Whats the difference between being dominant and being abused?

Question

y'all know im into dominant sudmissive shit 😂

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My partner acts like a bitch until I spank her. Last week she was being disrespectful and abusive verbally towards me so I grabbed a hold of her forcibly putting her across my knee and though she tried to struggle I yanked down her yoga pants and her thong and spanked her bare behind as hard as I could for about 3 minutes. She cried when it was over. The sight of her little bare behind all red and bruised turned me on so I insisted we had sex even though she was still emotionally hysterical. She was wetter that October and didn't take me long to cum and I just rubbed her clit and sucked on her nipples until she came.
She of course ran home to her parents and told them what happened but they made her come back as they supported me taking her in hand. She came home and apologised and we had great make up sex, though she couldn't sit down for a week. She now has a new found respect for me and when she looks at me I can see a mix of love fear and arousal in her eyes.
Now she often begs me to spank her during sex, and often will present her naked behind in public for me to spank.

AynonOMouse · Accepted Answer

If they are dominant they may sack you around, but they will still hug you, give you soft kisses, hold your hand, cuddle with you, spend time together doing other things, and listen to your limits/things you don't like. They would consider your feelings when doing things and only do things that you enjoy, but avoid things you don't enjoy or that make you feel bad emotionally.
If they were abusive then they wouldn't care about any of that and would just do what they want regardless if you enjoyed it or how it made you feel inside.

msfuntastic · Accepted Answer

Dominated is just when he has control, you do as he says, you submit to him, etc. Abused is taking it a step further, more like he's "punishing" you and does more painful/extreme stuff.

laurieluvsit · Accepted Answer

I thought it was the submissive that could be abused?

MrOracle · Answer

Being submissive (and being dominated) is something you both desire and consent to. Being abused is NOT something you desire or consent to. Even if the physical action is identical, the consent is really the difference. Consent also determines WHO you want to do those things with and who you don't.

I may like ice cream, and I may enjoy eating it, but I wouldn't enjoy being forced to eat it when I didn't want to. Just because I want it sometimes doesn't mean it's okay to force it on me when I don't. That's the difference.

alleng12345 · Answer

Exactly what @CubaPirate said and make sure you have a safe word and it is used properly. If it's the safe word and he she uses it when it isn't really needed ( as in the person using the safe word shows regret after the stoppage) then that person in MY opinion isn't ready for what they are asking for and the other partner better be REAL careful...

Axel624 · Answer

Domination is not bring able to control what's happening to you, choking, getting restrained.. abuse would be along those lines but you have some control over it and its central idea is pain

TheCunningLinguist · Answer

Consent and respect are the main key factors but, there is a whole world of details in the margins.

abc3643 · Answer

What ate you? Dominant or submissive?

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

When it's not longer healthy, safe and consensual.

wankiam · Answer

permission

BrexitAteMyLobster · Answer

Being abused is being subjected to physical and mental punishment that you did not ask for, do not want and do not consent to or lack the capacity to consent to.

If you are accepting of, and willingly consent to without duress, dominant behaviour then it's not abuse.

Bongem · Answer

I think: to be dominated means you like giving control to the other one and actually give him/her your trust. In a dominated setup you would implement a safe-word, where in an abusive environment you would lose trust, fear and become a real victim.

0112358 · Answer

I think a non abusive D/s relationship is about meeting both their needs and ensuring both are happy, even if one aspect is scenarios where the submissive is used or denied things. But the non abusive dominant cares about the submissive’s satisfaction and wellbeing.

that and of course consent.

haleysalvigione2 · Answer

Dominant is like I’m on top i do it how fast I want it and how much I want it abusive is like beating u up

Shiver · Answer

Consent

Nik1hil · Answer

Dominant person dominates but also take cares of the girl responsibly like she is her daughter!..

Abusive person will Dominate!
But not take care of the girl, and not take responsibility and treat her like shit..

SClassWizzard · Answer

Abuse would be having shit done to you without consent  With a DOM, even a Dom would need consent from the Sub to receive punishment or whatever

hemo821 · Answer

Its practiced in a safe environment and with consent... abusive is just shit

crmoore · Answer

Consent. Also, you can be dominant without it having mutual aspects with abuse, but I'd imagine most forms of dominance has mutual aspects with abuse.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

An abusive person: hurts people and its unfair in their ways.  A dominant person: Perfers to lead and have control in a situation.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Dominant is usually fun and there is an understanding by two parties and usually a safe word. Abuse is unwanted and can cause trauma to the recipient.