Sexual Relationships
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I am conflicted about having a three/foursome with my boyfriend. What should I do? Have you ever had one with your partner?

So my boyfriend told me a big fantasy is having a threesome with another girl. Naturally, I get jealous because of the thought of another girl potentially having sex with him. He told me it wasn't about that, but it would be so hot to see another girl go down on me.

I gave it some thought and told him I would be down if there was another boy present, because that would only be fair. He was not okay with that 😂😂

Was I unreasonable? How do we solve this? Have any of you had a three/foursome while in a relationship?
4 2

Most Helpful Guys

  • Nope. You are right on this one. My girlfriend and I have done threesomes - MMF & FFM - in what we now, with some embarrassment, call our "wild and crazy" days. They were fun and a great experience.

    However, it is something we both were open to and willing to accommodate what the other person wanted. Your boyfriend clearly wants this all on his own terms and THAT is a huge warning sign and a no-go.

    Your feelings of jealousy, I can tell you, are also understandable. I went through that. Seeing another man with my girlfriend I had a visceral reaction. It was like, "No!! She is mine and only I get to pleasure her that way!!!" (Oh, truth in advertising pace your boyfriend, my girlfriend wanted to see me have gay sex and I did that.)

    You have to stop and think in terms of the physical pleasure of your s/o. If you can't do that then you have yet more reason not to do a threesome or group sex.

    It can be amazing, but you have to have the emotional security to handle it. You sound like a good lady, but I don't hear that you are quite there. Also, his red lines show that he is more worried about him than he is your concerns and pleasures.

    So compromise and stick with just the two of you. Find other ways to have sex adventurously. Maybe outdoors or even in public if you can find a place where that will be overlooked. (We did it on a Caribbean vacation.)

    One other thing. Eventually we realized that the sex we liked best and that meant the most to us was the sex that we shared with just each other. So we ended the "wild and crazy" phase and - frankly - we lived, plus three children, happily ever after.

    Wishing you and your boyfriend the same ending.

  • I feel in principle two men and one woman and two women and one man should be seen as the same, but there may be a biological reason why the two threesome setups are seen differently. You see, from a mating perspective, the two women and one man makes more sense because the man can impregnate both the women, whereas the other setup doesn’t make as much sense since women do not have a mating strategy for having many partners whereas men do. Men can impregnate millions of women without too many negatives except potential STDs, but women have about nine months of pregnancy so she can’t possibly have as many children in a lifetime as a man can. I believe the world record for children a man can have is 150 and the world record for a woman is 16. So, when there’s a setup that involves two men and one woman, the brain for both sexes might find it somewhat weird. It may be just a competition between the men to see who can be chosen to impregnate the woman because she can’t have children with both. For the other setup, there doesn’t need to be competition at all since one man can impregnate both of the women. I haven’t heard of any society where the woman has multiple men partners, whereas I’ve seen men have multiple wives.

    • Also, keep in mind that men and women see sex differently. For men, they can have sex with a woman and not love her, whereas it’s less likely for a woman to do the same. In other words, if a man has sex with a woman then you can be sure that he might not even care for her at all beyond the sex, whereas if a woman has sex with a man, it’s most likely she feels immense feelings towards him and that’s why she’s having sex with him. This is why the dynamics of cheating are so interesting because a man can still love his wife even after having sex with another woman because men see sex as just some physical act detached from emotions. If a woman cheats on her husband, you can be more sure she doesn’t love him because for a woman to give sex is much harder than a man

Most Helpful Girls

  • I love that you flipped the script, "what if there was another boy present". It really puts things into perspective for guys and gets them to understand how you feel by putting themselves into you shoes.
    I've said this to a partner who suggested it and he shut right up and never brought it up again.

    • Exactly! His views seemed to change a bit after I suggested it 😂

  • Not a good idea to have threesome or even foursome. You're obv not comfortable about it, so there is no need to try and make things better, because chances are, after it's over you two are gonna end up in a very conflicting situation.

    • Yeah he said that it wasn't something he really really wanted to do, he would rather be with me but of course I want to satisfy his needs and fantasies... It's hard

    • You should never do something you wouldn't enjoy or feel uncomfortable with, in order to satisfy him. That in itself will be the first step towards a doomed relationship. It's very important for both of you to be happy, and since it's not a must for him, don't insist.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 45

  • Clearly, he doesn't want a threesome with another guy. Fine.

    Do YOU want a threesome with another girl? If yes, fine. If no, fine. But you should not do a threesome unless you BOTH want one, and in the configuration that you're going to have it. If you are just having a threesome for his sake, it's almost certain to blow up your relationship in the long run. If you are having a threesome because you think it would be hot to see him with another girl, and because you would really enjoy being with another girl and also to share your boyfriend with her, then have the threesome.

    If you end up not having a threesome at all - OH WELL. Either he'll get over it, or he's the wrong guy for you.

  • Have the 3 way with the girl then another occasion with a guy.

  • I think your solution was masterful. That cooled his jets. Lol He wanted you to acquiesce to his kinks but didn't feel comfortable with yours.
    People aren't necessarily entitled to live out their wildest fantasies.

  • not unreasonable. You guys are both not comfortable at this time and probably ever

  • Yes, twice...
    We also had same conflict, in the end we opted for both.. I know it sounds weird but he liked it with another guy more compared to other.. even me too..

  • If a threesome (or more) is reasonable with more gals, it should be reasonable with more guys. That would only be fair. You boyfriend wants more women involved, but not guys. Sounds pretty easy to figure out.

  • I’ve had a threesome but I wasn’t in a relationship because I would have an issue with it also. If it were me, I’d be willing to do the girl on girl stuff and let him watch but not have sex with her. If he’s not willing to also share you for this fantasy then I’d tell him no.

  • Great job, no great job! Clearly a woman that has consideration, thinks quick, and doesn't take crap from people... I think you'll do well in life. Lawyer, Dr, Police, Ceo?

    Answer is no and never had plans or intentions. We live in such a "me me... I wan this..." generation that we should all be gratified and get what we want, or else. Doesn't work that way. People will say all kinds of things, doesn't mean to accept or believe them.

    Well done!

  • Adding another hot guy might help. When I was a Sophomore in college my girlfriend told me that her roommate (who was way hot) wanted to have sex with us. I was a horny 19 yr old guy so of course I said yes.

    We spent an entire afternoon and night completely naked and had tons of sex. Sue I had to take some time outs to recharge but it was fun. The next day I was kinda sore but I had a big smile.

  • I would get away from the fair conversation. This becomes a trade and/or negotiation. Just do what you want to do and don't do what you don't want to do.
    I've had many myself but I enjoy both. Plus I wouldn't talk my man into doing something he doesn't want to do and he wouldn't do that to me.

  • Funny, your boyfriend will want another woman in the room, but not another man.. hmm. He is okay doing another woman in front of you, but not another man doing you.
    Well, that sounds awfully one sided if you ask me.
    So, I would say NO, not going to happen. Also, if you do have a 3-some, it will probably go like that, him doing both of you, and you can bet that he will want to do it again, and again, and again... him and two girls. So think about that!
    Also, why the need for another girl?
    Good luck with it all.

  • I think this guy is taking liberties actually.

    Maybe you're pandering to him too much already.

  • From what I understand regarding your question, ill try to give my opinion, can you advise.
    1) if your boyfriend wasn't into these things, are you? The tone of your words seems it doesn't, but I may be wrong.
    2) you mentioned you would get jealous if he has sex with a woman. Surely he should have the right to, then, become jealous if you have sex with a guy.
    .
    Threesome's isn't for everyone, especially jealous partners.

    I think its dangerous territory and the risk of adverse consequences would be high.
    Lastly, if you are perhaps feeling pressured or insecure that things may not work out if you don't do it, then you are in the wrong relationship.

  • it wasn't unreasonable of you at all but perhaps you should both leave it as a fantasy for now rather than acting on it... that way he can't get jealous if you include another imaginary guy and you never know he might at some point get over himself

  • If you are conflicted then I would not do it.

  • I think I have been lucky I had opportunities to try 3somes outside a BF/GF relationship.
    It is a great and very funny activity
    but I understand all the questions behind it if you are in love with one of the participant.

    the questions I would ask myself if I was in your position:
    do I want to switch this relation to a sexfriend open relationship?
    do I think this relation is the one of my life, is it worth to sacrifice it for a new experience?
    ...

  • Yes I have and what I'm about to say is going to sound like a double standard but it's just the way most guys feel, bisexual girls or like girl on girl play is hot, he dosnt want another girl in if because he wants to fuck someone els it's because its kinky and it might make him feel more masculine, the reason he dosnt want another guys is probably 2 reasons 1 it can be seen as gay and awkward, reason 2 is the thought of another guys touching your girl can make you worried your gonna enjoy him more, he might be bigger or better, might and it could make him feel less of himself, I know it sounds and probably is double standard but I assure you he dosnt want another girl because he wants to have sex with someone els, it's a fantasy most guys have, he also should push for it if you really dont want to and also if you know your gonna hold some feeling about all this afterward dont do it it will cause problems in the relationship you dont need, and unless your bi and there's a specific girl you want I recommend using a stranger neither of you know from like tinder or something

  • Nope, not unreasonable at all. If he wants to see you with another woman and that interests you, then set up rules... he can't touch, kiss, fuck her... etc. Or better yet, tie him up and make him watch. SInce how he responds to those rules. If he doesn't like them its because he wants her too and lied about wanting to see you with a woman in hopes that would get you to agree.

  • i have a threesome but not in a relationship, a girl friend whit benefice and one friend of mine, we feel good and have fun it will be a little jelosy like "why he du that so much? why he/she doesn't do that to me?" but in the end evrething doesn't mather. If he don't whant you to have a threesome whit a guy afther you have one whit a girl is not fair and you don't need to do it. Is not fair for you to tolerate another girl and he not to do the same whit a guy. I sugest a foursome but you 2 stay togeder and have fun whil you 2 watch at the ame time the other couple

  • Why get involved with degenerate shit like that? Is that even sex? So disgusting it's hard to even say what that is.

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