Sexual Relationships
+1 y

friends with benefits says he "doesn't want a relationship" but treats me more?

So I've been friends with benefits with this guy for about 2 months now. We were good friends for a couple of months and I decided to lose my virginity to him. We started having casual sex and for a while, I didn't have any feelings. Just pure "I like him for sex" feelings. We would hook up once every week, he would text me "Have a good night" and we wouldn't text for a week and a half until one of us sent a "wyd tonight" text. I was perfectly fine with this. One night, however, a week ago he came over to my apartment for much longer. We also went out to eat inbetween having sex, which he paid for. Afterward, we cuddled and really got close to one another. The next day he texted me about his day which I was fine with however he kept on going with the conversation. I would try to stop the talking by dry texting him but he would keep the conversation going or would ask me a question. This was very odd and different. He also...
- started texting me every single day, through the day
- initiated talking/conversations with me
- asked me questions about myself
-would ask if I slept well or that I should "drive safe"
- sent me good morning and goodnight texts
-started calling me cute nicknames like "love" or "dummy"
- started talking about doing stuff for me like "cooking a meal" for me
Updates:
+1 y
I talked to him about all the stuff he was doing and how it made me feel very confused. He answered by saying "Oh I was just being nice" and "I still see you as just a friend" I questioned him on everything he was doing and he said he "treated his friends like how he was treating me" Of course, I was hurt and even more confused by his response so I decided to not have sex with him and kinda just kicked him. I feel like shit and honestly might end things with him because I have no time for all
+1 y
*Today we saw each other. We went out shopping and he helped me with my groceries, made me some pasta from scratch, and also was planning to have sex with me. We did the first two things however when we started sex I just wanted a casual conversation with him
0 2

Most Helpful Guys

  • Congratulations!

    Your question is today's Question of the Day illustrating that Friends With Benefits is an illusion because eventually one of them will get emotionally involved as if in a couple.

    It's not a question of "if" it's going to happen, but "when".

    If it is any consolation, in December 1988 just before I turned 26, I was involved in this intense 2.5 week F W B situation (*) with my roommate. I was very emotionally involved, but, for her, I was just a convenient lay between more "serious BF"s.

    So, was I a stupid fool? Yes and no. I knew better, but I wanted what I got into and paid the price. I learned through The School of Hard Knocks just like you are...

    (*) This is long before "Friends With Benefits" became "a thing". No one said that 30+ years ago let alone thought it because it would be considered an embarrassment to sink to that level. Apparently, being a slut or manwhore doesn't matter in today's "hook-up culture".

  • Yea sounds like he got a little in his feelings and so did you after the fact but when you called him on it he changed it up to save face or he was just being nice to you in case you turned into the clingy virgin after taking your virginity hard to say I don't know

    • Thanks for mho

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 6

  • Stay the course you have chosen. Sounds like you've crossed the emotional barrier a little. You wouldn't be putting this much effort into this and asking us for advice if you didn't really like this guy. Seems like it time to have a "come to Jesus talk" with this guy. Figure it out...

  • catching feelings ig, I don't know

  • His explanation doesn't explain his prior behavior, or he would have done those things from the beginning of the friends with benefits situation. I am guessing his feelings have changed

    • I agree with that but why when I asked him about it he just said I'm a "friend". You don't treat friends like that.

    • Possibly worried you wouldn't be ok with the change in feelings, so he lied in hopes of maintaining the status quo.

  • I have and have had many friends with benefits AND HAVE TREATED THEM ALL as friends.

  • Looks like you were fine up to the point where you allowed everything that he did outside of sex to stir up your feelings. Sex is sex & I believe that he was really the one in his feelings & that's the reason why he started doing so much. If he did all these things for all of his friends he would've been doing these things for you early on. Once you showed emotions you have him a out to tell you I still look at you as a friend & that was your mistake.

  • I think you did what was best for you. At the end of the day you've got to protect your feelings.

    • Thank you I think I did the right decision as well.

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