How to get over recent self made insecurity (warning 18+)?

Apologies in advance for the long post and adding another penis question on here.
Important details I'm average below the belt but good average. 3.5 soft and like 6 hard never had any complaints or worries previously. I'm a confident guy but get cocky and become a bit of a shit talker with alchole. Me and my friends about 2 months ago go to a jacuzzi kick back at a buddy house. There 7 people 3 hetero couples and 1 mutual female friend. Everyone drinking and having a good time. Someone suggest skinny dipping my buddy tries to kill the idea. I shit talk him saying he must be tiny mostly just immature guy humor. My girlfriend tries to shut me up but his girlfriend surprisly pushed the skinny dip idea and that feeds my ego. I win and we all get out to strip and his girlfriend rips his shorts off reaveal a giant softy that's about my size hard. everyone in shock and comments/jokes about it. This isn't a porno so we all just get back in the jacuzzi. Me and my girl sit across from him (original seats) and she starts laughing aparently dicks float and his head acting like a buoy and kinda just bouncing at the surface I admit it was a very funny view but not a good one for my confidence. Night goes on and regular convo continue a lot of dick and tit jokes but nothing bad happens. I did catch my girl glancing at it but that's normal I guess. I one point he did get hard and turns out it he has a porn size dick that both long and fat he apologized and tried to hide it. It was normal most guys got hard at least once that night there was 4 girls who were at least topless after all. My confidence has been shot tho. My girlfriend noticed that I'm having a harder time getting a boner and I can't watch porn anymore. Evertime I see a big one I think of him and thats weird af so yea. Now we're in quartined and we should be having crazy amounts of sex but my confidence is kinda holding me back and I'm suddenly insecure about my size. I would appreciate any advice on how to move past it
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Haha well that sounds like a great time actually! That's pretty good. It's always good to remember there's probably at least one giant in your group of friends, I'm also willing to bet there was one smaller guy too? I mean were u ou second place to this guy? Because if you were then, that's a solid second. Also I'm willing to bet the women were going through the same deal. I once had a 3 some with my best friend and he was close to 7 and I'm close to 5, so there was a little bit of insecurity going there too. I just turned that part off and rolled with it. Lol at that point its too late to go back. It sounds like a fun adventure though. I think personally at 6 you're either above average or riding the top part of that line. Honestly I think the other 2 guys had the same issue too. Plus you were statically bound to run into that scenario at least once in your life, as we all are. Just do your thing and roll with it. I'm sure your girlfriend is perfectly happy with you and all you have to offer.

    • The other guy appeared to be the same size as me we really didn't make efforts to compare. I don't know ur right and tbh I always thought I was like big or upper average to and my girl would call me big in the bedroom. Can't really do that tho knowing my friend packing a monster lmao I don't feel big and she can tell my mental state good. Props for u and thst three way tho I woudnt have to confidence to share my girl especially with a bigger guy. Even if I was second it's kinda a weird second because it definitely wasn't a close second haha. But thanks for the advice hopefully time fixes it. Cool to hear from someone with similar experience

    • Haha it was just a random girl at the bar. To be honest she was going for him, I was the tag along. So, I'm not sure size played a role. Haha and I've totally slept with a lot of women in my prime (almost 60). I think 4 of my exs had slept with guys that were 9" + and they still said I was better. The advantage I have is that I try harder, and focus on them more. So, I would take this and flip it to your advantage too. Just because he's bigger doesn't mean he's better. Lol they told me while we were dating they'd been with bigger guys, and that the sex was better with us. I've been called "smaller than average, but ohh so perfect". Lol because I researched some good moves, and got creative. I would take the time and try out some new moves, what else do you have planned. You'll get over it. The best thing to do is get back on the horse and rock her world.

    • Haha yea we have had sex since then but I don't know just not as confident as I usually am. I 100% underatand his size doesn't mean he better then me. I don't know if just weird knowing the biggest dick my girl ever seen is one of my best bros

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  • I think you should just try to remember what you said early in your question details - "never had any complaints or worries previously". That means there's nothing to worry about.

    Also, remember that size is not everything. Many women actually prefer an average size guy to a huge guy. Also, for most women sexual attraction is more about emotional connection and less about physical attributes than it is for most guys. So even if your girlfriend was taking notice of that guy's size, she still wants you and not him. Weren't you looking at the other women?

    And maybe it would help if you just focus on the fact that you've got an attractive woman (I assume you find her attractive or you wouldn't be with her) that's naked and wants you to have sex with her. A lot of guys would love to have that but don't and you do, so maybe it would help to think about the fact that she finds you appealing enough to want to do that with you and try to not worry about that other guy?

    • Yea ur right. I'm going keep telling myself that I'm a lucky guy cause ur right I do have a good girlfriend and that's a blessing in myself. Really wish I hadn't run my mouth tho smh guess this is just a lession

    • Good luck. Confidence is important for a guy when it comes to sex, so hopefully you can regain that and hopefully your girlfriend can help. Does she know why it's gotten more difficult for you? If not, maybe it would help to let her know so she can be reassuring. Or can you think of anything you could do with her that would help you feel more confident? You said you used to watch porn, so have you seen anything there that you'd love to do but have never done with her? Maybe trying something different that you think sounds exciting (assuming she's willing) would be helpful because the increased excitement level would overcome your lack of confidence and then maybe that would increase your confidence? And yes, maybe this is a lesson. Usually nothing good comes from alcohol-induced bravado.

Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all, I would hate that idea. If anyone suggested skinny dipping and my boyfriend and I were there, I would get up and leave. No one else is going to see my man’s dick but me lmao. No one is seeing my tits except for my man too. ANYWAYS.
    For real though, your girlfriend is with you for a reason. She doesn’t care about sizes, she wants to be with you because she likes you. I’m not really sure, but talking it out might help you. If you talk openly about it to your girlfriend or even maybe talk to your buddy? It might be a weird conversation but maybe that’s what you need to get past it. If not, I think you will just have to give it time and never do that again lmao.

    • I talked to both. My buddy apologized and try to tell me the down sides to having a big one to make me feel better. My girlfriend tried to comfort me a bit but then got mad. She said it's my fault and she got mad because j didn't check to see if she was comfortable going topless first which in all honesty is my bad. I fucked up a lot that night. The bad part is the group wants to do it more and make it like a tradition 🙄

  • To me, big dicks don’t really matter as much as how it’s used and how you’re able to please your girl friend. I mean if she's laughing and joking around at the guy in the hot tub, I can understand why you felt weird by it or inadequate. If you please her, don’t worry about how big someone else is. Everyone is different. Nobody can control the size of their penis. All that matters is that you focus on her, and focus on the 2 of you having sex. I know it’s easier said then done, but you can’t let that eat you up. The more you focus on it, or something that doesn’t matter, the more your mind is going to affect your sex life with her.

    • She did laugh and joke around a bit but tbf we all did. His member was kinda a main attraction that night I guess know one besides his girl has seen one that big. You are right tho bigger doesn't mean better. I need to stop focusing on it nothing I can do. Thanks for the advice

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  • I hope you learned your lesson about shit-talking some other guy. You were trying to make him feel like shit to make yourself feel better, and boy did THAT ever backfire!

    Anyway, the only person who has a problem with your dick is YOU, and perhaps you should realize that your worth as a human and as a man is far, FAR beyond the size of your cock. At least, you'd better HOPE you have something more to offer!

    • Ur right I did bring this on myself

  • Maybe this will help you. I recommend this guy's channel.

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/VmM2zHfS0gg
  • No reason to be insecure. You are of sufficient size to take care of things. Of course your girlfriend looked at his cock, just like you looked at other girl's books. If I get a chance to see a guy's cock in a safe setting like you described, he'll yeah I'm going to look at it, especially if it is the boyfriend of a friend of mine. Doesn't mean I want to have sex with the guy. Girls like looking, too.

    • Yea I am guilty of checking out the other girls. So u would actually want to see a friend dick or ur boyfriend friends dick more out of curiosity?

    • In the right setting, like skinny dipping or playing strip poker (both group activities) , checking out a guy-friend's cock is fun. Now, if he just whipped it out while we were having a conversation, I would be freaked.

    • Would u be embarrassed if u were in a group with friends and everyone had there cock out but ur friend boyfriend cock was almost twice the size of ur bf?

  • Here's the thing. I didn't have to read your whole post (even though I did). If you're insecure about your dick, it's not worth it.

    • Well yea nothing good comes from insecurities. Guess I'll have to try to forget

  • Eh, average dicks are better. Porn star dicks are just too big, if a bit scary. If I could magically make my boyfriend's penis huge (his is actually smaller, he's about 2.5 inches flaccid and 5.7ish hard), I wouldn't (mostly because I can hardly handle it as-is).
    I'm super insecure about my tiny boobs, but my boyfriend still loves them, just as I love his average dick.

    • +Always remember, you could have been born with a micropenis, but you weren't, so that's something to be happy about

    • Wow I appreciate u being so open about ur boyfriend size and how u prefer it. Yea my girl even called his scary but I don't know still made me jealous I guess. I got a lot of positive feedback though. I'm starting to feel better thanks again

    • Glad you're feeling better! I think the jealousy is because big dicks are cool to look at (and dudes+porn really over-hype size), but, really, it's just a body part- it's kind of like if someone has huge hands. Sure, it's cool to see and compare to the average, but also intimidating and not very useful (not able to use most phones, breaking things, not able to do detailed work, etc.) Also, bigger penis=more blood going there when you get a boner=more potential to get lightheaded or even faint. What's the good in having a massive dong if you can't use it or if it'll end up hurting you? More TMI, but I already choke on my boyfriend's penis and it's hard to take in (I have a small mouth and.. yknow), so I'm extremely glad he doesn't have anything bigger 😂 I'm cool sharing this stuff on here since my name isn't attached to this website, and it's relevant to the topic, so I figure it's not too bad to share- I just hope it doesn't seem too weird.

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  • Totally appreciate everything you said... and there is not one man who wouldn’t feel the same in the same situation wether they believed it or not... but as a woman who is nearly 40... and foremost a female... WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THE LENGTH OR GIRTH OF A MANS COCK! Fact is... wether you are a grower... or a shower! We love our men for who they are!
    Also... this is an FYI to the men out there... don’t worry about your cock size... of your misses can’t make herself cum then she ain’t bothered about your cock!
    Big cocks are actually detrimental to a female orgasm! Our clit is not deep in our pussy!
    Men that rate their cock are just immature dicks! Ironically the bigger the cock... the bigger cock the man is! Women don’t like cocks!

    • Haha thanks for the advice and not judging me harshly. That means a lot really. However the one point I can make is the friend is actually the most humble person I know super cool dude. He also an athlete and well yea nice and objectivly good looking so I was kinda hoping to beat him or at least match him there and well yea that didn't happen 😅. Anyways just wanted to say from knowing him a big dick doesn't make u a dick automaticly. Now I just need to build my self esteem. I get my girl was staring was because how rare it is not that she wanted it

    • You put yourself down! You hold this guy on a pedestal! I’d love to see what he looks like and then what you look like! I can already tell who would win!

    • No no not putting myself down and I don't think I'm bad looking. He just an awesome guy. My friends joke and call him a demigod or white night. He was like a super athlete in hs and still stays in shape. He always looks after the group and makes sure everyone ok. The group used to call him the dad of the groups cause honestly he was the one u could depend on his girlfriend got us to stop tho because some of the girls would joke and call him daddy and she didn't like that. I'm good looking and have my own strengths but yea I just made a ass of myself and ended up hiring myself trying out do him in a stupid way.

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  • All that you need to know that she likes your dick whatever the size and you’ve defiantly pleased her with it before with no complaints and you can defiantly do it again.

    If she really thought it was a problem she would of done something about it.

    Now for you to get that guys dick out ur head try it was when u saw it how it made u feel bit when ur girlfriend sees ur dick imagine how it makes her feel and when u use it on her think about how much it pleases her :)

    • Hmm okay thank u for actually giving me advice on how to get it out of my head. That appreciated a lot

    • Pahah Any time

  • You could watch porn that has guys with small penises. Or drink before you have sex so you'll be more aroused and also will care less about size and not remember the other guy as much.

    • Hmm well I don't want to relay on alchole for sex but maybe I can find regular dick porn haha. I kinda hate that it's either big dick or small dick. I know now that I'm not big but I don't want to think of myself as small either

    • Find some with guys who are actually small, less than average. Then you'll start getting used to seeing that size and will feel better about your own in comparison.

    • Oh that's actually pretty smart actually

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  • I prefer average, it feels better. It can be frustrating for the guy with a big one too when girls can't handle the size and reject sex

    • A surprisknh number of girls have said this. Have u actually tried a big one before?

    • Yes. Usually, not that enjoyable due to the size and have also sadly rejected huge freaks

    • And yes, most girls like average

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  • A penis is not all that arouses or gives pleasure, a good personality, foreplay, sex toys (definitely sex toys), tying eachother up, and tbh if you feel like you're not good enough then tell your girlfriend. Tell ber what exactly you worry about is it purely your size or are you afraid you can't give pleasure

    Having open conversations is key to your sex life

    • Well tbh I still feel like I can give her pleasure but I don't know I just feel like less of a man. There something demasculating about seeing a other man so much bigger then u. I talked to her a bit but tbh I didn't go the best and I don't really like her solution plus she got a little mad at me

    • If you feel less of a man you might need to talk to some male friends a psychologist A female won't really know how that feels like

    • That's very true. I talked to one man friend that was also there and he wasn't really bothered at all

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  • Dont let that ruin your confidence! Dick size doesn't ultimately matter its what you can do with it. Sometimes guys with big dicks can't fuck as good as guys with more average size. Its all about how you use it. Everyones anatomy is different then yours so don't beat yourself up for not being someone else. Take advantage of this quarantine your girlfriend is into you for a reason, make this the time of her life i promise she won't think about anyone else but you. Get to know her body and her anatomy as a woman. She ain't going anywhere trust.

  • Dick size is not everything. Oral is a girls best friend.

    • Eh tbh I don't think he better then me in the bed. I don't know I just feel less manly now

    • It's funny how guys care so much about dick size. I promise you it is all about stimulating the clit. If you can't do that, you're shit outta luck tbh. I promise you a woman had a shit ton insecurities too. Boobs are big, they sag. Small boobs, they want them bigger. Small lips, use lip pumping lipstick. That's why millions of women wear makeup. It's because we feel like we have to cover EVERY single imperfection. We even rip wax off our legs because how dare we even have a little stubble. Dont even get me started on a bikini wax. Then we have the butt strip, the upper lip wax, the eyebrow wax, the armpit wax. Dear lord dont even get me started on tanning beds. Heaven forbid our skin look pale. Who cares about skin cancer anyway?

    • Yea ur right girls have to deal with more and are able to hide less. I give u that point forsure

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  • To me, it’s more of a mental connection. If I don’t feel mentally connected to a person, it isn’t gonna feel good regardless of size. It might just be me who thinks like that 😂

    • I 100% think ur normal. Tbh I'm not really worried about him being better then me in the bedroom j just feel less manky now after seeing his. That's the main problem

  • Just give it time. The feelings will dull overtime. 😭

    • Yea that's true still really wish I didn't run my mouth

    • 💖💖💖

  • This made me giggle. Not because I find you funny but anyway!
    Honestly when you’re with your woman I’d say just relax. Your girlfriend wants you. As for you being insecure about your size, I guess just like other people who are insecure about any other body part, you just have to come to terms with, you get what you were born with and can’t change that. Just accept and love yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself. Maybe stop watching porn because that also does mess up your ways of thinking how our bodies should look.

    • Yea tbh I think not watching porn is a plus just a really weird way to stop lmao. Yea ur right I need to focus on accepting myself. I'm starting to think girls can relate tho because a girl can be insecure about her breast size but that not a secret at least is guys can hide it. Also I don't mind u laughing a bit I realize this situation is kinda ridiculous

    • I’ll let you in on one of my insecurities. I have big boobs and damn I wish I had small ones. I’m 19 and I’ve noticed they’re starting to sag a bit. I’m insecure about it but at the same time I know that I can’t change how my body is and what I was given. It’s just how it is. We just need to accept it and be less harsh on ourselves. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being insecure about my body and instead just accept and enjoy it because one day I’ll be old and I’ll realise how silly I was

    • Yea ur right and my buddy even told me there downsides to being that large too and I'm sure he right. There probably downsides to everything. I gotta let go of my ego I guess. Would it be weird for u if u saw ur boyfriend friend had a huge one? Sorry if that an awkward question

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  • Well one thing i can tell you is that your girl is still with you for a reason. She doesn't care so much when it came to those size differences. If she cared only about dick and not personality too, she wouldn't be a good one to be around. she's with you because she cares about you. Dick size is something a guy really can't control much, some just have it big some just have it small.

  • First of all there is such a thing as being too big. Not all chicks like porn sized dicks. Vaginas are made to stretch but she's with you now. Your lack of confidence is your own worst enemy. Six inches is plenty :)

    • It is my own worst enemy for sure and I do want to beat it. Do u think further skinny dipping would be a mistake or do u think it can help normalize it?

    • Don't skinny dip anymore with other people you'll hurt yourself emotionally.

    • Tbh I don't think I have a choice 😅

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  • Your dick is like a perfect size so big deal. Yeah that’s a fuckin weird party I wouldn’t want to go to one of those.

    • Eh it was the alchole and the. Ain group has known each other forever. So I guess maybe we are to comfortable with each other. I do appreciate u telling me my size is OK tho thank u

    • You’re welcome

  • You have a beautiful girlfriend who loves having sex with you! Don’t worry about your dick size king! As a female, I’ll admit that I like a bigger dick but I’ve had average dicks that did the job if not better because the guy rocked confidence and knew all the right moves. You were given what you got and you gotta own that shit. Talk to your girlfriend, let her know how you’re feeling & move on.

    • Thank u and haha I really appreciate ur honesty it's kinda sucks to know that big can be a preference but it's awesome to know ur being honest when u say skill can make up for it. I talked to her a little and she told me not to stress it because she happy. She also told me it's my own fault and she a little mad at me tho 😬

    • Skill and confidence is better than any big dick I’ve ever had sex with 100% Now go offer to eat her pussy and go from there. 😉

    • I already ate her out today 😉 haha she still a little mad at me tho lmao 😂

  • Oh him don't you worry about it. They do say 6 inches is average, however in my experience most men have less than 6. Usually 4 to 5 inches. Don't let yourself feel insecure about it. Obviously your girlfriend loves it otherwise she wouldn't be with you. Sex is just as important for us women as it is for you guys. Also you could just ask her if she's satisfied. I'm sure she'd be happy to show you how much she loves your size. Most women say they like big dick however it's not actually true. Dicks too big actually hurt and can actually cause injury.

    • Yea she told me it's a good looking dick but looks scary to actually try. So are bigger ones more attractive? But like something that's just nice to look at and not to use?

    • I would say that is kinda accurate. It like my collection of fine china. It's nice to look at and has its time and place for use (porn), however it is very impractical for everyday use.

    • Yea I think that's what shocked me. It was a real porn dick. I seen them before on video but it always seemed kinda not real to me so I didn't care. So to see a real one and one that's big even for porn standards like that I person kinda shocked me and made me feel inadequate. Thank u for ur perspective

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