I would not say that love and relationships are dead, but I believe that the wisdom required to find and maintain a loving relationship is scarce. Too many people enter relationships based upon what the other person can superficially provide rather than focusing on aspects of the person's personality that could lead to healthier and more lasting relationships, such as kindness, loyalty, and honesty. For example, when women commonly enter relationships, they tend to prioritize money, material possessions, and sexual prowess over whether or not the man would treat them kindly, remain loyal to them in the relationship, and be honest with them. On the other hand, men tend to enter relationships prioritizing looks and a willingness to have sex, while not considering her kindness, loyalty, and honesty as well. As a result, relationship issues are inevitable, which often results in cheating, domestic abuse, harsh breakups, and the alienation of their children. Afterwards, such men and women are likely to complain about the opposite sex, arguing that good men/women are rare. They might opt to remain single, search for partners in other countries without learning from past experiences that could help them avoid making the same mistakes, or spend the rest of their lives being miserable and complaining about the opposite sex, be it online or offline. The problem with this behavior is that it is based on the lack of wisdom that is required to find a compatible lover. Whenever a person leaves a poor relationship for whatever reason, he or she should be able to learn from the experience and uncover what they truly need out of another person.
For example, if a person wants a long-term relationship with another partner, he or she should be able to use what he/she learned from experience to uncover whether or not their potential lover has the qualities to sustain their relationship forever. When dating, while I do agree that finances and looks are important to a degree, people should still focus a bit less on money and looks and, above all else, observe how their date treats them and other people and whether or not he/she tells the truth. These are big clues that could reveal a person's true character. If the person doesn't treat others kindly, they're not likely to treat their date kindly either at some point. If the person isn't truthful, he/she could lie about other things that might be vital for the relationship. As they get to know each other more, people should determine their lover's loyalty by observing the level of sacrifice made to sustain the relationship. They should ask themselves whether or not their partner is taking more than they're giving and/or if they're surrendering something that they consider valuable just to be with them. Of course, a wise person should be able to deduct that if a person takes more than he/she gives in a relationship and doesn't vigorously make sacrifices to be his/her partner and make him/her happy, he/she probably doesn't truly value the relationship. Therefore, that person might not be loyal enough to sustain a relationship for the long term. Thus, my answer is that I disagree that love and relationships are dead because you still have wise people out there that know how to find the love they desire and make it last, but the wisdom required for it is rare. If we want better relationships, we have to smarten up.
No. Not any more than they were before..
Two things have changed in the past few years that might make it seem like you think..
1) people have options now. It’s become far more normalized to ‘date around’ than marrying the first person you date. The latter of which might’ve been the norm before what with women being married off by their families as a source of income. Which still happens but a lot less as women receiving an education/careers of their own continues to be a growing trend.
2) The people who do date or sleep around are the loudest, of far louder than the ones who take the more traditional path, thanks to social media being a means through which they can brag and find the validation they seek in doing so.
There are many people who don't feel comfortable with family but they are more comfortable than in one night stand. They use to use people and don't want to see them next morning.
Not in my house. My girlfriend and I met over 12 years ago when I was at a really low point in my life. It was almost like a movie and while I will spare you the whole story, she means more to me and makes me happier than I ever thought I would be ever again or ever thought I could be.
We are actually both pretty traditional but we decided - much to the dismay of our families, particularly her dad - to move in together, but it was under the assumption that we would get married. Yet we kept putting it off and putting it off.
Then my girlfriend got pregnant. The first of the three most beautiful gifts a woman has ever given a man. I love my little munckins and would do anything to protect them and care for them and for my girlfriend.
During this whole time we kept talking about marriage and it took on more urgency once my girlfriend was pregnant. Then finally - again to our mutual surprise - we realized that we did not want to be married.
We think that what we have and share is natural and beautiful and the idea of an expensive ring, a big ceremony and a permission slip from the state was artificial and contrived and somehow diminished what we have. (The religious question - we are both Catholic - to be sure is something that we have not fully reconciled in our own minds.)
Yet were you to see us, we are a happy and loving family, with all the ups and downs that come with it. As I say, I would give my life to protect them and neither of us is a "player."
To be sure, in our early days we were a bit crazy, but that was mostly because of what I was wrestling with and I was blessed enough to find a woman who cared so much for me that she was willing to push the envelope. I quickly learned - and she always knew - that the best sex you have, and our sex is still quite "wild," is the sex you have with the person who means something to you.
Heck, would I even suggest our approach to the world? Nope. From a sociological and historical perspective marriage is good for society and good for man. (One indicator - married men and women have longer lifespans then their non-married counterparts.)
Still, no, I don't want to get married. However, that is not because I want to be a "player" and want only the sex. At this moment, when I wake up and feel the most beautiful woman in the world at my side, and when three little munchkins run up to me when I get home shouting "DADDY!!!", that is what I want. Because I have never been happier and I don't see what a pricey ring would do to make that better. Not least because you can't improve upon perfection.
Beautifully said!!! 👏🏽 I respect your point of view but what about the benefits of marriage? Such as tax breaks, and the immediate beneficiary of marital assets should one of you pass? Do you both have wills to take care of each other and your family now? What about healthcare? I know you can list your children but usually you cannot list a significant other. What are your thoughts about the terminology of girlfriend or SO or partner? Not judging, just curious if you don’t mind.
@Mickey9999 No, that's okay. Getting insurance and such has been straightforward. We both get it through our employers and are covered, respectively, with the children under my policy. Ditto our wills. There are few restrictions on whom you can name as a beneficiary. As to taxes, we file separately and I, having a slightly higher income, claim the children as dependents to maximize the deduction. In any case, you would be surprised, since the advent of no-fault divorce, the laws have been modified to a surprising degree to make accommodation for co-habitation. I hope you don't mind if I detail our finances and I agree, it takes some extra work to gain some of the advantages of matrimony. In that it is something of a trade-off. However, as I noted, we just feel - and it is as much feeling as thought, that the naturalness of what we share makes it worth the trades. Not for everybody to be sure - and honestly, as I noted, we don't recommend it to all. (As I noted, marriage is actually very good for society in general.) It is just, in our case, we have made it work. Were you to see us and not note the absence of a wedding ring, you would think that we were any married couple in suburbia - northern VA suburbs of Washington, DC in particular. Finally, when I say naturalness, I mean that sense that what holds us together is us. Not ceremony, not the state and not the tax benefits. Our love is intense because it is just us and nothing but us. So, I hope that helps at least a little. I would go more into the specifics, but as I say, I for obvious reasons don't want to drag out my financial life for all the world to see. Thanks for your very kind comment. I hope I helped at least a little.
TYPE-O: This sentence - "I hope you don't mind if I detail our finances and I agree, it takes some extra work to gain some of the advantages of matrimony." Should read - "I hope you don't mind if I DO NOT detail our finances and I agree, it takes some extra work to gain some of the advantages of matrimony."
While not everyone feels that way, there is definitely some truth in that.
For most of history, relationships benefited both men and women pretty equally, but with the rise of feminism in the 60s and 70s, men simultaneously lost many of the benefits of relationships while being forced to accept the entire responsibility and liability for the relationship and/or its failure due to changes in divorce laws. For guys who don't put a lot of value into emotional support, the only real benefit for being in a relationship was sex (since women were no longer interested in providing much else), while men were still expected to do everything they did before (provide, protect, and lead) plus accept total legal and financial liability for everything.
Ironically, feminism also led to sexual freedom for women, which means that men could much more easily get sex without having to be married or even in a relationship, further devaluing relationships.
When these kinds of questions come up, I always ask women: "besides sex, what advantages do men gain by being in a relationship, that a man is likely to value?" and I *rarely* ever get an answer to that question. Given that women can't provide a good answer to that question, and yet we know that there's substantial downsides for men to be in a relationship, is it at all surprising that men aren't anxious to get into one?
And this is coming from a guy who prefers to be in a relationship, not one who is against them.
I could say the same thing about men! what benefit does it take for me to be in a relationship with a man especially since most of them are not emotionally intelligent and don't support me in that way. I believe a woman gives unconditional love and support to her man. She cooks she cleans, and by default is usually the primary caretaker if they have children. so let me ask you what benefit does a woman have being in a relationship with a man then just sex. If you can't if he's not a handyman and he can't fix anything then what else does he have to offer?
@Katebfun Men have historically been the primary, if not sole provider/earner, and while that has changed a lot, men are still expected to be the primary provider, and this is overwhelmingly the case even today, and overwhelmingly the expectation. But while women are working outside the home more than before, they're also far less willing to do housework or cook or those kinds of things. Many women I meet in their 20s are proud of the fact that they don't even know how to cook. Many women are also NOT raising their own children. I'm not ignoring that many do, and are wonderful, valuable parents, but I think you'll readily admit that women themselves, as a whole, see this as far less important than, say, 30 years ago. Trust me, I think a lot of these changes have made men worse as well - and I think that women recognize this and that many are looking for a more traditional relationship - but that will require sacrifices too.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Love, principled, is always there. This is what man is different from beasts, that we can be kind, unselfish, patient and forgiving toward even strangers.
Love, romance, however is driven by chemicals. Guys is lustful when they are high with testosterone. And in that state, they (me included) do all we can to get a girl to open her legs. And when "I done", we forgot the "I do" vow. 😄
But to be fair, we are still the superior being on earth. While we could be driven by chemicals, our moral and perhaps spirituality many times supersede lusts.
Hence we, when mature emotionally and mentally, will bear responsibility over our sexual deeds. This is perhaps why marriage still occurs and many couples still "live happily ever after".
So IMHO, love and relationship is still very much alive, although younger ones face more broken hearts and relationships.
Not for religious folks. Or junkies who want to look committed to get more charity. OR people who want money from their parents/help with child care but can't get it unless they get married.
One can't say that love and a long term relationships are completely disappeared but yeah you would rarely see someone in true love. In this era at age below 26-28 lots of casual lusty relationships do seem growing a lot. If its not the case then one partner is serious in livewhile other is in lust so it seems hard to find true love nowadays in below 25. Also on the other internet and other stuffs has made new benchmarks and relationship goals which cannot be made possible for 90% couples and hence they feel they aren't with right person.
No. Once the hookup people reach a point where their parents start dying or they go through a major illness or other kind of setback, they’ll realize how important it is to have a partner who cares. Your rotation of tinder contacts aren’t going to be responding to those calls.
Especially all the people on GAG judging by the questions that are asked here. Sounds like a horn dog convention in here.
I don't know. On one hand, love relationships have been over romanticized by media.. On the other, with social media and technology prevalant, people have become more picky (having more options with dating apps) and less personal and socially developed. It's frustrating,
I also think that given that women have more freedom nowadays to date whoever they want in more countries (rightfully so) and less stigma towards divorces, there are higher divorce rates too. But with the whole communication thing too, people seem to be less likely to work through problems
I hope not! Those are about all I have with my mom, my sisters, and my wife (okay, my step-kids and grandies, too).
I didn't vote, I cannot judge by GAG and media. It's a fair question.
The nature of the question is... WTF is going on? Sex is a reproductive activity that has lots of chemical rewards associated. But make no mistake about it... that's what it is. The ability to prevent MOST offspring and then kill off those that make it through the net is what enables this... what should we call it... selfish drug addiction?
It's really nuts in human history.. but that may be what it is. It's my hope that people who do want good relationships and families can find and create them, and the others... they do their thing somewhere else so as not to pollute the rest of society.
I'd say it's more of the extreme third wave feminist movement that most guys are uncomfortable even asking a woman out at the risk of offending or worse sexually harassing them. I know for a fact I can't call a woman beautiful without someone taking it as objectification where I am from. I want a family and also worry about ever having a good enough wife to have one with
Is there more value in love and family if you choose that path? Nothing is more disastrous then forcing that path. Forcing is monstrous, so being supportive is the best way of pushing those values and understanding it is a choice and the only way for it to be meaningful is because it is a choice.
HELL NO!! But at your stated age, you won't find what you want with guys that age! Most guys take a while to sort their lives, and figure out what they like, want, and need.
Early 40's and before the 'mid-life crisis thing' are the guys that will know how to treat you, respect you, and love you in amazing ways, caring about your pleasure, maybe before his own?
Early 40s and a man appreciates her, and likes the Romance, and making her smile, and her joy, being treated like a 'princess' maybe?
But there is that stigma, socially, of the 'cradle robber' and the young lady, but why does it keep happening? Something she needs and gets, and something he gives?
I don't thinking is dead, but I personally think it's because we are all looking in the wrong places when we intend on finding "love". You have to first love yourself, fix yourself, better yourself before you can find love.
People go on, say, Tinder and expect to find love. I'm sorry, but most people on tinder are not looking for a relationship. My best friend has met most of her ex's on Tinder, which is why I say most, because all I've encountered and wanted to encounter was casual.
If you're a "fixer/healer/parental", some people don't want or need to be "fixed" or "healed" or "parented" and treating people as such will drive them away. If they need help they will ask, otherwise, make them happy and be subtle.
People need different things. Define love differently. Love differently. Dating is difficult, some people just aren't ready for it. You gotta find happiness alone before you can find it with others.
I don’t think love and marriage is dead. Just very had to find. In the area I live in people just don’t want that. So many people sleep around and will only date you for sex. Happens wayyyy too often. I’ve been hurt a few times because the guys will only really care about is sex. The girls are the same though. I plan to move because I know if I stay in my area then I’ll never find love.
So, no I don’t think that love and relationships are dead. Just very hard to find.
No, most of you just go for the popular guys that have the most options. Therefore relationships and commitment aren't their main priority. Due to this, you think most guys just want sex. The truth is, the ones that want relationships are just invisible to you.
This sadly has a lot of truth to it
As a single I already have a home and a family. Even if that family is my parents and siblings rather than a woman and my offspring. And unless your going to adopt, sex is required before you have a new family. So one step at a time.
no
and frankly to be that needy for it you need to be with someone who really can fulfill you not just sexually but mental and emotionally.
No! It's bad life style that no one is trying to something about and that is being self centered and selfish. It's in every city, every country and people wouldn't do shit for some other people just to make others feel good, well there is but they are not that many and this effects a relationship/family because of selfishness. Sex makes you feel good, you want just that right at this moment because this is the only way that will cheer you up kinda thought and so on.
In my relationship! I can end up giving things in my marriage for about 2-3 years straight without receiving a thing because seeing my wife happy is my pleasure and some times it ends up quite the opposite because she does the same for me. This is our logic and we could go without sex for 3-4 months sometimes , well! Try to lose your grandmother a month ago and get in mood while you just got news that your aunt has lung cancer!
I don't speak for everyone but I'm looking for a wife I'm not dating for fun I'm looking for qualities when I meet a woman I think can handle the life I'm trying to make I will marry her.
For a big chunk of the west hook up generation it is.
Why are everyone on this site virgins then? Hahaha
@kim45456 Married, if you are talking to me. Are you casting shade? Ya one of those great catches who starts screwing at 15?
Wtf are you talking about
No, I have been in several loving relationships in the past. I'm in a loving relationship right now. I enjoy sex, of course. But that's not my priority. My priority is to have another person to spend my life with. Who supports me, who shares my interests, who I can say anything to and who makes me feel good about being alive.
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