Is it rude to constantly bail on plans with fwb?

Question

Im new to friends with benefits. I really just began having sex a year ago. I had a friends with benefits that would make plans to hangout. Bowling, food, etc then sex after but when the day came he’d cancel a few hours before but he’d get mad whenever I’d cancel. I’m aware I won’t be a priority but I feel like it was never an equal give or take. He tried to make it to where he could contact me anytime he wanted a quick fuck.

He was literally the most selfish person I have ever met. Do you guys think this is disrespectful?

For me even a friends with benefits should be trustworthy & respectful. I feel like every relationship no matter how minuscule should have a basis of respect. What do go guys think? Am I asking for too much simply bc it’s fwb?

Yessss now I have to masturbate 🙄

No this is part of friends with benefits

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Answer 1

nightdrot | 1.8K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Forget that it is a friends with benefits or anything else. It is rude, period.

Manners are manners, come what may. If you make plans with someone- for any reason - save perhaps to rob a bank in which case second thoughts are justified - you are imposing on their time, even if they agree. You don't do that frivoulously.

To be sure, sometimes things come up and plans have to change. That happens and in that event the proper course is to graciously accept apologies.

However, when the pattern repeats. Moreover, when apologies are not graciously accepted, the it is time to end the pattern.

It matters not if you are going out to dinner or are just planning to enjoy the physical pleasures of sex between you. The intensity matters, but the underlying principle remains.

He may be wrestling with second thoughts about casual sex - or even sex with you specifically. That is fair and you might even ask him. Mixed emotions are not unknown among people. Either way, though, you are not obliged to take it.

All in all, though, in terms of the basic etiquette, however, he is being rude. Period. He either grows up - or you should move on. You - and any person - deserve better.

Answer 2

loveslongnails | 3K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

"FWB" is most often a misnomer, and not the actual case. Usually you really weren't "friends" to begin with who have known and trusted each other for a long time. Most often you're acquaintances who decide to "become FWB's", but more accurately, you're "fuck toys" for each other. Hence, low priority when it comes to canceling. He gets upset for the exact reasons you stated, and you analyzed it correctly.

It "should be" equal, respectful, considerate of situations and last minute changes, etc. That would be the case if you were "friends", but you're not friends. You're his tool, and you are because you let yourself be that.

sandymandy

12 mo
I agree with 50% of what you said. I can't imagine anyone thinking that a friends with benefits is a good idea. It's NOT, it's a dumb idea. Either get a boyfriend, or get a fuck buddy, but don't get trapped in the 50 shades of stupid, that is in a friends with benefits relationship.

But having said that, I have to tell you what I disagree with you about. If your plumber blows you off and doesn't show, you're pissed off. If your mechanic promises to fix your car on Tuesday, but changes his or her mind, and fixes someone else's car, you're pissed off.

So basically, just mean what you say, and say what you mean. Keep your word. If a better option comes along, tough shit, that's life. Integrity goes a long way.
loveslongnails

12 mo
@sandymandy You've confused me. I see you disagreeing with the whole concept of "friends with benefits". You don't believe you can be a friend and then just add sex for a while because there are no boyfriend or girlfriend in sight, then drop it when one comes along. I can see that. You prefer the relationship, or a "fuck buddy", which is basically no strings, no anything, we do it when it's convenient for both of us. So in essence, that's what I'm saying she has, and not a friendship. If they WERE friends, he'd be more considerate. But he's a dick, and is inconsiderate EVEN for a fuck buddy.

So to use your example, if your plumber or mechanic blows you off, you don't keep calling them or asking "why are you so disrespectful"? No, you find another plumber or mechanic ! LOL And that's exactly what she should do.

I agree that people should do what they say and say what they mean, but when they don't, you usually choose not to associate with them. I believe we can agree on that :) :)

Answer 3

sandymandy

I agree with 50% of what you said. I can't imagine anyone thinking that a friends with benefits is a good idea. It's NOT, it's a dumb idea. Either get a boyfriend, or get a fuck buddy, but don't get trapped in the 50 shades of stupid, that is in a friends with benefits relationship.

But having said that, I have to tell you what I disagree with you about. If your plumber blows you off and doesn't show, you're pissed off. If your mechanic promises to fix your car on Tuesday, but changes his or her mind, and fixes someone else's car, you're pissed off.

So basically, just mean what you say, and say what you mean. Keep your word. If a better option comes along, tough shit, that's life. Integrity goes a long way.

Answer 4

loveslongnails

@sandymandy You've confused me. I see you disagreeing with the whole concept of "friends with benefits". You don't believe you can be a friend and then just add sex for a while because there are no boyfriend or girlfriend in sight, then drop it when one comes along. I can see that. You prefer the relationship, or a "fuck buddy", which is basically no strings, no anything, we do it when it's convenient for both of us. So in essence, that's what I'm saying she has, and not a friendship. If they WERE friends, he'd be more considerate. But he's a dick, and is inconsiderate EVEN for a fuck buddy.

So to use your example, if your plumber or mechanic blows you off, you don't keep calling them or asking "why are you so disrespectful"? No, you find another plumber or mechanic ! LOL And that's exactly what she should do.

I agree that people should do what they say and say what they mean, but when they don't, you usually choose not to associate with them. I believe we can agree on that :) :)

Answer 5

Anonymous

This is why I won't do it again, because I agree 100%, FRIENDS should be first and foremost, which includes mutual respect, but sadly most of these people are 100% selfish and there is NO respect or friendship AT ALL! I even asked this question on here, if anyone had respect for there fwbs? Not 1 person said they did. How sad is that?

For your situation, I'd end it. And if you want to find another, try and find someone that has as least some respect for you. You hit the nail on the head, 100% selfish and ONLY thinking about himself.

Answer 6

Shiver | 1.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

That's not a friend with benefits, that's a fuck buddie. A bad one at that. There's a reason why it's called FRIENDS with benefits. The friends part is just as important as the benefits part. Not making you his top priority is fine, but consistently canceling plans and being a hypocritical retard is not.

Answer 7

bananathunder | 3.6K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

try to set a schedule when you both are available and then try to be available those times when needed. That's how I've done it in the past and it has worked out for the most part. Skip the date stuff too. Just keep it to sex if possible

Clayaya

12 mo
Thanks for your response. I’m not looking for that though. Honestly I’m starting to bc think it’s not for me.
Clayaya

12 mo
Not looking for just sex. Not looking for a relationship either but someone I can have fun with even outside of that.

Answer 8

Clayaya

Thanks for your response. I’m not looking for that though. Honestly I’m starting to bc think it’s not for me.

Answer 9

Clayaya

Not looking for just sex. Not looking for a relationship either but someone I can have fun with even outside of that.

Answer 10

chriscdi | 7.2K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

just cause you are a friends with benefits it doesn't mean you get the rights to treat the person like complete shit, after all without respecting one another, you can't really expect the friendship or connection to get far

Answer 11

dthomas89

Xper 7

friends with benefits is a relationship without a label

GET OVER IT

YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Clayaya

11 mo
This didn’t make any sense to me
dthomas89

11 mo
Then you might want to get clarification, yes?
Clayaya

11 mo
Yes of course
Show All Show Less
dthomas89

11 mo
What aren't you understanding

It's pretty simple

you just don't want to accept it
Clayaya

11 mo
friends with benefits isn’t a relationship. Is that wish you meant to say?
Clayaya

11 mo
What *
dthomas89

11 mo
It is

It's a relationship, WITHOUT a label

Answer 12

Clayaya

This didn’t make any sense to me

Answer 13

dthomas89

Then you might want to get clarification, yes?

Answer 14

Clayaya

Yes of course

Answer 15

dthomas89

What aren't you understanding

It's pretty simple

you just don't want to accept it

Answer 16

Clayaya

friends with benefits isn’t a relationship. Is that wish you meant to say?

Answer 17

Clayaya

What *

Answer 18

dthomas89

It is

It's a relationship, WITHOUT a label

Answer 19

skeetskeetskeet | 1.6K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Well dont be to upset... you can either play the same game back on him or just get used to life as someones nut rag

Clayaya

11 mo
Or stop friends with benefits all together
skeetskeetskeet

11 mo
Well if your hurting for a stabbin the time tested one nighter is always good

Answer 20

Clayaya

Or stop friends with benefits all together

Answer 21

skeetskeetskeet

Well if your hurting for a stabbin the time tested one nighter is always good

Answer 22

KrakenAttackin | 2.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

"He is literally the most selfish person I have ever men".

Soooooo... why are you fucking him again?

Answer 23

Sambobelfast226

Xper 4

friends with benefits isn't as serious as a proper sexual relationship. You can be let down last minute with a poor reason

Clayaya

12 mo
But repeatedly? Why not do random hook ups through apps if you don’t really care about the person?
Sambobelfast226

12 mo
Can understand you feeling 2nd best and you shouldn't have to feel that way. He just sees you as a last resort.

Answer 24

Clayaya

But repeatedly? Why not do random hook ups through apps if you don’t really care about the person?

Answer 25

Sambobelfast226

Can understand you feeling 2nd best and you shouldn't have to feel that way. He just sees you as a last resort.

Answer 26

ConfinedSoul | 122 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 5

It's rude if you only use them for your needs alone.

Answer 27

ND4SPD31 | 9.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

U own ur body and everything else so your allowed to do it the way u want to.

Clayaya

12 mo
But isn’t it always rude to repeatedly bail on someone? So bc it’s friends with benefits it’s fine? Is that what you’re saying?
ND4SPD31

12 mo
Yeah. But u should give a reason why.
ND4SPD31

12 mo
Otherwise he may think there’s something wrong with how he performs in the bedroom.

Answer 28

Clayaya

But isn’t it always rude to repeatedly bail on someone? So bc it’s friends with benefits it’s fine? Is that what you’re saying?

Answer 29

ND4SPD31

Yeah. But u should give a reason why.

Answer 30

ND4SPD31

Otherwise he may think there’s something wrong with how he performs in the bedroom.

Answer 31

Plitty-Tank

Yoda

I have no idea what benefits my friends have since I don't ask them.

Answer 32

Anonymous

"He was literally the most selfish person I have ever met. Do you guys think this is disrespectful?"

Thinking... still thinking...

mikernt

12 mo
It's a tough one. I wish I was a Guru, so I was an all-knowing person.
Clayaya

12 mo
Well this is apparently my perspective. Doesn’t mean it’s right.
Clayaya

12 mo
I don’t understand the point in your response lol but ok
Show All Show Less
Clayaya

12 mo
@mikernt good thing you don’t have to be since I explicitly asked your opinion
mikernt

12 mo
In that case, he sounds like a real Jim Dandy of a guy.

Answer 33

mikernt

It's a tough one. I wish I was a Guru, so I was an all-knowing person.

Answer 34

Clayaya

Well this is apparently my perspective. Doesn’t mean it’s right.

Answer 35

Clayaya

I don’t understand the point in your response lol but ok

Answer 36

Clayaya

@mikernt good thing you don’t have to be since I explicitly asked your opinion

Answer 37

mikernt

In that case, he sounds like a real Jim Dandy of a guy.

Answer 38

Taytoman

Xper 1

You should call him in the middle of the night for a quickie.
If he doesn't cum running then why should you.

And yes he has less respect for ya, or did he even have it?
You're simply a source for pussy and you let him do that to ya.

Clayaya

12 mo
I picked up on that pretty quickly. We only had sex once.

Answer 39

Clayaya

I picked up on that pretty quickly. We only had sex once.

Answer 40

lonlynchi5 | 343 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 5

If you don't feel comfortable leave remember it's FWB? Get my Drift?

Answer 41

Anonymous

So you've been having sex for a year and you only had sex with him one time?

Answer 42

katiesmuff | 6.6K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Yes it is rude!

Is it rude to constantly bail on plans with fwb?

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