How long into a relationship do you decide not to use a CONDOM?

Question

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

This is not something that you can put a stopwatch or a calendar on. Truth is, my high school girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other - I was 16, she was 15 - and did not use a condom.

It was not thought. We had an ideal moment, teenage hormones were at work, and nature took its' course. We did what came instinctively and there was not too much brainpower or calculation at work.

Then it worked like this: For the first week, I was sure of three things. 1) I was a MAN!!! 2) I was absolutely 100% certain I was in love. 3) My girlfriend was the gal I was going to marry, have babies with and a house with a white picket fence in the burbs.

Then, about a week and a half after - WHAT IF I GOT HER PREGNANT? So began about two weeks of checking every day with my girlfriend. The now daily question - "Have you had IT yet?" The "IT" being her period. She got really tired of that question.

Well, we got lucky. She was not pregnant and we continued to date - and have sex WITH condoms - through the rest of high school and till my sophomore year, her freshman year, in college. Even then, it parted amicably - more because going to two different colleges in two different states 4 hours apart just, literally and figuratively, some distance between us.

Even then, though, funny thing. Even as worried as I truly was, there were no regrets at least in my mind at age 16. I can remember thinking that if I was a dad, I was going to be an amazing dad and stay at my gfd's and child's side.

That's the funny thing. There was never a moment when I regretted not using a condom. Yup, I was nervous, but I never looked back.

Beyond that, truth in advertising, since then I have probably had more sex without condoms as with. Including even a couple of one night stands. I don't like condoms not even because of how they feel, but because I like the idea of putting my seed in a woman and siring offspring. It makes the sense of connection I feel with the woman more intense and - dumb as it sounds - makes me feel my manhood more.

Also, more truth in advertising, I have sired five children out of wedlock. One was a miscarriage and I did not find out till years later. One, in by far the most painful and sad experience of my life, was aborted without my knowing. I don't lie - nothing is more hurtful to me in all my life and I truly do miss and love the baby I never got to hold in my arms.

Then my girlfriend and I have lived together for 12 years and she has given me three of the most beautiful little gifts - my little Munchkins - that a woman has ever given to a man. (We don't want to be married.) Frankly it is a wonder that we don't have 15 children so sloppy are we about birth control and if she told me tomorrow she was pregnant, you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face.

(Is it possible that I have other children that I might not know about? Possibly, though I doubt it. All I can say is that if I found I had another child I would love that child with all my heart.)

So very long answer to a very short question. It is not about the calendar. It is about how you feel about sex and the person you are with. Sex is healthy and natural, instinctive and beautiful, and the only question then for a man and a woman is the degree to which they want to - and are prepared for - that experience.

That is measured between the man and the woman and what they want and need. Not what the calendar tells them it ought to be.

razelove · Accepted Answer

I don't pull out or use condoms, I will if I see some potential for the future and it's a temporary thing, like we're getting together, she's just starting birth control, so on and so forth, otherwise jesus is my condom. My strength is as ten because my heart is pure. In all seriousness a wise old man once told me the best protection is someone else's name.

I've only caught 3 STDs, got penicillin and z-packs for all of them, ironically about to have my 3rd kid as well lol.

There are those at home HIV test kits now, and for everything else you can go to a doc and get a full work-up done if you've had another partner since your last one.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Usually after I'm sure I can trust him that much. In other words, it might be a while...

But first:
-Make sure he's exclusive and only seeing me. None of that open relationship, seeing other women, poly nonsense.
-He's been tested and I see his results (Yes I'm tested and clean so he's more than welcome to see my results!).

-I find and get on some birth control that's 100 percent effective against pregnancy! Accidents happen= so unless he's sterile or had a vasectomy, I want to make sure I don't have kids.

SydneySentinel · Accepted Answer

-When you both have been checked for STIs -When you're exclusive  -When/if you want kids  Or -There is another method of prevention (pill, IUD, etc)

thegirlfromthething · Answer

Never, unless we’re both clean and at least one of us can’t conceive.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

I don't think that's a scheduled time thing, like 3 months, 6 months, etc. Rather a trust thing/ timing. And that is going to be different based on the people involved, their true character, and level of commitment.

MissKittyz · Answer

I've always used a condom except with my fiancé. He was the first guy I've agreed to do it without a condom. But, that's because we were at the stage of our relationship where I trusted him 100%, we wanted kids in the future together and wanted to get married and have a family. I've never been that serious with anyone else except him. So, if I do get pregnant, at least we will both be happy since we both want to be parents. I also don't use any form of birth control either. And we both been tested as well.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I’d only have sex in a longterm relationship of at least 6+ months and i’d have to be in love. We’d get tested and rawdog. Condoms in my opinion are for people who aren't trying to become parents

Sneffany03 · Answer

I’ve been in only 3 serious relationships and have only used a condom once 🤦🏼‍♀️

Daniela1982 · Answer

When you both have had STD testing done and you have a clean bill or health and when the girl is using birth control. Just be aware that birth control by one person only is not 100% as accidents do happen and forgetting to take a pill does happen.

Ellenrocks2001 · Answer

Also, unless you want a child, use another form of contraception. I use both condoms and a pill. I stopped condoms after I was curtain I was stable in the relasionship

Lliam · Answer

You both can get tested for STD. Get her on the pill. Start having real sex right away.

AzureGirl · Answer

My fiancé and I stopped after 4 years I think? I’ve been on birth control since before we started dating and we’ve just kind of reached the point where if it happens then we’re okay with it.

Moonchild714 · Answer

I have HPV, so Condoms are always necessary. Even after we got married condoms.

lilyanony1 · Answer

He didn't let me have a choice so I stopped sleeping with him

midnightmoon05 · Answer

when i know that we are both committed, exclusive, leanding towards LT/marraige  and okay to have a kid

pajamasam · Answer

Really not until were both exclusive and we've had a discussion about what to do in a potential "oh shit were pregnant" because I personally dont wanna have that "you should get an abortion talk" so I'm not have sex without wrapping my willy unless I've had a talk about birth control, condoms, and potential unplanned pregnancies with my partner.

KeziL · Answer

Really depends on the person. I’m on birth control so that helps me feel safer. I’ve given 2/8 guys the okay to not use a condom during sex, but I can’t really say why they were different than the others. Those both turned out to be one-time things (although I did think they might last longer, so maybe that factored in). I probably also thought about how careful I’d been to take my birth control on time in the days prior. i think in an actual relationship, I’d be alright with no condoms as soon as we’d agreed to be committed and exclusive, but still require one if I had doubts about if I’d taken my birth control at the wrong time or something.

Warmapplecrumble · Answer

Since the second two times as I discovered I have allergies to them.  We use pull out, and ovulation method combined.

BlackRoseFairy · Answer

When we're  1. exclusive and committed  2. both checked for Stds on a tactical basis 3. Have discussed about the possibility of pregnancy and are both in agreement we want to have children.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Soon after we found out I couldn't conceive a child. :(

JackSmy · Answer

When you WANT to have children.

Sensmind · Answer

Quite early since I would want us to be exclusive and committed from the first few dates - I think if we both made the gesture, got tested and cleared then discussed preferred method of birth control that suits us both