Hey guys, does a girl sleeping with you too soon affect you seeing her as a potential girlfriend? How soon is too soon for sex?

Question

alleng12345 · Accepted Answer

Too soon?

Well let's try and put this in perspective.

Now I think I am normal enough, though I am a very physical person who loves intimacy.

I have had problems in the past when I fell in love with a woman who was sexual at the start but over time got less and less sexual until she admitted she had been sexually abused and it was pretty rare for her to be horny, but she had sex with me because she loved making me happy.

Well that turned me off a lot! Now my brain equated sex with her as traumatic for her.

Well she was doing it to make you happy, we'll now I knew she was not a fan of sex and now I was not a fan of sex. In my head yes it was me turning myself off, but I wanted her to be happy and comfortable too.

She had some other issues to work through and it didn't work out with us mostly because after over a year of her insecurity and me constantly being accused of sticking my dick in anyone I spoke too became too much and that amongst other things led to me breaking it off.

Now as a final attempt she said,

'how often do you want sex with me?, just tell me so I know and I will do it'
I told her 'no'
Because that is her doing something she doesn't want to make me happy and I am not ok with that.

Well WHO cares about your life Allen, no one does.

Fair enough and you are right, but I tell you my past to paint a picture.

She slept with me the first time because I have a way with words when I choose to put on the charm.

My texts have gotten me in bed with many women whom jumped on me the second they opened their apartment door even though we had never met and had only texted and talked on the phone.

I was told I should be a novelist, like 50 shades type, though I have never read those.

Anyway, point being of all these women some I saw again, others were one night and we went our separate ways. Some wanted the perceived me from the texts that I agreed to give them and others I went into the meeting under the truth that I was looking for an LTR.

It depended on many variables and our interactions.

My current girlfriend had sex with me 3 hours after we met. We are still together. I love her and we are in it for the long haul.

I am 11 years older than her and I see a bright future with her.

She gave it up soon, but I am good at enticing it out of my dates. Not my ego talking, just my experience.

So sex has nothing to do with date-ability for ME. Unless they are horrible in bed, then I might move on, but honestly I have never had that decide whether I pursue someone on a second date. The second date comes after I click with them or see potential.

First date can be 'too soon' or before marriage can be 'too soon' it just depends on your perspective.

I don't see anything wrong with any time frame assuming BOTH people are comfortable... but as with the girl it didn't work out with, too soon was before she told me she didn't like sex and was doing things she didn't like just to make me happy. THAT was too soon...

Dongtai · Accepted Answer

Sex is not BAD. Please get that out of your head ladies. No heterosexual male will be upset of you have sex with him on the first date or first month of dating. He’ll only care if you sleep with someone who isn’t him.

Having sex on the first date makes you “slutty” not a slut. The difference is you’re not sleeping around while you’re in a relationship. You can’t have sex “too soon”. You’re ready when you’re ready

kibbenkat · Accepted Answer

Yes, quite a bit. I'd see her as a bit slutty and I'd see less value in her if I didn't have to work to see that side of her. It's the game of chase and hard to get that is very important to me. However if she's hot and doe make me work for it, I may sleep with her a few times until I lose interest.

WingGirl · Accepted Answer

I hope not. I slept with my husband on the second date. Seven years, two dogs, two kids, two apartments and one house later we are still together. Probably because the sex was so freaking good and still is.

MrOracle · Answer

Most guys won't admit to it, but, most guys won't trust a girl enough to be in a relationship with her if she sleeps with him too quickly. Why? Because it's an indication that she lacks boundaries and impulse control, which means, at least in the guy's mind, she's much more likely to hook up with some other guy quickly too. He won't be able to trust her to go someplace alone, etc.

To be in a relationship, you have to be vulnerable, and guys spend most of their lives actively avoiding any situation that makes them vulnerable, so if they willingly decide to be vulnerable, most will only do so with a girl he really feels that he can trust, and so it's going to be important to him that she has boundaries and impulse control.

The fact that he'll gladly accept the sex is irrelevant - and, yes, it also makes him a hypocrite, but it's still irrelevant to his calculation as to whether or not he can trust her. Most guys won't pass up the chance to have sex, and so if she offers, he'll accept, but he'll also instantly and permanently downgrade her to "only good for casual sex" when she might have previously been "girlfriend potential."

The_Sword · Answer

this is a complicated question, I don't think the timing matters, in my perspective, it all depends on how the woman involved feels about the timing, and how it makes her feel about herself. Many women are blind to how their feelings get affected by their own decisions, and end up projecting any discomfort they have on their surrounding circumstances/conditions/others. Everyone has mixed inclinations and mixed desires, maturity comes from being able to anticipate your own consequences in your own decisions, and not blaming others for your lack of self-knowledge and foresight (as this will also make it possible gain new insight about yourself, and repair any confusions caused by a mistake you've made, which is impossible if this mistake is being projected onto other people as awkwardness). In this context, many women have strong sexual feelings, but having sex too soon, exposes feelings of loss of control in the relationship, and giving up power in the early phase of the relationship, where it can be important to keep up boundaries between you and your potential companion, because without boundaries, it can be impossible to fairly negotiate with some types of people. I consider myself a very self aware person, and I am often able to teach people I connect with, to negotiate for what they want, and to track and manage the consequences in their life: I personally have a very laid back, but concrete view of my own interests and desires, and am willing to compromise and collaborate in order to assist others get what they are after; give and take, but also admiration for your partner, is the basis of a developed relationship. So really, as long as I feel I know the other person is being authentic and open about how and what they want to do with me, the communication side of the relationship is open and deep enough, independent of sex, in order to develop a strong relationship: although women who enjoy or value the physical intimacy too much (sex addiction, obsession or fetishism/objectification), might introduce another real impediment in growing a proper relationship... in my experience, good sex can accelerate the emotional attachment that women have to a man, which can lead to an obsessive relationship, cursed with a weak and brittle foundation that a women is too scared to grow or develop, because of feeling too attached to the physical-connection. Although I have had some success salvaging some of these situations, it turned out, our personalities and core beliefs and values, were just incompatible in our different outlooks (something that would of been discovered a lot sooner, from more deep and authentic discussions, if they weren't getting avoided or deferred due to the sex in her mind). But all the concerns I raise will only be issues, depending on maturity, and personal outlook.

spuitkaas · Answer

Everytime I have casual sex the guy wants to date me for real and have a relationship, so I'm guessing most guys really don't care as long as you're fun to be around. Also I feel like good sex can bring people very close together.

akihon · Answer

No not at all, what's affects the potential is if she is flakey.

If she says right from the off I want to sleep with you but I need to know what you want, I then have the choice to say what I want

If on the other hand she said let's sleep together but I'll be gone by the morning then my answer is thanks very much now fuck off and never contact me again.

T80486 · Answer

Depends on the guy. If you put out early, then he'll suspect that you put out right away for most guys. I'd be wary of that if I wanted a serious relationship.

A good way to figure out if any of this matters: would you care if this guy slept with his exes after a few dates? If it doesn't matter to you, then you'll probably want a guy who feels the same about you.

mrmonogamous · Answer

I only had sex with four girls before meeting the woman who would become my wife. When I met her, I actually waited longer than she wanted to. I knew she was the one, and I just wanted to make sure things were cemented to make sex more “special“. I’m kind of old-fashioned that way. 33 years later, our relationship is still strong, and the sex is still fantastic!

R4vedave · Answer

No such thing as too soon. Why the hell would I judge a woman for being comfortable enough with me to do that?

SongBird3 · Answer

I wouldn’t recommend it if your looking for a serious relationship. Nobody wants to buy the cow when your giving away the milk for free

slatyb · Answer

Not at all. Any guy who thinks that way is not a guy you want to be with long term. Have sex if you want to have sex. Just remember that most relationships don't last, so if you are having sex with guys soon after you meet them, most of them won't stick around. Not because of the sex, just because that's how dating goes.

foxrider77 · Answer

Two hours should be enough time.

CharlieUnicorn · Answer

That doesn't matter as much as how it happened.
How well did you get to know each other?
A powerfkl and lasting connection can happen in the course of one evening sometimes, but it's rare

A lot of things fall apart just because you didn't know each other well enough and when you did, at least one of you realises that you don't work as a couple. That you've already had sex is beside the point then.

haleysalvigione2 · Answer

I don't know depends on the guys looks too cause girls get horny to and want. But most guys I wait it out

joedirt69 · Answer

I met my wife during a one night stand

kenFold · Answer

For sure. wait as long as you can. Once you lay down your gaurd... the battle has been one

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

If i had a girlfriend i want wait for sex to we possible get married?

MeauxJoMan · Answer

Not in this day an age.

broken_heart_at_48 · Answer

Too soon for sex? That doesn't even compute. Those words don't make any sense together like that.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Personally speaking, no. As long as sex is not used a a weapon or as a form of control, sex doesn’t ever really figure into my, “do ai keep them around or not...” thought process.