My boyfriend just told me he was a dom (wtf). What the hell happened to him?

Anonymous

We used to be like the perfect match. I find him very attractive :he's smart, nice, handsome, caring and respectful, funny and submissive which I love.
What the hell happened to him? Why saying he's a dom now? We were talking through Messenger with some sexual undertones and I said some things. He asked:"What do you wanna do to me?"
Next thing he says he's a dom... What happened? That was annoying. It turned me off big time...

1 0

Most Helpful Guys

Anonymous
+1 y
I say he wants a change. I too am sub, but on my b-day, Valentine's Day, Christmas or any special occasion my wife allows me to be the dominant one (vanilla sex, not hardcore); I can basically do anything I want in bed. That's very healthy for a relationship, constantly being told what to do or when you can finish can lead to frustrations over time
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  Then you're not a sub but a switch
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Yes, I guess I'm a switch
- Asker
  +1 y
  All right This is an other story then
- Show All Show Less
- Asker
  +1 y
  Or maybe you don't like being a sub that much if you're being frustrated...
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Being submissive pretty much requires to constantly place the pleasure of your partner above yours. While giving the power to my wife is fun in general, sometimes her instructions may not take into account my needs (say my turn being skipped to be made desperate). Switching the roles, even rarely, shows me that I am seen as a human being, with own needs and wants, not just her slave. A dom/sub relationship is delicate in many ways, because some doms can cross the line and abuse their power over partner
- Asker
  +1 y
  As it ws discussed before, you're obviously a switch. Of course, this dynamic cannot fit your needs at 100%. Your comments gave evidence that switches are indeed not as submissive as the ones that are. You need something else to have a fulfilling experience.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Yes, you are right
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm right most of the time, yes lol
summiter Master
+1 y
How does he act in bed? Does he try to be a dom during sex?
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  He never did He's more the kind who says: "are you gonna tie me up?" or "what do you want to do to me" or again :"Could we please go back to you leading?"
- summiter
  +1 y
  How is your sex life with him... maybe more frequency? Would you let him try being a dom to see what it is like?
- Asker
  +1 y
  It's been really good so far... Like really... He always says that it's amazing and all... No, I wouldn't. This is one of my biggest turn off
- Show All Show Less
- summiter
  +1 y
  Then just enjoy the great orgasms and openly tell him what you like and what you do not like. It is ok to openly talk about sex after all.
- Asker
  +1 y
  But I've always said what I liked
- summiter
  +1 y
  Well then he needs to listen to you and get over it. How often do you two have sex. Would more (or less) help?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Around 3 times a week
- summiter
  +1 y
  Well just keep the communication open and enjoy the great orgasms with each other!

Most Helpful Girls

Anonymous
+1 y
Would you rather have him lie to you? Or hide things?
Also, him being a dom doesn't mean he wants to beat you in bed, as you might know the term comes from dominant and it can be extremely softcore too like picking positions in bed
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm not into that kind of shits and been straightforward from the very beginning.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  He can't choose what he likes, he's just choosing to be open with you. Now it's up to both of you what you do about it 🤷🏼‍♀️ you should be talking to him about it, not us
- Asker
  +1 y
  If I asked this question here, it's because I want some external point of view. I can talk to him about it. I did but he seems pretty defensive about it.
- Show All Show Less
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Well you seem to being the offensive so I don't blame him
- Asker
  +1 y
  How am I offensive?
1stranger Guru
+1 y
I don't know. But there may have been a misunderstanding between you.
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  What do you mean?
- 1stranger
  +1 y
  I mean, is the communication between you good? Can you talk about each issue clearly? Sometimes lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Yeah, we talk a lot. He told me a lot of very very personal and bothering things.
- Show All Show Less
- 1stranger
  +1 y
  This's not good. Do you still want to continue with him?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Bothering as bothering for him. Sorry if it wasn't clear. Like some hard events in the past and stuff.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 1

Warmapplecrumble Guru
+1 y
It's fine. I've been a submissive. It's nothing bad. 😂
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  You have the right to be into it. I'm not.
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  Just tell him it's something you don't like. I'm sure he'll be fine.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I've said it from the very beginning that I was a domina lol.
- Show All Show Less
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  Ohhhhh I see. Lol this will be hard. But it might be fun the power struggle between you two. You can work it out.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm turned off by dom guys. They don't do anything to me beside irritating me. I just wanna put them in their place lol.
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  Well give it a go with both your real personalities and if... It doesn't work then leave him. Plenty of submissive men 😂
- Asker
  +1 y
  I know. We just have such a great connection every way.
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  Then you should compromise both of you.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I can't compromise with that. I've been clear from the beginning about what I was into. To me, it's almost a breaking of my trust. I feel like it was all just a lie and it sucks.
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  Aw than you should definitely tell him how you feel and take it from there.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I did He said he can't be a sub...
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  Maybe it's something he realised. Like we all have fantasies but some things we don't actually like.
- Asker
  +1 y
  He used to like all these things though... I really don't understand...
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  Maybe he realised he doesn't like... and he thought he did. 😕 So I don't really think he cheated you, I mean I have no idea about the relationship and I'm guessing everything.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm wondering if it's not because he wants to fit in. He has a new job so maybe it had been influencing him...
- Warmapplecrumble
  +1 y
  I have no idea. You guys need to talk about this.
reptocarl Master
+1 y
This is the real him. He was lying to you before. You can only hide your true self for so long. Eventually your true self will come out
1 0 1 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  There's nothing dominant about him though...
- reptocarl
  +1 y
  So you thought
- Asker
  +1 y
  He likes being tied up and being used for my pleasure. Are those dom things?
- Show All Show Less
- reptocarl
  +1 y
  You still don’t get it. He only tolerated those things. Not liked them. It was all a lie. Get it now?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Why would someone do that? That's weird...
- reptocarl
  +1 y
  It’s a game
- Asker
  +1 y
  That's pathetic then
- reptocarl
  +1 y
  Yes it is