When's the right time to ask about a new person's sexual history?

Question

This is assuming you're dating a new person with the intention of a serious relationship. When would you ask if they're virgins, past partners, stds, preferences, religious factors, etc...

First date

2-5 dates

Any time

Last minute

I'm too ashamed to tell them my history

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Updates:

11 mo

It's pretty interesting that there are so many comments saying never while the poll leans quite heavily toward 2-5 dates. I imagine those who want to hide their history want to justify it the most

Answer 1

Anonymous

STD's should always be brought up before anything happens. I have only been in one relationship and yes, only slept with one man. Although I was nervous about telling him, I told him I was a virgin prior to we had sex. I wanted him to be aware that I may be apprehensive and unsure as well an inexperienced. He is a few years older than me so I knew he must have a sexual history. He was completely cool with it.

However, I don't know a lot about his sexual history. I made sure to get him to confirm he had never had any STD's etc, but in terms of numbers I have no idea. He said he wasn't all that sure himself as he didn't keep count and is quite forgetful. I know it is likely 10+ so I just don't really want or need to know. No matter how many there are, I would overthink it. 2? - What's stopped him sleeping with more women as he hasn't really had any long term relationships? 15? - So many women, what if my lack of experience makes me look pathetic in comparison? etc etc. I just don't see it necessary to press for the numbers. He's with me now anyway. Maybe if I had my own numbers (above 1) than I would feel differently about sharing.

Answer 2

Anoniemus

Yoda

For some people, that’s pretty important but if it’s low, it might seem a bit fast to ask on the first date.

Still you don’t want to waste time on someone that you know you’re turned off by (due to how much they’ve slept around).

How about doing a game of 20 questions in which you both will respond to the questions? Just say that it’s important to you to know this information.

Answer 3

Bandit74 | 6.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Well if it is something you care about that might affect how you feel about them then sooner is better than later. For example, lets say you wait months or even a year before it comes out and you discover that they had a "colorful" past and can't look at them the same way anymore... well you essentially just wasted 1 year of each other's time when you could have gotten it out of the way and found out if you were compatible early on.

That being said, I think most women either outright lie or get really confrontational when asked about it so you might be better off just coming up with your own criteria for inferring how promiscuous they used to be.

Answer 4

Dargil | 30.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

There's never a time to ask. Except for uncured STD and known infertility, someone's past is not your business to ask. And I was in a relationship where I wish I had known. But everybody has the right to remake themselves.

Dargil

11 mo
There's too much control in our culture as it is. If someone has a "past" but has re-booted themselves due to religion or self realization, should that past should be a ball and chain that condemns them permanently? If they are changed, why should it matter? Is there some corrupt essence that sticks and can't be washed away?
Anoniemus

11 mo
It is your business if it’ determines compatibility.

Answer 5

Dargil

There's too much control in our culture as it is. If someone has a "past" but has re-booted themselves due to religion or self realization, should that past should be a ball and chain that condemns them permanently? If they are changed, why should it matter? Is there some corrupt essence that sticks and can't be washed away?

Answer 6

Anoniemus

It is your business if it’ determines compatibility.

Answer 7

Lliam | 2.2K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

If it looked like things were going to get sexual, I might ask them if they would be willing to go with me to get us both tested for STDs. But I could care less about their sexual history. Asking about anyone's sexual history is a red flag. I would break off dating anyone who thought it was relevant.

Answer 8

Anonymous

Gotta love the "Never" comments. Relationships are a major investment of time, money, and emotion... If you are willing to invest that much into someone you have zero history of... I have some stock I will also sell you since the history of the investment doesn't seem important to you. I mean what do you have to lose right.

Opinion Owner

11 mo
The only people who have issue giving out their history are the ones with shady pasts.
Asker

11 mo
There are also seemingly some people who have been raised to believe that judging others is wrong, even though they'll end up doing it anyway.
kim45456

11 mo
Why do you want to know their sexual history? What isthe poinr of this?
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Opinion Owner

11 mo
@kim45456 For the same reason you'd want to know if your partner was a criminal, a pedophile, a drug user, etc.
It shows their character and if you are investing your time, emotion, and energy in someone you want to know they are morally and physically not garbage.
kim45456

11 mo
What? I dont understand why you need to know with whom your future sleep aroundor what she does in her bed
Opinion Owner

11 mo
@kim45456 Like I said, usually it's the women who have had lascivious past who believe this shouldn't be a thing.
Would you want to know if the person you were planning to spend your life with was of value or not?
A relationship if a massive investment and we put more care and expect more quality when buying a car than we do a life partner? That doesn't seem logical.
If your partner had a past which showed they had no morals, quality, class, or basic respect for themselves... why should someone who does be expected to accept them as a life partner now that they decided they want to pretend it shouldn't matter?
Should child rapist, murderers, and other garbage humans get to say... well that was the old me, I don't wanna talk about it... therefore it shouldn't matter.
NO.
kim45456

11 mo
I prefere virgin men but i know that is stupid of me
kim45456

11 mo
"Should child rapist, murderers, and other garbage humans get to say... well that was the old me, I don't wanna talk about it... therefore it shouldn't matter.
NO." - oh ok i get it now

Answer 9

Opinion Owner

The only people who have issue giving out their history are the ones with shady pasts.

Answer 10

Asker

There are also seemingly some people who have been raised to believe that judging others is wrong, even though they'll end up doing it anyway.

Answer 11

kim45456

Why do you want to know their sexual history? What isthe poinr of this?

Answer 12

Opinion Owner

@kim45456 For the same reason you'd want to know if your partner was a criminal, a pedophile, a drug user, etc.
It shows their character and if you are investing your time, emotion, and energy in someone you want to know they are morally and physically not garbage.

Answer 13

kim45456

What? I dont understand why you need to know with whom your future sleep aroundor what she does in her bed

Answer 14

Opinion Owner

@kim45456 Like I said, usually it's the women who have had lascivious past who believe this shouldn't be a thing.
Would you want to know if the person you were planning to spend your life with was of value or not?
A relationship if a massive investment and we put more care and expect more quality when buying a car than we do a life partner? That doesn't seem logical.
If your partner had a past which showed they had no morals, quality, class, or basic respect for themselves... why should someone who does be expected to accept them as a life partner now that they decided they want to pretend it shouldn't matter?
Should child rapist, murderers, and other garbage humans get to say... well that was the old me, I don't wanna talk about it... therefore it shouldn't matter.
NO.

Answer 15

kim45456

I prefere virgin men but i know that is stupid of me

Answer 16

kim45456

"Should child rapist, murderers, and other garbage humans get to say... well that was the old me, I don't wanna talk about it... therefore it shouldn't matter.
NO." - oh ok i get it now

Answer 17

saggittarius039112

Xper 7

Why does it have to be a question? If its the past. Whats it matter?

Asker

11 mo
Employers ask about your past employment and even personal history. Would you tell your interviewer that the past is the past?

You don't have to care but many see it as relevant.
saggittarius039112

11 mo
In that aspect. You might as well make sure each potential lover fills an application too...
Asker

11 mo
That's basically what dating profiles are, and online dating is now the most common way of meeting... so yes actually.

But the main distinction is with dating you play the interviewer and person being interviewed.
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saggittarius039112

11 mo
🤦 and thats why falling in love is so damn hard...
katjmj

11 mo
Hmm healthwise it might be helpful to know

Answer 18

Asker

Employers ask about your past employment and even personal history. Would you tell your interviewer that the past is the past?

You don't have to care but many see it as relevant.

Answer 19

saggittarius039112

In that aspect. You might as well make sure each potential lover fills an application too...

Answer 20

Asker

That's basically what dating profiles are, and online dating is now the most common way of meeting... so yes actually.

But the main distinction is with dating you play the interviewer and person being interviewed.

Answer 21

saggittarius039112

🤦 and thats why falling in love is so damn hard...

Answer 22

katjmj

Hmm healthwise it might be helpful to know

Answer 23

GuildLegend435

Xper 5

i'd say its fine to ask whenever. but you better prepare your body for the answer. don't ask a question you can't handle the truth about, i'd wager.

Answer 24

Secret6620 | 8.9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Whenever you guys start being slightly intimate. I would usually ask for a health report after the third date. I'm super OCD about that kind of stuff. 😊❣️✌️

Answer 25

sensogal | 96 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 5

Shouldn't all these questions just be natural and part of conversations? If you're really getting along with a person, these should come naturally. Otherwise, it's just awkward, interrogative, formal and stiff

Answer 26

Browneye57 | 7.7K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

You don't. And it's none of your business. If you're worried about std's then BOTH get checked. Then fuck your brains out.
The rule is, never kiss and tell. EVER. Nothing good will ever come of it. I guarantee it.

Answer 27

StarGayle

Xper 6

I picked anytime but it really depends on the people. I think it should be before any sexual encounter.

Answer 28

OlderAndWiser | 17.7K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

You shouldn't ask them about their sexual history. You should ask how much they have dated recently. Ask their preferences after you are having sex with them.

OlderAndWiser

11 mo
Response to update: the point is not that I have something to hide. At my age, a woman may have had sex with 50 guys before age 25, and only had 2 more partners since then. What I care about is how she will treat sex as a part of our relationship now. How she has conducted herself recently is much more important than whether she was promiscuous 40 years ago.
Asker

11 mo
You not caring is very different from "you shouldn't ask them".

You haven't given a reason as to why men should not ask, only made an assumption that after some period of time it no longer reflects on them.

Answer 29

OlderAndWiser

Response to update: the point is not that I have something to hide. At my age, a woman may have had sex with 50 guys before age 25, and only had 2 more partners since then. What I care about is how she will treat sex as a part of our relationship now. How she has conducted herself recently is much more important than whether she was promiscuous 40 years ago.

Answer 30

Asker

You not caring is very different from "you shouldn't ask them".

You haven't given a reason as to why men should not ask, only made an assumption that after some period of time it no longer reflects on them.

Answer 31

Twalli | 12.9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

I ask if they're a virgin early on, because that determines how long it will take before I am willing to have sex with them.

Answer 32

thegirlfromthething | 1.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

I would ask once I think we’re really compatible and could become serious enough for sex one day. Then I’d want to know about his history, preferences, STD testing, and things like that.

Answer 33

Kejaco

Xper 4

It should be done when you are both comfortable with each other, if you are ashamed then you probably don't trust them enough and shouldn't be doing it

Answer 34

Pallavi37 | 489 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

After more than a date or after u hv sex with the guy

Answer 35

Y2KxD

Xper 4

I'd say don't ask about that unless you plan on getting married/ CMR. I wouldn't get married though, cus the laws suck, but for CMR I wouldn't stay with a woman with a bc over 1. CMR is committed monogamous relationship (basically married but not married)

Answer 36

Chris1690

Xper 4

A would say not important, only once ave had a girl ask me to get std checks

Answer 37

CreativeMumble

Yoda

I've found it often comes up naturally at some point.

Answer 38

cicchis0 | 453 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

You missed the obvious answer: Never.
Who cares?

Answer 39

skeetskeetskeet | 1.6K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Its easy... dont ask... ask about stds yeah but dont bother asking anything else because for 1 she's gonna lie and 2 its none of your business

Answer 40

Anonymous

Beyond STD's, do we really have to know someone's sexual history? Just curious as to what you think.

Answer 41

bigben07501

Xper 1

Being a virgin should only later if. You are one asking about past relationships can lead to negative feelings on both parties should ask about she's before having sex

Answer 42

JamesRandiDebates | 1.2K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

How about never? I just want to bone the bitch, not listen to her life story.

Answer 43

Redstang88 | 1.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

I never ask, not really relevant

Answer 44

Prof_Don | 4.6K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Why asked? You’re going to be lied to.

Answer 45

Gedaria | 9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

When she /he is ready to tell you...

Gedaria

11 mo
It is one of those things that are personal.
To one person having 10sexual encounters, it seems ok. But some having 2can be two many. Or are you going to judge someone else with your sexual history, or orientation...

Answer 46

Gedaria

It is one of those things that are personal.
To one person having 10sexual encounters, it seems ok. But some having 2can be two many. Or are you going to judge someone else with your sexual history, or orientation...

Answer 47

Anonymous

Wow. I am literally shocked to see so many open minded, nice, humble and not judgy male opinions.

Answer 48

izzie_morris

Xper 6

when you want to know, i guess 😂 just be natural

Answer 49

BillieJean1070 | 5.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Just before it's going to happen.

ArrowheadSW

11 mo
Do you mean as the two people involved are getting undressed? (Kidding)
BillieJean1070

11 mo
@ArrowheadSW when the buttons start poppin'
ArrowheadSW

11 mo
LOL I am laughing at how that conversation might go as the clothes are falling to the floor!

Answer 50

ArrowheadSW

Do you mean as the two people involved are getting undressed? (Kidding)

Answer 51

BillieJean1070

@ArrowheadSW when the buttons start poppin'

Answer 52

ArrowheadSW

LOL I am laughing at how that conversation might go as the clothes are falling to the floor!

Answer 53

prashant9643 | 79 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 4

Why wait. Ask when you feel

Answer 54

rickle

Xper 4

When they're not new anymore

Answer 55

AshleyMadison00 | 328 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 7

Tested is the only way to go you got liers

Answer 56

R3DthatDude | 383 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Explorer

Who the Sam said the first date, yaw ratchet 😂 🤣

Anoniemus

11 mo
There are people who don’t want to be around sleazes.
R3DthatDude

11 mo
I don’t feel you earned the right to get that deep in conversation yet. First pass the are we compatible part first
Anoniemus

11 mo
It would be a waste of time to continue talking because that person might not be compatible anyway (due to their high body count).

That’s why they want to know first off.
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R3DthatDude

11 mo
Oh well, but that would put me off, but that’s just me.

Answer 57

Anoniemus

There are people who don’t want to be around sleazes.

Answer 58

R3DthatDude

I don’t feel you earned the right to get that deep in conversation yet. First pass the are we compatible part first

Answer 59

Anoniemus

It would be a waste of time to continue talking because that person might not be compatible anyway (due to their high body count).

That’s why they want to know first off.

Answer 60

R3DthatDude

Oh well, but that would put me off, but that’s just me.

Answer 61

OfDeath | 3.8K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

First contact

Answer 62

CT_CD | 14.7K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

First date

Answer 63

Plitty-Tank

Yoda

It is not important to ask that.

Answer 64

Anonymous

I wouldn’t. That’s not something I want to know.

Answer 65

cuteangel18

Xper 1

Just let it come you don't have to force it

Answer 66

DiegoO | 3K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Never, EVER.

Answer 67

LuckyCub

Xper 1

Never

Answer 68

Anonymous

Never

When's the right time to ask about a new person's sexual history?

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