Saw something from my boyfriends past that makes me very uncomfortable. Advice?

[Anonymous]

So, some back story my boyfriend gave me his fb messages password to do something and naturally I’m super nosy so I was looking through his messages and he never messaged anything weird since we’ve been together so it isn’t a question of loyalty. However, I saw some messages that were super off putting. Like he would randomly message girls he didn’t really know and ask sexual stuff and send dick pics and the conversations made me cringe so hard. The other thing that made me cringe was that a lot of the messages were to (not to be mean) unattractive, overweight, older women. He’s only 23 and skinny and conventionally attractive. So I’m confused why he’d go out of his way to be creepy to women I wouldn’t even expect him to find attractive. The whole thing is so off putting to me and he wasn’t like this when he was talking to me and trying to get to know me. But I’ve always been turned off my guys who are like this. I find it so rude to send dick pics and to ask nudes from women you barely know and it’s making me question my respect for him. Am I wrong for feeling like this? What should I do? Also, from a man’s perspective- are his actions typical of guys? Like is this just something guys do when horny and single? Cause i’d much prefer if he had been the type of guy to just watch porn when horny than to do this and message random girls.

[Madhatter920]

I can only speak for myself, but no, I've never sent a random dick pic or sexually harassed girls online. That said, it's in his past. Not his present and hopefully not his future. Those are the parts you're in or plan to be in, so shouldn't those be the only parts you need worry about? And come on. Reading others personal messages? Being shown trust by having him willfully give you his login info and then immediately repaying that trust by reading his personal messages? Clearly no one is perfect. Don't you think it'd be a little unfair to hold his creepy past against him while you're being creepy right now in the present?

[Asker]

I guess you’re right. Obviously I shouldn’t be snooping. But, I just can’t get over the fact he was like that ever. I feel like I had a totally different idea of the kind of person he was and I guess I feel a little misled.

[Madhatter920]

Well, you're the one who has to date him, but personally, I feel like who he was isn't as important as who he is. And whatever you saw doesn't change that. He's exactly who he was yesterday and it seems you liked that guy. Just my two cents.

[TienShenhan]

Was he an adult or a teenager when he acted this way?

[Asker]

Like this is from when he was 18-22

[TienShenhan]

Yeesh. Do you think he's changed now?

[Asker]

I hope I mean he wasn’t creepy like this to me ever. That’s why I was so surprised. But I don't know I think it’s mostly the lack of respect he displayed in the messages that turned me off the most. Like sending dick pics without consent

[TienShenhan]

Yeah thats off-putting. You should apologize for snooping into his history and tell him how you feel about it. Listen to what he has to say, only then can you make a proper decision

[Asker]

Okay I think you’re right. I haven’t brought it up to him yet cause I’m not sure what say. I don’t want to just straight up tell him I think he’s a creep. any advice on how to go about it?

[TienShenhan]

"We should talk. I have to start with an apology, and I hope you can forgive me but I did some thing bad and snooped through your history. Stuff you sent to women really took me off guard and I just feel weird about it."

[Asker]

Okay that sounds like a good way to start the conversation. Thank you!

[TienShenhan]

You're welcome, let me know how it goes?

[Asker]

Will do!

[whitlee34]

He is just being a dude. He needed attention so you can't fault him.
If its the past I'd leave it in the past. He isn't doing it now. He knew it was on there and still gave you password so he is showing loyalty. Boys will be boys.

[Asker]

true hopefully he isn’t like that now

[Gwenhwyfar]

That’s gross

[Asker]

Thanks that’s what I thought too! I don't know If I was over reacting because the messages are from before we dated but seeing it grossed me out

[Gwenhwyfar]

Totally

[Paris13]

I would Never Trust him again. xx

[Dargil]

You harmed yourself by snooping. Maybe he has changed since then.

[MackToday]

No you're not wrong at all to feel like you do. In fact consider the even more disturbing aspect that he's able to act normal to your face while doing weird creepy shit like this.

[chriscdi]

he was just one of those thirsty cunts that went on thirst rampages before he dated you, now you know lol

[Asker]

Lol yeah I guess it just turns me off knowing he was like that Are a lot of guys like that?

[chriscdi]

from what i can see, im looking around the internet and i see it everywhere, so i guess so yea lol

[Asker]

Ughh I don't know but I’d always expect those type of guys to be like super ugly and desperate. I didn’t think my boyfriend was like that! Such a turn off

[chriscdi]

well looks like your mans just proved that wrong lol

[Asker]

Smh I guess so. Lol I just don’t get the point when there’s porn freely available, why go through the trouble to be a creep?

[chriscdi]

i really dont get it either lmao

[navyP]

That's what u get for being nosey

[Twalli]

He was pursuing multiple women. I thin that's kinda smart. I was after two women when I asked my girlfriend out. I only chose her because she was super affectionate

[KrakenAttackin]

Never ask questions you don't want to know the answers to, and never Snoop of you aren't prepared for the consequences.

I doubt he have you his password, you just hacked his account.

[Asker]

lol he did give me his password but he didn’t think I’d snoop 😅

[whitlee34]

My ex went threw mine like you did your mans when I gave him the password for one reason trusting he wouldn't go threw everything. Well he did and the first fight we had he threw the shit up. REDFLAG!!! It was stuff before our relationship and he already knew I was wild so I don't see how he could have brought it up but he did and let me tell ya... I LOST ALL RESPECT FOR HIM!!

[Asker]

@whitlee34 lol yeah wasn’t totally right of me to snoop but I’m nosy and couldn’t help it! It’s just the lack of respect and manners he showed in the messages that turned me off. Cause he’d be thirsty to girls he didn’t know and they’d get creeped out and block him. They weren’t consensual conversations

[whitlee34]

He didn't know. That was probably the first time he ever did it and obviously the last. He probably got caught up in a porn and his hormones hit record high and when that happens they/we lose oxygen to the brain. I'd never bring it up as long as you trust him. You are bound to have something in your past he wouldn't like.

[Asker]

@whitlee34 there were multiple conversations like that though. Like A LOT

[Numbnuts89]

So you browsed his messages without his permission, even though he gave you his password

this is proof you don't trust him. even if he was doing something wrong. YOU DONT TRUST HIM

If you did this to me, and I found out, it would be immediate grounds for expulsion/breaking up

[Malachi69]

Yeah it's a little weird but before he met u he was lookingalso prolly an experiment 🙄and yeah I agree careful where u Snoop nobody's 100 percent all the time

[Romeocuck]

Well i got 2 things yo tell you.
1. You broke his trust and you should be upfront about it.
2. He has some fantasy/fetish that he is afraid of sharing it with you. If you'll create a safe trusting and open minded space you'll find out he will tell you his secrets and want to do everything only with you