Sexual Relationships
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Should sex be freely given or earned in a relationship?

Should sex be freely given or earned in a relationship?
Freely Given of Course
Vote A
Earn That Shit
Vote B
Other (left my FREELY GIVEN thought process) in the comments below
Vote C
see poll (Everybody just follow me 'Cause we need a little controversy )
Vote D
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
0 5

Most Helpful Guys

  • As an American that was lucky enough to live in Asia for awhile, I can tell you that American men are pussies compared to Asian men. (myself included)

    Asian men would NEVER put up with the shit that American men put up with. American women use sex as a tool to get what they want. This ONLY works when you're dealing with men that are complete pussies.

    In America when a wife denies her husband sex (for day, weeks, month, or years) they just turn to porn and jack off.

    When an Asian wife plays that game, she's doing her husband a huge favor! Now he's headed off to visit one of his hard-bodied side chicks. If his wife doesn't want to endure that unsavory task, he just farms it out to someone who does want to. Simple! It's a win/win. Wifey can enjoy her "headache" and hubby can enjoy his hot honey.

    I hear guys on this site and many others that say that women hold all the cards in regards to sex.
    Yep... they do. And who allows that dynamic to happen? Guys that are pussies. Women don't hold the cards, MEN allow women to hold the cards. Men just whine about the reality that they themselves created.

    A. Freely given

    • It nails it what is so much wrong here.

    • @roland77 It's sad but true. I have to cringe when guys say they got "lucky." And girls ask their guy friends if they got "lucky" last weekend. Why the fuck is it that the guy is the one that got lucky? Anyway, let the simps remain simps.

    • And you got 3 female up-votes for it. Sure, no female should be blamed here, it is the system that allows it. If it wouldn't be my parents, I would be trying to get food from charity (yes, I support a server, not needed for a living, not even luxury but I use it as a reference for writing job applications. What we need is a balanced/equalized system, that is not subject to abuse, like that the receiving side must provide evidence in form of receipts/bills what the child money (read: obligation) has been used for. Let's say 85% goes to the child, like diapers, food, beverages, school books and toys, the rest is for the care-taking ex-partner. Is that agreeable?

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  • I don't think either of these terms accurately describes how sex should be treated.

    In the long term sense, I would say it's closer to "earned," although I wouldn't use that word specifically. What I mean is that there ought to be a mutual sense of respect and trust before people decided to have sex, which in a way can be considered earning your way to that point in the relationship through the work you put into it.

    However, when talking about each intimate encounter within an established sexual relationship, it should definitely be freely given. You should be having sex because you want to, not because you feel like you have to since the other person did something to earn it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Freely given technically because sex shouldn't be used as a reward/weapon type of thing. However, I can see why someone would lose their sexual attraction towards their partner if their partner keeps doing things that are total turnoffs. That's just how relationships work. You can't treat your partner badly, not do your end of household chores, not take care of yourself, not be driven to do something with your life and still expect your partner to want to have sex with you. Freely given doesn't mean that you can expect sex whenever you want, nor does it mean that it's impossible for your sexual attraction to sway due to some circumstances.

    "Earning" sex just sounds wrong to me. Like sex is just some prize to be won and rewarded with. Or as if not having sex is some kind of punishment. That's not how sex should work. Sex (in a relationship) should happen between two happy, loving and consenting adults. It should happen naturally and whenever it feels best. "Earning" sex also sounds so one-sided, as if it's just one person giving it and the other receiving it, rather than being a shared enjoyable experience.

    • deserves mho

    • @Alex_988_2 Na, maybe not, because that would feel like a punishment when I don"t deserve it.

  • Sex is like trust: it's something you should have to EARN before it's given.

    Otherwise it's meaningless and cheapens it. That's why sex is so impersonal and lacks any emotional connection nowadays: it's something people just "give out" because it's expected after x amount of dates, or you're afraid a guy/girl will lose interest in you if you don't sleep with them right now.

    Yet they STILL lose interest in you because guess what? They got what they wanted (your body) instead of them earning it through love and commitment.
    And even if they don't earn sex from you, or claim you're being "difficult," you what that tells me?
    He was just after my body and not ME. And I dodged a bullet.

    Let a person earn that sex and prove they want you, ALL of you: mind, personality, quirks, faults, and all... not just your body!

    • Okay I see you made it personal and I agree... however... the question at hand is both are already in a relationship not on the verge of creating one! What do you think about two people already being in a relationship? Earned or Given?

    • Ah, I see. My mistake, I you were referring to the dating, "getting to know each other" phase. Now assuming I'm in a relationship with a guy, by that point he's already earned it so it's GIVEN since ideally I wouldn't even be with him unless he's already earned my trust and respect by that point.

    • And of course some guy voted me down already 🙄 I'm SO surprised. There's more to a relationship than sex guys.

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What Girls & Guys Said

15 48

  • A bit of both in my opinion:
    If my partner keeps being a grump to me and is not "nice" to me I stop to want having sex with him, so in a way he has to "earn" it.
    But it's not as simple like: do the laundry and I'll give you head.
    I will give you the love and affection you'll need, BUT, if you don't want to work for my pleasure/wellbeing, I'll talk to you about it. And then if after a while nothing changes I'll stop giving it to you and you will have to "earn" it back, or I'm leaving.

  • A little of both. Like... overall, I think it should be earned just by making that significant other have a job OR help out around the house and or provide for the family... not for a washed up unhealthy, lazy, drug/gambling addict who's an alcoholic. or someone who plays video games all day and refuses to work and help provide (whatever that means in your relationship), then no. It SHOULD be earned.

    But not... "Well, you didn't do the laundry this week, so NO SEX FOR YOU!" It shouldn't always be an "obligation," either, done out of pity, or some "legalistic contract" type thing. If the person is holding up to being a person you promised to love, and holding up to being a great partner, and if you're "in the mood" then it should be freely given in that sense, but just a part of the benefit to having a decent life and being an adult.

  • Sex should be a spontaneous wanting. That "so in lust for one another you can't keep your hands off one another". The "wake up next to gets you going" sex. Sex should NOT be a reward, a tool, an expectation, or obligation.

    • Wow downvoted by two women 😂😂 cuz I want sex to be an equally shared sensual experience and not a tool to get someone to jump through hoops. Downvote all you want. That's why Your Sex Life sucks 😂😂

    • Yes, let them down-vote as much as they want. Maybe they use sex as a tool or weapon.

    • @roland77 That's what kills sex and then the relationship 🤷🏼‍♀️

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  • I wouldn't even want to stay in a relationship where sex has to be earned. Sex isn't a prize. Sex should be freely given as in, both partners are so sexually atrracted to each other and love each other so much that they want to make love. Not that if I cooked you some good food, you decide to reward me with sex. That just ruins sex for me. Makes me feel not wanted or attractive. Makes sex feel like a chore at this point. Just like I would never pull that shit on a guy as well. If we are both horny, we are having sex lol

    • That is why I wrote "earned" and not earned by initial trust and later the trust must be maintained (by faithfulness).

  • A relationship does not entitle you to sex at any time. Both people in the relationship have to want it.

    • I agree!

    • No disagreement, but you missed the point.. Saying a man or woman should have to earn sex from. Inside a relationship, is the same as saying a hug must be earned, affection must be earned.. Granted no one should be forced, but it's not something you should hold out there like a prize a carrot if you get the metaphor that one has to win.. To earn.. That also cheapens it.

    • @worldscolide yeah I thought about that after posting. I guess I should have added more on the earning factor. I don’t think sex should be an earned thing either. It should be a freely given thing by both parties but, as I stated in my original answer, it has to be something both parties want because sex isn’t entitled either.

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  • Well both. If your using sex as a commodity your already putting strain on the relationship, your saying that you don't really want to be intimate with them but rather want them to do stuff for you and then you will give them what THEY want rather then you wanting to be intimate with them. Obviously if their not doing anything in the relationship you should break up with them so its not like it shouldn't be earned but it also shouldn't be used as a commodity.

  • Freely given.

    As one poster said, sex being "earned" suggests that the relationship is one-sided, and that one partner is having to jump through hoops to get one partner to "give" it to the other.

    You put up a picture of a man cleaning because that's often the way it happens when it happens, and some call that "choreplay". "I'll let you have sex with me if you do as your chores like a good boy". In that case the desire isn't really 50/50, and the relationship is likely doomed.

  • look at the difference in votes based on sex lol

  • Sex requires trust, and trust has to be earned, therefore sex has to be earned.

  • In an established relationship it should be freely given. With mutual consent of course, but I wouldn't want my partner to worry or thinking about it twice if he's in the mood for sex.
    He should (optimally) feel free to communicate his desire...

  • Depends what you mean about "freely given" if you are in a relationship and you think you can get sex when you want because you are in a relationship then no. If you mean when both parties want it then yes. Though earned is also a yes. I used to have to explain to my ex-husband who I had 2 young kids with that if he wasn't pulling his weight around the house then expect me to be too knackered at bedtime! Also if you don't put effort into your relationship then don't expect sex in return. I don't want to sleep with a guy that puts bare minimum effort into himself or me cos that would turn me off.

  • Well sex isn't some type of prize you get for being good so I think it should be freely given

  • I say earned. Because that's the more respectful way to do it. But earned in the sense of a girls respect and emotional support vs chores that are done for her. Basically, coming in the door with her aftering dating for a month "I'm sorry if I've been (fill in the blank) ... But cut off a little before the end. She drops her bags and lays a big kiss on you and start making out. No sex but just a time of closeness with her. That's over time where she learns she can trust you. And when your trust is earned she will let you know

  • Neither. Sex is not something to be "freely given", because that suggests it has no meaning or risk. It is also not something to be "earned", because that suggests it is only desirable to one party, unless exchanged for something else of higher value to the other party.

    Sex should be mutually desirable and only engaged in after great time and consideration.

  • I'm not sure if I'd choose either of these options. It is a way of connecting and expressing with one another.
    If I'm partially answering the question off of the picture provided--- Both parties need to be putting time and effort into the relationship and all of the components. While sex isn't a prize to be won, if one partner isn't putting into the relationship, sex will feel like a chore on top of all of the other aspects of life. When both partners contribute and can meet together with a balance within the relationship, it's a lot more fun and meaningful because both CARE.

  • Sex shouldn't be a trading item



  • Sex in a relationship for me, is very much connected with emotions and love. It's more emotionally intimate than physically.

    I don't want to make it banal by giving it just freely or use it to reward desirable behaviours.

    I want it to just happen yk like a big magical moment.

    So yeah, none of the above.

    • Thank you for seeing it this way. I respected that in all my relationships a lot (and sure with current girlfriend).

  • when did it become a commodity... i always thought it was something to be shared and not a bargining chip... you lot will be trying to sell the air next

    • Fresh air will be expensive here soon!

    • same in the uk which is why i bought a place in bulgaria... nice and clean and free... thats socialism for you i guess lol

    • is Bulgaria expensive?

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  • Freely given, definitely

  • Turn sex into a currency, and the more difficult obtaining it becomes, the more likely the induvidual will try to obtain it elsewhere.

    • Not a justification for cheating, of course. But it is a very clear explanation. Sex is NO currency.

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