things and I adapted with no issue, just as I told them. The problem is your lack of communication. Don't go saying your ex did this, your ex did that... Don't even bring up your damn ex. Just say what you like and how you like it. If he cares, he'll do it. If he doesn't care and only cares about himself, then dump him. At least you gave him the chance.

Answer 2

LesterJester

Reading through the replies to other answers, it now seems there's a lack of communication from your side of things. If he isn't focusing on other areas of your body that you want him to, fk'n tell him so. Tell him what you like and don't like... We are not mind readers and most guys actually want to ensure they're pleasing their partner. If you don't tell him, he doesn't know, and nothing will change.

I've had partners tell me things and I adapted with no issue, just as I told them. The problem is your lack of communication. Don't go saying your ex did this, your ex did that... Don't even bring up your damn ex. Just say what you like and how you like it. If he cares, he'll do it. If he doesn't care and only cares about himself, then dump him. At least you gave him the chance.

Answer 3

boggboss | 5.9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Just reverse the roles and do what you think would be fair If u was your boyfriend

Asker

1 y
The roles would never be reversed because I am good in bed
boggboss

1 y
Yet u picked this guy to be your boyfriend if u don't see how u are responsible for that choice your clowning
Asker

1 y
He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man except in bed he doesn’t satisfy me
Show All Show Less
boggboss

1 y
So he is not everything u want in a man as being compatible in bed is clearly important and what u are doing is a pisstake if he knew you know he wouldn't stay with you but meh just another selfish person as this situation won't last long if it requires u to think of your ex whilst getting fucked only a matter of time till it's the ex fucking you
Sambobelfast226

1 y
Is it his size or the way he moves
Asker

1 y
@Sambobelfast226 His size is not the problem
Sambobelfast226

1 y
If it's not his size then what gets you annoyed. Could it be he's to big for you and you loose the feeling to orgasm.

Answer 4

Asker

The roles would never be reversed because I am good in bed

Answer 5

boggboss

Yet u picked this guy to be your boyfriend if u don't see how u are responsible for that choice your clowning

Answer 6

Asker

He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man except in bed he doesn’t satisfy me

Answer 7

boggboss

So he is not everything u want in a man as being compatible in bed is clearly important and what u are doing is a pisstake if he knew you know he wouldn't stay with you but meh just another selfish person as this situation won't last long if it requires u to think of your ex whilst getting fucked only a matter of time till it's the ex fucking you

Answer 8

Sambobelfast226

Is it his size or the way he moves

Answer 9

Asker

@Sambobelfast226 His size is not the problem

Answer 10

Sambobelfast226

If it's not his size then what gets you annoyed. Could it be he's to big for you and you loose the feeling to orgasm.

Answer 11

SueShe | 4.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Then, I am afraid to say that your are mentally cheating on your boyfriend and that the best thing to do is to sever this relation.

It is useless to lie to yourself but mainly to him as it will lead nowhere. The step from mentally cheating to physically cheating him is not very big.

Don't tell him, just leave him. That is not only better for him but avoids to hurt him mentally.

Answer 12

Missmouse

Xper 3

Well I say take him by the hand and show him just how you like it don't just tell him. Make him take all day figuring how to make you love it.

Or break up with him.

What is he not doing? I have had 2 guys like that they just suck and ignore my advice. I had one girlfriend make me slap her and leave after poking her finger in my bottom after I said no

Asker

1 y
He only focuses on the obvious parts of my body. He completed doesn’t pay any attention to the other sexy zones and that’s something my ex did. He used to kiss and touch me EVERYWHERE
Missmouse

1 y
That's what I usually do. It's so much better with some one who goes all over not just one area.

Hm I hate being single I miss it.
Asker

1 y
My ex used to have me dripping wet just kissing me everywhere, but my current boyfriend is a bit more of a selfish lover and I’m starting to get tired of that
Show All Show Less
Missmouse

1 y
Well then break up and find a good selfless one. If your open let me know if you want to try with me.
Asker

1 y
Can you pm me
Missmouse

1 y
No I'm only lvl 1 do you have a Kik? We can chat there.
Missmouse

1 y
Give me a follow please so I know your gag username
Asker

1 y
I think if we follow each other we can pm
Missmouse

1 y
No annoyingly we have to be level 2 to pm.
Missmouse

1 y
We have to answer a lot of questions to level up Ina day
Missmouse

1 y
Ever been with another girl before?
Asker

1 y
Yeah

Answer 13

Asker

He only focuses on the obvious parts of my body. He completed doesn’t pay any attention to the other sexy zones and that’s something my ex did. He used to kiss and touch me EVERYWHERE

Answer 14

Missmouse

That's what I usually do. It's so much better with some one who goes all over not just one area.

Hm I hate being single I miss it.

Answer 15

Asker

My ex used to have me dripping wet just kissing me everywhere, but my current boyfriend is a bit more of a selfish lover and I’m starting to get tired of that

Answer 16

Missmouse

Well then break up and find a good selfless one. If your open let me know if you want to try with me.

Answer 17

Asker

Can you pm me

Answer 18

Missmouse

No I'm only lvl 1 do you have a Kik? We can chat there.

Answer 19

Missmouse

Give me a follow please so I know your gag username

Answer 20

Asker

I think if we follow each other we can pm

Answer 21

Missmouse

No annoyingly we have to be level 2 to pm.

Answer 22

Missmouse

We have to answer a lot of questions to level up Ina day

Answer 23

Missmouse

Ever been with another girl before?

Answer 24

msss98 | 1.2K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Well no u shouldn't tell him u should leave him and get ur mind in order

Asker

1 y
I feel like I should be honest with him
msss98

1 y
Nha u just gona hurt his feelings for what?

Answer 25

Asker

I feel like I should be honest with him

Answer 26

msss98

Nha u just gona hurt his feelings for what?

Answer 27

Anonymous

You sound selfish he deserves to know the truth so that he can dumped your ass for someone better

Asker

1 y
I’m not the selfish one

Answer 28

Asker

I’m not the selfish one

Answer 29

Sambobelfast226

Xper 4

You should tell him he needs to get better at making you cum

Answer 30

hamadazopry | 581 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

Rather than this, guide him how to satisfy ur desire, it's different from a woman to another, might be by dirty talks or dirty whispering during sex, rough sex or soft, spanking n caresses your different sensitive spot... u should do it !!

I think about my ex during sex?

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