Guys, Friends with benefits?

Question

I'm 18 years old.. and I'm a virgin (I'm saving for the wedding) i have a friend and he has sex, he goes to clubs and yh.. One time we were talking and I said maybe we can be more then friends (not boyfriend and girlfriend).. i like his body he likes mine.. but without sex.. is it like.. normal? Like is there something we can do besides sex (or going down on each other)
If your friend suggested this to you (and you know she will not have sex) what would you think? Or what would you do with her? I want him to touch me and everything but just not sex..

Answer 1

lightbulb27 | 1.7K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

like what are you thinking?

Friends with kissing and massage? Massage could be possible in some scenarios, but with this guy... why would he do that?

you don't understand something... there is a design to this system to make many offspring and fill the planet to the brim with humans. For the guy, his is a loaded gun so to speak, and once loaded... it hurts not to fire it. You go messing wit him and not allowing that, when he's used to it... that's not going to work. It hurts... why would he sign up for hurting?

KrakenAttackin

11 mo
That's right, blue-balling a guy is not fucking cool. She will have to at least give him a handjob.

Answer 2

KrakenAttackin

That's right, blue-balling a guy is not fucking cool. She will have to at least give him a handjob.

Answer 3

topur

Xper 5

I don't get it : why are willing to save your virginity for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, but at the same time you are willing to fool around with someone you're not interested?
I think you'll regret it. Also most of those situations end up in sex

Asker

11 mo
I do like him.. Like a lot.. That's why i want to do it.. I wouldn't do it with someone I don't like..
topur

11 mo
I'm sorry, I misunderstood. Still my point remains: why not date him? Become boyfriend and girlfriend?
Asker

11 mo
I want to lol he us just not.. He said he is not into me like that..
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topur

11 mo
Oh, I see.. well, if I was me and I decided kiss and fool around with someone that was into me just for my body, I know would regret it. Sometimes the appeal is just too much and you go for it, even though you already know you're going to get hurt and regret it later.
Bottom line, I think you should wait/look for someone who appreciates all of you, that won't just use your body and throw it aside afterwards
Asker

11 mo
I think you are right..
But how can he get hurt from this?
topur

11 mo
If he has no feelings for you, I don't think he'll get hurt. Maybe frustrated because he would like to have sex with your body, but that's not really a thing.

And I think that this isn't a problem for your friendship, everything can be just like it was has been. Although, if you have feelings for him, maybe you should step back a little, you know? Like hang put with other people, other boys, to keep your mind of him. I don't know if this makes sense to you, it's just my opinion because I've been and seen so much people getting hurt in situations where love is unmatched that know I believe the best is to have some distance and let those feelings go

Answer 4

Asker

I do like him.. Like a lot.. That's why i want to do it.. I wouldn't do it with someone I don't like..

Answer 5

topur

I'm sorry, I misunderstood. Still my point remains: why not date him? Become boyfriend and girlfriend?

Answer 6

Asker

I want to lol he us just not.. He said he is not into me like that..

Answer 7

topur

Oh, I see.. well, if I was me and I decided kiss and fool around with someone that was into me just for my body, I know would regret it. Sometimes the appeal is just too much and you go for it, even though you already know you're going to get hurt and regret it later.
Bottom line, I think you should wait/look for someone who appreciates all of you, that won't just use your body and throw it aside afterwards

Answer 8

Asker

I think you are right..
But how can he get hurt from this?

Answer 9

topur

If he has no feelings for you, I don't think he'll get hurt. Maybe frustrated because he would like to have sex with your body, but that's not really a thing.

And I think that this isn't a problem for your friendship, everything can be just like it was has been. Although, if you have feelings for him, maybe you should step back a little, you know? Like hang put with other people, other boys, to keep your mind of him. I don't know if this makes sense to you, it's just my opinion because I've been and seen so much people getting hurt in situations where love is unmatched that know I believe the best is to have some distance and let those feelings go

Answer 10

Anonymous

In other words, you don't have the discipline to save all of this for your husband. This is common in this culture. An inability to delay gratification, make a sacrifice, and an inability to be disciplined. What's the point of all of this ''saving it for the wedding'' if you are going to be sharing your body with some friend?

Asker

11 mo
I know you are right like really a lot but I have few reasons
1. I like him a lot and i want him to like me back and maybe if we try this he will.. maybe
2. I don't want us to lose touch i needed to think of something fast.. and I want him
3. If maybe we will get married he would be the only person who touched me like that..
Opinion Owner

11 mo
1) If you feel the need to do something sexual to get a guy to like you, then it's already a failure. Trying to buy affection always fails. Women fail at it, and nice guys fail at it.
2) This is basic lust and desire.
3) Your very short description of the guy tells me 100% he will never marry you.

Above are rationalizations to avoid sacrificing dopamine (pleasure) for your future marriage.
Asker

11 mo
Damn harsh
Thanks for being honest
I know it's lame trying to get a guy like that.. But I don't see any other way.. I know he is looking for a serious relationship and if he would just see me as more then a little sister maybe we will have the chance..
You really don't think he would go with me?
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Opinion Owner

11 mo
If you don't see any other way, then it means you need to work on yourself more, develop your self, discover who you are, and what you bring to the world beyond your looks and sex appeal. This is to be expected at your age anyway.

You say ''I know he is looking for a serious relationship'' Then what's he doing in the clubs? why is he hooking up?

The guy will have sex with you, or do sexual things with you, but he will not commit to you. But he will probably tell you he will. Far too many women do not take the time to identify their value beyond sex.

Essentially, all you are looking for is a dopamine hit. Often this hides our truer desires that lie behind it. In order to find that, we need to go beyond our lust and desires.
Asker

11 mo
How do I do that?

He is going to the club because he doesn't have a girlfriend yet so why not..
And I don't have time to show him that I'm more then just body.. I know that's what he wants and before I get rejected I give him something that he wants and then when he is not going anywhere I can you know let him get to know me better..
I know it's messed up to think that way but I love him..😞
Asker

11 mo
And I really appreciate you answering me! Like really it means a lot
Opinion Owner

11 mo
Anyone looking for something serious will not go to clubs. People go to clubs to hook up and have ONS. They are also low vibrational places too. Every single guy I knew at college would go to clubs strictly to meet girls for casual sex.

''before I get rejected I give him something that he wants''

Above is a scarcity mindset. You are also confusing lust and infatuation for love.
Asker

11 mo
So what do I do?
Opinion Owner

11 mo
Act from wisdom, insight and intuition, rather than from the mind.
Asker

11 mo
Yh.. ok.. I guess you are right.. thanks
Opinion Owner

11 mo
There are no mistakes, only decisions made with, or without wisdom.

Answer 11

Asker

I know you are right like really a lot but I have few reasons
1. I like him a lot and i want him to like me back and maybe if we try this he will.. maybe
2. I don't want us to lose touch i needed to think of something fast.. and I want him
3. If maybe we will get married he would be the only person who touched me like that..

Answer 12

Opinion Owner

1) If you feel the need to do something sexual to get a guy to like you, then it's already a failure. Trying to buy affection always fails. Women fail at it, and nice guys fail at it.
2) This is basic lust and desire.
3) Your very short description of the guy tells me 100% he will never marry you.

Above are rationalizations to avoid sacrificing dopamine (pleasure) for your future marriage.

Answer 13

Asker

Damn harsh
Thanks for being honest
I know it's lame trying to get a guy like that.. But I don't see any other way.. I know he is looking for a serious relationship and if he would just see me as more then a little sister maybe we will have the chance..
You really don't think he would go with me?

Answer 14

Opinion Owner

If you don't see any other way, then it means you need to work on yourself more, develop your self, discover who you are, and what you bring to the world beyond your looks and sex appeal. This is to be expected at your age anyway.

You say ''I know he is looking for a serious relationship'' Then what's he doing in the clubs? why is he hooking up?

The guy will have sex with you, or do sexual things with you, but he will not commit to you. But he will probably tell you he will. Far too many women do not take the time to identify their value beyond sex.

Essentially, all you are looking for is a dopamine hit. Often this hides our truer desires that lie behind it. In order to find that, we need to go beyond our lust and desires.

Answer 15

Asker

How do I do that?

He is going to the club because he doesn't have a girlfriend yet so why not..
And I don't have time to show him that I'm more then just body.. I know that's what he wants and before I get rejected I give him something that he wants and then when he is not going anywhere I can you know let him get to know me better..
I know it's messed up to think that way but I love him..😞

Answer 16

Asker

And I really appreciate you answering me! Like really it means a lot

Answer 17

Opinion Owner

Anyone looking for something serious will not go to clubs. People go to clubs to hook up and have ONS. They are also low vibrational places too. Every single guy I knew at college would go to clubs strictly to meet girls for casual sex.

''before I get rejected I give him something that he wants''

Above is a scarcity mindset. You are also confusing lust and infatuation for love.

Answer 18

Asker

So what do I do?

Answer 19

Opinion Owner

Act from wisdom, insight and intuition, rather than from the mind.

Answer 20

Asker

Yh.. ok.. I guess you are right.. thanks

Answer 21

Opinion Owner

There are no mistakes, only decisions made with, or without wisdom.

Answer 22

EABsTUQ

Xper 6

Yeah I've done this before. I would probably do. And if he is having sex with multiple girls already then yeah he can handle it. I say go for it. Just make sure you guys talk about the rules.

Asker

11 mo
Thanks💙

Answer 23

Asker

Thanks💙

Answer 24

ZSean | 2.3K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

I guess you could have it be strictly oral, and if you get more tempted to go further than go for it.

Tbh id be kind of confused about a no sex friends with benefits offer unless they explained what they wanted

Asker

11 mo
Do you think he would say no
Like if a girl would say this to you would you jump on the opportunity?
Because in the beginning he showed interest he said we can do lots of things not everything is about sex and stuff and yh.. But then he said it's fine I like you you don't have to do that and stuff.. But i want to why does he think I'm doing it for him?
ZSean

11 mo
I personally have only been in long term relationships and have no friends with benefits experiences.

I personally would be ok with it and at least give it a shot. I dont think he will say no as long as you both are getting some sort of sexual release.
Asker

11 mo
Thank you! I hope you are right
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ZSean

11 mo
Worth experimenting and seeing where things go. Just gotta make sure you make your boundaries and wants clear. Everyone needs some sexual pleasure one way or another
Asker

11 mo
Lol yh I know
Thanks a lot💙
ZSean

11 mo
No problem hopefully you get what you are looking for/needing :)
Asker

11 mo
💙😊💪
ZSean

11 mo
Haha :)

Answer 25

Asker

Do you think he would say no
Like if a girl would say this to you would you jump on the opportunity?
Because in the beginning he showed interest he said we can do lots of things not everything is about sex and stuff and yh.. But then he said it's fine I like you you don't have to do that and stuff.. But i want to why does he think I'm doing it for him?

Answer 26

ZSean

I personally have only been in long term relationships and have no friends with benefits experiences.

I personally would be ok with it and at least give it a shot. I dont think he will say no as long as you both are getting some sort of sexual release.

Answer 27

Asker

Thank you! I hope you are right

Answer 28

ZSean

Worth experimenting and seeing where things go. Just gotta make sure you make your boundaries and wants clear. Everyone needs some sexual pleasure one way or another

Answer 29

Asker

Lol yh I know
Thanks a lot💙

Answer 30

ZSean

No problem hopefully you get what you are looking for/needing :)

Answer 31

Asker

💙😊💪

Answer 32

ZSean

Haha :)

Answer 33

Grkgod12

Xper 6

That sounds cool, fun if you both want the same things.
Have you two fooled around at all yet?

Asker

11 mo
Not really.. maybe a little bit.. we kissed for like three seconds once
Grkgod12

11 mo
How far do you feel that you want to go with him?
Asker

11 mo
No limits
Just not sex
Show All Show Less
Grkgod12

11 mo
That's sexy!
How far have you gone with other guys?
Grkgod12

11 mo
Do you not want to say?
Asker

11 mo
It's complicated lol
Is there a private chat in this thing lol
Grkgod12

11 mo
Yes. Follow me
Asker

11 mo
How?
Grkgod12

11 mo
Click on my nickname
Asker

11 mo
They said I can't because I'm not level 2 yet..
Grkgod12

11 mo
Do you have kik?
Asker

11 mo
No what is it?
Asker

6 mo
Hey.. you there?

Answer 34

Asker

Not really.. maybe a little bit.. we kissed for like three seconds once

Answer 35

Grkgod12

How far do you feel that you want to go with him?

Answer 36

Asker

No limits
Just not sex

Answer 37

Grkgod12

That's sexy!
How far have you gone with other guys?

Answer 38

Grkgod12

Do you not want to say?

Answer 39

Asker

It's complicated lol
Is there a private chat in this thing lol

Answer 40

Grkgod12

Yes. Follow me

Answer 41

Grkgod12

Click on my nickname

Answer 42

Asker

They said I can't because I'm not level 2 yet..

Answer 43

Grkgod12

Do you have kik?

Answer 44

Asker

No what is it?

Answer 45

Asker

Hey.. you there?

Answer 46

bigbaye69

Xper 1

Start kissing touching rubbing and work my way down to sucking on that clit flicking my tongue over it licking her juices

Answer 47

Alexwalkerst

Xper 1

Yes that sounds fun and cool. You can do many things without having actual penetration and protecting your virginity. However keep your limits if you want to protect it until marriage. You can enjoy oral sex touching and other things.

Answer 48

winterfox10

Master

Fuck that... I would have absolutely no interest in that. Just be friends that occasionally make out when they get drunk together.

Asker

11 mo
Why?
winterfox10

11 mo
Because I'd just be getting teased all the time, without any of the fun of releasing the tension. I don't get spend the evening turning her on and then finishing the night with sex. I just get to masturbate when I go home and fall asleep by myself... That sucks
Asker

11 mo
I know.. you are right..
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KrakenAttackin

11 mo
Well said.

Answer 49

winterfox10

Because I'd just be getting teased all the time, without any of the fun of releasing the tension. I don't get spend the evening turning her on and then finishing the night with sex. I just get to masturbate when I go home and fall asleep by myself... That sucks

Answer 50

Asker

I know.. you are right..

Answer 51

KrakenAttackin

Well said.

Answer 52

0112358 | 12.5K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

If I were single and had an attractive friend who wanted to do manual stuff on each other I’d be down.

Answer 53

Ripper_E | 5K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

I would only have a friend with benefits that is actually a friend.

Asker

11 mo
First, why?
Second we are friends..
Ripper_E

11 mo
Because it's called friend with benefits, not stranger or acquaintance.
I also trust my friends.

Answer 54

Asker

First, why?
Second we are friends..

Answer 55

Ripper_E

Because it's called friend with benefits, not stranger or acquaintance.
I also trust my friends.

Answer 56

tim7610 | 51 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 3

If you want to save yourself for marriage then dont do anything that's involve any sexual activity of any nature.

Answer 57

shnarvin

Xper 1

Make out, kiss necks, and grab each other's bodies like proper high schoolers

Answer 58

KrakenAttackin | 2.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Going down on each other IS having sex. Don't kid yourself.

Asker

11 mo
I said I won't do that lol
KrakenAttackin

11 mo
I have known girls that would allow a guy to have anal intercourse with them and they still considered themselves "virgins".
Asker

11 mo
But anal is like sex..
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KrakenAttackin

11 mo
I agree, it's just how women can rationalize crazy shit.

Answer 59

Asker

I said I won't do that lol

Answer 60

KrakenAttackin

I have known girls that would allow a guy to have anal intercourse with them and they still considered themselves "virgins".

Answer 61

Asker

But anal is like sex..

Answer 62

KrakenAttackin

I agree, it's just how women can rationalize crazy shit.

Answer 63

Yellovv | 2.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Everything start like that, but if one time you accept it allways going like that

Asker

11 mo
What do you mean?
Yellovv

11 mo
İf you one time make oral sex you gonna want more.

Answer 64

Asker

What do you mean?

Answer 65

Yellovv

İf you one time make oral sex you gonna want more.

Answer 66

Anonymous

I was in something like that ones I would give her oral and then masterbate myself

Asker

11 mo
But what if i don't want oral either?
Opinion Owner

11 mo
You could just like watch each other masturbate or something then
Asker

11 mo
That's it? Is there something else?😅
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Opinion Owner

11 mo
You could have play with your breast
Asker

11 mo
Do you think he would jump on the idea?
Opinion Owner

11 mo
Yeah why not
Asker

11 mo
I don't know he can just go to the club and get it all

Answer 67

Asker

But what if i don't want oral either?

Answer 68

Opinion Owner

You could just like watch each other masturbate or something then

Answer 69

Asker

That's it? Is there something else?😅

Answer 70

Opinion Owner

You could have play with your breast

Answer 71

Asker

Do you think he would jump on the idea?

Answer 72

Opinion Owner

Yeah why not

Answer 73

Asker

I don't know he can just go to the club and get it all

Answer 74

LiamSawyer | 3.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Tell exactly what you want and don't want.

Answer 75

luma666aah

Xper 4

Ya you admire eachother,

Answer 76

Yammy | 286 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

What if things get out of hand?

Asker

11 mo
I don't think they will and if they do.. then.. I don't know i hope they won't.. cuz I've been strong for so long lol
Yammy

11 mo
But what if he wants more?
Asker

11 mo
He knows I'm saving for the wedding..
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Yammy

11 mo
Oh ok

Answer 77

Asker

I don't think they will and if they do.. then.. I don't know i hope they won't.. cuz I've been strong for so long lol

Answer 78

Yammy

But what if he wants more?

Answer 79

Asker

He knows I'm saving for the wedding..

Answer 80

Yammy

Oh ok

Answer 81

Sabretooth | 2.5K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

what is another word for ''going down''?

Asker

11 mo
I said what other things can we do besides sex and going down on each other
I don't want to go down on him or him on me..
Sabretooth

11 mo
it's all sexual in nature. i saw it explained this way: People who have engaged in sex—including oral sex, anal sex, or masturbating another person—cannot say that they are virgins. even if you disagree about ''masturbating another person'' think of what it could lead to. or do you mean activities that aren't sexual?
Asker

11 mo
Yes those things I know they are sexual
But I mean just kissing cuddling touching but not something like.. you know
Show All Show Less
Sabretooth

11 mo
honestly? i'd avoid making out.

Answer 82

Asker

I said what other things can we do besides sex and going down on each other
I don't want to go down on him or him on me..

Answer 83

Sabretooth

it's all sexual in nature. i saw it explained this way: People who have engaged in sex—including oral sex, anal sex, or masturbating another person—cannot say that they are virgins. even if you disagree about ''masturbating another person'' think of what it could lead to. or do you mean activities that aren't sexual?

Answer 84

Asker

Yes those things I know they are sexual
But I mean just kissing cuddling touching but not something like.. you know

Answer 85

Sabretooth

honestly? i'd avoid making out.

Answer 86

sweetpoison69

Xper 2

women are so complicated🤦‍♂️

Asker

11 mo
Howw?
sweetpoison69

11 mo
You want it, then again you don't.

You're so confused about what exactly you want.

Close your eyes and try to feel the situation on your behalf and from his side. How would he feel when he's in middle of kissing and touching your body, super horny but can't have sex!

I don't think it will go well and also I don't think there's not MUCH left for "saving for wedding".

If you want to save for wedding SAVE IT ALL otherwise have fun. Don't worry about saving.
Asker

11 mo
Lots of girls save for the wedding and do other stuff.. (the thing about saving for the wedding for me is not just saving your body for your husband but also for not being able to compare him to other guys in bed..) I wouldn't want my husband thinking in his head that his ex was better or something..

I want him 100% but I also made an oath to my self that I wouldn't have sex before the wedding, so I'm trying to.. Not do it but still release some hormones..
Show All Show Less
sweetpoison69

11 mo
I had a girl that wouldn't let me to have sex but let me kiss wildly and touch her body except her boobs and pussy, of course with her clothes on. She wouldn't put her clothes off but loved to touch my body.

But we were in a relationship. She didn't want to lose her virginity before marriage and I respect that. Point is we weren't just friends.
Asker

11 mo
I'm so happy to hear that!!
So it can work?
Are you still together?
And how did you agreed to date her knowing you wouldn't have sex?

Answer 87

Asker

Howw?

Answer 88

sweetpoison69

You want it, then again you don't.

You're so confused about what exactly you want.

Close your eyes and try to feel the situation on your behalf and from his side. How would he feel when he's in middle of kissing and touching your body, super horny but can't have sex!

I don't think it will go well and also I don't think there's not MUCH left for "saving for wedding".

If you want to save for wedding SAVE IT ALL otherwise have fun. Don't worry about saving.

Answer 89

Asker

Lots of girls save for the wedding and do other stuff.. (the thing about saving for the wedding for me is not just saving your body for your husband but also for not being able to compare him to other guys in bed..) I wouldn't want my husband thinking in his head that his ex was better or something..

I want him 100% but I also made an oath to my self that I wouldn't have sex before the wedding, so I'm trying to.. Not do it but still release some hormones..

Answer 90

sweetpoison69

I had a girl that wouldn't let me to have sex but let me kiss wildly and touch her body except her boobs and pussy, of course with her clothes on. She wouldn't put her clothes off but loved to touch my body.

But we were in a relationship. She didn't want to lose her virginity before marriage and I respect that. Point is we weren't just friends.

Answer 91

Asker

I'm so happy to hear that!!
So it can work?
Are you still together?
And how did you agreed to date her knowing you wouldn't have sex?

Guys, Friends with benefits?

Most Helpful Guys

What Guys Said (19)

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