Should I tell my mom I lost my virginity last night at a party? Or not even tell her about it?

[nightdrot]

Sweetheart, this is not the place to go to answer that question. There is no way anyone who does not know you and your family can possibly answer that question. You need to seek the counsel of people you know and trust, and take account of the circumstances.

Frankly, I confess that I am of two minds. I am the proud besotted father of three small children and I love them with all my heart. (In fact, my girlfriend and I have lived together for 12 years and our children were all born out of wedlock. We do not want to be married as we think it is a contrivance that dilutes what we share.) I am also a man who lost his virginity at the age of 16. I got two other women pregnant in my 20s and 30s - one miscarried and one aborted my baby without telling me. The latter the most painful thing that has ever happened in my life - I miss that baby so much.

So I start from a mixed place. On the one hand for you to have sex is healthy and natural. Which is not the same thing as saying it is right and appropriate. That is the difference and how your mother would respond to that there is no way to know without knowing her.

Maybe she would respond to that as I would like to think I would. It is natural as your body matures that you want sex and would have sex. I would want to know that you had taken proper precautions. I would be happy for them, in a way. Honestly, also, I would not want to admit it, but I would feel a bit different about my sons losing their virginity than my daughter - though I would keep that to myself. It matters not what my heart says but what my head tells me and what my children need.

So my gut tells me to tell you to tell her. A lot depends on the circumstances. Of course, if you did not use birth control and get pregnant, the issue will be resolved for you. So you need to consider the chances of that. Better to surprise her now than with a pregnancy announcement later.

Also, as a minor, your mother has legal responsibility for you and that it not unimportant. This then relating to the way she raised you, her religious and other beliefs, as well as the circumstances in which you lost your virginity. (Was it casual? Was it mildly forced? Was it with a bf?)

Sorry, I have palavered on. About the only thing I can say for sure is that as a father I would want to know and I would like to think that I would handle it well - especially given what I have learned in my own life. Indeed, as I say, I would actually, depending on the circumstances, be happy for my children. So what you need to do is think about how your mother will react and make sure, however you tell her, that she hears what you want her to hear and not necessarily what you want to say.

Finally, you need to ask yourself what is to be gained for you and for her. If all she will be is upset, is that important relative to what you need to hear from her. Bottom line, if you feel you need her counsel and that you will benefit from what she has to say, then you should tell your mother. Just being careful to keep in mind how she might react to the extent that you losing your virginity might, in her mind, reflect upon her.

Hope that helps, at least a little.

[opnbuk59]

Why do you feel you must let someone know I don't know your relationship with you and your mom but if you feel the need to tell her it must be a close one as it should be now put yourself in her place and tell her in your mind how would she react would she be proud happy or sad disappointed, it's up to you how you handle it but consider how she might take it and decide if it's worth it, now years later your married with kids you and her are sitting talking then tell her, and laugh it off there's s time for everything let's not jump the clock if we don't have to

[Anonymous]

Did you use adequate protection like birth control pills with a condom?

If you did not use a condom or even if you did if your partner has not been tested for stds if he has had sex before you need to get tested for stds. My mantra as a mom is ask for std testing before having sex with a guy.

Just a condom might not be adequate protection for pregnancy.

If you were at all not careful you need to at least see your doctor or obgyn for std testing and you might need to get a Plan B ASAP. Going to the doctor may or may not require your parent to be with you.

If were careful but you start having symptoms you need to tell her so you can get treated. Some stds can leave you sterile or worse the silent ones like HIV can kill you without treatment.

I asked that is how I found out and I had her do the follow up care of doing the labs and did the pregnancy test even though she said she was careful. My mind exploded for awhile but it was better it was dealt with quickly.

[laurieluvsit]

It just really depends on what kind of relationship you have with her.

I can talk to my mother about my sex life without judgement, she just offers advice on things to be cautious of etc, but not all mothers are like that.

[looneymalooney]

you're not the first to have ever had sex, so it's not required to tell people. "hey, I just had sex"
Why would you feel you need to tell her? Did something happened that you want to talk about? Did the guy take advantage of you in any way?

Otherwise, I see no reason, sex is part of life and normal as long as it is consented and done with responsibility and under no circumstances when drunk.
Keep it smart, use protection and be aware that some STDs can be transmitted even with condoms on: herpes for example or HPV. These two can show no visible signs in an infected partner.

[goaded]

How can anyone else answer this question?

We don't know how you feel about it, what her likely reaction will be, or anything about either of you.

Speaking as a parent, I will love my children whatever mistakes they think they've made, assuming you think it was a mistake; I'd love them if they just thought it was a major milestone in their lives, too.

[AzureGirl]

If you aren’t on birth control at all and intend to be sexually active now then I would mention it. You don’t need to go into details aside from being honest when she inevitably asks if you and the other person were being safe about it. If neither of you were safe (no condoms, no birth control) then you need to tell her regardless in case you get pregnant. If neither of these apply and you have birth control and were practicing safe sex then telling her is up to you.

[GuildLegend435]

your mother already knows. momma knows her babies. uh, it would depend on if you think you were safe about it or not. your mom will be able to help you, if you get into trouble.

that being said, there are some boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. if you're going sexually active, you might wanna consider moving out. i'm sure your mother doesn't want her house to turn into a fuck palace, no offense.

[Daniela1982]

Just what she always wanted to hear, that her daughter is a Ho. Congratulations on your troll. You are now a member of the once virgin, twice fucked crowd.

[MuhammmadalMahdi]

Trust me. She is your best friend hands down. Share with her alone. She'll love the fact that you trusted her and it will go a long way from that point onwards.

I speak from experience. The only difference is that I told my dad about it when I was 7. Yes, 7 years old.

Beat that.

[Pistolpete90]

If you feel like you need to tell her, then you should. Particularly if there's other stuff that happened that you might not be sharing, like you were pressured, etc
If you don't, then don't.
It's a very personal experience, it's up to you who you tell.

[Lliam]

It depends on your relationship with your mom. If it's going to upset her, don't tell her. If she's going to celebrate with you and share stories from her youth, tell her.

by the way, how was your first time? Was it awesome or meh?
Either way, you're a woman now. Celebrate. I hope you revel in the experiences that are to come.

[Anonymous]

You want arguments for next few weeks, unless your mom wanted you to loose it for ages...

You have to tell her only, if there is chance of STD/STI, pregnancy or it was done unlawfully ( rape or her was much older then you and you are under age for it)...

[Flower7]

Because of your age, I don't think she'd be happy to hear that. So it's probably best to keep it to yourself...

[Janice2000]

I think you should tell her so if something happens she can help you. I got a UTI the first time was in pain for 2 weeks before I said anything.

[RawIronhide]

If you have a tight relationship with your mom its ok but still i would wait some time to tell her so it's not so jarring.

[bazoom]

Depends on how close you are with your mom. If you feel comfortable talking about it with her go ahead. Otherwise its nothing that needs to be known about unless you're effected someway.

[Dargil]

Lets test the question.
*How do you benefit from telling her? You'll probably get grounded.
*How does she benefit from telling her? You will anger and hurt her.
So nobody benefits. Keep it to yourself. Don't get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

If you want to know how my parents found out I was having sex, my dad walked in on me when I was 17, giving one of his coworkers a blowjob at his birthday party. We didn't notice he was there and kept going. I don't want to know how that felt for him...

[theronaldmcdonald]

As long as you were safe, if you don’t feel comfortable telling her you can keep it to yourself.

[Glenn603]

Why would you want to tell her? that is your business she doesn`t need to know.

[Grkgod12]

That really depends on how close you two are.
Will she be supportive of your choice?

[ksmiller]

Depends on how close you are with her. And how you think she will act.

[TienShenhan]

Since it was your first time, tell her. Dont tell her every time, but now that you're active she should probably know. That being said, I have no idea what your mother is like. If she's one of those unrealistic religious types that doesn't use logic, maybe just keep her ignorant.

[1828RobertToast1828]

You'll be digging a deeper hole for yourself if you don't. Telling her honestly what happened would help keep the lines of communication open. That and you may get COVID-19 and die as a result, in which case your mother will find out.

[_gigi18]

Depends on the relationship. I made the mistake of telling my mum about my first kiss and it did put a strain on our relationship. If you communicate well with your mum and she's willing to hear you out go for it

[Pipeliner87]

You are no different than thes rest of the stupid teens out there. Who cares what your mom thinks, she would probably call you a whore. Did you open your legs to every guy at the party too?

[StretchNuts]

I don't think anyone should keep a secret from their mom or dad not sure how they are but she might be able to talk with you about it give you some advice on how to deal with it

[markguilams]

Just by reading your comments, you SHOULD tell her. If not her then your dad. It's the only moral thing to do. I can also see that you can barely spell. This is a sign that you shouldn't have had sex at all. Tell your parents. Do SOMETHING moral

[Anonymous]

It was your choice and your personal life. No one's business but yours. Keep it secret.

Unless you get pregnant.

[TacosRAwesome]

Depends on the relationship you have with your mum and how much she'd freak out.

[1828avaava1828]

All I say, do what you want to do
No, don't you lock away your serious heart
Or you would tear my insider ways apart
Well it's foolish misery and foolish pride
That can keep that little light locked up deep inside

[COMMODOREII]

Maybe you need to ask yourself why you need to tell her.

[simplelikeme]

Don't really keep it a secret. But it's really none of her business. Eventually sometime in the future you and your mom will sit down and have a discussion and you will tell her. If you tell her now she definitely will not be happy

[AshZ36]

It's none of her buisness... unless you think you might have gotten pregnant

[gwail]

If it was rape, or if you feel you need to get checked for stds then tell her.

Otherwise no. I don't think she would want to know

[Anonymous]

no, imagine if ur a mum and ur 17yr old daughter came up n told u that... u would jus be looking with like a "wtf" look on ur face n say "ok, cool..."
then when she walks away u will jus be thinking "why the fuck did she tell me that?"

dont be weird, dont be that daughter... its not needed

[OlderAndWiser]

How do you think she would respond? Are you using some form of contraception?

[Torari]

Its none of her business. Especially if you think she'll judge you for it.

[OddBeMe]

Sex and parents should be kept separate. Maybe years later reminiscing.

[RLovesD7792]

Don't tell her it's none of her business. Just keep that stuff to yourself. She would only freak out like any parent would if you told her

[Anonymous]

Yes if something happens and you get pregnant she needs know?

[Jltakk]

Why are you asking random people online instead of chatting with your mom? If your relationship is good, you should calm down and be honest. If its bad, keep it to yourself, BUT BE EXTRA CAREFUL. My two cents.

[Romeocuck]

depends on your relationship with her so I can't vote.

[kangy]

Not tell her, if u do now I guess she will call the police

[supercutebutt]

Nah. It's not her business... unless you want it to be.

[Rahul_10is]

I think you should tell her having a look that how is your relationship with your mom coz it isn't a big deal

[morganlove]

Only if you have that type of relationship with your mom. If she's going to flip shit then you might want to wait a bit.

[Ramrod069]

That depends on how close you are with your mother but just remember mothers know their daughters. when my sister lost her virginity my mother picked it up inmediately in her
body language

[colinthenewfie]

Did she tell you when she fucked your dad? Unless you knocked up the girl it's none of her business LOL

[Anonymous]

Don't tell her but don't treat it as a secret. Make smart choices and don't panic your parents if you don't need to. Be safe. Be smart.

[Finchie40]

She probably already knows you did , Moms know everything lol

[LazyMan]

Considering you are under the age of 18. You should tell them.

[SongBird3]

If she doesn’t need to no then no

[Anonymous]

She will find out when your STD's flair up and need her to bring you to the clinic for a birth-control-abortion

[jgirl99]

Depends on ur relationship with her

[Mike3569]

Your body your choice

[UnknownGagsUser]

Depend on how close you both are

[chriscdi]

keep this to yourself, you are gonna kill her

[Anonymous]

Don't. She'll probably just talk you into falsely accusing the guy of rape to save face.

[DiversityHire]

How is your relationship with your mother?

[abbie_wright]

who cares tell her if you really want to

[Dean269]

Some secrets shud stay only wid u

[MackToday]

No especially at a party like a thot.