Sexual Relationships
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Is it rude to constantly bail on plans with fwb?

Im new to friends with benefits. I really just began having sex a year ago. I had a friends with benefits that would make plans to hangout. Bowling, food, etc then sex after but when the day came he’d cancel a few hours before but he’d get mad whenever I’d cancel. I’m aware I won’t be a priority but I feel like it was never an equal give or take. He tried to make it to where he could contact me anytime he wanted a quick fuck.

He was literally the most selfish person I have ever met. Do you guys think this is disrespectful?

For me even a friends with benefits should be trustworthy & respectful. I feel like every relationship no matter how minuscule should have a basis of respect. What do go guys think? Am I asking for too much simply bc it’s fwb?
Yessss now I have to masturbate 🙄
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No this is part of friends with benefits
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Forget that it is a friends with benefits or anything else. It is rude, period.

    Manners are manners, come what may. If you make plans with someone- for any reason - save perhaps to rob a bank in which case second thoughts are justified - you are imposing on their time, even if they agree. You don't do that frivoulously.

    To be sure, sometimes things come up and plans have to change. That happens and in that event the proper course is to graciously accept apologies.

    However, when the pattern repeats. Moreover, when apologies are not graciously accepted, the it is time to end the pattern.

    It matters not if you are going out to dinner or are just planning to enjoy the physical pleasures of sex between you. The intensity matters, but the underlying principle remains.

    He may be wrestling with second thoughts about casual sex - or even sex with you specifically. That is fair and you might even ask him. Mixed emotions are not unknown among people. Either way, though, you are not obliged to take it.

    All in all, though, in terms of the basic etiquette, however, he is being rude. Period. He either grows up - or you should move on. You - and any person - deserve better.

  • "FWB" is most often a misnomer, and not the actual case. Usually you really weren't "friends" to begin with who have known and trusted each other for a long time. Most often you're acquaintances who decide to "become FWB's", but more accurately, you're "fuck toys" for each other. Hence, low priority when it comes to canceling. He gets upset for the exact reasons you stated, and you analyzed it correctly.

    It "should be" equal, respectful, considerate of situations and last minute changes, etc. That would be the case if you were "friends", but you're not friends. You're his tool, and you are because you let yourself be that.

    • I agree with 50% of what you said. I can't imagine anyone thinking that a friends with benefits is a good idea. It's NOT, it's a dumb idea. Either get a boyfriend, or get a fuck buddy, but don't get trapped in the 50 shades of stupid, that is in a friends with benefits relationship. But having said that, I have to tell you what I disagree with you about. If your plumber blows you off and doesn't show, you're pissed off. If your mechanic promises to fix your car on Tuesday, but changes his or her mind, and fixes someone else's car, you're pissed off. So basically, just mean what you say, and say what you mean. Keep your word. If a better option comes along, tough shit, that's life. Integrity goes a long way.

    • @sandymandy You've confused me. I see you disagreeing with the whole concept of "friends with benefits". You don't believe you can be a friend and then just add sex for a while because there are no boyfriend or girlfriend in sight, then drop it when one comes along. I can see that. You prefer the relationship, or a "fuck buddy", which is basically no strings, no anything, we do it when it's convenient for both of us. So in essence, that's what I'm saying she has, and not a friendship. If they WERE friends, he'd be more considerate. But he's a dick, and is inconsiderate EVEN for a fuck buddy. So to use your example, if your plumber or mechanic blows you off, you don't keep calling them or asking "why are you so disrespectful"? No, you find another plumber or mechanic ! LOL And that's exactly what she should do. I agree that people should do what they say and say what they mean, but when they don't, you usually choose not to associate with them. I believe we can agree on that :) :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 14

  • Yes it is rude!

  • That's not a friend with benefits, that's a fuck buddie. A bad one at that. There's a reason why it's called FRIENDS with benefits. The friends part is just as important as the benefits part. Not making you his top priority is fine, but consistently canceling plans and being a hypocritical retard is not.

  • just cause you are a friends with benefits it doesn't mean you get the rights to treat the person like complete shit, after all without respecting one another, you can't really expect the friendship or connection to get far

  • friends with benefits is a relationship without a label

    GET OVER IT

    YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP

    • This didn’t make any sense to me

    • Then you might want to get clarification, yes?

    • Yes of course

    • Show All

  • "He is literally the most selfish person I have ever men".

    Soooooo... why are you fucking him again?

  • friends with benefits isn't as serious as a proper sexual relationship. You can be let down last minute with a poor reason

    • But repeatedly? Why not do random hook ups through apps if you don’t really care about the person?

    • Can understand you feeling 2nd best and you shouldn't have to feel that way. He just sees you as a last resort.

  • U own ur body and everything else so your allowed to do it the way u want to.

    • But isn’t it always rude to repeatedly bail on someone? So bc it’s friends with benefits it’s fine? Is that what you’re saying?

    • Yeah. But u should give a reason why.

    • Otherwise he may think there’s something wrong with how he performs in the bedroom.

  • try to set a schedule when you both are available and then try to be available those times when needed. That's how I've done it in the past and it has worked out for the most part. Skip the date stuff too. Just keep it to sex if possible

    • Thanks for your response. I’m not looking for that though. Honestly I’m starting to bc think it’s not for me.

    • Not looking for just sex. Not looking for a relationship either but someone I can have fun with even outside of that.

  • Well dont be to upset... you can either play the same game back on him or just get used to life as someones nut rag

    • Or stop friends with benefits all together

    • Well if your hurting for a stabbin the time tested one nighter is always good

  • I have no idea what benefits my friends have since I don't ask them.

  • It's rude if you only use them for your needs alone.

  • If you don't feel comfortable leave remember it's FWB? Get my Drift?

  • You should call him in the middle of the night for a quickie.
    If he doesn't cum running then why should you.

    And yes he has less respect for ya, or did he even have it?
    You're simply a source for pussy and you let him do that to ya.

    • I picked up on that pretty quickly. We only had sex once.

  • So you've been having sex for a year and you only had sex with him one time?

  • "He was literally the most selfish person I have ever met. Do you guys think this is disrespectful?"

    Thinking... still thinking...

    • It's a tough one. I wish I was a Guru, so I was an all-knowing person.

    • Well this is apparently my perspective. Doesn’t mean it’s right.

    • I don’t understand the point in your response lol but ok

    • Show All

  • This is why I won't do it again, because I agree 100%, FRIENDS should be first and foremost, which includes mutual respect, but sadly most of these people are 100% selfish and there is NO respect or friendship AT ALL! I even asked this question on here, if anyone had respect for there fwbs? Not 1 person said they did. How sad is that?

    For your situation, I'd end it. And if you want to find another, try and find someone that has as least some respect for you. You hit the nail on the head, 100% selfish and ONLY thinking about himself.

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