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- Been there, done that. It depends on the mood and the moment. It can tend to accelerate things or it can just be for physical pleasure and that is enough for both of you. However, sometimes it can lead to more.
Suffice to say, I have had sex on a first date maybe three times. However, one time started out as a one night stand and ended up being about a two year relationship.
We met at a party in college. I had seen her around but we didn't really talk or anything. Then we met at the party, went back to her place - an apartment just off campus, I was in the dorms. Got carried away and had sex. I spent the night and we had more sex in the morning and then I left and I figured that would be the end of it.
Key point. It was unprotected sex.
So flash forward about a month or so and she tracks me down and tells me she thinks she is pregnant. She is in tears and is scared to death. I am suddenly scared to death - how to explain to parents that their 19 year old college student son is going to be a teen dad and all the rest.
Well, it was a false alarm. Had we stopped to think it through, we probably could have figured that out a lot sooner. (A pregnancy test would have solved matters pretty quickly, but hey, you don't think of these things - at least we did not back then.) However I spent about another three weeks trying to calm her and take care of her - we kept everything to ourselves - and we grew attached. I found myself falling for her and vice versa.
Well, when she had her period that solved the issue, but by that point we had a serious relationship going. It ultimately lasted through the rest of our college career and - duh! - one more pregnancy scare along the way. (You'd think kids would learn.)
It ended a little sadly. We broke up because she wanted to get married and I did not. (I'm consistent. My girlfriend of 14 years and I have lived together for 12 years and have three children. Neither of us likes the idea of being married as we think it feels too contrived.) However, for two years of college I had a steady girlfriend and I still think fondly of her.
Now I have been living with a woman who means more to me than anything I can imagine. We have lived together for 12 years - we don't want to be married - and she has given me three of the most special gifts a woman can give to a man. They call me "Daddy."
Suffice to say I am not dating anymore. Oddly enough, I don't recommend sex on a first date. It is too easy for the feelings to get out of hand. (Not to mention the chance of an unwanted pregnancy.) However, when that person and that moment meet, it is healthy and natural and in those circumstances I would be hard pressed to say no.0|10|0Is this still revelant? - I’ve only had it happen twice in my life. Neither time was of planned, and I think that is the biggest factor here. If you’re just going around looking for one night stands, well; that’s not a “first date.” However, if you just happen to have such amazing chemistry and you can’t keep off of eachother; which was the case for me, consider yourself lucky and hold onto that enthusiasm.
The best relationship I ever had was with a girl I made love to in our first date. Before the date started I cooked her a five course meal and then after; we were so full she didn’t want to go home right away. Her favorite show was about to come on so we went to my bedroom and watched it while I popped open a bottle of wine and brought a plate of charcuterie. we barely touched the wine but we loved the show, loved each other’s company, and there was no keeping our clothes on by the end of it.
She was my best ever first date and is still very dear to me. We always respected eachother and even when we broke up, we did so with open communication, dignity, and love.0|00|0Is this still revelant?
Most Helpful Girls
- It depends on what sex means to each of the couple:
If it is just a "thing" and people do it for excitement, that's ok as long as both do it for this reason.
Personally, for me sex is the closest you can get to anyone. The beauty of a relationship is the closeness. Knowing exactly what another person likes and does not like. Their fears, their successes, what they are proud of... For me sex is fulfilling if I can see a partner being totally relaxed and happy in the situation. To feel that what you are doing to them is doing them good, perhaps liberating them. However, for this, you need to know the person pretty well. But also, for you to want to have sex like this, you need to love the other person a lot, too. Love grows over time, but to me, sex should come in quite late into a relationship. Because if there is a lot of insecurity about the relationship, there will be even more about sex and once bad patterns are established, it is quite hard to change this.0|20|0Is this still revelant? - It depends on how long I've known the guy. For example, if this guy was a friend of mine before we started dating and I've known him for a long time or a guy that I have been speaking with for a long time such as at work, but we haven't gotten around to dating yet for whatever reason, if the date goes well, then there is a possibility that we could have sex after that first date, maybe. However, if I just met the guy that asked me out and I don't know him from a hole in the wall, I'm not letting him inside my hole.1|10|0Is this still revelant?
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5583- 0|00|0
- Don’t care at all.
I mean.. I have more to offer than what’s between my legs or how much a guy wants/doesn’t want it so it’s a non-factor to me.1|20|0Good conversation, a shoulder to cry on, someone to share experiences with, someone to start a family with..
Plus sex, of course. But I don’t reduce myself to being nothing but a walking pussy.- Show All Show Less
Anything. Politics, indigenous relations, religion/culture, sex, kinks..
Though I think the actual topic is an aside from how well each party can contribute to or think critically about whatever topic it is.That's true. You could be speaking with an expert on a particular topic who will overwhelm you with information.
What do you mean by indigenous relations? Do you mean particular tribes relationship dynamics and ceremonies or do you mean the relationship between modern culture and indigenous communities?I mean indigenous relations with the government in the present. Specifically referring to all the protests/RCMP involvement going on all across BC.
I see. So more my latter interpretation of what you meant but specifically about this issue with the indigenous populations of North America am I correct?
These issues haven't come across my radar. Are you indigenous yourself? Is that the reason you're passionate about this subject?
I'd also, if you don't mind like a brief run down of the situation because I'm unfamiliar with this. So you mentioned RCMP. You mean Canadian Mounties? And what exactly is the conflict?Correct.
No, I’m not indigenous. There’s just so much garbage in the news nowadays that while trying to strike a balance between remaining well informed but not only on the trump saga, more ‘local’ stuff caught my attention.
The issue is basically.. going back centuries, natives were here when the brits arrived. Brits claimed the land as their own but since they weren’t the first or only people on it, they gave little parcels of it to the indigenous. These were given to them and officiated with mini constitutions that were like.. handwritten and in English- not an indigenous language. Hence why when companies try to start construction of the pipeline through lands that don’t technically belong to Canada, it gets messy. Especially when the people of the tribes who do own it camp out on the land in protest, then are arrested by the RCMP for no apparent reason (.. they’re not hurting anyone and are technically on their land so what gives?)
That’s just the gist of it.Oh I see. So these protests are about more than just ownership or occupancy of the area. It's also about an environmental issue also a human rights issue.
That's quite a complicated situation. I guess the protesters would need to produce some kind of documents which give them impunity from the consequences of disrupting work on this pipeline. Legislation can get pretty complicated when it comes down to stuff like this.
Are you pro or anti pipeline?@OfDeath yeah pretty much. Which is complicated because, while there are papers which chiefs back then signed and whatnot in return for being given accommodation and their basic needs met on reserves, these reserves became known for pretty terrible treatment of indigenous people living on them. In addition to how it's questionable as to how much of the agreement the indigenous people back then understood- whatwith it being all in English.
So... yeah. Mega clusterfuck for sure.( in Canada) the pipelines are going ( or would be) straight through their territory so they are organized protests and have had such impact that -mostly cargo but some passenger -trains routes are halted. I say good for them. 👍🏻
I imagine inconvenience is one of the ways people stop to think about things they otherwise have the luxury to ignore.
I’m overall against invasion And human rights violations in whatever form, so my view will always slant in that direction.
I don’t mean that I think it’s odd that it would bother you to be stuck, of course 😊I guess if they don't cause some sort of disruption, nobody will notice them and no action will be taken
- It would be entirely too fast for me. I'm leery of sex in general, but I barely know who the guy is on the first date, provided it isn't a guy I've known for a long time previously. I absolutely could never share my body with someone who was barely much more than a stranger or an acquaintance.
If I were to ever become sexually active, it would absolutely have to be with a guy I had been in a serious relationship with for a long time. Sex is a big deal to me, not just something casual, and I wouldn't give it up for free.0|00|0 - While I understand and respect those who's rather "take it slow" - it becomes a bit of an issue the older one gets. After 30, time's running short for those looking to settle down, and there's no time to waste on a relationship that has no future. That means you need to verify basic sexual chemistry and compatibility as soon as possible, including. on the first date. Moreover, if both sides aren't as young as they used to be anymore, both might want to speed things up a little. In my case, my wife and I met around three years ago, made love at the end of our first "date", became official after a month, got married after a year and a half and are now the proud and happy parents of six month old princess. Not all first date sex is "taking advantage" or "being too easy".2|10|0
- first date is kinda like an "interview" ... have to build on emotional connection before phyicial connection. its all connected.
So no sex first date... maybe 2-3 months in...8-10 dates later...
If I am not getting that connection.. i would feel sick, used2|30|0 - Cheap.
It's either desperation or simple lust. Neither is really desirable in a long term relationship hence why one-nights & flings are temporary and/or meaningless. And if the relationship does turn long-term well... I'd question if the people simply aren't using one another (e. g. friends with benefits & little else).2|32|1 - If it just clicks go for it. Honestly just get it out of the way and see if they still actually wanna get to know you lol. My fiance and I slept together immediately. My psycho abusive ex and I didn't until about 4 months in. this is really subjective1|30|0
- I'll avoid the moral question here and go straight to... why? Sex is waaay better when there's a lead up, a build up, and it is necessary to get to know each other to achieve that. It's like sex with zero foreplay. So from a payout perspective, I want a bigger pot, not a penny slot.1|30|0
- That's not a date, that's casual sex. You don't know a single thing about this person and you would screw them the first date? You don't know if they are married, have a STD or more than one, HIV, or is a serial killer. So good luck with that. You can't build a lasting relationship on sex, because after the initial thrill is gone it is usually see you later toots!
0|31|1Not everyone wants a lasting relationship. I’m only saying this bc you went general and its a personal question 😊
@VIVANT I'm giving my opinion as asked, and I'm sure there are lot who will disagree with me. You seem to ignore the facts I stated - that you have no idea who you are having sex with on a first date. As you know people can charm you into thinking they are ideal, and serial killers use this to gain the confidence of their victims. While the fear of being kidnapped may persist for one’s entire life, in 2019 the number of missing persons under the age of 21 was much higher than those 21 and over, with 235,367 females under 21 reported missing, and 62,823 females over the age of 21 reported missing. Now how many of those occurred when on a first date or from someone picking you up at a bar? With that many women missing you should be very wary of people you just meet and especially with having sex with them. Too many girls go off with some guy and are never seen again. Let the "buyer" beware.
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no it’s fine
Everyone is answering so if it applies to everyone
My impression was how do we feel about having sex on a first Date _personally_
We are not answering for everyone
But then most responders are talking generally and not personally
I feel silly for saying anything. I hadn’t read many yet.
My apologies 😊😊@VIVANT No worries, I pretty much respect your answers in threads where you have posted. You are no dummy. But the fact that so many women disappear - into the sex trafficking or maybe into a shallow grave. Who knows? I was in particular thinking of Natalee Hollowell who disappeared after going with two boys off in a car with her kissing one in the back seat. She was never seen again. Aug. 9, 2011— -- A Maryland woman who apparently snuck away for a tryst in Aruba has disappeared in the same town where high school senior Natalee Holloway vanished six years ago.
Robyn Gardner, 35, of Frederick, Md., was reported missing last Tuesday by Gary Giordano, 50, also of Maryland.
So, it happens more than people may realize -Oh lol I mean I totally agree it’s not safe!! I also agree with all your points. I’m such a dumbass sometimes. My response had nothing to do with your actual answer, and it turns out I wasn’t even commenting on something I thought I was commenting on. In my defense I’m recovering from a super long illness and I’ve lately been bothered by my impulse responding. It’s something I usually make an effort to not do~ to avoid this kind of idiocy 😐 I think I spent a third of my time on here in the past three days, apologizing for misunderstandings or hasty responses. ( on my part 🙄🤦♀️)
I _really_ appreciate you being so gracious. and likewise. Your responses are almost always really well thought out and intelligent. And if not they are funny 😛☺️💜@VIVANT I try and be funny though not always well received. I must be at the top of the list as the person most often blocked. :( Some people on here just don't seem to understand humor.
- It really depends on my mood.
I’ve done it before! But I also never developed serious relationships w/ those people. They were just fuck buddies.
All the people I dated longterm (including my current partner) I waited a few dates before having sex.0|00|0 - Up to the individual and if you want to then why not! It’s no one else business and there is no right time for the first time! Unless you’re having sex with them because you think that will make them like you more! Playing games and saying you don’t kiss until the third date is just showing that you have never had that connection! When you have a physical attraction with someone you can’t wait!0|00|0
- Why not, who cares? I hate bullshit where you don't do things you want to do because of some arbitrary social norm/rule. Just do what feels right and focus on the time you spend together and whether or not this is someone you can trust for a long time.0|00|0
- Hormones have a life of their own and even those bad boys are on fire and your girls are also and in your first date you know your skipping dessert and let those bad boys have at it if both of them man woman on first date are on same page and no one is pressured forced what can you say except you better look the same 6 months from now dear it it's just bloated gas cause I ain't raising no no babies0|00|0
- I'd do that... as long as the guy views it in the same light as I do.
I don't know why people care so much about it. It doesn't make any difference if you fuck on the first or last date🤷♀️2|34|0 - I dont think so lol! My husband and I didn't even kiss on the lips until a few days before I was leaving the country! Then the day I left he proposed officially lol. Marriage then the diddly, that's how I feel!1|20|0
@Twalli I mean, if you believe in sex before marriage I certainly won't bash you for it friend and I understand we see it a bit differently perhaps, but I have multiple reasons for it. I believe marriage is the right time to do that sort of thing, not before, but if you disagree that's fine! I'm not saying anything bad about you bro! Like I'm sure your a cool dude and all! There can be numerous complications though as well that can come out of doing it before marriage like pregnancy, STDS, and becoming very attached to someone only to get left. Like I'm not saying that happens every time someone has sex and isn't married, but it increases the risks of those things. Also, if a person does give another person their special first time and that person only ends up leaving them because they just wanted a casual fling unbeknownst to that person, that can be very hard and hurt that person too. But I believe waiting is the best option, but yea, thanks for listening and thanks for your comment!
We waited, 6 months. I get that you should only have sex with someone special. Yet, I also believe that there are multiple people who qualify and if you happen to date them...
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@Twalli I mean I understand what you mean honey bunch, but for me personally I wouldn't want to do that with someone just because they are special to me, because the future is uncertain. Like for me, it can't be based on how I feel just after a being with them for a good while. It has to be after we are fully committed to being the only one and such, if you get what I mean. Like I'm not bashing you because you did after half a year, not bashing you at all, I'm just saying what I was inclined to do personally hon. Thanks for responding!
Not saying you are like this, but society has a high divorce rate. With this we have to realize marriage as a lifelong partnership is not true anymore. With the devolution of marriage and the evolution if unmarried life partners I feel a deep relationship is all that is needed. I do make sure we have a strong and stable relationship before sex, because a relationship based on sex has a higher chance of failing than even a sexless one between people with a high libido. If marriage still was primarily lifelong I would probably be the same as you. Although now that I know how sex feels I may have regretted waiting.
@Twalli thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I understand the way it looks, but divorce rates have actually gone down. And I know people who have been married for a long while or their entire lives, so i have good examples to go off of. But i understand it's harder for other people when they dont have good examples to go off of, it would make sense. I feel like a lot of people aren't communicating properly and give up to easily nowadays. Marriage is about commitment and such, and a lot of people dont know what commitment is, so I understand lots of people find it easier to not get married, but I personally think that's like sweeping an issue under the rug, I feel it's better to confront things and to take a chance. Marriage isn't easy, but it's worth it. That's why it's important to know a person first and their goals in life and beliefs and such, so that you can try to avoid such easily avoidable problems later on, but even if you can't avoid those problems, communication is key, and realizing that men and women are different and that is okay, is also important too. But I hear you friend. I believe that a marriage is what we make it. Sometimes divorce can't be avoided like when domestic violence is involved or infidelity. But other times people just fail to talk through their differences and ideas and such. Thank you once again for telling me what you think pertaining to relationships and marriage and divorce and all 😊
- I think it's ok if you both are already wanting go for it. But more like the 2nd or 3rd date would be better because you are still learning from each other. You can not know someone very much in only one date unless it really was a time you both clicked and truly opened up.0|10|0
- If a girl has sex on the first date, she has just communicated something to me. She has said:
"I can know someone for a few hours and sleep with them"
To which I would say (assuming I even went through with it, I'd have to be pretty cold hearted to use her like that) I don't want to date a girl who is capable of having sex with someone having known them for only a few hours. I want someone that moves a little slower than that if I'm going to invest in them.0|00|0After you had sex after a free hours yourself 😂😂
It isn’t the issue of You using her~ that’s her problem
( and maybe she won’t care bc Maybe she just wanted sex or maybe she’s not interested, really who wants such a blatant hypocrite and someone willing to conduct yourself beneath your own morals..)
_Your_ problem is that you do exactly what you judge someone else for. I doubt that judgement can escape your own conscience. That must take a toll. Directly or subconsciously.
- It is not an automatic deal breaker but it should at least raise your awareness that your partner may be promiscuous and only interested in casual sex. If that is all that you want, okay, but if you are looking for a LTR, at least beware!1|10|0
- If I'm interested in him, I'll have sex with him as soon as possible. I need to make sure he can make me cum and vice versa.1|42|0
Anonymous11 moMen value things they have to work for — give them something and it will be taken for granted and they will not be that interested. Women who get used this way usually feel terrible — women are not like men. If you force a guy to wait, if he really likes you, we will be interested and stick around. If he doesn’t, then he was never really Interested in you anyway. Modern feminism really is a boon to sex craving men and a disservice to young women0|00|0- If it feel right and both people are ok with it, it isn't a problem, but personally I won't do it2|20|0
- If it feels right go for it, there's nothing wrong with having sex at any time2|20|0
- If you want something long term, wait a few dates. Get to know who they are before jumping into bed with them.2|20|0
- You do your best to make your partner orgasm like they never have before. That will establish a great reputation and the fun times begin! 1|10|0
- I’ve been on many first dates and honestly, I never get to know the person enough in an emotional way that I could decide whether I want to fuck him or not.1|10|0
- Realistically even if a girl doesn't sleep with me on the first date I know most have had sex on the first date with at least some of their previous partners.
So if given a choice I would much rather be one of the guys she feels strong eniugh chemistry for that she knows right away she wants to sleep with me rather than one of the guys she needs weeks to figure out if she actually wants.1|00|0 - I've done this once. Later I decided that I preferred to wait at least a few weeks before having sex with a new partner, because I hate breaking up with people after sex.0|10|0
- Just depends on the chemistry , sometimes 2 people meet that hit it off like crazy and get lost in each other and it just happens , and sometimes it happens and they were wrong , so again it just comes down to taking chances0|00|0
- No that’s way too soon, personally I’m going to wait till marriage to actually have sex...2|20|0
- I've done it but I think if you want it to last dont do it2|20|0
- Done it relationship was long and fine... you can wait to give it up all you want I’ve seen guys still leave or end it shortly after. Up to your preference...1|20|0
- Pretty damn cool. The reason for dating in the first place is sex. And hopefully sex leads to a relationship, not the other way around.0|10|0
- not encouraged at all
He isn't going to be serious with her1|31|0 - I think there’s nothing wrong with sex on the first date. Consenting adults can choose when they are or aren’t ready. Sex doesn’t need to be a taboo thing or something only reserved for two people in love.1|10|0
- if the chemistry is there and he is hot, then I'm up for it!0|20|1
- I’m a sexual assault victim
what do you think my answer will be 😒😒😒1|10|0honestly ud be surprised. Most sex assault victims end up jumping into bed too early.
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@Shamalien
Well documented by who? The people who talk to the people who are promiscuous in the first place.
Most people don’t end up seeing therapists. There’s no way to prove abuse leads to quick sex Bc many people have quick sex anyhow and most abuse victims do not talk about it.
As I’ve said before, someone had to be looking for troubled women to be having sex as a research question.. and that is bc women’s sexuality is looked at as abnormal in the first place.
Kids of women have sex easily bc they enjoy it. If women who are abused also have sex quickly it doesn’t mean the abuse caused it. Correlation does not mean causation.
Either way the premise is assuming women shouldn’t be enjoying sex.
Like I said “ I doubt it’s true”
Neither you nor I know for sure. I recognize that 😊@Shamalien I believe you are right from what I've seen on and about, but cannot say for sure statistically. When someone is even imposed upon, it can lows self esteem/worth which leads to all sorts of maledies.
- Its fine if the personal chemistry is excellent and you can be certain you will eventually go exclusive.1|10|0
- I wouldn't. It might as well be a one night stand and I don't want a woman I have a one night stand with and I don't do one night stands.0|00|0
- I never go after it on the first date. I find it something to work up to if you do on the first you will expect it on the second, only problem with that is the sex gets in the way of romance...1|10|0
- Sometimes it's a great idea, I mean you're just waiting for it. A lot of times I'd say hell no, or "never" with them. Other times I think I have to respect her, so I last as long as I can.0|00|0
- I believe the third date is customary, but I have had sex on the second date. I wouldn't turn down sex on the first date but it's probably better to wait.0|00|0
- I have muxed feelings on this cuz some men tend to test you and if this is a test you failed. Id keep the date PG and build an emotional connection if i really like him.. if i dont expect something more from him then why not0|10|0
No because id use a condom with him.. i wouldn't because if this is a test you failed and most likely he won't respect you for given it up right away. Gotta get him attached first so he won't wanna walk away.. conversations , common interest etc
Seriously I wouldn’t want to date a guy using sex as a test Anyhow. That’s super creepy and not good dating material. and I don’t even want sex quickly 😊 but as a matter of Principal. People shouldn’t be rewarded for scheming. It keeps them feeling entitled and Selling that to others less experienced people so cycle goes on. Just my opinion.
- Up to people involved, i definitely wouldn't though.0|10|0
Oh really, that is profound.
I thought some panel or tribunal decides.
You mean the actual people decide?
What profulound "advice".- Show All Show Less
@AlongCameCindy don't bother answering to him. He just likes to take potshots and then doesn't even bother replying.
@Miristheiss I'm impressed that for once you bothered answering to us peasants
- The older we get, the more likely it is to happen. IMHO!1|20|1
- if you tongue kiss or make out don't be surprised if you have to give a blowjob otherwise wait until the 3rd date.0|11|3
- wish more people were accepting of it so i could get my little long john rumpled0|00|0
- First date sex. I do not know him well enough to know he understands “no means no” so ~~ NO
😛☺️💜2|20|0 - I went on some dates in high school but didn't have sex. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I lost my virginity to him but not on the first date.0|10|0
- Nope, too early, I need to get to know someone first before taking that step. If they are too eager to do it I be weary.0|00|0
- Not unless the first date is after the marriage! ;- )1|10|0
- Nothing says " I respect you and I'm glad I got to know you" like sex on the first date. :)0|00|0
- No, after marriage is ideal. But at the absolute minimum wait some months so you can actually know the person.0|10|0
- It means nothing. The sluttiest skank I ever slept with made me wait weeks for it. It didn't change who she is0|00|0
- I don't like it ! Cause that's mean you looking for sex not for love or real relationship2|10|0
- If it happens then it means we're really into each other and it gonna be an amazing relationship0|00|0
- If the chemistry is there and she's up for it, sure.0|00|0
- If the attraction is there and we're both feeling it then, yeah, why not? Its nobody else's business.0|10|0
Anonymous11 moI don’t recommend it, however I was lucky enough to end up in my current relationship after this. It was supposed to be a “1 time thing”, now its been a “4 month one time thing” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂0|10|0- Show More (78)
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