Can you be official without having slept together?

[Anonymous]

I am in the very early stages of dating but we do go really well together.
So I am wondering can you declare that you are official and not have slept together yet?
I am a person I don't want to sleep with someone I am not commitet to, so I would prefer it if we became boyfriend and girlfriend first, then slept together afterwards.
I know you should kinda test out if you enjoy it first, but I wouldn't be opposed to making out and other things. Just not sex.

[Massageman]

Absolutely.

"How graceful are your feet in sandals, O queenly maiden! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, overlooking Damascus. Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses. How fair and pleasant you are, O loved one, delectable maiden! You are stately as a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its branches. Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your kisses like the best wine that goes down smoothly, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the fields, and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards, and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. Songs of Songs 7.Steamy stuff! This is the way God WANTS couples to be made official - after marriage.

[sejla]

Lyrical. We've lost something along the way.

[chadpattan]

Hmm. I'm conflicted.

My very first girlfriend. I was with her for 6 months. During that time, she came over my house every evening after I got home from work, stayed with me from 6pm to midnight. Like clockwork.

We never had sex. Almost, but didn't happen (long story).

She would front in front of our mutual friends; things like pulling me in the back room while they were out front and then messing up her dress and act like she was straightening it up when we came out, just to make it seem like I did something.

Here's what we did do:
- lapdances
- video games (a LOT of video games)
- parties (basically her sisters and my friends over my house and we would cook a bunch of food)
- go to the mall or wherever

That's it.

If you were to ask her, she would say she considered it serious. Especially because, after we broke up, her kid sister (who was a very good friend of mine) told me that she had wanted to get married and thought I would be the last guy she would date.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Absolutely! As a matter of fact, I only sleep with a guy AFTER we are official and committed. If that's a problem? He better move on.

It's sad people confuse sex with being together or official. NO. It doesn't work like that.

As a matter of fact, good for you for waiting! It's a good way to gauge if he's really interested in you, or just after your body. And you'll appreciate it that much more if you're committed to each other and don't just rush into things.

[Robertcw]

Very risky move. I have lost girls this way.

[PrimalInstinct]

"I know you should kinda test out if you enjoy it first" - and this is why people of previous generations joke & laugh & point fingers at the clowns of today's generation and the ones to come. ... There's more to a relationship than just sex. If all you're after is sex that's a friend's with benefits thing & nobody cares if you're official with friends with benefits or not.

[potatoiswhoiam]

Yes it all depends on what "official" means to the couple. No one else can dictate the rules of your relationship.
If you both hold the same opinion, then of course you can be official without having slept together. So make sure you find out his opinion on this, cuz none of us can really help you with that. At the end of the day what we think doesn't matter

[chrissykerdock]

not officially but you can say hey I really like this woman and i'm going to be with her... I want to know her... I want to see her... and hopefully real love will develop... it's refreshing that there's a couple not having sex from the moment they met... remember you can't run until you can walk.

[Tiffers2154]

Of course

[sejla]

Of course, people do it all the time. Not all people have sex immediately. Some wait a month or two and others until marriage. Official only means a couple isn't going to date anyone else. It's not a major commitment.

[Brindale]

You dont need to fuck to be considered official lol

[OlderAndWiser]

"Making it official" like going to the courthouse and registering as an official dating couple? 😄. That expression drives me nuts. Just call it what it is. "We are dating exclusively.". What you do behind closed doors is nobody's business.

[mrfoox]

Yes I believe so. I'm the same as you, I won't jump to sex fast. So yes you can be official before sleeping together! If you haven't asked your date yet, ask if he'd like be your boyfriend

[KeziL]

Yeah that’s probably how it should be.

[lightbulb27]

of course. official is committed to each other.

[SarahsSummer]

Of course, that’s not unrealistic. You both just need to be on the same page.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Call it "official" if you want even without having sex together.
Consummation only applies to marriages.

[JackSmy]

Every relationship is unique, and it is what you both choose to make it! Why does it have to be defined, to just be something you both share and love? Just enjoy being together, and let things work out.

[Sensmind]

Each couple are different but many would be comfortable to declare themselves official without sleeping together.

[BCA6010]

Being officially together is subjective to the couple; there is no specific threshold you have to cross.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Yes you can be official without sleeping together.. some people wait till marriage before they do.. ask him what are we if your unsure?

[anonbrunette99]

Yes.

[_gigi18]

Sex doesn't define a relationship do it when you're ready. If you've discussed that it's an exclusive relationship or an open one then its official you've made the nature of the relationship clear.

[Dongtai]

I couldn’t. That’s basically a formal friendship in my eyes. Sex crosses a line. It’s what separates friends from lovers. I also need to be sexually compatible with a girl for the relationship to survive long term.

Kissing and other things is great in the beginning. But if months go by and that’s all we do, it starts to feel like
A.) She’s not sexual
B.) She doesn’t want to have sex “with me”

If it’s A, the relationship won’t work. If it’s B the relationship won’t work. When I have feelings for a woman, sex is how I transmute those feelings into a physical form. That physical and emotional connection is my way of telling a girl she’s the only girl I want and that I love her.

Without sex, I don’t feel like I’m “yours”.

[Asker]

Well that's exactly the opposite of how I feel. If a guy wants to have sex more than he wants to have an emotional bond first, I assume he doesn't care for me and doesn't want me or "me" but wants someone he can have sex with who he might also enjoy talking to a little. For me it's a risk to allow it to early because if he leaves after I would feel like shit. If he stays a while without getting it I know at least he was interested in me personally from the start.

[Dongtai]

But what if sex IS how the guy forms his emotional bond? Rejecting his gesture would be the same as rejecting his attempt to bond with you. For me, sex isn’t just pleasure or the physical. It’s a connection. Two people coming together mentally, physically and emotionally. It’s the closest you could ever be to becoming one with a person. This is a good response though. It gives me some questions to put out there when I start getting serious with a girl.

[Asker]

Well maybe it's because I am a girl, but I just have another mindeset regarding sex. For me it is more physical then emotional. I could not be with a guy who needs sex to form an enotional bond. Meaning he cares for me and likes me and wants to be a part of my live. Of course at some point sex would happen but if someones say to me he wil only start to serious form a bond with me if I put out sounds kind of like he just wants to get some, you understand? I would be cautious if he just wants to trick me into having sex. That's why I want to be clear first if he sees me as an exclusive partner and wants to get with me. Then we can talk about sex. If he decides afterwards he did not like it and leaves I would be devastated but at least I know he had interest in other things than my body otherwhise he wouldn't have waited.

[Dongtai]

It sounds like you’re more worried about being used for sex and not sex within itself. For me, it all ties together. Guys are capable of wanting you sexually and platonically. But if all you are willing to offer is the platonic because you fear they’ll leave after sex, in their eyes, it only feels like a friendship. When I date a girl I’m looking for more than friendship. I’m looking for someone to grow with and connect with on all levels. Sex just crossed the friendship line and makes me feel like I’m hers. Maybe I’m in the minority, but I will say if a girl held off sex with me out of fear that I’d use her, she might end up losing me to a girl who didn’t have that fear holding her back. It sounds like a trust issue which is understandable but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. On one hand, if the guy leaves after having sex, you were right but on the other hand if he leaves because there's no sex because he respects your boundaries but doesn’t want to give up his needs, you’ll also seem right. I would never force a girl to have sex with me or pressure her. I would find someone who was more trusting and open. You might be more compatible with guys who are able to wait or don’t have high sex drives. For me, if I like a girl, I’m going to want to have sex with her. That doesn’t mean that’s all I want. I want to meet her family, I want dates, I want to stay up late and fall asleep talking to her on the phone. But I also want sex and I don’t think that makes anyone a bad person.

[wankiam]

you can be what you want to be... there isn't a rule book

[slatyb]

"Official" isn't really official, it's all up to you and the guy.