Friends with benefits wants me to have 3some with his friend/s - is it weird thar I'm offended?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm 24 and have only been with 3 guys before my friends with benefits of 1 year, and he is 27 and has been with like everyone.

He wants to take it to the next level, which is fine - but he wants us to have a threesome with one of his friends.

One time it was a friend I has shortly met once, and my friends with benefits has told him that I was ok with it even before asking me if I wanted to.. So yeah, I refused and explained that I wouldn't sleep with a guy I hardly even know, and haven't picked myself (I know this is contradictory considering I has only met my friends with benefits on one date before we had sex, but we had texted loads!)

This second time, we had arranged that I was going to his place to have sex in the evening. And when I texted him if he was ready, he suddenly said that he had a friend over (an old friend, and he didn't mention a name), and asked if I was ready for it -_-
I texted him back that I'll see him a day when he's alone, and I got really mad on the inside for some reason.

I don't know why I'm so mad - but maybe because it's like.. what kind of hoe do you think I am? Wanting to say yes to fuck one of your friends that I have newer even seen? Especially after telling him no the first time, where I had actually met the (pretty handsome) friend before.

Does it make sense that I'm mad, or am I overreacting?

[MrOracle]

Being upset about that it understandable - being "volunteered" for anything is enough to make a person upset, much less for sex with a stranger.

I have to say that it seems clear that your friends with benefits doesn't really respect you as a person. It's one thing to have ASKED you how you might feel about a threesome, but to set it up without even discussing it is not okay.

[Asker]

Thank you, I agree. We actually talked about it a little some days after the first incident, and I thought I made it pretty clear that I can't just make myself sleep with a guy I have only met once - and then now he tries to make me do it again, this time with a guy I still haven't ever seen..

[drsatan]

When I read your title, I couldn't understand why you would be mad at the suggestion of a threesome, but if your buddy is just springing it on you suddenly, when his horny mate is already there, then yeah, I would be mad too.
He needs to discuss with you properly before hand, not just put you on the spot like that.

[Asker]

Yeah the first time he had even asked his friend to come over before I knew anything about him wanting a threesome, but I made him tell him not to come over...

[Daniela1982]

If you are with someone who has plowed more girls then the family farm, why would you be offended that he wanted to take it up a notch? You must enjoy being the FB of a male slut.

[Asker]

It's great that he wants to take it up a notch. But his way of approaching it is so disrespectful

[Daniela1982]

Beggars can't be choosers. Either you want sex or you don't.

[Asker]

What do you mean? I want sex, but not sex with his friends that I don't even know lol

[Daniela1982]

I'm with you one that actually.

[Asker]

Thanks haha

[SofLund]

Not at all! You should only do what you're comfortable with. It's your body, and your choice.
Always express how you feel.

[foxrider77]

Just tell him if he mentions it again you’ll be gone. If your thinking about it maybe say you want to hangout first to get to know him. Giving head while getting it from behind could be fun.

[Dargil]

A real Friends With Benefits is a very private, exclusive relationship that's an alternative for when you can't or don't want to sustain a dating relationship. What you describe is careless, meaningless casual sex. You are not over reacting. End that arrangement. He is dishonest.

[Asker]

We haven't agreed to be exclusive or anything, but I definitely intended for it to be at least private - and only between him and I...

[ColHathi]

You are in no way overreacting.

[mandowood]

Your friends with benefits is treating you like a sex toy he can pass around instead of another human that he has a mutual beneficial relationship with. It is clear he hasn't considered what you want at all in this. You have every right to be pissed.

[Asker]

Thank you for this - this is exactly how I feel!

[COMMODOREII]

No it is not weird. You agreed to certain terms and that's where you want to be. He asked and you said no. That should be the end of the discussion. If you want to think about it that's up to you. But you should not give into doing something you don't want to do.

[navyP]

Of your not interested in a threesome just tell him no if he doesn't accept that maybe you need to move on
How ever I don't understand why you wouldn't at least consider it maybe even just be like fine but you get to pick the third person
Life is short have fun experience new things

[Asker]

First time I told him no, and explained that I need to feel comfortable with a guy before I can consider sleeping with him. I didn't write the threesome-idea off completely, but told him that since I had only talked to that friend once, I didn't feel comfortable enough yet. I said I was possibly gonna think about it. .. He was kind of drunk and sort of tried to just force me but I stood my ground.. But now this time it was another friend who I have NEVER met - still don't know what he looks like or what his name is. So I don't get why he possibly thought I would just agree to it this time..

[colinthenewfie]

No it's understandable for you to be angry. What a three-way is a hell of a lot of fun it's nice to have a heads-up

[colinthenewfie]

*while

[OddBeMe]

Being in a “friends with benefits” relationship is all about sex so don’t get offended when he keeps it all about sex. Just say no thanks.

[billluc69]

it depends if you really want to or not

[Asker]

I made it really clear that I don't feel comfortable at all sleeping with a guy who I haven't met / have only met once - and especially because I haven't even picked the guy myself

[mynkMumbai]

U should avoid... if u don't like... n leave him... if u wan u can it's ur wish

[dc858917]

Not in the least

[melwyn_]

He needs to ask you before planning anything.. your his friend and not his property. Friend with benefits is with him but your not a public toilet for everyone. Let him know that. It's all about your opinion and asking your permission before anything

[Anonymous]

I've said it before, and I will say it again. As a woman, as soon as you get into a friends with benefits, on some level, whether subconscious, or on the surface, the man is less likely to respect you. And if he does, it's unlikely to be a deep respect.

''he is 27 and has been with like everyone. ''

What more is there to be said...

[Asker]

You would think that with time, he would respect me more.. since we've known each other for a full year but apparently not lol

[Anonymous]

Neither his nor your behaviour is weird. He does see you as a hoe, and you don’t see yourself that way.

[Asker]

Yeah well, I'm kind of a shy and reserved girl, but I guess he doesn't really know that I am that way lol I've also explainde to him that he's only the 3rd guy I've slept with, but yeah

[Opinion Owner]

You seem to be wondering what the communication issue is. What we are all trying to tell you is he sees you as a whore and doesn’t care about your feelings at all.

[Asker]

You're kind of right lol - I guess I'm trying to convince him that I'm not, 'cause like how can I be, when I've only been with 3 guys and I have known the other two for a long time, so they weren't random (ex boyfriend and old fwb)

[Truthatanycost]

'''cause like how can I be, when I've only been with 3 guys'' Because now you are having sex with a man that has slept with all of them and their uncles brothers mothers sisters daughter.

[Asker]

@Truthatanycost So he sees me as a hoe, because I'm seeing him - and he is a hoe?

[Truthatanycost]

I think it's a combination of that, and the fact that it's a friends with benefits. I remember this comment an old man made on a forum post once. He said that it used to take a lot of courting, commitment, him proving himself worthy, and being good enough... just to even have a glimpse of her mid section. Then he wrote ''nowadays all he has to do is click on Instagram'

[Asker]

@Truthatanycost Ah yeah I get that - but it wasn't thaaaat easy for him tho lol It took some messaging back and forth on and off over a couple of weeks, then a coffee date out, and then 2nd time we had sex at his place. But yeah, still a lot easier than back in the days

[Truthatanycost]

That sounds like just going through the motions. What that old guy was talking about was the woman expecting, verifying, and making sure the guy was quality. On another level though, ultimately we have sex for pleasure, when it was really only designed for creation of life. Therefore there will always be something out of balance. Women will constantly wonder if a guy is only with them for the pleasure of sex, and a man will judge them for making it too easy. This probably comes from the fact that if we were only having sex to make a family, then a woman would only have sex with a man she truly vetted, and a man would only have sex with a woman he deemed fit to be the mother of his offspring. I think these things still operate on a subconscious level, and that's why many men will lose respect if sex is too easy.

[Asker]

@Truthatanycost Yeah you're probably right..

[Anonymous]

That’s my fantasy so I’d be all over it

[Asker]

I kind of have the fantasy as well, but it should be with him and then another guy that IIII have picked myself, or agreed upon. Not one of his friends where they kind of team up against me haha And I'm very very picky when it comes to guys

[Opinion Owner]

As is your right to be picky! Good for you!

[Anonymous]

I'd be offended, too, so no, you're not overreacting. You're not a pizza for him to pass around to his friends.

Is this a 'thing' in your age group?

[Asker]

That a good analogy haha And this is certainly not normal in my friend-group! - but apparently this is something he does sometimes with his friends I think. I'm still kind of shocked haha

[Opinion Owner]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against threesomes, at all, but to just arrange one, without telling you, with somebody you've never met, is really not on, at all.

[Asker]

Thank you for agreeing, I think it's so uncalled for.. Like as if my standards are as low as wanting to sleep with just any guy

[Anonymous]

Not understandable for you to be mad some guys just enjoy sharing and seeing their girl have sex with someone else

[Asker]

But what about me? I should just put up with it or what

[Opinion Owner]

Oops sorry I meant to say it is understandable that you would be mad about it

[Opinion Owner]

What do you think would be a good way to bring it up I'd like to ask my girlfriend about it

[Asker]

If it's your girlfriend I would be veeery careful. She might feel like she's not enough as she is or something. But you could maybe ask if she has any freaky fantasies, and you could be like "I have this one about sharing you with someone else, but I'm not sure if I would enjoy it as much in real life. What do you think, would you ever do that?" And make sure to say it as if it's a bit of a joke