Sexual Relationships
+1 y

When's the right time to ask about a new person's sexual history?

This is assuming you're dating a new person with the intention of a serious relationship. When would you ask if they're virgins, past partners, stds, preferences, religious factors, etc...
First date
Vote A
2-5 dates
Vote B
Any time
Vote C
Last minute
Vote D
I'm too ashamed to tell them my history
Vote E
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
Updates:
+1 y
It's pretty interesting that there are so many comments saying never while the poll leans quite heavily toward 2-5 dates. I imagine those who want to hide their history want to justify it the most
1 4

Most Helpful Girls

  • STD's should always be brought up before anything happens. I have only been in one relationship and yes, only slept with one man. Although I was nervous about telling him, I told him I was a virgin prior to we had sex. I wanted him to be aware that I may be apprehensive and unsure as well an inexperienced. He is a few years older than me so I knew he must have a sexual history. He was completely cool with it.

    However, I don't know a lot about his sexual history. I made sure to get him to confirm he had never had any STD's etc, but in terms of numbers I have no idea. He said he wasn't all that sure himself as he didn't keep count and is quite forgetful. I know it is likely 10+ so I just don't really want or need to know. No matter how many there are, I would overthink it. 2? - What's stopped him sleeping with more women as he hasn't really had any long term relationships? 15? - So many women, what if my lack of experience makes me look pathetic in comparison? etc etc. I just don't see it necessary to press for the numbers. He's with me now anyway. Maybe if I had my own numbers (above 1) than I would feel differently about sharing.

  • For some people, that’s pretty important but if it’s low, it might seem a bit fast to ask on the first date.

    Still you don’t want to waste time on someone that you know you’re turned off by (due to how much they’ve slept around).

    How about doing a game of 20 questions in which you both will respond to the questions? Just say that it’s important to you to know this information.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well if it is something you care about that might affect how you feel about them then sooner is better than later. For example, lets say you wait months or even a year before it comes out and you discover that they had a "colorful" past and can't look at them the same way anymore... well you essentially just wasted 1 year of each other's time when you could have gotten it out of the way and found out if you were compatible early on.

    That being said, I think most women either outright lie or get really confrontational when asked about it so you might be better off just coming up with your own criteria for inferring how promiscuous they used to be.

  • There's never a time to ask. Except for uncured STD and known infertility, someone's past is not your business to ask. And I was in a relationship where I wish I had known. But everybody has the right to remake themselves.

    • There's too much control in our culture as it is. If someone has a "past" but has re-booted themselves due to religion or self realization, should that past should be a ball and chain that condemns them permanently? If they are changed, why should it matter? Is there some corrupt essence that sticks and can't be washed away?

    • It is your business if it’ determines compatibility.

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What Girls & Guys Said

11 28

  • I would ask once I think we’re really compatible and could become serious enough for sex one day. Then I’d want to know about his history, preferences, STD testing, and things like that.

  • I've found it often comes up naturally at some point.

  • If it looked like things were going to get sexual, I might ask them if they would be willing to go with me to get us both tested for STDs. But I could care less about their sexual history. Asking about anyone's sexual history is a red flag. I would break off dating anyone who thought it was relevant.

  • You shouldn't ask them about their sexual history. You should ask how much they have dated recently. Ask their preferences after you are having sex with them.

    • Response to update: the point is not that I have something to hide. At my age, a woman may have had sex with 50 guys before age 25, and only had 2 more partners since then. What I care about is how she will treat sex as a part of our relationship now. How she has conducted herself recently is much more important than whether she was promiscuous 40 years ago.

    • You not caring is very different from "you shouldn't ask them". You haven't given a reason as to why men should not ask, only made an assumption that after some period of time it no longer reflects on them.

  • Shouldn't all these questions just be natural and part of conversations? If you're really getting along with a person, these should come naturally. Otherwise, it's just awkward, interrogative, formal and stiff

  • Whenever you guys start being slightly intimate. I would usually ask for a health report after the third date. I'm super OCD about that kind of stuff. 😊❣️✌️

  • i'd say its fine to ask whenever. but you better prepare your body for the answer. don't ask a question you can't handle the truth about, i'd wager.

  • Why does it have to be a question? If its the past. Whats it matter?

    • Employers ask about your past employment and even personal history. Would you tell your interviewer that the past is the past? You don't have to care but many see it as relevant.

    • In that aspect. You might as well make sure each potential lover fills an application too...

    • That's basically what dating profiles are, and online dating is now the most common way of meeting... so yes actually. But the main distinction is with dating you play the interviewer and person being interviewed.

    • Show All

  • You missed the obvious answer: Never.
    Who cares?

  • when you want to know, i guess 😂 just be natural

  • Why asked? You’re going to be lied to.

  • Just before it's going to happen.

    • Do you mean as the two people involved are getting undressed? (Kidding)

    • @ArrowheadSW when the buttons start poppin'

    • LOL I am laughing at how that conversation might go as the clothes are falling to the floor!

  • I picked anytime but it really depends on the people. I think it should be before any sexual encounter.

  • When they're not new anymore

  • You don't. And it's none of your business. If you're worried about std's then BOTH get checked. Then fuck your brains out.
    The rule is, never kiss and tell. EVER. Nothing good will ever come of it. I guarantee it.

  • I never ask, not really relevant

  • Who the Sam said the first date, yaw ratchet 😂 🤣

    • There are people who don’t want to be around sleazes.

    • I don’t feel you earned the right to get that deep in conversation yet. First pass the are we compatible part first

    • It would be a waste of time to continue talking because that person might not be compatible anyway (due to their high body count). That’s why they want to know first off.

    • Show All

  • Tested is the only way to go you got liers

  • After more than a date or after u hv sex with the guy

  • Never, EVER.

  • Show More (19)

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