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- As an American that was lucky enough to live in Asia for awhile, I can tell you that American men are pussies compared to Asian men. (myself included)
Asian men would NEVER put up with the shit that American men put up with. American women use sex as a tool to get what they want. This ONLY works when you're dealing with men that are complete pussies.
In America when a wife denies her husband sex (for day, weeks, month, or years) they just turn to porn and jack off.
When an Asian wife plays that game, she's doing her husband a huge favor! Now he's headed off to visit one of his hard-bodied side chicks. If his wife doesn't want to endure that unsavory task, he just farms it out to someone who does want to. Simple! It's a win/win. Wifey can enjoy her "headache" and hubby can enjoy his hot honey.
I hear guys on this site and many others that say that women hold all the cards in regards to sex.
Yep... they do. And who allows that dynamic to happen? Guys that are pussies. Women don't hold the cards, MEN allow women to hold the cards. Men just whine about the reality that they themselves created.
A. Freely given3|20|0Is this still revelant?@roland77
It's sad but true. I have to cringe when guys say they got "lucky."
And girls ask their guy friends if they got "lucky" last weekend. Why the fuck is it that the guy is the one that got lucky? Anyway, let the simps remain simps.
And you got 3 female up-votes for it. Sure, no female should be blamed here, it is the system that allows it. If it wouldn't be my parents, I would be trying to get food from charity (yes, I support a server, not needed for a living, not even luxury but I use it as a reference for writing job applications. What we need is a balanced/equalized system, that is not subject to abuse, like that the receiving side must provide evidence in form of receipts/bills what the child money (read: obligation) has been used for. Let's say 85% goes to the child, like diapers, food, beverages, school books and toys, the rest is for the care-taking ex-partner.
Is that agreeable?- Show All Show Less
- I don't think either of these terms accurately describes how sex should be treated.
In the long term sense, I would say it's closer to "earned," although I wouldn't use that word specifically. What I mean is that there ought to be a mutual sense of respect and trust before people decided to have sex, which in a way can be considered earning your way to that point in the relationship through the work you put into it.
However, when talking about each intimate encounter within an established sexual relationship, it should definitely be freely given. You should be having sex because you want to, not because you feel like you have to since the other person did something to earn it.0|00|0Is this still revelant?
Most Helpful Girls
- Freely given technically because sex shouldn't be used as a reward/weapon type of thing. However, I can see why someone would lose their sexual attraction towards their partner if their partner keeps doing things that are total turnoffs. That's just how relationships work. You can't treat your partner badly, not do your end of household chores, not take care of yourself, not be driven to do something with your life and still expect your partner to want to have sex with you. Freely given doesn't mean that you can expect sex whenever you want, nor does it mean that it's impossible for your sexual attraction to sway due to some circumstances.
"Earning" sex just sounds wrong to me. Like sex is just some prize to be won and rewarded with. Or as if not having sex is some kind of punishment. That's not how sex should work. Sex (in a relationship) should happen between two happy, loving and consenting adults. It should happen naturally and whenever it feels best. "Earning" sex also sounds so one-sided, as if it's just one person giving it and the other receiving it, rather than being a shared enjoyable experience.2|120|0Is this still revelant?@Alex_988_2 Na, maybe not, because that would feel like a punishment when I don"t deserve it.
- Sex is like trust: it's something you should have to EARN before it's given.
Otherwise it's meaningless and cheapens it. That's why sex is so impersonal and lacks any emotional connection nowadays: it's something people just "give out" because it's expected after x amount of dates, or you're afraid a guy/girl will lose interest in you if you don't sleep with them right now.
Yet they STILL lose interest in you because guess what? They got what they wanted (your body) instead of them earning it through love and commitment.
And even if they don't earn sex from you, or claim you're being "difficult," you what that tells me?
He was just after my body and not ME. And I dodged a bullet.
Let a person earn that sex and prove they want you, ALL of you: mind, personality, quirks, faults, and all... not just your body!7|90|1Is this still revelant?Okay I see you made it personal and I agree... however... the question at hand is both are already in a relationship not on the verge of creating one!
What do you think about two people already being in a relationship? Earned or Given?Ah, I see. My mistake, I you were referring to the dating, "getting to know each other" phase.
Now assuming I'm in a relationship with a guy, by that point he's already earned it so it's GIVEN since ideally I wouldn't even be with him unless he's already earned my trust and respect by that point.And of course some guy voted me down already 🙄
I'm SO surprised. There's more to a relationship than sex guys.- Show All Show Less
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1548- I wouldn't even want to stay in a relationship where sex has to be earned. Sex isn't a prize. Sex should be freely given as in, both partners are so sexually atrracted to each other and love each other so much that they want to make love. Not that if I cooked you some good food, you decide to reward me with sex. That just ruins sex for me. Makes me feel not wanted or attractive. Makes sex feel like a chore at this point. Just like I would never pull that shit on a guy as well. If we are both horny, we are having sex lol2|70|0
That is why I wrote "earned" and not earned by initial trust and later the trust must be maintained (by faithfulness).
- I'm not sure if I'd choose either of these options. It is a way of connecting and expressing with one another.
If I'm partially answering the question off of the picture provided--- Both parties need to be putting time and effort into the relationship and all of the components. While sex isn't a prize to be won, if one partner isn't putting into the relationship, sex will feel like a chore on top of all of the other aspects of life. When both partners contribute and can meet together with a balance within the relationship, it's a lot more fun and meaningful because both CARE.1|10|0 - A little of both. Like... overall, I think it should be earned just by making that significant other have a job OR help out around the house and or provide for the family... not for a washed up unhealthy, lazy, drug/gambling addict who's an alcoholic. or someone who plays video games all day and refuses to work and help provide (whatever that means in your relationship), then no. It SHOULD be earned.
But not... "Well, you didn't do the laundry this week, so NO SEX FOR YOU!" It shouldn't always be an "obligation," either, done out of pity, or some "legalistic contract" type thing. If the person is holding up to being a person you promised to love, and holding up to being a great partner, and if you're "in the mood" then it should be freely given in that sense, but just a part of the benefit to having a decent life and being an adult.0|00|0 - Depends what you mean about "freely given" if you are in a relationship and you think you can get sex when you want because you are in a relationship then no. If you mean when both parties want it then yes. Though earned is also a yes. I used to have to explain to my ex-husband who I had 2 young kids with that if he wasn't pulling his weight around the house then expect me to be too knackered at bedtime! Also if you don't put effort into your relationship then don't expect sex in return. I don't want to sleep with a guy that puts bare minimum effort into himself or me cos that would turn me off.0|10|2
- Earned? That doesn't sound like a relationship.
A relationship is being with someone you believe is an extension of yourself because there is chemistry. For me it's a passion that we both have for each other and there is no map or schedule or check list of money or food behavior that would finally make sex possible. It's chemistry and timing.
Even if a girl is the biggest whore out there, if you like the guy: Just don't fuck a guy on the first or even second date. At least at that point you Appear to have some self discipline and self respect. And a man will have that for you too. If I see a challenge for sex on a date and can talk a girl into fucking, then I may fuck her again, but I will not have a relationship with her.0|00|0 - Sex should be a spontaneous wanting. That "so in lust for one another you can't keep your hands off one another". The "wake up next to gets you going" sex. Sex should NOT be a reward, a tool, an expectation, or obligation.2|62|1
Wow downvoted by two women 😂😂 cuz I want sex to be an equally shared sensual experience and not a tool to get someone to jump through hoops. Downvote all you want. That's why Your Sex Life sucks 😂😂
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Yes, true. And then they don't blame themselves for it. Of course, both must be comfortable to make love, else the uncomfortable partner will feel used. I was not always comfortable about giving my ex-wife Cunnilingus before she gave me Fellatio. She said I would come then and cannot continue as I would require a break. Yes, that it is. The orgasm is still a lot in my head and I need to pause (read: being hugged/cuddled up with) to continue. And of course, still in the mood, what she could have changed positively.
- A relationship does not entitle you to sex at any time. Both people in the relationship have to want it.1|50|0
No disagreement, but you missed the point.. Saying a man or woman should have to earn sex from. Inside a relationship, is the same as saying a hug must be earned, affection must be earned.. Granted no one should be forced, but it's not something you should hold out there like a prize a carrot if you get the metaphor that one has to win.. To earn.. That also cheapens it.
@worldscolide yeah I thought about that after posting. I guess I should have added more on the earning factor. I don’t think sex should be an earned thing either. It should be a freely given thing by both parties but, as I stated in my original answer, it has to be something both parties want because sex isn’t entitled either.
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From an emotional point of view or physical, like menstruation I can understand it. But please don't let it become a "habit" to say "Not now.", especially when your partner has a high sex-drive.
- Well both. If your using sex as a commodity your already putting strain on the relationship, your saying that you don't really want to be intimate with them but rather want them to do stuff for you and then you will give them what THEY want rather then you wanting to be intimate with them. Obviously if their not doing anything in the relationship you should break up with them so its not like it shouldn't be earned but it also shouldn't be used as a commodity.0|00|0
- Neither. Sex is not something to be "freely given", because that suggests it has no meaning or risk. It is also not something to be "earned", because that suggests it is only desirable to one party, unless exchanged for something else of higher value to the other party.
Sex should be mutually desirable and only engaged in after great time and consideration.0|00|0 - I say earned. Because that's the more respectful way to do it. But earned in the sense of a girls respect and emotional support vs chores that are done for her. Basically, coming in the door with her aftering dating for a month "I'm sorry if I've been (fill in the blank) ... But cut off a little before the end. She drops her bags and lays a big kiss on you and start making out. No sex but just a time of closeness with her. That's over time where she learns she can trust you. And when your trust is earned she will let you know0|00|1
- when did it become a commodity... i always thought it was something to be shared and not a bargining chip... you lot will be trying to sell the air next0|30|0
same in the uk which is why i bought a place in bulgaria... nice and clean and free... thats socialism for you i guess lol
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far from it... one of the least expensive places in Europe if not the world. do an ebay search of bulgarian property and when you come back to tell me just how cheap a house is i can tell you mine was even cheaper when i bought it ;)
i hope you do because when someone questioned me on the subject the other day they thought i was joking until they bothered to look for themselves... then they came back to tell me they were planning on moving there too
in the soviet era everyone was given land and materials to build a house to live in with family in exchange for the work they did in the fields etc... since the iron curtain fell the family units broke up as work dried up and the young moved to the cities or other countries... this has resulted in a shrinking of rural population and a glut of vacant properties... this will not last forever so if you wanted a long term investment now is the time to buy though ofcourse having property there for the last ten years myself, i have already seen a five fold increase in property prices. not that i bought my place for any other reason than to provide me with a retirement plan
Well the rent is even super cheap! I could spend a few months there easily on those prices without even buying anything.
yeah lots of people rent for a few months or a year before buying but the longer you take the more prices of property will rise so i wouldn't advise procratination for too long... my story was i was on ebay, booked a flight and owned my house within a week... best thing i ever did even if it was also the most impulsive thing i ever did too
Sex in a relationship for me, is very much connected with emotions and love. It's more emotionally intimate than physically.
I don't want to make it banal by giving it just freely or use it to reward desirable behaviours.
I want it to just happen yk like a big magical moment.
So yeah, none of the above.2|40|0Thank you for seeing it this way. I respected that in all my relationships a lot (and sure with current girlfriend).
- Enough silly games! If you both enjoy orgasms, why would you make someone EARN one? Oh, right. Women don't really enjoy them so they're a reward.
0|00|0 - Sex is intimate trust and should be "earned" by trusting each other (I don't know how it works in polygamous relationships, for usre in monogamous) but later given for free (trust must be still maintaned). But something like the picture shows is plain wrong in my kind of view as sex becomes more like a salary or work-reward, which it is not.0|00|0
- Ya gotta earn it buddy. LOL Ya gotta be awesome, or no nookie. Or as we say, 'don't lose your key or no noo-kie'. :)
If a woman wants to get with a man she'll break every rule to do it.
If she doesn't, she'll make up a new rule every day why she can't.0|10|0 - A bit of both in my opinion:
If my partner keeps being a grump to me and is not "nice" to me I stop to want having sex with him, so in a way he has to "earn" it.
But it's not as simple like: do the laundry and I'll give you head.
I will give you the love and affection you'll need, BUT, if you don't want to work for my pleasure/wellbeing, I'll talk to you about it. And then if after a while nothing changes I'll stop giving it to you and you will have to "earn" it back, or I'm leaving.0|20|0 - Respected. It should sweeten an advancing relationship, not be a door prize. Modern culture has obscured the eternal truth that sex is something girls have that guys want. The value girls set on sex is the value they set on themselves..0|00|0
- In an established relationship it should be freely given. With mutual consent of course, but I wouldn't want my partner to worry or thinking about it twice if he's in the mood for sex.
He should (optimally) feel free to communicate his desire...0|10|0 - Freely given.
As one poster said, sex being "earned" suggests that the relationship is one-sided, and that one partner is having to jump through hoops to get one partner to "give" it to the other.
You put up a picture of a man cleaning because that's often the way it happens when it happens, and some call that "choreplay". "I'll let you have sex with me if you do as your chores like a good boy". In that case the desire isn't really 50/50, and the relationship is likely doomed.0|10|0 - Well sex isn't some type of prize you get for being good so I think it should be freely given1|30|0
- Freely given is stupid to me, yes i'm not a hooker, but if they've been treating me like crap for a few days and they suddenly feel horny, why should i help them out? and visa versa, so sex definitely isn't something i would freely give without feeling like i'm respected and my needs aren't being taken into consideration also.0|21|3
Anonymous1 yIf my wife said that I had to "earn" the sex it'd be a HUGE argument. I'M YOU HUSBAND!! I didn't wait until marriage to have sex just to have it used to bribe me to do shit. We have sex because we love each other and want to keep each other satisfied NOT as a tool to manipulate each other, we even gave our virginity to each other.0|00|0- Sex requires trust, and trust has to be earned, therefore sex has to be earned.0|10|0
- Sex should be done only after marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18) and an expression of love. Expressions of love are freely given (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).2|10|1
- Anonymous1 yI mean people should move at their own pace, not rush, and all that. But to say sex should be 'earned' as if it is a reward is absolutely toxic. It means one person is using sex to manipulate the other.0|00|0
- In my days Sex would be an inevitable eventuality some day in the future it may or may
Not be earned but attraction figures in there somewhere, I know I have been there.0|00|0 - I believe in Monogamy... People should be married before they have sex. To make relationships work, effort is a must (which I believe indicates roughly where I lean).0|00|0
- Around here everything is earned, not given Coach! We’re here to build a dynasty! We’re coming for the gold!!0|10|2
- Im confused by given. Nobody just gives sex unless its prostitution. Its mutual interest in one another that results into an intamate interaction.0|00|0
- In a relationship, freely given, by both parties, why should anything be earned lol0|10|0
- "Earn"? If men have to "earn" sex, women should have to "earn" the money we spend on them ---- with sex.0|00|0
- A relationship should have lust for sex. It should neither be gifted or earned0|00|0
- if i had a girl she better give it up when want it.
i'm incel so i'm all talk tho.0|00|0 - If I have to earn sex then I don't want sex with her...0|00|0
- Turn sex into a currency, and the more difficult obtaining it becomes, the more likely the induvidual will try to obtain it elsewhere.0|10|0
Not a justification for cheating, of course. But it is a very clear explanation. Sex is NO currency.
- Sex should be earned by both parties in a relationship. Meaning, they both must make each other feel loved, respected, cared about. And the reward is mutually earned. :)1|20|0
I hear this then: "You have not earned my sex reward, you didn't clean up our apartment yet!" Feels like a bit of a punishment, if said so.
- Sex is an act of Love, not a form of Payment! Sexual Intercourse should be viewed as a beautiful activity between two Lovers for the Pleasure and Fun!1|20|0
Sex is trust intimately (but intimacy can also be done by not making love). A relationship without sex is something I won't go for (constantly saying "Not now" or "You are disgusting!" really hurts one day or another).
- Anonymous1 ySex should be freely given and mutually desired in the context of a traditional marriage relationship0|00|0
- Well if you don't want sex, then why are you in a relationship? This goes for both parties. So yeah sex should be free.0|10|0
- I don't feel like either of those words apply to be honest. Sex is an act shared between consensual adults, not a gift to be given or a reward to be earned. Both parties should be as invested and have the same level of desire.0|10|0
- Anonymous1 yIf someone finds it too much of a pain to earn, they're very likely to go looking for it elsewhere. Just remember that. So to make the relationship last you'd be well advised to be more giving.0|20|0
- Id never try to earn sex, I feel that would prove all my shoes of affection are hollow, and worthless.
Sex shouldn't be a game0|10|0 - Sex happens naturally. I don't use it as reward I just have sex when we both feel like it. I don't give sex either I just have sex because I want too0|20|1
- Freely given.. And I'm glad those of us with a brain voted with me0|11|0
What a lot of the women here are missing is the point.. It's not about consent. It's about being forced to perform xyz duties to get sex.. Replace sex with hugs, with kisses, with simple affection and you will get the point, should a man or woman have to earn affection from inside of a relationship? No.. It should be freely given..
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- look at the difference in votes based on sex lol0|00|0
- So Tinder or actual relationship? Also there is no free.0|10|0
- Anonymous1 yThe fuck is there to earn? Partners don't have to earn each other in any way, how ridiculous.0|20|0
If you knew sex was 100% each time after doing the dishes would you do the dishes?
- "Should" based on person to person really0|00|0
- She's going to have to earn it.0|00|0
- Hahaha😂.. For a marriage yeah, freely given.0|00|0
- It should depend on the couple.
Simples...0|10|0 - freely given by both or all three0|00|0
- Anonymous1 yVoted A if you’re in a committed relationship0|00|0
- If its earned, its currency.0|10|0
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