Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Can someone please shed some light, why is my partner watching PORN all the time, he's in his late 40's, and gets sex from me daily?

I've been in the relationship for 4 years.
We have sex daily; at least morning and night (sometimes more)
He's in his late 40s and likes 18 year category.
He watches porn every day, hides it or denies.
I am so over it, hey yeah watch occassionally at times... he has it all and seems to still want this virtual reality.
We have sex every day, I've started to feel like shit knowing he is doing this daily and its now starting to 4 years later affect me dramatically.
I feel overwelmed by his regular use, and the lies.
My man, he is in his late 40's, we been together doe 4 years and I have always provided him with high levels of sex (never once turned him down)
I'm started to feel like there is something wrong with me.
He lies all the time, i know he's doing it, he makes me feel crap when confronted, like its in my head and makes me feel like I'm crazy like serious mind head fuck games.
This is shit, hey yeah guys watch porn and so do some girls, but I feel usually when they have good reason and something is missing, or its occasional viewing, this is over the top especially based on the circumstances.
I'm annoyed, why should I give him so much of me sexually when he's not reciprocating.
I feel like telling him to get off on his daily porn viewing shit, if he can't then he can stop fucking me, bacause i'm exhausted and now feeling like shit feeling like I'm begin to disassociate physically, I dont want to feel this way, it's all from this level of porn viewing. The porn is fucking up a good relationship 😔.
What do you do, am I like fighting a losing battle... can anyone explain to me;
Why he is doing this?
Is it worth staying in there?
Am I not good enough, is this why he watches it?
Updates:
+1 y
The porn addiction has affected me, I feel overwelmed & can no longer ignore the effects. I have spoke to my partmer honesty, as it's evident now I don't want to engage in sex daily. I went to leave for the first time, he convinced me to stay said he doesn't want to lose me, I listened, I stayed. I feel like nothing has changed, we need professional help to work, he said he won't and can go cold turkey. He is prepared for me to leave if I don't accept he can fo himself
+1 y
Continued... I told him his comment told me a lot and I know where i stand (in my head I'm think porn is more important to him) He then started talking about what our split arrangements will be and I engaged in the conversation. He then got upset that I wasn't fighting for the relationship, i don't get it I am fighting but I'm losing, i feel I'm being realistic. Is there hope, can we get through this? This is truly ruining our relationship 😪
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • I assume that he is reciprocating by having sex with you. Men (and some other animals) have a biological craving for sexual variety - it's easier for them to become sexually aroused by new partners than ones they have already been with. That in itself doesn't mean he doesn't love you. The fact that he is hiding it from you probably means that he feels ashamed about this. He doesn't want to hurt you because he does love you. I don't really know the solution. You could try suggesting watching some porn together and having sex. You could tell him that you understand that he finds other women attractive but you want him to ravish you as you deserve.

  • You're more than good enough. This isn't about good enough or enough sex. It's about a fantasy of his. I'd stop challenging it and just have all the sex you want and ignore it.

    Is this helpful? Maybe you'd be willing to role play a young girl? I feel like that might open him up to you even more.

    Why Men Watch Porn ↗

    • Go find a good couple's therapist before you pull the plug. Do I understand correctly: he wants sex every day and you don't? If so, is just fake it 'til you make it an idea? I had an ex that did that. She always had a great time and got her ya-ya's so she went with it.

    • Thanks AustinMan for tour feedback. We have been having sex every day throughout the whole relationship, I have recently (last month) not wanted to engage in it every day and morning (normal pattern) as I am feel like I am withdrawing, the effects of his porn addiction and how I feel is changing. I'm trying to get this sorted and want to make it work and apply some changes to help such as therapist. I have told him many times how it was impacting me, he would lie saying he doesn't need and gaslight me, recently it has come to light and he's had to admit he's doing it. I have been sexually abused 3x, by separate men in my childhood and the effects for me have been huge, sexualizing woman has been difficult area for me, unlike other sexualised abused cases I instead as an outcome became more weary of men and protective over my body. I have done heaps of work on this, but I know being with a man who wants to watch porn daily is not good for me and the way it effects my emotions. When I went to leave the other day, he convinced me he wants to sort it... but then a week later when I said lets organise outside help, he said no he will not and he can just go cold turkey then he basically start planning splitting if there is no negotiation. I would like to keep the relationship, however I can't continue with the pefsonal impacts on me along with feeling like he is choosing porn over me when he is willing not to seek further help. I feel like he thinks I won't leave, this may have ben the case/pattern that I will put up with it, but now its rrally affecting my selfworth and sexually I need to address seriously or feel I have no choice?

    • You clearly have a handle on this. Just follow your bliss.

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  • Some people. can't get used to imperfections of any real women so they stay addicted to airbrushed, photoshopped porn actresses. A real relationship requires making yourself vulnerable and doing so takes courage that many people don't have. You can get hurt if you are vulnerable so people. decide to live a facade and never get real

    • Interesting view and sounds pretty accurate. Its just starting to cause lots of problems now with my emotions. Probably a lot to do with his lying and hiding it, just be honest otherwise it tells me he knows he shouldn't be doing it...

  • Porn is like tv almost. It so available its entertainment. Bit if he is still letting have it good. Maybe tryi to use that as ur new tool to get what u want. And if u are open he gets a teen u get a teen

    • Absolutely not open to get a teen or another person. He gets jealous and possessive over me with guys. There is no way I'm going to have that avenue, not in my relationship.

    • Then leave him. He will be wanting u when u pack ur bags. Or at least cut him off. I look at porn. Teens are my choice. But if i do its no where near my girlfriend. Sounds like its time to let him be a masturbator for a while. U are better off with moving on.

    • Why is teen the choice for older men, are we like used goods once we get into the 30s. Honest question?

    • Show All

  • He may have a porn addiction.
    My suggestion to you is to have a heart to heart talk with him. No yelling, no pointing fingers, have a glass of wine or two, etc. But an honest talk. If he denies it, and you are 100% sure, then you need to decide what to do. Be prepared for some not so good answers. But don't fight.
    Another option for YOU is to seek counseling, so you don't drive yourself into a hole, which is what it sounds like you are doing.
    Good luck...

    • Thank you for your great advice! I have spoken to him he normally blantantly lies and tells me I'm crazy, insecure, in my head, jealous etc... But then the other day caught him out, he wasn't quick enough to delete all history completely when I said ok will check your phone, his expressionless face when he realised he didn't fully delete. He then tried to talk to me after I walked out, told me what i knows i would want to hear. But i know, it hasn't stopped he just can't be honest... this is mainly the issue that compounds it.

    • He might realize it is an addiction and he could be embarrassed about it. Just a guess. If you love him, talk to him again and offer to help. Again maybe counseling for both of you. I had a friend who went to porn counseling, and he said it helped. Also told me how messed up people can get by watching porn too much... like marriages lost, don't eat, lose jobs, etc. So take a chance and see if you can help him... maybe once. Again, good luck.

    • Thank you your advice is very good.

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  • I dont understand watching porn when there is regular sex available and a woman who wants it. Porn is usually a I haven't had sex in a bit and I gotta unload. Sounds like he is mildly addicted to his kink which is young women porn. How is the sex is it still great or is he distant during or is just going through the motions like it is a chore he has to do?

    • Yes agree thats what I thought that guys or girls watch porn when needed something filled, or not getting sex. Its good, we do connect well and i think i make a point of trying to make it intimate by touching and kissing lots so its not just the sexual thrusting and yeah baby comments haha

    • Well that is good. It seems you have talked to him about the porn is he just defensive?

    • Yes very defensive, like gets really nasty to me, says awful things sulks and basically denies.. tells me I'm fucked up, why would he do it when he got everything blah blah. Just takes no responsibly. Caught him red handed the other day, qfter all the abuse and then he spoke nicely to me, but in the conversation (where i said nothing) he still denied he does it much, like really thinks I'm an idiot 🙄

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  • I am in a relationship and consume some AV and stills. But I keep it to myself and don't let it intrude into my relationship. I do not think it is a reflection on you. He has a wiring issue. I think you have a decision to make. Your clock of youth is ticking. No disrespect intended. You may be wasting your time.

  • Is he sexually attracted to u.

    • Good question. He says that he is and often compliments me. But, I have to say this is a good question as his heavy addiction does pose the question, as he looking for something else...

    • 1. He might be depressed 2. Or have too much time on his hands. 3. Wanting to try something new. 4. You aren't draining his balls. If you do that he shouldn't look at porn for 3-4day

    • We have sex minimum of 2x daily since started dating 4 years ago, some days can be 4x so yiu saying I'm not draining his balls? he's in his late 40s, dam he must have huge load.

    • Show All

  • It's his favourite thing to watch

    • Okay so your saying he likes to watch and thats it? He did tell me he doesn't masturbate to it (which I dont know I believe).

    • It's his habitual go to thing. He can watch it without masturbating but he is lying that he always does. Which is weird to me because I find it disgusting if I'm not horny but they say porn is addictive

    • Yeah i know im like " what? You make no sense, isn't it why people watch it"... thought he was just saying it cause he thinks thats what i wanna hear... but all it didnwas confuse me. lol

  • Can't read all of this, but it's an addiction

  • I bet your beautiful but look try this get into bed get under the blanket and put on his porn and suck his dick slowly and hand him the phone and tease him while he watches make him beg to get off take control tell him what's up that if he wants your pussy he has to stop watching porn and dont let in and if all else fails where you live cause I'm single and in need of a good woman that can please a good man just saying from a man's point of view we never know how good we got it till it's gone hope this helps your relationship cause if my girl did that for me ied do what ever she told me to

  • He is learning some things like what works, what he likes and is likely infatuated with a certain genre of porn. He may be open to sharing it, he may not be. It is also keeping his balls full so he enjoys sex with you even more. Porn doesn’t impact his feelings for you are his lust, it may enhance it, for now anyway. If too much porn he may lose his ability to get erect. He should read up in that so he doesn’t have a problem and can manage it.

  • TL’DR

    He watches porn because it’s natural male visual, just like you still watch chick flicks, have female mental fantasy, etc.

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Can someone please shed some light, why is my partner watching PORN all the time, he's in his late 40's, and gets sex from me daily?