What's your opinion on sex on the first date?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

[nightdrot]

Been there, done that. It depends on the mood and the moment. It can tend to accelerate things or it can just be for physical pleasure and that is enough for both of you. However, sometimes it can lead to more.

Suffice to say, I have had sex on a first date maybe three times. However, one time started out as a one night stand and ended up being about a two year relationship.

We met at a party in college. I had seen her around but we didn't really talk or anything. Then we met at the party, went back to her place - an apartment just off campus, I was in the dorms. Got carried away and had sex. I spent the night and we had more sex in the morning and then I left and I figured that would be the end of it.

Key point. It was unprotected sex.

So flash forward about a month or so and she tracks me down and tells me she thinks she is pregnant. She is in tears and is scared to death. I am suddenly scared to death - how to explain to parents that their 19 year old college student son is going to be a teen dad and all the rest.

Well, it was a false alarm. Had we stopped to think it through, we probably could have figured that out a lot sooner. (A pregnancy test would have solved matters pretty quickly, but hey, you don't think of these things - at least we did not back then.) However I spent about another three weeks trying to calm her and take care of her - we kept everything to ourselves - and we grew attached. I found myself falling for her and vice versa.

Well, when she had her period that solved the issue, but by that point we had a serious relationship going. It ultimately lasted through the rest of our college career and - duh! - one more pregnancy scare along the way. (You'd think kids would learn.)

It ended a little sadly. We broke up because she wanted to get married and I did not. (I'm consistent. My girlfriend of 14 years and I have lived together for 12 years and have three children. Neither of us likes the idea of being married as we think it feels too contrived.) However, for two years of college I had a steady girlfriend and I still think fondly of her.

Now I have been living with a woman who means more to me than anything I can imagine. We have lived together for 12 years - we don't want to be married - and she has given me three of the most special gifts a woman can give to a man. They call me "Daddy."

Suffice to say I am not dating anymore. Oddly enough, I don't recommend sex on a first date. It is too easy for the feelings to get out of hand. (Not to mention the chance of an unwanted pregnancy.) However, when that person and that moment meet, it is healthy and natural and in those circumstances I would be hard pressed to say no.

[BeRealU]

I’ve only had it happen twice in my life. Neither time was of planned, and I think that is the biggest factor here. If you’re just going around looking for one night stands, well; that’s not a “first date.” However, if you just happen to have such amazing chemistry and you can’t keep off of eachother; which was the case for me, consider yourself lucky and hold onto that enthusiasm.

The best relationship I ever had was with a girl I made love to in our first date. Before the date started I cooked her a five course meal and then after; we were so full she didn’t want to go home right away. Her favorite show was about to come on so we went to my bedroom and watched it while I popped open a bottle of wine and brought a plate of charcuterie. we barely touched the wine but we loved the show, loved each other’s company, and there was no keeping our clothes on by the end of it.

She was my best ever first date and is still very dear to me. We always respected eachother and even when we broke up, we did so with open communication, dignity, and love.

[Joyce_L]

It depends on what sex means to each of the couple:
If it is just a "thing" and people do it for excitement, that's ok as long as both do it for this reason.

Personally, for me sex is the closest you can get to anyone. The beauty of a relationship is the closeness. Knowing exactly what another person likes and does not like. Their fears, their successes, what they are proud of... For me sex is fulfilling if I can see a partner being totally relaxed and happy in the situation. To feel that what you are doing to them is doing them good, perhaps liberating them. However, for this, you need to know the person pretty well. But also, for you to want to have sex like this, you need to love the other person a lot, too. Love grows over time, but to me, sex should come in quite late into a relationship. Because if there is a lot of insecurity about the relationship, there will be even more about sex and once bad patterns are established, it is quite hard to change this.

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

It depends on how long I've known the guy. For example, if this guy was a friend of mine before we started dating and I've known him for a long time or a guy that I have been speaking with for a long time such as at work, but we haven't gotten around to dating yet for whatever reason, if the date goes well, then there is a possibility that we could have sex after that first date, maybe. However, if I just met the guy that asked me out and I don't know him from a hole in the wall, I'm not letting him inside my hole.

[Twalli]

There are 3

[kaylaS91]

Don’t care at all.
I mean.. I have more to offer than what’s between my legs or how much a guy wants/doesn’t want it so it’s a non-factor to me.

[OfDeath]

Just out of curiosity, what do you think you have to offer?

[kaylaS91]

Good conversation, a shoulder to cry on, someone to share experiences with, someone to start a family with.. Plus sex, of course. But I don’t reduce myself to being nothing but a walking pussy.

[OfDeath]

What topics of conversation interest you?

[kaylaS91]

Anything. Politics, indigenous relations, religion/culture, sex, kinks.. Though I think the actual topic is an aside from how well each party can contribute to or think critically about whatever topic it is.

[OfDeath]

That's true. You could be speaking with an expert on a particular topic who will overwhelm you with information. What do you mean by indigenous relations? Do you mean particular tribes relationship dynamics and ceremonies or do you mean the relationship between modern culture and indigenous communities?

[kaylaS91]

I mean indigenous relations with the government in the present. Specifically referring to all the protests/RCMP involvement going on all across BC.

[OfDeath]

I see. So more my latter interpretation of what you meant but specifically about this issue with the indigenous populations of North America am I correct? These issues haven't come across my radar. Are you indigenous yourself? Is that the reason you're passionate about this subject? I'd also, if you don't mind like a brief run down of the situation because I'm unfamiliar with this. So you mentioned RCMP. You mean Canadian Mounties? And what exactly is the conflict?

[kaylaS91]

Correct. No, I’m not indigenous. There’s just so much garbage in the news nowadays that while trying to strike a balance between remaining well informed but not only on the trump saga, more ‘local’ stuff caught my attention. The issue is basically.. going back centuries, natives were here when the brits arrived. Brits claimed the land as their own but since they weren’t the first or only people on it, they gave little parcels of it to the indigenous. These were given to them and officiated with mini constitutions that were like.. handwritten and in English- not an indigenous language. Hence why when companies try to start construction of the pipeline through lands that don’t technically belong to Canada, it gets messy. Especially when the people of the tribes who do own it camp out on the land in protest, then are arrested by the RCMP for no apparent reason (.. they’re not hurting anyone and are technically on their land so what gives?) That’s just the gist of it.

[OfDeath]

What will be running through the pipeline?

[kaylaS91]

.. oil

[OfDeath]

Oh I see. So these protests are about more than just ownership or occupancy of the area. It's also about an environmental issue also a human rights issue. That's quite a complicated situation. I guess the protesters would need to produce some kind of documents which give them impunity from the consequences of disrupting work on this pipeline. Legislation can get pretty complicated when it comes down to stuff like this. Are you pro or anti pipeline?

[kaylaS91]

@OfDeath yeah pretty much. Which is complicated because, while there are papers which chiefs back then signed and whatnot in return for being given accommodation and their basic needs met on reserves, these reserves became known for pretty terrible treatment of indigenous people living on them. In addition to how it's questionable as to how much of the agreement the indigenous people back then understood- whatwith it being all in English. So... yeah. Mega clusterfuck for sure.

[VIVANT]

I hear They are stopping the trains 🚊😁

[VIVANT]

( in Canada) the pipelines are going ( or would be) straight through their territory so they are organized protests and have had such impact that -mostly cargo but some passenger -trains routes are halted. I say good for them. 👍🏻

[OfDeath]

@VIVANT If I was on the train, I would feel inconvenienced.

[VIVANT]

@OfDeath If your home was being torn apart to pollute the environment , you might feel worse.

[OfDeath]

@VIVANT yeah I know. I'm just trying to put myself in the situation to see how I would handle it. Honestly, I'm anti oil pipeline. They should be building it to pump water or something that will be useful long term. Not oil which we should be looking for alternatives to right now.

[VIVANT]

I imagine inconvenience is one of the ways people stop to think about things they otherwise have the luxury to ignore. I’m overall against invasion And human rights violations in whatever form, so my view will always slant in that direction. I don’t mean that I think it’s odd that it would bother you to be stuck, of course 😊

[kaylaS91]

@OfDeath I’m against the pipeline. Not so much in favour of how the wet’suwet’en are going about the protest but I also realize that it’s not like the government is really willing to give them a fair claim to their own land so.. Catch 22. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[OfDeath]

I guess if they don't cause some sort of disruption, nobody will notice them and no action will be taken

[kaylaS91]

@OfDeath Fair enough. Though I’ve also heard some people saying that the disruption equates to terrorism so it’s.. hard to know who to side with for the most part or where the bulk of the truth even lies. 😫

[OfDeath]

I guess the line between disruption and terrorism is hurting people

[AmandaYVR]

I'll avoid the moral question here and go straight to... why? Sex is waaay better when there's a lead up, a build up, and it is necessary to get to know each other to achieve that. It's like sex with zero foreplay. So from a payout perspective, I want a bigger pot, not a penny slot.

[AustinMan]

Not a good idea.

www.girlsaskguys.com/share-your-take?id=59202

[chrissykerdock]

if you tongue kiss or make out don't be surprised if you have to give a blowjob otherwise wait until the 3rd date.

[DiscomfortZone]

Yeah, I'm sure guys put a gun to your head once you make out 😂

[Ranty_Saurus_Rex]

It really depends on my mood.

I’ve done it before! But I also never developed serious relationships w/ those people. They were just fuck buddies.

All the people I dated longterm (including my current partner) I waited a few dates before having sex.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

It would be entirely too fast for me. I'm leery of sex in general, but I barely know who the guy is on the first date, provided it isn't a guy I've known for a long time previously. I absolutely could never share my body with someone who was barely much more than a stranger or an acquaintance.

If I were to ever become sexually active, it would absolutely have to be with a guy I had been in a serious relationship with for a long time. Sex is a big deal to me, not just something casual, and I wouldn't give it up for free.

[MaidenMandy30]

If it just clicks go for it. Honestly just get it out of the way and see if they still actually wanna get to know you lol. My fiance and I slept together immediately. My psycho abusive ex and I didn't until about 4 months in. this is really subjective

[VIVANT]

Good point.

[VIVANT]

First date sex. I do not know him well enough to know he understands “no means no” so ~~ NO
😛☺️💜

[Crystal03]

Cheap.

[Daniela1982]

That's not a date, that's casual sex. You don't know a single thing about this person and you would screw them the first date? You don't know if they are married, have a STD or more than one, HIV, or is a serial killer. So good luck with that. You can't build a lasting relationship on sex, because after the initial thrill is gone it is usually see you later toots!

[VIVANT]

Not everyone wants a lasting relationship. I’m only saying this bc you went general and its a personal question 😊

[VIVANT]

( by the way wasn’t me.. I did not down vote you )

[Daniela1982]

@VIVANT I'm giving my opinion as asked, and I'm sure there are lot who will disagree with me. You seem to ignore the facts I stated - that you have no idea who you are having sex with on a first date. As you know people can charm you into thinking they are ideal, and serial killers use this to gain the confidence of their victims. While the fear of being kidnapped may persist for one’s entire life, in 2019 the number of missing persons under the age of 21 was much higher than those 21 and over, with 235,367 females under 21 reported missing, and 62,823 females over the age of 21 reported missing. Now how many of those occurred when on a first date or from someone picking you up at a bar? With that many women missing you should be very wary of people you just meet and especially with having sex with them. Too many girls go off with some guy and are never seen again. Let the "buyer" beware.

[VIVANT]

no it’s fine Everyone is answering so if it applies to everyone My impression was how do we feel about having sex on a first Date _personally_ We are not answering for everyone But then most responders are talking generally and not personally I feel silly for saying anything. I hadn’t read many yet. My apologies 😊😊

[Daniela1982]

@VIVANT No worries, I pretty much respect your answers in threads where you have posted. You are no dummy. But the fact that so many women disappear - into the sex trafficking or maybe into a shallow grave. Who knows? I was in particular thinking of Natalee Hollowell who disappeared after going with two boys off in a car with her kissing one in the back seat. She was never seen again. Aug. 9, 2011— -- A Maryland woman who apparently snuck away for a tryst in Aruba has disappeared in the same town where high school senior Natalee Holloway vanished six years ago. Robyn Gardner, 35, of Frederick, Md., was reported missing last Tuesday by Gary Giordano, 50, also of Maryland. So, it happens more than people may realize -

[lightbulb27]

right on... trusting animal instincts not smart.

[VIVANT]

Oh lol I mean I totally agree it’s not safe!! I also agree with all your points. I’m such a dumbass sometimes. My response had nothing to do with your actual answer, and it turns out I wasn’t even commenting on something I thought I was commenting on. In my defense I’m recovering from a super long illness and I’ve lately been bothered by my impulse responding. It’s something I usually make an effort to not do~ to avoid this kind of idiocy 😐 I think I spent a third of my time on here in the past three days, apologizing for misunderstandings or hasty responses. ( on my part 🙄🤦‍♀️) I _really_ appreciate you being so gracious. and likewise. Your responses are almost always really well thought out and intelligent. And if not they are funny 😛☺️💜

[VIVANT]

Oh and I meant to say my “defense” is still not great 😛

[VIVANT]

Even if true 🤷‍♀️ 😊😊

[MrNameless]

You could also have a first date with a friend you've known for a while

[Daniela1982]

@VIVANT I try and be funny though not always well received. I must be at the top of the list as the person most often blocked. :( Some people on here just don't seem to understand humor.

[Curlybrunette111]

I’ve been on many first dates and honestly, I never get to know the person enough in an emotional way that I could decide whether I want to fuck him or not.

[Bensbrie]

I dont think so lol! My husband and I didn't even kiss on the lips until a few days before I was leaving the country! Then the day I left he proposed officially lol. Marriage then the diddly, that's how I feel!

[Twalli]

Of course the timing if other things in your relationship matters

[Bensbrie]

@Twalli I mean, if you believe in sex before marriage I certainly won't bash you for it friend and I understand we see it a bit differently perhaps, but I have multiple reasons for it. I believe marriage is the right time to do that sort of thing, not before, but if you disagree that's fine! I'm not saying anything bad about you bro! Like I'm sure your a cool dude and all! There can be numerous complications though as well that can come out of doing it before marriage like pregnancy, STDS, and becoming very attached to someone only to get left. Like I'm not saying that happens every time someone has sex and isn't married, but it increases the risks of those things. Also, if a person does give another person their special first time and that person only ends up leaving them because they just wanted a casual fling unbeknownst to that person, that can be very hard and hurt that person too. But I believe waiting is the best option, but yea, thanks for listening and thanks for your comment!

[Twalli]

We waited, 6 months. I get that you should only have sex with someone special. Yet, I also believe that there are multiple people who qualify and if you happen to date them...

[Bensbrie]

@Twalli I mean I understand what you mean honey bunch, but for me personally I wouldn't want to do that with someone just because they are special to me, because the future is uncertain. Like for me, it can't be based on how I feel just after a being with them for a good while. It has to be after we are fully committed to being the only one and such, if you get what I mean. Like I'm not bashing you because you did after half a year, not bashing you at all, I'm just saying what I was inclined to do personally hon. Thanks for responding!

[Twalli]

Not saying you are like this, but society has a high divorce rate. With this we have to realize marriage as a lifelong partnership is not true anymore. With the devolution of marriage and the evolution if unmarried life partners I feel a deep relationship is all that is needed. I do make sure we have a strong and stable relationship before sex, because a relationship based on sex has a higher chance of failing than even a sexless one between people with a high libido. If marriage still was primarily lifelong I would probably be the same as you. Although now that I know how sex feels I may have regretted waiting.

[Bensbrie]

@Twalli thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I understand the way it looks, but divorce rates have actually gone down. And I know people who have been married for a long while or their entire lives, so i have good examples to go off of. But i understand it's harder for other people when they dont have good examples to go off of, it would make sense. I feel like a lot of people aren't communicating properly and give up to easily nowadays. Marriage is about commitment and such, and a lot of people dont know what commitment is, so I understand lots of people find it easier to not get married, but I personally think that's like sweeping an issue under the rug, I feel it's better to confront things and to take a chance. Marriage isn't easy, but it's worth it. That's why it's important to know a person first and their goals in life and beliefs and such, so that you can try to avoid such easily avoidable problems later on, but even if you can't avoid those problems, communication is key, and realizing that men and women are different and that is okay, is also important too. But I hear you friend. I believe that a marriage is what we make it. Sometimes divorce can't be avoided like when domestic violence is involved or infidelity. But other times people just fail to talk through their differences and ideas and such. Thank you once again for telling me what you think pertaining to relationships and marriage and divorce and all 😊

[PrimalInstinct]

Cheap.

It's either desperation or simple lust. Neither is really desirable in a long term relationship hence why one-nights & flings are temporary and/or meaningless. And if the relationship does turn long-term well... I'd question if the people simply aren't using one another (e. g. friends with benefits & little else).

[wingattebaby16]

if the chemistry is there and he is hot, then I'm up for it!

[Mollynotgemma]

Up to the individual and if you want to then why not! It’s no one else business and there is no right time for the first time! Unless you’re having sex with them because you think that will make them like you more! Playing games and saying you don’t kiss until the third date is just showing that you have never had that connection! When you have a physical attraction with someone you can’t wait!

[Lliam]

Pretty damn cool. The reason for dating in the first place is sex. And hopefully sex leads to a relationship, not the other way around.

[Nadia533]

I think there’s nothing wrong with sex on the first date. Consenting adults can choose when they are or aren’t ready. Sex doesn’t need to be a taboo thing or something only reserved for two people in love.

[opnbuk59]

Hormones have a life of their own and even those bad boys are on fire and your girls are also and in your first date you know your skipping dessert and let those bad boys have at it if both of them man woman on first date are on same page and no one is pressured forced what can you say except you better look the same 6 months from now dear it it's just bloated gas cause I ain't raising no no babies

[OlderAndWiser]

It is not an automatic deal breaker but it should at least raise your awareness that your partner may be promiscuous and only interested in casual sex. If that is all that you want, okay, but if you are looking for a LTR, at least beware!

[lilyanony1]

I've done it but I think if you want it to last dont do it